Lean Into Faith
by S.Humphries
Summary: After a fighting with Derek over their respective careers she shares life-changing news.
1. Cosy in the Rocket

The silence between them was broken by Baileys cries. "Great," Meredith said and looked upstairs. "You woke him up."

Derek glared at her. "This isn't over yet," he said folding his arms in front of him.

Meredith ignored him and rushed upstairs hoping Zola would still be asleep. She quietly opened the door to Bailey's room and went over to his bed. "Hey buddy," she said bending over his crib. She gently picked him up and noticed how much heavier he felt in her arms. He was growing up too fast, she thought, as he looked her with his bright blue eyes.

Most of the time, she could see a little of her in Bailey, but tonight all she saw was Derek. She shifted him onto her hip and walked across the hall. She padded into her bedroom to find Derek sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

"Hi," he said softly, looking from her to Bailey.

She couldn't help but notice how tired he looked. She knew the commute was wearing on him.

"Let's just put this on pause, Derek. We can fight more in the morning," she said tiredly. "I love you, but right now, I really, really hate you," she added as she slid under the covers and positioned Bailey between them. "Cristina's really gone," she whispered as he shut off the light. "And I can't fight with you because I can't go running to Cristina to tell her what an ass you're being," she finished with a sigh.

"Cristina already know's I'm an ass, Mer," Derek retorted lacing his fingers in hers.

"You'd think by now, I'd be okay with people leaving," she confessed into the darkness.

Too many people had left some by choice and others by death, she mused turning to face him. "Cristina isn't just my best friend, she's my person. And now, my person is thousands of miles away in Switzerland," she whispered looking down at Bailey who was falling asleep. "I would call her," she continued, "but I don't even know what time it is there..." She paused. "Derek," she whispered quietly, with a steady voice, "Lexie is buried here and I don't want to leave her. Who is going to take care of her grave if we go? What about Alex? I'm supposed to mock him, everyday," she said repeating Cristina's request. "And Zola would leave Sofia and their best friends. I don't want to be responsible for our daughter losing her best friend, " she said as tears pricked her eyes. "We wouldn't know anyone," she continued wiping away a stray tear. "Our children would be in daycare with strangers. I know you want to save the world and I love that about you. But right now, you and I clearly want different things. You do realize that we can't have it all, as much as we try. You know, every time I'm in the OR my thoughts are on Bailey and Zola and what potential milestones I'm missing. I guarantee you Bailey is going to take his first steps in daycare. You've seen him, holding on and propping himself up on the coffee table…" She looked down at Bailey, who let out a little yawn. "He's not a infant anymore, Derek," she reminded him tracing the outline of his cheek. His baby features were dissipating before her eyes and it hurt.

"Meredith, you're a great mother. Anyone with two eyes can see that," he reassured her. "It's not like we won't have help if we go. My mom is three hours away," he reminded her pulling the family card, "and she would be happy to help us out."

Meredith sighed. "That's not the point."

"Then spell it out for me, Meredith, because I can't read your mind..."

Meredith sat up. "Fine, Derek, you want to know, why I'm an emotional basket case?" she spat angrily.

He studied her, trying to figure it out. Sometimes his wife was like a puzzle and this was one of those times.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted. "And my best friends gone," she continued staring at him, "and as if that's enough you want to move us to relocate D.C so that you can work for the president."

Dereks jaw dropped. "Seriously?" he asked, beaming and all sparkly eyed.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, so much for a hostile uterus," she whispered, as Bailey stirred interrupting the moment. "Now we're going to have three kids under five," she realized for the first time, "and I'm not doing it alone. I didn't sign up for this..." she added echoing her sentiment from earlier.

"When did you find out?" Derek whispered. "How far along are you?"

"Five weeks, and this morning," she answered curtly, "and for the record no one knows but you."

"So we're really having another baby?" he asked excitedly. "I'd kiss you," he added looking at Bailey, "but there's a baby in the bed."

"How do you think a baby got in the bed?" she teased, as the mood lightened. "I wanted to tell you differently, but since you completely forced the information out of me-" Meredith was silenced by a soft kiss on her lips. He pressed his forehead against hers, and stared at her. It was their look and for a moment, nothing mattered and it was just them. Moments like these had been a rarity. Life had a way of interfering with their relationship. Between work, kids and the commuting there was a huge strain on their marriage.

"Did you ever think that six years ago, we'd end up here?" she asked tentatively.

"Eventually, I knew we would," he smirked. "You just happen to take forever to make up your mind," he pointed out.

"But how did you know?" she questioned really needing to understand. "Because for a while there, all we did was break-up and make-up."

"Aw the slutty intern days," Derek said reminiscing.

Meredith playfully slapped him on the shoulder. "You said earlier, that I'll always think of you as the intern," he began quietly, "but really Meredith, you're far from that. You wear the navy attending scrubs now, too. For the record, my career isn't more important than yours," he continued apologizing, "I was being an jerk... We're partners. Equals. At least, that's how I see you."

Meredith was quiet as his confession sunk in. "Why didn't you ask me then? You just assumed I'd go."

"Meredith, you're friends are moving on. _We're moving on._ I just figured you'd be on board. Plus," he paused. "You don't turn down a job offer from President Grant."

"I can't believe you voted for him, Derek," she sighed. "He's a ___Republican_."

Derek laughed softly, unfortunately startling Bailey who woke up.

"Oops," she said quietly picking him up and laid him on her chest. "He's fine. He'll fall back asleep in a minute," she predicted as she rubbed his back. It was a trick she learned that calmed him down instantly. "But haven't you learned anything, in the past eight years?" she whispered as Bailey calmed down. "You shouldn't assume anything about me."

"You're right," Derek whispered, "I know. I'm talking to the same girl who stuck her hand in a bomb cavity," he quipped.

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "If there wasn't a sleeping child on top of me, I would hit you," she warned.

"I'm real jealous of my son, right now," he whispered, closing the space between them.

"Derek," Meredith said with her resolve breaking, "I could put him back in his crib. We could then... " Derek knew exactly what she was saying, and gently picked up Bailey. "Be right back."

True to his word, he returned less than a minute later locking the door behind him.

* * *

The wails of both Bailey and Zola jolted Meredith and Derek awake. "

They synchronized their cries this morning," Derek mumbled as Meredith grabbed her robe from off the floor. "I'll get Zo. You grab Bailey?"

"Deal," Derek said pulling on his boxers, "wanna make a bet to see who can get who ready faster?"

She nodded because loved these stupid competitions. "Morning Zo," she said as she got the toddler out of her bed, "did you sleep okay?"

Zola nodded and slowly woke up.

"Maybe Aunt Amy will have some waffles' for us downstairs," she added thinking out loud as her stomach grumbled.

"Waffles!" Zo repeated happily.

"Seriously though, we have to be quick today, we got to beat daddy and Bailey downstairs."

"We can beat them," she said grinning her as Meredith tried to pull her t-shirt over her head.

"I think I have it easier than daddy but that's only because you're such a big girl now," she said sadly.

"I'm a big girl," Zola pointed at herself.

"Yeah you are kiddo,"she agreed as she said put on Zola's jeans and tee-shirt marveling at how tiny toddler clothes actually were.

She picked up Zola and rushed into the kitchen to find Amelia at the stove. Bailey was already sitting in his high chair munching on some pancakes. "Damn it," she swore quietly.

She turned toward the table where Derek was sipping his coffee and doing the crossword. He had a sly smile on his lips, and was completely absorbed in the paper.

"Mama you said Damn it," Zola repeated, giggling.

Derek shot Meredith a look. "Good job, Mer," he said taking another sip of coffee.

Amelia snickered from the stove and turned toward Derek. The spatula was in her hand, and she pointed it directly at Derek. "You're lucky Meredith wasn't swearing at you last night, big brother."

Meredith chuckled.

"Your argument was hard to miss" she continued turning back to the stove, "besides I heard the part where you were being a complete jerk," she finished looking at Derek.

"See," Meredith began as she situated Zola in her high chair, "this is why I like your sister more than you. She gets it."

"Oh believe me, I know how much of an A-S-S he can be," Amelia scoffed putting a plate of pancakes on the island. "And relocating to D.C without asking her is definitely an a-s-s move."

"She cooks and agrees with me," she said looking at Amelia, "I think I like her more than you."

"Amy, bite me..." Derek retorted as Amelia fed Bailey.

"He really like's you," Meredith observed watching Amelia and Bailey interact, "which is nice, because he's really picky."

"Mom said Derek was the same way," Amelia said looking from Bailey to Derek. "Speaking of Mom," she said changing the subject, she wants to come out to Seattle. She hasn't met Zola or Bailey and she's still pissed about all those Christmases you've missed..."

Derek shook his head. "Mom knows we're busy. But honestly, when was the last time you went to New York for Christmas?" He asked knowing she had the same answer he did.

Amelia glared at him ignoring his question. "Derek, she's raised five doctors. She knows we're busy," Amelia pointed out.

"I think it is a good idea," Meredith added surprising Derek and Amelia.

"You do?" The both asked knowing Meredith's issues with family.

"It would be nice," she continued, "I mean why not?"

Derek rolled his eyes. Amelia stared at Meredith. "Are you sure?" she asked furrowing her brow knowing her sisters' family issues.

Meredith nodded. "Why is this so shocking?" she asked as both Derek and Amy looked at her as if she grew five heads.

"Hormones kicking in already, Mer?" he teased as he took a sip of his coffee.

Amelia's eyes shot from Derek to Meredith.

"No, you're pregnant?" she asked as her eyes widened in realization.

"No," she denied cutting Zola's pancakes.

"Come on," Amy pressed, "I won't tell anyone. It makes sense, though-" she studied Derek. If anyone would crack, it would be him. "Derek?"

Derek put down his puzzle and looked at Meredith who gave him a nod. "Fine, she's pregnant," he said putting the newspaper down.

"Oh is so exciting!" Amelia jumped up and hugged Meredith and then her brother.

"I'm only five weeks, and it's early. So..."

"I won't say a word," Amelia promised. "Mom's going to be so happy… Wow, another Shepherd."

"I don't know if you know this but the hospital-"

"Is like a breeding ground for gossip. I know. I won't say anything," she said finishing for her sister-in-law.

"Speaking of the hospital, don't you have my surgeries?" Derek asked looking at the clock.

"Yeah, but they can't start without me," Amelia said sarcastically, "I'm leaving now."

She gave Bailey and Zola a kiss and headed out the door leaving Derek and Meredith with two very dirty children.

"She makes breakfast and then leaves before they have to be cleaned up," Derek said with a sigh.

"It's convenient," Meredith added watching Zola give her pancake a bath in the thick sugary liquid. "She's going to need a bath," she added looking at Zola who had syrup all over her.

"Definitely."

Derek walked over and undid her chair. He picked her up and propped her on his hip. "We haven't spent much time together lately, huh Zo?" He said as she wiped her face on his shirt. "Zo, this is a new shirt," he grimaced looking down at the sticky brown stain. "Zola next time ask mommy for a napkin."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. "Derek, she's four, that's what they do."

"Yeah well, still," he quipped looking at Zola. "Come on Zo, let's go get you all cleaned up."

"Don't forget, I have a surgery today Derek!" Meredith called as they headed upstairs. She looked at Bailey who was happily splashing in his pureed vegetables. "Glad you're having fun," she said as the her iPad went off alerting her to a face time call. She walked over to the counter and saw that it was Cristina.

"Miss me already?" she teased as soon as Cristina's face appeared on the screen.

"I'm still on Seattle time, Mer," Cristina said happily, "Besides I don't sleep and I want to give you a tour of my office."

"Isn't it weird that you're in Burke's old office?" she asked curiously, "And are there any Eugene Foote CD's left behind?"

Cristina rolled her eyes and ignored her question. Cristina showed her the office sign, Yang, M.D, PhD, Director of Cardiothoracic Surgery.

"Very official... and long," she said setting her iPad on the stand while keeping an eye on Bailey. "But I'm really proud of you, Cristina."

"Uh, you're such a softy now," she joked.

"Well, it's a pregnancy perk, " Meredith said smiling.

"No way?" Cristina said as her jaw dropped. "When did you find out? And so much for hostile uterus," she muttered, "Apparently, McDreamy as super sperm or something," she quipped.

"I found out yesterday morning and I was going to tell you but then the mall thing happened and you wouldn't get on that plane."

"I need you to check Link," she said seriously.

"Of course. I was obviously going to keep you updated," Meredith said rolling her eyes.

Cristina nodded. "Great. And just so you're not surprised at the next board meeting… I gave Alex my shares," she confessed.

Meredith couldn't believe it. "Seriously?"

She looked over at Bailey who was starting to whine from his high chair. "I've got to grab Bailey," she said quickly getting out of the screen.

"Evil Spawn needed an incentive to stay at the hospital," Cristina continued, "besides, he's one of us. The last one of us..."

Meredith sat back down and the first thing Cristina saw was her godson. "Aw, there's the big boy!" she gushed.

Meredith repositioned Bailey on her lap so that facing the screen. "T!" he exclaimed pointing to Cristina.

"Yeah Bailey, that's T," Meredith confirmed.

"He's so smart," Cristina said in awe watching her godson smile.

"He's got a neurosurgeon for a father, a general surgeon for his mother and his family is full of doctors on both sides. I mean honestly, what did you expect?"

Cristina laughed. "Did you tell him about DC?"

"We had a really nasty fight last night. Derek accused me of making him choose between his kids and his career. It was like I gave him an ultimatum."

"Ouch," she said surprised. Cristina was familiar with ultimatums. "How did you fix it?"

"It's not completely fixed yet... but telling him about the baby definitely gave him some perspective. It's kind of like a band-aid right now," she admitted.

"Band-aid's don't always hold, Meredith" Cristina reminded her. "Speaking of babies where's Zola?"

"Oh," Meredith began as she adjusted Bailey onto her other knee and gave him a spoon to play with, "she's with Derek in the bath because she wiped her sticky syrup face on his shirt."

Cristina snickered. "Remind me to get her whatever she wants the next time I'm in Seattle. Oh and She-Shepherd?"

"Amelia is staying in Seattle. She loves it here. Plus she cooks, my kids love her, and she agrees with me when Derek's being an ass."

"Aw, you found my replacement," Cristina gushed and turned her head, "What Shane?" she barked.

"It's okay, go if you need to."

"Yeah, I've got admin responsibilities."

"Go," Meredith held Bailey's hand up and waved. "We'll talk later."

"Bye, Bailey. See ya, Meredith," she said before hanging up.

Meredith looked down at Bailey who was still entertaining himself with a spoon. "Alright bud, I'm bringing you upstairs because you need a bath too."

She picked him up and he spit up on her. "Great. I'm gonna need a shower too," she said with a sigh. Once upon a time the thought of kids, spit up and diapers scared her. Now, it was another day in her dream house.

"Derek!" she called heading up stairs, "save the water, Bailey needs a bath too."

"Alright," Derek said, "we can put him in the tub with Zola."

She slowly opened the door to the bathroom and saw Derek crouched at the edge of the tub with a rubber duck on his head.

"Cute look," she murmured passing Bailey off. "I need a shower, and I'm probably going to be late for surgery."

She looked at Zola, who was covered in bubbles. "See you later love bug," she said giving a quick kiss. She walked out of the kids bathroom and made a beeline for her own, the only one without a bunch of rubber ducks staring at her.

Meredith turned the water on and went over to the mirror. There were obvious changes to her body that she didn't even notice before yesterday.

The most obvious was her increase breast size. Derek was going to love that, she thought, resting her hand on her stomach. She had yet to lose all the weight from Bailey, but her stomach definitely felt harder... more pronounced.

When she stepped under the shower, she was able to think and realized that Derek had power here to get what he wanted. She knew he could be very persuasive and there might be some hope after all.

* * *

"Dr. Grey," Jo, her intern for the day, called her over to the nurses station.

"Wilson," she greeted. "You did pre-op on Mr. Johnson, right?"

"Yeah, I was just going to get his labs," she said while Meredith read the pre-op notes.

"That's all, Wilson. You can go get those labs," she said dismissing her intern.

"Ah right," Jo said quickly walking towards the elevator.

"New interns soon," Bailey said handing a chart to the nurse.

"Cristina left just in time," Meredith said watching the chaos around her.

"How is Yang?"

"So far, so good," Meredith said thinking of their call this morning.

Bailey nodded. "That's good. Tell her I checked on Link this morning and Dr. Pierce informed me that he's doing really well."

"Oh, the new head of cardio. The one Cristina screened."

"Seems competent," Bailey nodded. "Little shy," she continued, "definitely young. Looks a lot younger than you, Grey."

Meredith's jaw dropped. "Dr. Bailey, are you calling me old?"

"No," Bailey snapped, "Because if I were than I'd be calling myself old, too."

Meredith laughed. "Of course."

"Don't you have patients or something?" Bailey asked taking another chart from the stack on the counter.

"I have a liver transplant," she began checking her watch, "in about twenty minutes. Wilson's getting my labs."

"I'd kill for Wilson," Bailey grumbled. "Since Murphy was fired and Ross left, we're short two residents and I hate to say it but I miss Yang. She knew how to whip those residents into shape."

"Hey, I'm Medusa," Meredith reminded her making another note in Mr. Johnson's chart. "You were the Nazi. I think together we can whip them into shape."

"Grey, how are you going to do that when you're going to be in D.C?"

Meredith looked up from her chart. "I'm not going to D.C."

Bailey furrowed her brow. "Grey, you messing with me? That husband of yours is working for the freaking President. You'd be a damn fool if you didn't go."

"No," Meredith laughed. She loved how blunt Bailey could be. She lowered her voice to a whisper, "We're staying here because…"

"Grey, spit it out," she cut in. I don't have all day here."

Meredith crossed her arms, "If you tell anyone, I'll kill you. Dead, "she warned.

Bailey rolled her eyes at the empty threat.

I'm pregnant," she whispered. "Although, I can't name my next kid after you though because that would be way too confusing."

"Congratulations, Grey," Bailey said hugging her. "I won't say anything. Just don't go falling downstairs this time, I don't want to do another splenectomy in the dark."

"Don't worry, I won't," she said laughing. "I'm not even supposed to tell anyone, because I'm only five weeks, but I trust you."

"Your secret is safe with me," she added said looking at the OR board. "Do you need a hand on the transplant?"

"Your trolling for surgeries?" Meredith asked, smiling. "Richard's on it but if you want to harvest you can..."

"About that," Dr. Webber said approaching them, "Grey, Bailey can do the transplant with you. I have an emergency appy."

Meredith looked at Richard confused. Appy's took an hour and half tops. A liver transplant took at least twelve.

"Uh, sure, that's fine," she said shrugging.

"Yes!" Bailey clapped her hands as Meredith and Richard glared at her. "Sorry, I'm just excited."

"Great," Meredith said watching Richard walk away. "Scrub in and harvest," Meredith said looking at Bailey.

"Harvesting and assisting? Meredith Grey, I could kiss you."

"I'd rather you didn't," Meredith said smiling. "Besides, Derek would be jealous," she teased.

"Dr. Grey," Wilson called as she approached the nurses station, "I have Mr. Johnson's labs."

"And?"

"Their clean."

"Great, grab Edwards. We need an extra set of hands."

"She's with Dr. Pierce, she's monitoring Link," Jo said. "What about Dr. Kepner?"

"Is she on-call?" Meredith asked looking at the OR board.

"Yes," Wilson said reaching for the phone.

"See," Meredith whispered to Miranda. "Didn't even have to ask her to page her."

"Alright people, let's go give a man a new liver."

* * *

After thirteen hours of surgery, Meredith Grey came into the house and collapsed on the couch. Her feet hurt, her back was aching, and thankfully the house was quiet. "Hey," Derek greeted as she walked into the living room. "The kids are sleeping," he added.

"Great," Meredith said tiredly, "Where's Amelia?"

"She's got a craniotomy," Derek said handing her a mug full of tea as soon as she sat down. "Drink this. You'll feel better," he promised.

"Thank you," she said, "seriously, I'm used to long surgeries but today was exhausting. I had to have Bailey take over a few times because I had to pee. I think I completely blocked out the crappy parts of pregnancy."

"Yeah, well, think of the result," Derek reminded her sitting down on the couch. Meredith slunk into him and he threw a blanket over her.

"Are we done fighting?" Meredith asked cautiously not really wanting to know the answer.

"Well," Derek began, "I came up with a solution to our issues. I told NIH, that if they want to keep me on the project that they need to accommodate me. You're right, my focus was too split. So here's what I purposed: They need me there… but I convinced them to let me telecommute. I told them that whatever research that could be done in D.C could be done in Seattle. I also promised to take on a lighter surgical load.."

"Wait." Meredith sat up and faced him. "Not as many surgeries? Can you handle that? I mean you just got your hand graft," she added.

"Mer, it's the President of the United States asking me to map the brain. I can't back out. Maybe Hunt will let me do a craniotomy here and there. I'll still be head of neuro but I just won't do as many consults unless necessary. I still get the administrative aspect which as you can imagine isn't thrilling."

"You hated paperwork," Meredith said thinking back to the time when he was Chief of Surgery.

"Yeah, but I love you and the kids more. It's a give and take. Besides," he sighed running his hands through his hair, "there are always going to be surgeries, Mer. But now, I've made my focus more linear." He paused and saw her tearing up. "Are you crying?"

"Shut up," Meredith cried, as tears were coming out of her eyes. "I'm not mad. I'm just really happy," she assured him.

"I'll have to prepare myself better this time," he joked pulling her into a hug. "Oh, since Amelia is here, she get's my surgeries so I can always live vicariously through her," he added. "Enough about me. How was your surgery?"

"Good. I was supposed to be with Richard but he backed out for an Appy, which was does not make any sense... but whatever. The patient is stable and I'm having Wilson monitor him."

"That's good," Derek said rubbing her shoulders.

"You know," she continued, "of all the interns I like her the most."

"You might have to fight Alex for her," Derek teased.

Meredith rolled her eyes and ignored the comment. "Anyway, Bailey did the harvest, and scrubbed in with me... which reminds me if she looks at you weirdly or smiles strangely... "

"You told her."

"Yeah, it's just we were talking and-"

"Meredith, you babble. I get it. Besides, we named Bailey after her so it's fitting that she knows first."

Meredith put her head on Derek's chest. "How were the kids?"

"Bailey was pretty fussy for a while, until Zola suggested we put the Muppets on. It worked because within a minute he was staring at the screen comatose."

"He does that. And Zola?"

"She stuck legos up her nose, and drew on her play table instead of the paper," Derek gestured to the play table. "I got most of it out."

"Not worried about it," Meredith said, wrapping her arms around him. "As long as she understands she can't color on furniture, we're good."

"Oh, she knows," Derek said, "Now she does."

"That's good," she yawned. "You're a good body pillow."

"Meredith, if we go upstairs are you going to sleep?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"You know what, I suddenly found some energy," she said giving him a kiss, "but I don't think we'll make it upstairs, Derek."

"You're right," Derek said placating her with another kiss. "We won't."

* * *

Meredith woke up with a toddler sleeping in the middle of her and Derek's bed.

"When did she come in here?" Meredith whispered, "I didn't hear her. We need to get her a bed."

"Relax, Mer," Derek said getting up. "I'm going to take a shower if you want to join."

She nodded and slowly untangled herself from Zola.

As soon as they were out of the shower they noticed Zola wasn't in their bed anymore sleeping.

"I'll check on Bailey." Derek said, throwing on a shirt and sweatpants.

Meredith nodded and grabbed a pair of jeans and t-shirt.

"Your kids are downstairs!" Amelia called from the kitchen who must have heard them.

"Thanks, Amy," Derek responded walking back into their bedroom. "You know, the towel is a better look," he said giving her a quick kiss.

"I agree, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith teased throwing her hair into a ponytail. "Although, I'm partial to what's underneath the towel," she whispered.

"Mer," Derek warned, "don't tempt me."

Meredith pushed him away. "Sorry, we can't we got a ten month old and a four-year old downstairs waiting for us," she said walking downstairs.

"Mama!" Bailey said as soon as he saw her from his high chair.

"Mama!" Zola said turning around.

"Hi Mer," Amy greeted. "These two just finished breakfast, and you can thank me later," she added with a smirk. She grabbed her bag as Meredith almost choked on the orange juice she was drinking. "And for the record, you guys are really loud."

"Whose loud?" Derek asked walking into the kitchen at the tail end conversation.

"We are, apparently," Meredith answered shooting him a look.

"It's fine." Amelia said laughing.

Meredith glared at Derek.

"What?" he asked with a smirk. "It's not just me."

"As fun as this conversation is at 8:00 in the morning I have patients to see, post-ops and surgery at 11," she said as she grabbed her keys and headed for the door. "Remind me to buy some ear plugs," she added as she shut the door behind her.

"Derek, this is not funny," Meredith scolded.

"Relax, Mer I caught Amy and her high school boyfriend in the middle of having sex when we were teenagers. I teased her mercilessly for years."

"So this is your karma? Because if so, then no more sex."

"I distinctly remember a few times when that didn't work," he added smiling.

"I hate you," Meredith pointed to Zola's shoes in the mud room. "Oh," she began, "by the way, it's you're turn. I have to bring them to daycare."

"Great the Zola vs. Sneakers argument... Not my favorite one."

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, Meredith was in front of the hospital trying to get Zola to coöperate. She didn't want to go to daycare. Meredith was sure it was because Derek was home and their routine was off...

"Zo, you have to go to daycare. Sofia's there waiting to play with you."

"No, Mama," Zola said crossing her arms. "I want Dada."

Meredith bent down holding Bailey securely. "Zo, Dada has to go to work too. He's not going on a plane."

"No plane?" Zola asked.

"No plane, Zo," she confirmed. "Mama's pretty happy about that too," she added as Zola took Meredith's hand when the walked through the doors.

"Ok." Zola said taking Meredith's hand, and leading her toward the hospital's front doors.

"Maggie!" Zola squealed pointing toward a very tall, pretty African-American woman wearing navy scrubs and a white coat.

"Hi Zola," she greeted, and looked at Meredith. "She was with Cristina a few months ago," she offered in explanation.

"Right the day Zola had a fever, and I had surgery," Meredith confirmed shaking her head. "You must have made quite the impression."

Maggie shrugged. "I let her play with a stethoscope and light pen for a few minutes." Maggie looked at Zola, "Hey Zola are you going to go play with Sofia?" Zola nodded.

"I'm Maggie, by the way," she said extending her hand to Meredith. "Maggie Pierce, the new head of cardio."

"Right," Meredith said taking her hand. "Meredith."

Meredith couldn't help but notice that there was something familiar about the woman in front of her. "Have we met before?" she asked trying to place her.

Maggie shrugged. "I'm not sure," she said slowly. "Wait, what did you say your last name was?"

"I didn't. It's Grey, Meredith Grey."

Maggie's eyes widened. "As in hospital Grey?"

Meredith smiled sadly. "Yeah, as in hospital Grey," she confirmed.

"Are you any relation of Ellis Grey?"

"She was my mother," she said nodding as Bailey started fussing. "Sorry, I have to get these two to daycare but it was really nice to meet you."

"You too, Meredith," Maggie said watching them go.

* * *

"Wilson!" Meredith shouted spotting the resident typing at a computer. "Where are the labs for 2342? The patient in room 2345 needs a EEG, and where is Dr. Webber?"

Wilson closed her patient notes and turned toward Meredith. "I am waiting on labs. Edwards is doing an EEG as we speak, and why do you need Dr. Webber?"

"He was supposed to be scrubbing in with me on a Whipple, but his name isn't on the OR board. I need you to page him for me."

Wilson nodded. "About five seconds ago, Wilson," Meredith stated staring at the intern expectedly.

"Sorry, Dr. Grey," Wilson said running off to find Richard.

There was something weird going on, Meredith thought checking the OR board. Richard was ignoring her pages, and she couldn't figure out why.

"Dr. Wilson, you paged," Dr. Webber said approaching the nurses station only to come face to face with a very angry Meredith Grey.

"Why did you take your name off the Whipple?"

"Listen, Meredith, we should talk about this," he said calmly, "but not here."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Okay. Derek's not in yet we could use his office," she suggested.

"Sure, fine," the he chirped following Meredith down to Neurology.

The elevator ride was moderately awkward because of the obvious silence. "Are you okay?" she asked full of concern.

"I'm fine,"he said as the elevator dinged. He followed her down to Derek's office and Meredith punched in the code.

"Thanks, Meredith," he quipped as she opened the door for him. He sat down on the office couch and Meredith tentatively sat next to him. This was all very odd.

"So…" she prompted. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Okay, this isn't going to be easy," he began with a shaky voice, "Meredith what do you remember about being in Boston... when you were around five?"

Meredith shrugged. "And this is relevant because?" she asked completely confused.

"Humor me, Meredith. What do you remember?"

Meredith thought for a minute. "Well, Mom was at Mass general. I started kindergarten."

"Okay, that's a start. But do you remember anything more specific?"

"What exactly are you trying to have me remember Richard? Because there are some really bad memories, I'm trying not to remember at the moment."

"Like…" Richard prompted.

Meredith had a blank stare in her eyes as she remembered the blood. "Richard, I don't want to talk about it."

"Meredith please, it's really important," Richard pressed.

"I told you how mom slit her wrists right?" Richard nodded. "Yeah, not a pleasant memory… Wait, there was something else." She put her head in her hands as a repressed memory bubbled to the surface. "This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous and I'm questioning my sanity but I think... " she took a deep breath, and put a hand to her abdomen "My mother might have been pregnant. She never acknowledged that she was but all the signs were there. How did I miss those signs? And why did I not remember this until now?" she asked in confusion."Wait, it had to have been yours..."

Richard nodded. "Meredith, I know you've had your share of secret siblings but-"

"I have another one," she interrupted him.

Richard cleared his throat, "And she works here."

Meredith felt like she got punched in the stomach. "The hits keep on coming," she muttered angrily, "have I met her?"

Richard shrugged. "Depends. Have you met, Maggie Pierce?"

"You've got to be kidding me. You've got to be freaking kidding me."

Meredith couldn't believe it. All the puzzle pieces were coming together.

"Cristina hired my half-sister... If she wasn't in Switzerland I would kill her and bring her back to life just because I could. Isn't she old? How is she a head of cardio? I'm a freaking attending and she's already my boss?" Meredith got up and started pacing.

"I read her file Meredith," Richard said, "she's thirty-one, born in Boston, finished both High School and Med School early. She's qualified for the position, obviously, or Cristina wouldn't have hired her."

"Cristina sucks," Meredith said pacing, "Can we fire her? Pierce that is?"

"Meredith, she hasn't done anything wrong," Richard said getting up.

Meredith stopped pacing and looked at Richard. "You do the Whipple. I need to take the day. I need my kids. I need my husband. I don't need surgery or thoughts of another half-sister," she sighed, and let herself out of Derek's office.

She pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and called Derek who answered on the first ring. "Are you in the hospital?"

"No greeting, Dr. Grey?"

"My whore of a mother got herself pregnant with Richard's baby thirty-one years ago and she works here. She's the new head of cardio that Cristina hired, who by the way I'm going to kill. It's good she's in Switzerland or I would kill her," she ranted angrily.

"Take a breath, Mer. Where are you?"

Meredith stopped walking and looked around. "I'm by the on-call room on your floor."

"Great, stay there. I'm in the elevator."

Meredith opened the door to the on-call room and stepped inside. She took her shoes off and laid down on the bed. She had too much information to process. She heard a knock on the door."Derek?" she asked sitting up.

"Yeah, hey. Are you okay?"

"I can stomach my mom's affair with Richard," she said slowly, " I can get over the mommy-issues and the attempted suicide. I can't get over my mom giving away my sister. What I can't get over how I completely blocked out that my mother was pregnant."

"Yeah, that's a lot to swallow," Derek said sitting down next to her.

"I don't want to think anymore," she admitted as she leaned in and kissed him. "Sex. Now," she commanded taking off her scrub top.

Derek nodded. "Anything you want, Mer."

"Just give me a round of multiple orgasms to stop the thinking," she said as Derek took his pants off.

* * *

After a very satisfying round in the on-call room, Meredith tried to control thoughts as she took off toward the daycare. She needed her babies. She entered the playroom and spotted Zola playing in the corner with Sofia.

"Hi Dr. Grey," Amanda, one of Zola's favorite teachers greeted. "Bailey's being changed, he'll be back any minute."

Meredith nodded. "Thanks, Amanda."

She walked toward the block area and Zola ran to her immediately. "Mama look!" Zola said pointing to the tower on the ground, "Fia and I made it."

"Whoa," Meredith exclaimed with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. "It's amazing."

Zola nodded. "Zo wanna head home early? Or maybe we could take a ferry ride?"

"Fia can come too?" Zola asked pointing toward Sofia. "Sure, baby, we'll just have to ask her mommies."

"Fia, Ferry!" Zola said excitedly. "Dr. Grey," Amanda said coming over with Bailey in her arms, "he's been so good today."

"Hi Bailey, wanna go on a ride with Sofia and Zola?" she asked propping him on her hip.

Bailey made a gurgling noise in response. "I'll take that as a yes," she said finding happiness just being around her kids.

"Hey Amanda, can you call Callie and ask her if it's okay I take Sofia with me?"

"Sure Dr. Grey," Amanda said, "Not a problem."

* * *

No one ever said how difficult it was to take care of two very chatty toddlers and a baby at the Aquarium but Meredith Grey had a steep learning curve. The afternoon was pretty easy. Bailey was in his snuggly pouch and the girls refused to let go of her hands while they were at the there. Zola asked every possible question you could imagine, while Sofia was enamored by the penguins.

"Mama, can Fia sleep over?" Zola asked as soon as they got into the house.

"Hey," Amelia greeted. "Who is this adorable girl?" she asked looking a Sofia.

"Callie and Mark's daughter, Sofia," Meredith said as she handed Bailey off to his aunt. "And I'm taking a much-needed ten minute break. Do you think you can entertain them for a little while?"

"Are you sure, Meredith?" Amelia asked suddenly frightened by the prospect of being responsible for three tiny humans.

"Amelia it's not that hard. You're a brain surgeon you'll figure it out," Meredith assured her.

"Brains are easy," she said looking down at Bailey. "Whereas children are not."

* * *

As soon as Meredith was in her room she pulled her iPad into her lap and called Cristina. Thankfully, she answered because otherwise Meredith would have left her a voicemail and sometimes things get lost in translation.

"Mer, don't you have a Whipple?" Cristina asked confused about why her best friend was calling her when she should have been in the middle of a surgery.

"I was supposed to," Meredith began, "until I found out you hired my half-sister to be the head of Cardio."

"Wait what?" Christina asked. "Maggie Pierce is your sister? How is that possible?"

"Well, my mom's a filthy whore, remember? She and Richard did the wango tango in the on-call rooms one too many times and she got pregnant."

"Did you just say wango tango?" Cristina asked completely missing the point.

"Cristina!" Meredith shouted. "On topic," she huffed. "Oh gross," Meredith said realizing something pretty disturbing. "My mother and I have probably had sex in the same on-call rooms."

Cristina started to laugh hysterically. "Considering how you and Shepard go at it…"

"Okay, Cristina this isn't about my sex life," Meredith reminded her.

"No," Christina said shaking her head. "It's about your mother's."

"Ugh, that's disgusting," Meredith sighed. "I have another half-sister working in the same hospital my other half-sister used to work at. My life is literally a soap opera, Cristina."

"Are you pissed at Richard?" Cristina asked tentatively. "Because I'm with you if you are."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I don't think he knew she existed..."

"Wow. That's screwed up."

"Very," Meredith agreed. "I feel bad for him, I'm used to have siblings popping out of nowhere and wives showing up out of the blue. But poor Richard, looked heartbroken. My mother did him an extreme disservice by not telling him about her."

"Wow, look at you Met, all grown up and rational," Cristina said surprised.

"I have to be. Although I did ask him to fire her, " Meredith sighed. "I can't do the getting close to a half-sister thing and then something bad happening… It's just too much. Honestly, I don't want to know her."

"And there it is, the abandonment issues popping up again," Cristina chided.

"Cristina, Lex didn't abandon me. She died."

Cristina was silent. "Sorry, Mer," she apologized. "I loved Lex, too"

"You know Molly tried to get to know me, after Lex's funeral. But I couldn't do it. I seriously couldn't even look at her without thinking of Lex."

"I understand, Mer. Believe me, I do. But it's not healthy."

"I know. This is going to sound completely out of character but yesterday, I said Carolyn could come visit."

"You said Mama Shepherd could come visit?" Cristina asked knowing that her friend was probably losing it.

"Well, she hasn't met Zola or Bailey. We send pictures but it's not the same and she really wants to know them. It's sweet."

"Mer, this baby inside you has turned you all soft and gooey. Seriously, I'm worried. Do I have to come and save you already?"

Meredith laughed. "No, not yet. But if you want to come... Bailey's birthday is in two months."

"Done. I'll book it today," Cristina said. "Wait, I'll get my assistant to do it."

"You have an assistant? No fair," Meredith whined.

"It's just Shane. I've made Shane my bitch."

"Poor kid," Meredith said sympathizing for Shane.

"Mer, you just need to let more people in. I swear not everyone is going to hurt you. I mean look at you and Derek. You guys played emotional ping-pong ball for years. He dumped you. You dumped him. A few more times after that, and now you're married with another kid coming. You got your dream, Mer. He's not going anywhere and that means by default neither is his family."

"I only met his mom for like five minutes, now she's going to stay for a weekend. That's weird right?"

"Earth to Meredith," Cristina said waving her hand over the camera lens. "His sister lives with you, and you barely know her."

"Good point," Meredith conceded. "But-"

"You've got mommy issues." Cristina finished for her. "Major ones. A therapists dream, probably. But Mer, give her a chance."

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know Cris, my track record isn't the greatest."

"Susan was a one in a million chance," Cristina reminded her. "You might like Carolyn."

"I don't think I have a choice, Cristina. I've only got Bailey on my side genetically, so the Shepherd DNA is going to be out of control."

"Zo's a good buffer. She's also on your side."

"No, have you seen her and Derek? They're as thick as thieves."

"Bring Maggie for dinner," Cristina suggested sarcastically. "That will tip the genetic DNA scale in your favor."

"You're hilarious," she said dryly as she heard someone pattering up the stairs. "I should go."

"Mer, I'll send you some chocolates."

"Then you're forgiven," Meredith said as Cristina hung up.

"Hey," Derek said hovering in the doorway. "Is Sofia staying for dinner?"

"I haven't called Callie yet," Meredith admitted. "I was talking to Cristina."

"Of course you were," Derek said putting his hands in his pockets. "Amy said she talked to Mom and if this weekend is okay with you-"

"That's fine," Meredith said, putting the iPad down on the nightstand.

Derek stared at her in shock. He expected an argument or Meredith saying she had to work all weekend. Her answer completely surprised him. "Seriously?"

Meredith was getting annoyed. "Did I stutter?" she snapped quickly.

Derek but his hands up in defeat and backed out of the doorway. "The girls want a princess tea party and I was told to invite you."

Meredith sighed. "Alright, fine. But you are wearing the tiara."

"Bossy, Meredith is back," he snickered as he headed downstairs.

Meredith threw a pillow at the door. "You missed me," Derek teased as he bolted down the hardwood stairs.


	2. Potions for Foxes

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful. Meredith spent a lot of time in the research lab away from Richard. She wasn't actively ignoring him, per se, she just didn't want to see him. Bailey called her out on being evasive and eventually Meredith told Bailey the full story.

Bailey couldn't believe it. She was sworn to absolute secrecy and was true to her word.

Meredith was also avoiding any chance meetings with Maggie Pierce. A lot of time cardio overlapped with general and she didn't really want to be forced to scrub in with her. Finally, it was Friday and because of Carolyn's impending visit Meredith, Derek and Amelia had the weekend off. Meredith wondered how the hospital would function without the three of them.

Derek and Amelia took Bailey and Zola to the airport leaving Meredith alone to finish getting the guest room ready and cleaning up for her mother-in-law. She also needed time to mentally prepare herself. She was nervous more nervous about spending a weekend with his mom than when she took the boards two years ago. It also didn't help that her morning sickness was wretched and lasted pretty much all day.

She stood in front of her closet and had no idea what to wear. She perused through every single article of clothing in her drawers but nixed everything. Her room was a mess with clothes strewn everywhere. Eventually, she gave up and found a pair of dark jeans, and a black top discarded on her bed. Well, she thought, throwing them on, this was as good as she was going to get. Satisfied with her outfit she stood in front of the mirror contemplating if she should put make-up on.

Oh, what the hell, she thought as she went into the bathroom to grab her small barely used make-up bag. Meredith rarely wore makeup but considering the amount of stress and anxiety she was feeling lately a little concealer would do wonders to hide the bags under her eyes. She found some ballet flats in the back of her closet. She considered wearing her converse, but then realized she didn't have a pair without blood stains.

* * *

She had just finished getting ready when she heard a car pull up. She rushed downstairs and opened the door to Amelia, trying to soothe a very fussy baby. "Here," she said as she held out her arms. "Let me take him."

The second Bailey was with his mother he instantly quieted down.

"Impressive,"a familiar voice said. Meredith looked up to see Carolyn Shepherd staring at her with a smile on her face.

"He's a beautiful boy," Carolyn complimented noticing what a natural mother Meredith was.

Meredith looked at Derek who gave her a small smile. "And Zola here has told me all about the trip to the aquarium you took this week."

Zola looked up at the mention of her name. "Lots of fish," Zola said looking at her grandmother. "Penguins too," she added with a grin.

Carolyn chuckled, "Penguins too," she repeated as Zola smiled at her.

"This house is amazing Derek," Carolyn said while looking around.

"Thanks, Ma." Derek said, proudly. Meredith couldn't help but roll her eyes. Derek had such a huge ego about the house.

"Amelia can give you a tour," Meredith offered nervously rocking the baby. "Only because I have to get dinner out of the oven. Don't worry, I didn't make it. Amelia did. I just had instructions on what time to take it out at," she said laughing. "That I could do."

Amelia shook her head. "Cooking just isn't one of Meredith's talents. But you should see her with a scalpel. She has the fastest time for an Appy," she boasted.

"Well, if I ever need my appendix out, I'll go to Meredith," Carolyn said laughing.

Amelia looked at Meredith, "You should show her the house Mer," she suggested. "It's your house."

Meredith nodded at her sister-in-law. "Bailey's actually better if we keep walking," she said with a shrug.

"I'd love that," Carolyn said, looking at Bailey who was now smiling at her.

"Alright, let's go upstairs," Meredith said gesturing to the stairwell. "Derek actually built this stairwell," she said as she balanced Bailey on her hip. "He built the deck too, but it's not even."

Carolyn laughed as they walked up the steps. "One summer, Mark and Derek decided that they needed to build a treehouse to escape all the estrogen in the house. They had my husband help them, but it was a lost cause because the boys forgot to measure the wood and the siding was all uneven."

"That must have been hilarious," Meredith said as they got to Zola's room. She opened the door to the pink princess themed room. Zola had begged her for the new twin bed. "This is adorable," Carolyn said stepping inside.

"Well, whatever Zola wanted she got. This was all her and Derek. Personally, I'm not a fan of all the pink. I pushed for purple and green... But as you can see, I failed," she said looking at Carolyn. "I have to hand it to Derek, though he's a trooper with the princess tea parties."

"Oh, please tell me she makes him wear a tiara," Carolyn pressed with a grin.

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "I've got pictures,"she said. "Good blackmail material."

Carolyn chuckled. "Good for you. You need to email me one, sometime."

"Believe me, they're too cute to not share," Meredith said. "Zola even make's Bailey wear one and the poor kid doesn't have a lot of hair yet."

Meredith rubbed the top of Bailey's blonde peach fuzz. She looked up at Carolyn. "There was a bet at the hospital, when he was born, if Bailey would have Derek's hair. Needless to say," she continued, "A lot of people we're very unhappy."

Meredith chuckled remembering Alex's disappointment at loosing a hundred dollars.

"Bailey looks a lot like you, Meredith." Carolyn said studying him, "But his eyes…"

"All Derek," she cut in. "Do you want to take him?" she asked.

Carolyn nodded and held her arms out while Meredith placed him in his grandmother's arms.

"He's sturdy," Carolyn commented as soon as Bailey settled on her hip. "You know, Derek loves his sister's but he must have been ecstatic when you guys found out he was a boy."

"He was definitely excited."

Carolyn followed Meredith out into the hall. Meredith paused at the a wooden door. "This is Bailey's room," she said opening the door as Carolyn stepped inside and surveyed the room.

"Derek was vying for a Yankee themed nursery but I nixed that idea. I'm a Red Sox fan, through and through," Meredith confessed.

Carolyn looked at her curiously. "I thought you grew up in Seattle?"

Meredith shook her head. "I was born in Seattle and lived here until my parents divorced when I was five. My mother got full custody and moved us to Boston where she worked at Mass Gen."

"You're a legacy then," Carolyn commented.

Meredith nodded. "My mother was general surgeon."

"That must have been a lot to live up to," Carolyn said as she looked at the picture of the tumor on Bailey's wall. She pointed to it, "What's this?"

"Derek drew it. One of our own had a massive spinal tumor and Derek removed the entire thing without paralyzing him. It was a 27 hour surgery."

"Oh," Carolyn said with a hint of understanding. "And it's in Bailey's room because?"

"It's a reminder to not give up," Meredith said simply, "because this man was told he was going to die because it was inoperable."

"I see," Carolyn said, nodding. "It's amazing that Derek got the whole thing."

"Derek got published for that surgery," Meredith said remembering how incredibly proud she was of her husband.

"I like the hockey mobile," Carolyn said pointing above the crib.

"I get very little input as to my children's rooms. But whatever, they're happy. I'm happy."

Carolyn chucked, "You'll get the next one."

Meredith blushed. "Well, that's going to be in about seven or eight months."

Carolyn looked at Meredith. "You're pregnant?"she asked as her face broke out into a huge grin. "That's so exciting."

"I think it's really soon. I mean, Bailey's not even a year old."

"Congratulations," Carolyn said hugging her. "That's amazing."

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "Anyway, across the hall is our bed room. We have our own bathroom too, which is nice because there are only so many places I can see rubber ducks."

Carolyn chuckled. "I can imagine," she said as Meredith led her across the hall and opened the door to their room.

Meredith led her across the hall. Carolyn surveyed the room, looking at everything and saw a blue post-it framed. "What's that?" she asked.

"That was our post-it wedding."

Carolyn looked at her as if she had lost her mind which was expected. Even their closest friends thought it was weird. But hey, it worked for them.

"Our friend George passed away the day we were going to go to City Hall. We realized we were always going to have emergencies that there would never be enough time, and that life was short," she paused thinking about her former best friend. "George had enlisted in the army he was going to tell his mother but he got hit by a bus... So Derek and I wrote our vows down on a post-it."

"Meredith," Carolyn exclaimed, putting her hand to her chest. "That's tragic."

"George was a good one." Meredith paused.

"So uh, yeah, that's the post-it story," she stammered. "At the time, it sounded a lot more romantic," she said seriously.

"No it's really sweet," Carolyn commented, "Unorthodox, maybe. But sweet."

"That's what we were going for," Meredith said smiling, "Derek and I are definitely not the most conventional couple, even our beginning was a little rocky," she admitted. "We didn't plan for forever, it just kind of happened."

"Don't worry, Meredith, I get it."

Bailey giggled. "See, even Bailey think's the rambling thing is funny," she continued, "Derek makes fun of me for rambling, usually he'll just kiss me to shut me up," she said babbling. "Anyway, the next room is Cristina's. She's my best friend, and when Derek and I were designing the house she had gone through a bad breakup. I offered her a permanent room. She's never lived here. It's just her space. Cristina is like the sister I never had but she left me for Zürich."

"Switzerland?"

"Yeah, she runs the cardiothoracic department at the Klaussmann Institute. She has tons of money for research and their not regulated by the government so she can work on regenerating biosynthetic organs until her heart is content… Literally," Meredith smiled finding her pun amusing. She paused and opened the next door. "This is the guest room," she began as she opened the door to the room, "This one has the best view," she added Meredith pointing to the window. "The sunrise from here is made fun of me for the New England feel," she continued gesturing to the decorum, "being the true New Yorker," she added. "Oh, and you have your own bathroom, too. There aren't any duckies, either."

"It's perfect Meredith," Carolyn said.

"Amelia's been staying in Cristina's room, so I figured this would be perfect. Plus the closest hotel is in the city, and Seattle hotel's are not cheap."

"MEREDITH!" Derek called from downstairs. "Dinner's ready!"

"We're being summoned," Meredith said, as Bailey grabbed a fist full of her blonde hair. "Ouch Bailey," she said taking his hair from out of his little hands. "I thought I had enough room to go past him," she muttered and looked at Carolyn. "It's as if when I wear my hair down, it's an open invitation to pull it."

"Mama!" Bailey cried with his hands out.

"One minute Bailey, I'm just going to put my hair up," Meredith said as she pulled the elastic off her wrist and smoothed her hair into a ponytail. "Alright," She said holding out her hands, "Come here, Bailey."

He giggled as Meredith propped him over her shoulder. Carolyn smiled at the sight and followed them down for dinner.

Zola was sitting in her high chair while Derek and Amy put food on the table.

"Congratulations, Derek," Carolyn said pulling her son into a hug.

"You told her," Derek said as Amy put the pot roast on the table.

"It slipped out." Meredith confessed.

"The rambling thing right?" Derek asked, looking pointedly at Meredith who was ignoring him.

She was strapping Bailey into his high chair. "Stop moving, monkey," she said concentrating on the strap as the baby squirmed. "There," she said successfully getting him in.

"Mama, I want pea's please," Zola said staring at the food in front of her.

"Give me a second, Zo," she said getting herself situated, while everyone at the table was sitting down.

"Don't worry, Meredith," Carolyn said taking a plate. "I can get her started."

"Thank you," she said, as she put some cut carrots on Bailey's high chair.

"Amy," Carolyn said scooping peas on her plate. "Addie called to check in on you because you hadn't been answering her calls."

Derek looked at his mother, "You still talk to Addie?"

"Not the point Derek," Carolyn scolded. "She said you left LA on bad terms?"

Meredith watched Amy shrink under the glare of her mother. "Mom, it's nothing like that. I just needed out of LA."

"It's the warm weather," Meredith said sympathetically. "It does things to your head."

"LA is like this magical land where people explain _everything_ to death."

"Why can't my children all live on the East Coast?" Carolyn asked, looking from Derek to Amelia. "I mean I get why you wouldn't leave Derek, because look at this house and the friends you have here. You have such a supportive network."

Meredith smiled."I agree, Carolyn."

"But Amy, are you going to stay here permanently?"

"Chief Hunt actually offered me a contract for an attending position today," Amy said pushing her chicken around her plate. "I'd get research time, but I'd have to teach, which isn't so bad."

"Well, wait until the new crop of interns next month," Meredith said taking a bite of her chicken. "It's going to be chaos for a while. The screw ups are insane. Sometimes, you wonder how these kids got through med school at all."

"Really Meredith," Derek said chucking. "Your class of interns was full of a screw ups too."

"Yeah, but you had me. So it balanced out," she teased thinking of her crazy intern year.

"That's true," he conceded. "Actually, Meredith here got to scrub in on my surgery the very first day, which was a rarity. We had this patient who was misdiagnosed with a seizure disorder. She was a fifteen year old girl who was competing in a pageant and started seizing in the middle of the competition."

"We had to save her anyway," she said looking at Derek. "Anyway, I was assigned her case and this girl was a royal pain in the butt. She paged me because the hospital didn't get the pageant channel."

"Where her labs clean?" Amelia asked, absorbed in the story. "Yes, labs were clean. Her CT was clean, too. No history of anorexia, renal failure, or acidosis. And no infection because her white count was zero and there was nothing in her spinal tap."

"Basically," Derek said staring at Meredith,"she was a medical mystery."

"Cristina and I were doing research in the library, because Derek thought that having everyone work on the problem to come up with a solution would be faster than just him and into the OR was just an incentive."

"Trust me, Mom," Derek began, "Most surgical interns are sharks. They feed off competition so if anyone would be able to figure this out fast it would be them."

He looked at Meredith to continue. "Anyway, I remembered that Katie had a fall. During her performance she fell and twisted her ankle. It was a fall so minor not one of her doctors before mentioned it in her chart. The odds of it being an aneurysm were one in a million."

"And our patient was one in a million," Derek finished staring at Meredith. "And Katie lived to go on to compete in other pageants."

"Meredith, it sounds like you had a knack for neuro. What made you decide on general?"

"I did like neuro," Meredith said, "I did my first solo surgery fifth year on neuro."

"What did you do?" Amelia asked, curiously. "I clipped an aneurysm."

"Bold choice, Grey," Amelia said smiling.

"She did it perfectly," Derek said. "She even argued with me about clip size and it turned out she was right."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Not the only time I've been right, Derek."

"She killed that surgery too," he paused smiling. "It was like she'd been clipping aneurysms her entire life."

"Actually, I've been watching Whipple's from the time I five, Derek."

Meredith smiled and looked at Zola. "This one was talking about nerve grafts with her friend Sofia. The aides at the preschool got a kick out of the two of them talking about nerves."

"That's hilarious," Carolyn said before taking another sip of her wine.

"A little scary, actually," Meredith said, thinking of her own childhood. "I want them to do whatever they want. Seriously, medicine isn't the only career path. I'm not like my mother who was pushing me to go to med school since I could walk and talk."

"Mama," Bailey said holding out his hands. "P's."

Meredith gave him a spoonful. "If Zola wants to be a CEO or a chef, I would be happy. Anyway, I just want them to freeze and stay this little for a little while. Zola's going to Pre-K this year and I'm definitely going to bawl my eyes out."

"Meredith was a basket case when we brought Bailey to Daycare at two months. I cannot imagine what she's going to do when both are in Elementary school."

Meredith glared at Derek. "That's a long time, Derek," she reminded him. "I can't even think about that."

"Auntie Amy, tea party tonight?" Zola asked, as she finished her dinner. "Sure princess, Grandma can play too."

Zola looked at Carolyn. "You're playing too, Grandma, Zola said and then looked at Derek. "You too Dada."

"So I get to see the crown in person," Carolyn whispered to Meredith.

"That you do," Meredith looked at Zola. "What about Bailey, Zo?"

"He goes to sleep," she said looking at Meredith. You put him to sleep, Mama."

Derek raised his eyebrows and looked at Meredith,."I see where she gets her bossiness."

"You love my bossiness," Meredith said getting Zola down from her high chair. "It's one of your favorite qualities."

Amy turned to Carolyn. "They do this a lot, the bickering about whose right. It's hilarious because most of the time they forget there are other people in the room."

"Amy, we can hear you," Derek said never taking his eyes off Meredith. "And no," He said turning to his mother, "we don't."

"Actually Derek, we definitely do. But eventually you make me forget about our original argument because I'm so mad at you.

" Meredith went over to the sink, "Come here, Zo. You've got chicken on your face."

Zola ran over to her mother and Meredith cleaned her off.

"Sometimes I wish they'd just adopt me," Amy admitted with a grin.

"You live here, Amy." Meredith and Derek said at the same time.

Amy laughed, "See that, its weird right? Anyway, I can go apartment hunting soon."

"Wait, you're moving out?"

"Technically, Mer, I never officially moved in," Amy said taking a sip of her soda.

Meredith walked over to Bailey, "Well you make us breakfast. You watch our kids if we're running late. Zola swears you braid better than me, and you're the only one who can calm Bailey down at daycare if neither Derek nor I are around."

"I think what Meredith is trying to say, is that you can stay here as long as you want. Rent free. As long as you watch our kids and cook breakfast because Meredith burns everything," he said smiling at his sister.

Amy nodded in confirmation, "I didn't believe it until I saw it." Amy looked between Meredith and Derek, "Are you sure?"

"Amy," Derek began, "When I first moved into Meredith's we had four roommates and a baby. You're my sister, of course I'm sure."

Meredith handed Bailey to Derek.

"We're sure." They said in unison as the entire group burst out laughing. Even Zola snickered.

"Alright then," Amy said taking another sip of her soda, "I'm officially moved in. But guys, you need to buy me ear plugs."

Meredith turned beat red. "I snore," she explained lamely. "Very loudly."

She glared at Amy, who was grinning as she took another sip of her drink.

"Right," Derek said, "she really does. It's amazing how powerful her snore is. Don't worry your room is the farthest from us, so chances are you won't hear it."

Amy almost choked on her drink from trying to laugh, she found it humorous to watch her brother and sister-in-law flustered. "Amy another word and I won't give you my hemispherectomy tomorrow," Derek whispered as he cleared her plate.

Amy nodded in agreement; she wanted that surgery.

* * *

The following days were spent doing touristy things around Seattle. Things Meredith never got to do as a kid because Ellis was always too busy to take her. Meredith truly enjoyed getting to know Carolyn and both Zola and Bailey were infatuated with their grandmother. On the last night of Carolyn's visit, Meredith was in the bedroom brushing her teeth.

"You know, I really like your mom," she said through a mouthful of spit. "Seriously," she added as she walked into the bathroom. She felt Derek's arms snake around her stomach.

"Look Mer, you definitely popped," he said sliding his hand down her small but definite bump.

"I swear that wasn't there yesterday," she said in awe looking down at her stomach.

"They say a second pregnancy shows faster than a first."

They both looked down at her stomach. "That's because your muscles are already stretched out," Derek said, "I read that in one of those baby books you made me read for Zola."

"I was thinking about being pregnant with Bailey and absolutely terrified the entire time that something was going to happen to him. This time, I might actually be able to enjoy it," she said honestly. "I couldn't bring myself to get excited because of the..." Miscarriage. The unspoken word lingered in the air.

"Meredith, nothing is going to happen," he promised putting a protective hand on her stomach. "Honestly, I love pregnant Mer."

"You just like the dirty sex," she laughing.

"Well yeah, he said shrugging his shoulders. "But honestly, I'd keep you pregnant all the time if I could."

Meredith shook her head, "Not an option, Derek. We should have been more careful," she added seriously. "We just had Bailey..."

"Well, I'm not getting any younger," he said looking at her.

"I'm sure you're going to be the hottest dad when they go to school," she teased.

"Seriously though, Mer, I'm forty-six."

"Yeah, so I'm thirty-six," she retorted. "I'm not young anymore either Derek."

Derek rolled his eyes, "You're missing the point, Mer. When this kid," he began with his fingers splayed against her stomach, "goes to kindergarten, I'll be fifty-one."

A look of realization flashed through her face. "Derek you're in great shape. You take care of yourself. You take preventive health measures. You even eat that twig stuff, even when I'm plowing through fruity pebbles. We both know our mortality..."

They either had incredibly good luck, or incredibly terrible luck. Meredith still wasn't sure which one.

"Well you definitely do," He smirked. "A bomb, drowning, gunman, plane crash, and emergency surgery after giving birth. Seriously, Mer you're my hero."

Meredith shook her head. "Derek, do you realize how absurd that list is?" she asked snickering. "Seriously, our lives are like a bad soap opera."

It was as if they couldn't seem to catch a break. "Or one of those drama's on ABC," Derek added smiling. "I love you, Meredith Grey."

"I love you too, Derek Shepherd," Meredith said before she kissed him. "Derek," Meredith groaned as he kissed her neck. "We can't do this. Your mother is down the hall."

Derek laughed. "Seriously, Meredith? My mother is going to cockblock me? You're pregnant and she's not an idiot."

"Fine," Meredith lamented. "But," she said as she pulled away, "we need to be very quiet."

"Shower then?" Derek said pulling off his shirt.

Meredith nodded, "Good idea," she breathed as they both sprang out of bed and ran toward the bathroom.

* * *

Meredith was up before the alarm because she could hear Bailey babbling in his crib.

"Hey, monkey," she said picking him up. "You had a good sleep?"

Bailey looked at Meredith. "Mama, book," he said pointing to his book shelf.

Meredith smiled and walked over, she put him on the floor so he could get it himself. He scooted to the shelf, and pulled himself up.

"Derek!" she cried waking Derek up. "He's gonna walk."

Bailey turned to face his mother who was sitting a foot away from him. "Come on baby, you can do it," she coaxed as he made his first step toward her.

Derek appeared in the doorway. "Come on Bailey," he cheered, "Take another one."

Bailey smiled, "Dada." Meredith scooted toward Derek and eventually her back was touching his knees. "Come on Bailey, you can do this."

Carolyn emerged from the guest room after hearing all the commotion. She walked toward the voices.

"Look at you Bailey," Meredith said in awe. "Almost there."

"G-ma!" Bailey squealed walking toward his grandmother who was hovering in the doorway and wandered right into Meredith's arms.

"Mama," He said smiling, "Mama, book."

"Go get a book, Bailey," Derek said sitting on the floor next to Meredith. Bailey walked without wobbling over to the bookshelf and picked out his favorite.

"Mama. Dada. Pete Cat." He smiled while walking over to Derek, who had the biggest grin on his face.

"Looks like you two have another walker in the house," Carolyn said smiling.

"What did I miss... Oh my gosh!" Amelia cried as Bailey sat down on Derek's lap. "Wait he's walking?!"

"Thank god he wasn't in daycare for this," Meredith said looking at Amelia. "I would have died. Literally died."

"He just wanted to show off for his grandma," Derek looked up at Carolyn who was smiling.

"Of course he did," Carolyn said, "He was waiting until he met me," she joked.

"I really think he was," Meredith said seriously. "I'm going to wake up Zo," she said standing up. "I'm shocked she didn't hear the yelling and wake up," she muttered.

* * *

After all the excitement of Bailey's first steps, the rest of the day was rather uneventful. Derek was going to drop his mother off at the airport, but Meredith offered to drive her instead. Derek was amazed at how much Meredith had grown, he couldn't help but smile when he watched his wife and mother interacting. She'd come a long way from the family issues that made her so dark and twisty.

"Well," Carolyn said with her bag in her hand, "goodbyes are never easy."

Derek nodded and gave his mother a hug. "I promise I won't be such a stranger."

His mother grinned, "See that's all I needed to hear."

She turned and looked at Amelia, "You too, missy," she scolded. "Seriously Amy."

Amelia rolled her eyes and nodded, "Fine, mom," she huffed. Even after all those years, her mother managed to get under her skin. "You're both coming to New York for Christmas." She said looking between her adult children, "I'm not taking no for an answer."

Meredith spoke first,"Well, I don't know if I can fly."

"Right, you'd have to get it cleared first," Carolyn said looking over to where Zola and Bailey were playing. "I don't want to leave them," she admitted, sadly.

"We can have them Skype you more, maybe make it a routine thing?" Meredith suggested, "That way we're accountable for keeping your relationship going."

Carolyn beamed. "Excellent idea, Meredith."

"We should probably go," Meredith said glancing at the clock. "Your flight leaves in an hour."

"Right," Carolyn nodded, "I have to go through security." Meredith held the door for her, "I'll see you all later," She said giving one last look at her children. Derek and Amy nodded simultaneously, "Bye, Grandma!" Zola said waving.

"Bye Zo," Carolyn said, tearing up. "I'll see you soon," she promised.

"You know, Carolyn," Meredith said as she pulled out of the driveway, "Derek doesn't say it, ever, but he really misses you all. And to be completely honest, I'm really glad you came out."

Carolyn looked at Meredith. "You've come a long way, Meredith. Remember when I first met you," she laughed. "So glad you got rid of the high ponytail."

Meredith cringed, "God, that was awful." She said pulling onto the highway, "I was so nervous. I was afraid you'd hate me because of my first meeting with Nancy."

Carolyn chuckled, "Nancy can be a pain in the ass. But she was just worried about her little brother. It wasn't you, it was everything..." Carolyn looked at Meredith."Suddenly, Derek quits the practice. He breaks up with Addie, and goes from a Manhattan apartment to a trailer in the middle of the woods." She paused. "He probably never told you this but after meeting you for the first time, I told him you were it."

Meredith furrowed her brow, "You didn't even know me. And my first impression was less than stellar…"

"Derek is very black and white, there's no gray. You had the ability to make him see life in shades of gray."

Carolyn pointed to the ring Meredith was wearing, "I also gave him that. It was mine.."

"Really? Derek never told me."

Carolyn nodded. "I was wondering about Mark and Lexie, did they make it as a couple?" Carolyn questioned, cautiously. She knew Lexie was a tough subject.

"No," Meredith shook her head, sadly. "Mark wanted Lexie but he chose Sloan. Lexie understood, but she was too young to be a grandmother. At least that was her excuse." She pulled off the highway, and on the exit ramp. "Lexie," she blinked, "loved Mark completely. I rooted for them."

"I'm really sorry about Lexie," Carolyn said sadly. "She was a really nice girl."

"She was," Meredith agreed. "I didn't want to like her. She represented everything I didn't have. I resented her. She was just so persistent, that it was hard not to love her."

Meredith sighed. This was the most she had talked about Lexie since the day of her funeral. "You know, I'd like to think that they're up there together, causing mayhem."

Carolyn put a gentle hand on Meredith's shoulder, "I know they are," she insisted, as they pulled up to the gate for trans-continental flights. "I'll call you when I land," Carolyn promised. "Meredith, do me a favor and just keep doing what you're doing. Those grandkids are amazing."

"I guess I'll keep them," she joked smiling at her mother-in-law.

Carolyn nodded, and waved goodbye. Meredith smiled and did the same.


	3. Where does the good go?

"Hey," Meredith greeted opening the door finding Derek, Bailey and Zola building blocks on the coffee table.

"Mama!" Bailey and Zola said in unison.

"Look what dada and I built," Zola said pointing to a tower. "Bailey doesn't help. He just knocks them over," she added glaring at her brother.

"Zo, he's little," Meredith reminded her. "You have to show him what to do," she said as she sat down on the couch opposite Derek.

"Well," Derek began with a grin, "I think we can officially retire the Dark and Twisty title."

Meredith playfully hit his shoulder. "It's been retired for a while, now anyway."

"Did Ma fill your ears with more stories of my misspent youth?" Derek asked snickering.

"No Derek," she said grinning. Derek smiled and looked at her.

She squirmed under his gaze, "Enough with the sparkly eye thing," she blurted. "I know you're just trying to be charming."

"One of the many qualities you love about me, " he said giving her a quick kiss.

"Gross," Amelia said walking into the kitchen. "You guys are so happy it's disgusting," Amelia scoffed.

"Jealous, much?" Derek asked teasing his sister.

"Yes, considering James and I are over."

"You broke up?" Meredith asked turning toward Amelia. "I thought he was coming to Seattle."

"Yeah he was..." Amelia said opening the fridge. "But, I don't know if I'm ready for this," she added gesturing to the family scene she just walked in on. "I thought I was but-"

"I get it," Meredith interjected. "Seriously... It took me years to figure out that this was what I wanted."

"Really?" Amelia asked raising her eyebrow. "Because you're so…" she paused searching for the right word. "Domesticated."

Derek started laughing. "Mer? Domesticated? You missed the one-night stand, tequila drinking, commitment phobic stage of our relationship."

"Hey," Meredith cut in, "that's how we started Derek. You picked me up with some cheesy line. I wasn't looking for forever. I was looking for the right now."

"Wait-" Amelia said looking between them. "You were a one-night stand?"

"Well, technically we did it again that Friday so no," she said laughing. "I had just moved here from Boston, back to my mother's old house and decided to get drunk..."

"Which led to her meeting me," he interjected. "She was alone at Joe's drinking straight tequila."

"You picked me up, Derek," Meredith insisted. "You took advantage because I was drunk."

"See this is the part of the story we are always going to disagree on," he said looking at Amelia. "Because I know she took advantage."

Meredith shook her head and looked at Amelia who sat down next to her. "Go on," Amelia prompted.

"So after we- ___you know_- I kicked him out of my house the next morning."

"And you ___forgot_ my name," he added. Amelia started laughing and looked from Meredith and Derek who nodded. "She really must have ruined your ego there, big brother."

"Anyway," she continued, "I get to work and guess who is my boss?" she pointed to Derek. "This one."

"But you guys dated, right?" Amelia asked, wanting more details.

"Kind of-" Meredith said, "We made out in elevators, went at it in on-call rooms and had dinner once. He basically lived at my house for three months until Addison came to town."

Amelia pulled her knees up to her chin. "He didn't tell you that he was married," Amelia said as the pieces clicked together. "Derek, you're an asshole."

"Yeah, he conveniently left out the part about him being married," Meredith said, glaring at him. Even after all these years, Meredith still hadn't completely forgiven him for that.

"That must have sucked," Amelia stated bluntly.

Meredith nodded. "Majorly. And to add insult to injury, we were just getting serious."

Derek put his hands up in defeat. "I'll admit, I didn't do that right."

"You think?" Meredith scoffed.

"So what happened next?" Amelia asked. "Did Addison freak? She must have freaked."

"Not exactly," Meredith bit her lip, wondering how much Amelia actually knew. "Apparently, she knew about me."

"Right the slutty intern thing," she said quoting Nancy. "You were infamous."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Meredith said rolling her eyes. "Which wasn't fair because your stupid brother didn't even tell me he was married."

"We had an interesting start, huh?" Meredith said looking at Derek.

"Very," he agreed looking at Amelia. "I'd push her towards marriage and family but she'd run away," he continued, "But it all worked out."

"Trust me, I had so many issues to work through," Meredith said turning to Derek.

"We all have issues," Amelia reminded her thinking of her own dark past. "But I don't know if I'm ready."

"You never are," Meredith paused. "If you'd met my mother you'd understand why I didn't want this," she said gesturing to her messy house. "Why I didn't think I was capable of this…"

"But she's a million times better than her mother ever was," Derek interjected looked at Meredith. "Believe me. I've met Ellis Grey."

"My mother loved me the only way she was capable of loving me." Meredith said sadly. "She wasn't a horrible person. It's taken me years to see that. "

Amelia looked at the couple in front of her with their gorgeous children and dream house with a new understanding. It took them a lot of work to get to where they were.

"Derek and I bicker all the time," Meredith added. "He's stubborn, cocky and a total pain in the ass. But I'm also stubborn and indecisive." She looked at Amelia, "For example, it took me until the end of residency to declare a specialty," she admitted."I was the last one. I just had no idea. I loved Neuro but Derek and I couldn't work together after I messed up the trial. I loved general but didn't want to be my mother."

"Which is completely understandable," Amelia said. "I didn't want Neuro either. My brother was already a hot-shot and I would be in his shadow. But then I thought who cared?"

"But why did you settle on general?" Amelia asked, curiously.

"Well, Miranda Bailey actually persuaded me," Meredith said smiling. "And Bailey's always right."

"That's the same Miranda Bailey that Bailey's named after, right?" Amelia asked.

"Mama," Zola said, diverting the adults attention to the kids who were amusing themselves with blocks. "Bailey knocked down my tower," she huffed, folding her tiny arms across her chest.

Meredith got off the couch and set Bailey down in her lap. "Let's leave your sister's block tower alone," she added as he bounced him up and down. "Imagine when there's another one doing that?" she wondered.

"Well, we don't really have to imagine it, Mer," Derek reminded her. Meredith laughed and shared a look with Derek.

"See there's that thing you do," Amelia pointed out. "The communicating with the eyes."

"Cristina used to say we had eye-sex all the time," Meredith admitted.

"Eye sex?" Amelia asked furrowing her brow. "Wait, you know what, I don't want to know."

"Mama, milk," Bailey said looking at his mother's chest.

"I thought he weaned off nursing a few weeks ago?" Derek asked.

"No Meredith, you're leaking." Amelia said pointing to her chest. "Bailey just happens to be very observant."

"Oh, crap." Meredith sputtered, handing Bailey over to Derek. "I'm going to change."

Alright," Derek said as she was halfway up the stairs.

* * *

Meredith got into her room and noticed that her iPad was lighting up. She quickly changed her shirt and then checked her messages. They were missed facetime's with Cristina. She tried her back and fortunately she answered.

"So? How was Mama Shepherd?" Cristina asked, with her eyes wide. "Was it awful? I bet it was horrible."

"Meredith chuckled. "Hello to you too. Don't you ever sleep?" Meredith asked, thinking of the time difference.

"Sleep is for the weak. Besides, I'm printing hearts and cannot sleep."

"Work-a-holic," Meredith teased.

"Pregnant bitch," Cristina fired back.

Meredith shook her head. "You really need to get laid. You've become all mean."

"I am," Cristina said smirking.

"Please tell me it's not Shane."

"No, not Shane," Cristina said as Meredith glared at her. "It's no one you would know."

"A hot European?" she asked perking up.

"What jealous that you can't sleep around anymore, Mer?" Cristina teased. "Because honestly, it's the best thing ever."

"I'm good here. But I can live vicariously through you."

"Well, how was Mama Shepherd?" she prompted looking as if she was going to jump out of her skin if she didn't get an answer.

"It was nice," Meredith said finally. "Carolyn isn't as bad as I thought. Turns out she likes me."

Cristina made a face in disappointment. She expected some drama. "Really it was good?" she asked incredulously. "Nothing bad happened?"

"No Cristina. Nothing bad happened. We did some touristy stuff and Amelia cooked."

Cristina shook her head. "That's good... because we all know what your cooking skills are like."

"I'm not that bad," Meredith said, "I've gotten better."

"Mer, you should stick with pouring cereal. I really don't know how your kids survive."

"Derek cooks and Amelia is an amazing cook."

"How's the fetus?" Cristina asked, sarcastically.

Meredith shook her head, knowing that this was just how Cristina showed she cared. "Well," she began, "I just started the throwing up all day nauseous stage."

"Good thing you had years of hangover practice, Mer."

"Yeah, it totally prepared me for having kids."

"Just saying," she quipped, "Besides, it just means it's developing which I might add is a very good thing. When you told Derek did have that stupid grin on his face?" Cristina asked. "Because I would have paid to see that."

"Yup," Meredith said, "Bailey was sleeping on top of me or we probably would have torn each other's clothes off faster than we did."

"Good to know somethings never change," she said laughing. "I really miss you and everyone else," she admitted. "Besides, I want to be there for the awkwardness around Pierce."

"Gee, thanks for reminding me... I have work tomorrow, which means my chances of an awkward encounter rise exponentially."

"Don't hide out in your lab, Mer," Cristina ordered. "Because that's not healthy, either."

"I do have a lot of research," she began as Cristina glared at her. "Ok fine, I won't."

"You belong in a OR, Meredith," Cristina said seriously. "Not behind some microscope."

"Well, I do miss cutting," she confessed. "My last surgery was… Sometime last week?" she shrugged.

"Oh, I sent you some chocolates," Cristina said changing the subject. "I overnighted them so they should be there tomorrow."

"This almost makes up for Pierce," Meredith said as her eyes narrowed. "You owe me for life. But chocolate is a start."

"Good," Cristina said simply.

"I smell food," Meredith said as her mouth started watering. "I need to-"

"Go," Cristina said, smiling.

"Talk to you soon," she promised disconnecting

* * *

That night, Meredith was lying in bed not sleeping. She hadn't seen or talked to Richard since he pulled her into Derek's office, and she really didn't want to see Maggie Pierce who clearly was the child prodigy. Ellis should have kept her, Meredith thought bitterly, as she tossed and turned. She was the notorious screw up, the one that flitted through life without direction for so long that her mother told her she wouldn't be able to handle medical school.

Clearly, Maggie was the better daughter and she didn't even know Ellis.

"Meredith," Derek grumbled, "I can hear your brain from over here. Why are you still awake?"

I'm just thinking," Meredith whispered into the darkness.

"About?"

"Maggie, because I'm scared she's going to realize that we're related and I can't do that again."

Derek pulled her into him, bridging the gap between them. He knew exactly what she meant. He knew how much trouble she had accepting Lexie as her half-sister. But then to lose her in the most tragic way possible...

"Sometimes I feel her around me," she whispered. "I know it sounds insane. But it's like we're at the same place at the same time. It doesn't freak me out. It's like being comforted."

"Lexie was my favorite intern," Derek admitted. "She was quick and had a natural knack for Neuro. She would have been an amazing surgeon."

"When Lexie died a piece of me did too and I hated myself," she continued, "I hated that I wasted so much time and energy resenting her."

"Mer, she knew you loved her," Derek assured her.

"I know," Meredith said simply. "It's just I saw my Dad last weekend."

This was news to Derek. "He's moving," she continued, "because the pain of losing Lexie was too much. You know, he started drinking again? I mean it doesn't surprise me but he's going to some rehab facility in Arizona."

"That's good, Mer," he began, "not the drinking but getting help," he said knowing the complicated relationship between Thatcher and Meredith.

"I knew he was drunk at her funeral Derek," she admitted. "He was wasted and Lex would have hated that."

"She would have," Derek said in agreement. "She would have been pissed."

"Molly tried. After the funeral, she wanted to keep in touch… But I couldn't do it. I told her that I didn't think that was a good idea. I could tell she was upset, but she understood."

"Meredith, I'm not judging you for keeping her at arms length."

"But I'm judging me," Meredith admitted, "I think of Cristina, my surrogate sister. I think of your sister, who I've come to love and don't understand why I push my own sister's away."

"I don't have any answers for you, Meredith."

"Aren't you supposed to have all the answers?" Meredith teased. "Because you always tell me you do."

"Don't worry about tomorrow. That's the only advice I can give you."

"Okay," she said yawning. "I guess I won't."

* * *

Meredith didn't want to get out of bed, she had a feeling about today and it wasn't a good one. She had this feeling before, and she'd stuck her hand inside a patient with a bomb. "Derek," she whispered before her alarm was supposed to go off, "I can't go to work today."

"Meredith," Derek grumbled. "Why?"

"I have a bad feeling."

Derek opened an eye. "What do you mean?"

"Well the last time I had a feeling like this I almost blew up."

"Then tell Owen you're taking the day. Tell him you're pregnant and too sick to come in."

"But I___wan_t to cut," Meredith admitted. "I ___need_ to cut."

"Well, I'm going to watch you like a hawk today," Derek vowed. "You're scrubbing in with me and only me."

Meredith could live with that. "Okay," she agreed. "Like old times."

* * *

The day was going okay so far. Meredith and Derek finished removing a spinal tumor and were scrubbing out when Dr. Wilson walked into the scrub room, "Dr. Pierce needs you to scrub in a heart and lung transplant because Dr. Bailey went home unexpectedly."

Meredith shot Derek a look. "Go," he insisted. "You haven't done one of those in a while."

Meredith looked at Wilson. "Tell Dr. Pierce I'll be there in ten minutes."

Wilson nodded and left the scrub room.

"See," Meredith said turning to Derek, "bad feeling is coming true."

Derek shook his head. "I'm sure a heart lung transplant is nothing compared to holding your hand in a bomb cavity."

Sometimes, he couldn't understand her logic.

"Derek," she began frustrated as they walked toward the OR bored, "I'll be trapped in a OR, with my half-sister who may or may not know we're sisters… ___For hours."_

Derek glanced at the board. "Look, you'll have Wilson and Bokee in their with you."

"I wish Cristina was here," she grumbled. "At least then we'd be together."

Derek put his hands through his hair, thinking about how crazy his wife was being. "Nothing is going to happen," he said trying to reassure her.

"Listen Derek, it might not be a literal bomb but it's a time bomb," she said as she grimaced at the irony. "This is going to come out. Secrets don't stay secrets for long."

"Will a quickie in the on-call room take your mind off it?" He asked hopefully.

Meredith paled remembering her conversation with Cristina yesterday. "Uh no."

Derek didn't understand. "And why not?"

"Cristina reminded me that my mother and Richard use to- And my sister could have easily been-" she rambled hoping he'd be able to fill in the blanks.

"Oh god," Derek groaned, "That's not a pretty picture."

"You're telling me." Meredith sighed. "On-call room sex is off the table."

Derek crossed his arms. "Well, with two kids in the house where are we going to-"

"Derek, really?" Meredith lowered her voice noticing the nurses watching their conversation. "All you can think about is getting laid? We have much bigger problems," she lowered her voice to a whisper so that only he could hear, "than your stupid penis."

Derek couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously, you're going to be wanting it soon enough, if you remember correctly."

"I really hate you," she said pouting knowing he was right.

"Doctor Gray," Wilson greeted, interrupting their conversation. "I've done pre-op on Mr. Dunn. Dr. Pierce told me to also tell you that Link is recovering well, so far, so good." Jo paused, "Wait you two were in the middle of something… I'll just go."

"No," Meredith and Derek said together rather unconvincingly.

"We we're just done here."

"Right," Meredith said giving her husband a look, that indicated they weren't done talking.

"Dr. Grey, have you ever done one of these before?" The eager intern asked as Meredith watched Derek walk away.

"As a resident I saw one," she said turning her attention to Dr. Wilson. "It's very complex procedure," she added.

"Right because the chances of getting both from the same donor is incredibly rare."

"Exactly," Meredith nodded.

"Dr. Grey, how risky is this procedure?"

"Think of it this way, Wilson. You know heart and lung transplants are difficult." Wilson nodded. "Well, imagine doing both simultaneously," Meredith said looking at her intern.

"The surgery is really long right?"

"Extremely," Meredith answered honestly.

"Cool," Wilson blurted. Meredith smiled. She couldn't help but find Dr. Wilson's enthusiasm contagious.

"Sorry that was unprofessional," Jo apologized.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I remember that. The fire. The desire. You should enjoy it while it lasts," she advised.

"I don't know Dr. Grey," Wilson said, "my brain is about to explode from all the information I have to keep in it."

"Well, I'll have to make sure Dr. Shepherd will come up with something to make sure that doesn't happen," she joked. Wilson looked at her uneasily.

"Lighten up, Wilson. I'm not that scary am I?"

"No," Jo answered honestly. "You know, I used to be afraid of you. I thought you were... mean."

Meredith couldn't help but snicker at her response. "Dr. Bailey was my resident and we called her the Nazi so I get it."

* * *

After the longest five minutes of scrubbing in, Meredith and Jo were finally gowned and gloved.

Dr. Pierce was about to make the incision into the sternum as they approached the patient.

"Well, nice of you to join us," she began making the first cut, "I asked you to be on this Grey because Dr. Weber said you'd assisted on one before. Since this is my first, I'd like someone who has experience. Bokee, retractor," Dr. Pierce commanded, as Jo and Meredith stood on the other side of the table, waiting for their orders.

Dr. Pierce cracked the sternum. "Wow, this man wouldn't have lasted another day. I've never seen so much damage. Wilson, suction." Dr. Pierce ordered the young resident.

"So what did I miss?" Richard asked being gowned.

Great, Meredith thought, this seriously couldn't get anymore awkward. Meredith turned to face the former chief. She was frowning through her mask, "Dr. Webber," She greeted coolly.

"Ah, Meredith," the chief said lamely. "I didn't know you would be assisting too."

Meredith nodded struggling to keep her professional demeanor. "Apparently, Dr. Pierce had heard I'd assisted on one of these before."

"Grey grab the clamp and hold it here," Dr. Pierce instructed.

"Dr. Webber if you'd come on my side take a look at this."

Jo Wilson wasn't oblivious to the tension between Meredith and Richard. She'd heard the rumors about Dr. Grey's mother and the former chief of surgery and to be honest she sympathized with her.

"Dr. Grey," Jo said trying to lighten the mood, "who performed the surgery you scrubbed in on?"

"Dr. Altman," Meredith said looking at Jo. "She was the former Head of Cardio. Well, actually the former, former head. She works at the Army Medical hospital in Germany."

"Was she the one that trained Dr. Yang?" Dr. Pierce asked, as she skillfully made her cuts.

"She was one of her mentors, yes."

"She worked with Dr. Altman for- How long was Teddy here?"

"3 years," Richard said, watching Dr. Pierce carefully. "Before that it was Hahn and Burke."

"Wait, Dr. Yang worked with Preston Burke? The Harper-Avery winner?" Jo asked excitedly.

"Oh yeah, Cristina worked with Burke," she scoffed.

Cristina would hate that she was dredging up her personal life, but if she was going to stand in a OR with her half-sister and Richard, she needed a good conversation.

"That sounds like there's more to that story," Jo prompted.

"Oh yeah, definitely more to the story Wilson."

"No way," Jo gasped holding the suction steady. "So this was before Dr. Hunt?"

"Way before Dr. Hunt," Meredith said. "We were interns."

"Dr. Burke was an attending then, right?" Jo questioned holding the suction steady. "Wasn't there a policy in place about that when you were an intern?"

Meredith looked at Richard and shrugged. "Yeah. But no one paid attention to it."

"As interesting as this conversation is I'm removing both organs now." Dr. Pierce said briskly and looked at Bokee. "Prepare for bypass, and prep the heart and lungs for implantation."

"Dr. Grey," Dr. Wilson said while observing Dr. Pierce. "Did your patient live? The one who had this surgery?"

"As far as I know, he's very much alive," Meredith said. "He had kids so I'm sure they were happy to have their dad back."

"How old was your patient?" Dr. Pierce asked, suturing in the left ventricle.

"Forty-Five," Meredith answered admiring her suturing technique. "My mother use to do the same stitches," Meredith blurted out without thinking. It was as if she was watching her mother stitch on one of her old surgical tapes. She looked at Maggie who knew that she knew.

Suddenly, she really had to get out of that OR.

"I've uh- Richard, take my spot." Meredith ordered as he walked over to her side.

"I've got it," he said taking the retractor from her.

Meredith raced out of the OR and into the scrub room. "Did I say something?" Wilson asked from Richard and Maggie.

"No," Richard said, "It wasn't you."

"Dr. Grey's been acting really weird lately," Jo said watching Meredith scrub out. "I should check on her."

Richard nodded, "Yeah Wilson, why don't you go." He knew that she wouldn't want to see him, and having Wilson check on Meredith seemed like the right call. Jo gave Bokee her instrument and met Meredith in the scrub room.

Meredith was scrubbing her hands with such vigor her skin was rubbed raw.

"Dr. Grey, are you okay?" Wilson asked with concern.

"I'm fine," Meredith said unconvincingly. "Wilson," she said through her teeth, "I'm fine."

"But-" Wilson started to say something until Meredith cut her off.

"No buts Wilson. I appreciate your concern, it's sweet and I like you but what just happened in that operating room is none of your business."

"But Dr. Grey nothing happened," Jo whispered as Meredith rushed out of the room.

* * *

"Derek, I need Derek," she mumbled as she walked toward his office. She punched in the code she knew by heart and opened the door.

"Hey, Mer aren't you supposed to be in sur-" He didn't have time to ask his question because suddenly Meredith was kissing him. "What are you doing?"

"I thought I was going to have sex with my husband in his private office, but if you don't want to…"

"No," Derek said, "You're doing the avoiding thing. This is classic Meredith."

"Derek, I just spent four hours in an operating room with my half-sister, Wilson, and Richard," she sputtered angrily. "I don't want to talk about it. I just want to have dirty sex in my husbands office."

"Mer," he began pushing her away, "as hot as this is now, I have a conference call in two minutes."

"Fine," Meredith she huffed throwing up her arms and stalking out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Old Meredith was considering going to Joe's and downing a bottle of Tequila. But New Meredith couldn't do that. She was pregnant and alcohol was out of the question as was a venting session with Cristina. Meredith suddenly, found herself rather alone. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed her sister-in-law.

"Amelia," she said as soon as the other end picked up, "are you free?"

"I'm leaving the hospital now," Amelia said, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Meredith grumbled. "Well, everything," she amended. "I need a friend now because my husband isn't available to have dirty sex in his office."

Amelia chuckled. "I really didn't need to know that, Meredith."

"Amelia, can you give me a ride back home?"

"Of course," Amelia said, "meet me in the hospital lobby."

"I'll be there in five," she said hanging up as she made it into the into the attending's longue. She grabbed her jacket and purse and noticed April sitting at the table eating a taco.

"Meredith don't you have surgery?" April Kepner asked, confused. "I thought you were doing the heart lung transplant?"

"I was," she said looking at April who had her hand protectively over her stomach.

Call it a hunch but Meredith couldn't believe it. "You're pregnant," she stated simply.

"Uh- how did you?" April stuttered.

"Your hand was on your stomach. It was motherly."

"Damn she's good."

* * *

"Meredith, are you okay?" Amelia asked as soon as she saw her in the lobby. "You look like you're going to either punch someone or throw up."

"Both," Meredith said, "I want to kill my dead mother."

"I hate to say it but that's impossible," Amelia said as they walked out the doors of the hospital.

"I hate her," Meredith yelled, as soon as they were outside.

"Alright, it's okay. Let it out, Mer."

"I'm going crazy," Meredith said pacing. "I'm losing my mind. I've had enough of the universes' sick twisted sense of humor."

"Meredith," she began leading Meredith toward an empty bench. "Tell me what's wrong. Don't even try to tell me nothing is because I know better."

"Fine." Meredith huffed sitting next to her. "This is the short version but trust me it's complicated."

"Try me," Amelia looked at her sister in-law and waited for her to talk.

"Dr. Pierce, the new head of Cardio that Cristina hired is my half-sister." Meredith said quietly. "And Richard is her father."

Amelia's jaw dropped. "No way," she gasped.

"Yeah, I told you it's complicated," Meredith sighed. "I can't deal with anymore crap. I hate this stupid hospital."

"I can imagine," Amelia said sympathizing with her sister-in-law.

"I just spent the last four hours in the operating room with Richard and Maggie doing a simultaneous heart and lung transplant. She knows we are half-sister. I knew it the minute she looked up at me after I commented on her sutures. My mother's were identical."

"Meredith," Amelia said wrapping her arm around Meredith's small shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"I would be on my way to ordering a bottle of tequila at Joes, except for the fact that I'm pregnant and can't drink."

"Well, I don't either," Amelia smiled. "Former alcoholic and drug addict here."

Meredith looked at her sister. "Yeah, sorry that was insensitive."

"I'd say go do a surgery. That always helps me, but you just came out of one but ice cream always works for me," she suggested looking at Meredith.

"God, I miss tequila," she mumbled.

"Yeah well, I miss oxy so let's suck it up and go get ice cream."

"Fine," Meredith said, "we should at least take the kids out of daycare."

"Good idea," Amelia said as they walked toward the hospital doors. "Zola has bugged me to take her to get one anyway. Besides, kids usually make you feel better about your crap..."

"True," Meredith said in agreement. "They're like natural medicine."

* * *

Meredith was sound asleep on the couch when she woke up to the sound Derek opening the door.

"I hate you," Meredith said sleepily. "I was in the middle of a really good dream."

"Where are the kids?" Derek asked, noticing how quiet the house was.

"Amelia took Zola to a movie and Bailey is sleeping."

"Well, that's convenient," Derek said giving her a kiss. "I hate your stupid DC job," she said miserably/ "It's interfering with our sex life."

"Or lack thereof," Derek said curling up next to her. She put her head on his chest.

"Derek, I felt myself regressing back to old Meredith... You know, the one who drinks copious amounts of tequila and has sex to avoid talking about her feelings. But instead, I'm adult Meredith who has strawberry ice cream and get's cock blocked by the President."

Derek laughed. "Seriously, Meredith, you're cute when you're horny."

"I didn't have Cristina today, Derek," she sighed. "I can't talk to Alex, because he's Alex." "

She looked at Derek. "You were busy and I was alone with my issues and I hated it," she admitted.

"I'm sorry, Mer," Derek said twirling a piece of her blonde hair. "I know it sucks now."

"Well, Amelia made it more tolerable," Meredith said. "I called her and she talked me off the metaphorical cliff and basically told me to suck it up."

"Sounds about right," Derek said chuckling. "That's Amelia for you. Is she like the new Cristina?"

"She's a contender," Meredith admitted. "She's like Cristina 2.0. Everyone is gone," she continued in realization, "George, Izzie, Cristina, Lexie and Mark. The list of the dead is longer than the list of the living," she pointed out.

"Meredith, there are a lot of us still here," Derek stated and began to rattle of names. "Callie, Arizona, Alex, Richard, Bailey, April and Jackson. Those are the ones who've been with you since the beginning. Plus, you have me. Zola, Bailey, Amelia, and the new Baby Shepherd. We have everyone we need," Derek said reminding her. "Besides, you have my mother and Lizzie. That's two new additions to an already impressive list."

"Derek," Meredith said softly, "you know how you woke me up from a dream?"

"Oh," Derek said realizing what she was saying. "One of those pregnancy sex dreams right?"

"One of those," she said nodding. "I'd like to make it more of a reality."

* * *

Meredith woke up the next morning feeling completely satisfied in the arms of her husband. The events of yesterday did not matter in the grand scheme of things. She was a survivor. It was in her DNA. She survived a lot of bad things. This new sister wasn't even at the top of her list. She feeling okay until she ran into Maggie in the lobby.

"Shit," Meredith swore seeing Maggie come toward her.

"Dr. Grey, I wanted to make sure you were okay after surgery yesterday," Maggie said kindly.

We can't do this," Meredith said interrupting her.

Maggie looked at her confused, "Do what?"

"The thing where we get to know each other. I know you know," she took a deep breath. "I know you know I'm your half-sister."

"Wait, how do you..." Maggie began before being cut off by Meredith.

"Look you seem sweet, but I don't do sisters. I had a sister and she died. Lexie Grey was my sister. I don't handle the half-sister relationship where you try to get to know me very well. This isn't some long-lost reunion where we're going to talk about my mother. You were not raised by her. She wasn't a good mother. She was a surgeon, not a mother. I was the screwed up teenager, who disappointed her all the time. You're a prodigy. You skipped grades and now run the Cardio Department. I'm just an Attending. You're the one she should have kept. I don't know you and I don't want to know you," Meredith said honestly without thinking. I'm sorry. I have to go," she apologized walking quickly toward the elevator. She pressed the elevator button hoping she would be on it before she had to talk to Maggie.

"Dr. Grey," Maggie began calmly walking over to her. "Your mother is also mine and I have a lot of questions."

"Well, then go ask your father, Richard Webber."

She turned on her heel and walked into the empty elevator. "Wait, what?" Maggie asked as the door shut.

* * *

Meredith was pissed off. She was itching to bit off the head of the next person she talked too. Unfortunately, it was Richard.

"Morning, Meredith," he greeted cheerfully.

Meredith couldn't hold it in any longer. "Oh yeah, my mornings been great," she seethed. "Your daughter had the audacity to corner me in the lobby and want to know about my mother. I told her to come and find you," she blurted walking past him.

"Meredith!" Richard yelled after her. "GREY!" He was about to follow her when he heard a voice behind him.

"Dr. Webber Meredith said to come and find you. She said- she said you were my father."

"Uh," Richard was speechless. "We should go somewhere more private," he said as he looked at the spectacle Meredith had left in her wake. "Let's go find an empty conference room."

* * *

Meredith walked into the attending's longue still angry.

"Whoa, Mer," Alex said noticing how angry she was. "What did Derek do now?"

"Nothing," Meredith answered. "This isn't about Derek," she grumbled. "Today anyway," she amended.

"Well, something has you raging. I could hear you from down the hall," Alex teased taking a sip of coffee.

"Well, I'm sure the entire hospital knows by now," she grumbled. "Maggie Pierce, the new Cardio Head is my half-sister and Richards daughter."

"We knew you're mom was banging Richard, but he really knocked her up too?" Alex asked disgusted.

Meredith hit him upside the head. "Ouch," he said rubbing his head.

"I don't care, Alex." She took a deep breath and felt her resolve breaking as tears spilled over her cheeks.

"Mer," Alex said hugging her, "It'll be okay."

"I wish I was an orphan. No parents equals no problems," she cried into his chest.

"I understand shitty parents," Alex reminded her gently. "Mer, look at me." She looked up and he continued, "It will be okay."

"You sound like Derek," Meredith said sniffling. "I've cried too much recently."

"Thanks Mer for the freaking snot on my scrubs," he said smiling. "You know you're the only person I'd allow to cry on my scrubs." Alex's pager went off. "Before I go," he said checking it, "Is she hot? Your other half-sister?" he teased.

"Get out, Alex," Meredith said smacking him on the arm. "You are not allowed to even ___talk_ to Dr. Pierce."

Whatever, Mer," Alex winked as he left the room leaving her alone.

"Dr. Grey," Edwards greeted from the doorway, "Webber said I'd find you up here."

"I'm not talking to Webber," Meredith stated clipping her badge on her white coat. "He's an ass."

"Oh kay," Edwards looked at Dr. Grey trying to understand what her problem was.

"Edwards stop staring. It's annoying," she said evenly. "I'm not talking to Richard Webber today. I assume you're on my service?"

"Yes, Dr. Grey."

"Good we're going to in the lab."

Edwards grimaced. Being locked up all day with Meredith Grey, who by all accounts was beyond aggravated did not sound like fun.

"Edwards, let's go," she commanded as they walked toward the lab where her 3D printer lived.

"Dr. Grey, if you don't mind I'd like to scrub in on an actual surgery today."

"Fine," she said as her eyes narrowed. "Effective immediately, you're off my service."

Edwards looked dejected. "Okay," she said walking down toward the surgical wing.

"Great," Meredith mumbled, "now, I have a copious amounts of work to do alone."

She wasn't feeling portal vein printing at the moment. She called Derek hoping he wasn't doing anything for the President at the moment.

"Hey," he greeted happily. "How's the research coming?"

"It's non-existent. I was about to go into my lab... but then Edwards asked off my service for surgeries."

"Ouch," Derek could sympathize. "Her loss Mer. I happen to know you're an excellent teacher."

"I learned from the best," she said walking up the back stairwell. "Are you in your office?"

"Yeah, just doing research. Why?"

"Because I had a huge fight with Richard after telling Maggie off."

"No," Derek said in shock. "You didn't?"

"I did. I was a total jerk. I said she was lucky she was adopted because she didn't have to grow up with Ellis Grey as a mother. All she wanted was information about her and I didn't want to give it to her so I told her to ask her father."

"Mer, you didn't?" Derek was speechless.

"Derek, I threw up four times today. ___I'm tired_. Bailey bit me when I tried to put on his shoes this morning and Zola over-poured the milk in her cereal spilling it all over the floor. I really couldn't handle a run in with another sister. I feel bad about being such a bitch," Meredith admitted. "I was really mean."

Derek was going to respond until he saw her hovering in the doorway. She shut off her phone and tucked it into her pocket, "Plus," she continued. "Alex wants to bang Maggie."

"I hope you punched him," Derek said seriously.

"Don't worry, I smacked him. Open palm hurts."

Meredith came inside and shut the door behind her and collapsed on his couch. "Seriously, Derek I'm a monster. I don't know why you put up with my crap."

"Meredith," Derek got up and sat next to her. "If you haven't realized this by now you never will," he studied her. "I love you."

Meredith smiled. "I know. But seriously, I can't do this again."

Meredith's eyes landed on Derek's desk. There was a framed picture of all four of them, smiling happily into the camera.

"That was Thanksgiving," Meredith said as she pointed to the frame. "I think that's also the first picture of just the four of us."

"It is," Derek said. "We have a ton of pictures of Bailey and Zola but this one is all of us."

"We should use that as our Christmas Card or something this year," Meredith said surprising Derek.

"I didn't know we were christmas card people," Derek said scratching his head.

"We could be," Meredith stated softly. "Cristina would torture me for months if I sent it to her."

"That's an understatement," Derek said laughing.

"She already thinks I'm insane for giving up surgeries to spend time with our kids," Meredith said remembering the harsh insults Cristina threw at her.

"Priorities shift, Meredith. It just happens."

"Derek, I don't want to be a bitch. I don't want to hate Maggie, but I do. I freaking hate her and I'm jealous that her father is Richard because he's the closest thing to an actual dad I've ever had."

"Ah," Derek looked a Meredith. "I get it now."

"Care to share? Because I don't understand how my brain works," Meredith said. "Besides this pregnancy thing is messing with my head."

Derek tilted his chin at her. "Richard has been your surrogate father for years."

"Your right," Meredith realized. "I'm a thirty-six year old child with daddy issues. I should probably resume therapy with Dr. Wyatt."

"I'm a good listener," Derek reminded her. "Besides there are no more free visits."

"We own the hospital. I should at least get free psych services. Why didn't we put that in our contracts?"

Derek gave her a kiss. "You need to relax."

"Kind of hard to do Derek."

"And don't placate me with a kiss. I'm not a child."

You've proven that over and over, Mer," Derek whispered sending shivers up her spine. "If I don't go do research we're just going to have sex."

"That's not a bad thing is it?" Derek asked. "Because sex is a great sex reliever."

"Shut up Derek," Meredith retorted kissing him.

* * *

Meredith avoided Richard for the rest of the week. She locked herself in the lab. Mostly she worked on getting the right chemical combination for the synthetic polymer. She found it hard to concentrate and would spend at least an hour in the daycare watching Bailey and Zola play. She hadn't told Derek about what she'd been considering lately.

She didn't want to be here anymore. She couldn't be here anymore. She was thinking about taking Derek up on D.C or maybe New York. He could commute and they'd have help. A lot of help. She needed to gain some perspective and if a year away from Seattle could do that. She'd pick up her life and go and now she just needed to tell Derek.

Derek had just gotten home from the hospital and Meredith was reading on the couch. Like usual, the kids were sound asleep. "I think," Meredith began with a steady voice, "we should move east."

Derek tried to control his temper. "You've got to be kidding me, Meredith."

He could honestly say he hadn't see this one coming.

"Derek, it makes sense. I didn't see it because I didn't know your mom. I didn't see the draw. Honestly, I can't spend another day in that hospital," she confessed. "There are too many memories that I don't want to be haunted by."

"Is this you avoiding things?" Derek asked as his anger abated. He knew this was typical Meredith. "Because I'm not going to offer you an out based on your sudden change of mind. What about your surgeries? Patients? Your friends?"

"Let's be honest, Alex and Bailey are the only people in that hospital I consider friends. I'm no longer speaking to Richard. George is dead. Izzie is god only knows where. Cristina is in Switzerland." Too many people she had known and loved were gone. "It's time," she whispered softly.

"Is this because the flight to Switzerland is much shorter?" Derek teased.

"Yes Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "That's definitely the only reason," she scoffed.

Derek couldn't figure her out and it was bothering him. "I don't get you."

"I don't think I want to do this anymore. I don't get the surgical high. My research has been at a standstill lately. I'm distracted. I don't really want to miss anymore of Bailey and Zola's lives Derek. Life is too short."

"It is," he agreed wrapping an arm around her.

"I'm not agreeing to DC." Meredith needed to make that clear. "I'll consider New York or even Connecticut."

"I could take the train," Derek mused. "I don't mind commuting. We could do like a four-day DC schedule and three days at home."

"I don't care Derek," Meredith said. "I just don't want to be here."

"There are amazing hospitals in New York. I could easily get you into New York Press. I still have connections there from med school and my residency."

"Just one thing Derek," Meredith said as he planned their future. "No city. My kids are not growing up in Manhattan in a penthouse apartment. We can find a nice suburb," she offered instead.

"Okay, no city," he agreed. "Are you sure?"

"I'm completely sure," Meredith said full of certainty. She wasn't wavering because as of now she was completely done with Seattle.

"Amelia can stay here... Live in our house and do your surgeries."

"I like that plan," he teased. "It sounds familiar."

"Sorry for being indecisive. One minute I'm biting your head off for even considering relocating. Now, I'm all for it. Maybe it's the half-sister thing," she mused.

Derek was silent, letting her ramble on. "I already called your mom who is thrilled at the prospect of you being on the East Coast. She's already looking into neighborhoods."

"So you really are serious?" Derek couldn't believe his ears.

"I'm completely serious."


	4. Fools in Love

Everything came together within two weeks. Meredith and Derek had given their notice but decided to hold onto their shares of the hospital. Together, they appointed Miranda Bailey as their proxy. She would make the decisions for them because they had no desire to telecommute for board meetings. Amelia was surprised by Meredith's sudden desire to get out of Seattle, but she completely understood it. Besides, Derek was going to be working with the President on more of a routine basis and needless to say, the NIH was thrilled.

Derek worked some of his contacts and got Meredith an General Surgery attending position at New York Presbyterian and they closed escrow on a six bedroom house in Greenwich, Connecticut. The house itself was gorgeous. Carolyn see it for them and she immediately fell in love with it and sent pictures. Meredith couldn't deny that the house was picture perfect. Granted, it wasn't the house that Derek built. But this one was close to it.

Meredith had just finished taping the last box of Bailey's clothes. She looked around at the empty nursery Derek had painstakingly painted to surprise her. She didn't get attached to houses but this one was special. It wasn't just her first house... it was her first real home.

"Hey," Derek said watching her from the doorway. "How's it going?"

"I don't think I realized how many clothes Bailey had until I folded them and put them into these boxes. For a tiny person, he has a lot of things."

Derek sat down next to Meredith and looked around. "I was so excited when we found out he was a boy that I went out and bought that mobile," he said pointing to the hockey mobile above the crib.

"I remember," she said putting her head against his chest for comfort. "Remember how freaked out I was when I found those blueprints? Because I thought that the house meant a life I wasn't sure I wanted and now, look at us."

"I can't believe you wanted my crappy babies," she teased remembering his words.

Derek laughed. "Well, now we've got three crappy babies."

"Is this the right decision, Derek?" Meredith asked looking for reassurance. "Granted the hormones are making me insane but are we sure?"

"The only thing I'm sure of," he said kissing her temple, "is that all I need is you, Zola, Bailey, and whoever this one is. I don't need anything else."

"It's just strange, Derek," she confessed. "Seattle is home."

"It's still going to be here, Meredith. This house is still going to be standing... unless Amelia burns it down by cooking waffles or something."

Meredith grinned. "I'm going to miss those waffles," she admitted sadly. "Maybe she can overnight me some?"

"You are strange, Meredith Grey," Derek said chuckling. "So this is it. Are you ready for our next adventure?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Meredith said. "Although, I'm really not looking forward to driving across the country with two kids under five."

"Yeah," Derek agreed. "Do you think we could dope them up on Benadryl so they could sleep through most of it?"

Meredith shook her head. "I'm not giving them drugs, Derek."

"We could always fly," he offered tentatively. Derek hadn't suggested it before because he knew it was an elephant in the room.

Meredith didn't know what to say. She had been on planes since the accident but she hadn't been on a plane with Derek. She didn't know if she could do that. "Meredith, we don't have to," he cut in quickly.

"We haven't taken a flight together since..."

She didn't need to go into it. He knew her fear and he had the same one.

"Our kids would be there too," she reminded him. "I don't want to see their the terror in their eyes before the plane goes down."

"Meredith, it's a big plane. It's a commercial airline. They have tight FAA regulations."

"I'll think about it," Meredith whispered. " But I want drugs. If we all go on the plane," she added. "I need to get on, sleep, and not remember it happened."

Derek nodded. "See that's progress."

Derek pulled her closer, eliminating the space between them. "We can ship the cars out."

Of course, Derek would be thinking logistics. She knew he was thinking about booking the tickets and calling for a quote on how much it would cost to ship the cars. Meredith, however, was thinking about Zola and Bailey.

They were comfortable here. They had grown up in the halls of the hospital, like she had. They had people here and suddenly it didn't seem fair that she was uprooting them. While he was babbling about prices and planes she was also thinking about her new job. The one Derek had pulled strings to get for her. The words _trailing spouse, _echoed in her head. She would be working with strangers. She wouldn't know the layout of the hospital and she wouldn't be with the people she had grown to love over the past 7 years... which was both a blessing and a curse. It would be okay, right?

* * *

"Flight 439 to New York is now boarding," an annoyingly perky voice said through the intercom at the airport.

Today was the day, Meredith Grey, was getting on that plane. Bailey was snuggled into Derek's chest sound asleep while Zola was playing on the iPad.

"Mama, we're going on a plane." Zola said excitedly watching her mother grab the carry-on.

"Yep, love bug, we're going on a plane to New York."

"Is the airplane loud?" Zola asked watching the planes on the runway.

"A little Zola," she answered as she reached for Zola's free hand. "But it will be fun, right?"

"I've been on a plane before," Zola said looking at her mother.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah that's right," she confirmed as a lump was forming in her throat. "You went to Iowa with Aunt Bailey and Uncle Richard."

Zola nodded. "You were in a hospital."

Meredith didn't answer and looked at Derek.

"Yeah, Zo," he said answering for her.

"Mama why were you in the hospital?"

"Mama and Dada were in an accident," Meredith said evenly.

Zola seemed to accept that answer.

Derek looked at her, knowing exactly what she was thinking, "Mer," he said quietly so he wouldn't disturb Bailey. "It'll be fine."

Meredith took a deep breath. "You better hope so, Derek."

"Good Morning," the flight attendant said checking their tickets.

"Mama, what's she doing?" Zola asked pointing to the flight attendant.

"She's checking our tickets Zola," Meredith answered as they went through the double doors and on the plane.

Thankfully, Derek had the sense to at least put them in first class because a six-hour flight without leg room and a baby was going to be difficult. Meredith followed Derek, who handed Bailey over to her so he could put the carry-on in the overhead.

"Mama, these seats are comfy," Zola said as she sat down.

Derek laughed at his daughters observation. "Yeah Zo, this is the best part of the plane."

Meredith took the second seat and clutched Bailey to her chest. "Derek, buckle me," she snapped. Her nerves were suddenly getting the best of her."And reach over and get Zo, too," she said a little nicer.

"Relax, Mer," Derek said as he buckled Zola.

"Mama why are you shaking?" Zola asked noticing her mother's legs were trembling.

"Mama's just nervous Zo," Derek said. "But if you hold onto her arm she'll feel better."

"Don't worry Mama," she said lacing her tiny arm through Meredith's. "It'll be okay. We get to see grandma!" Zola squealed.

"That's right, we will Zo. You can see her anytime you want," Derek responded marveling at Zola's enthusiasm for flying.

Now if only that were contagious, he thought looking at Meredith who clutched the seat rest with her free hand.

"Really?" Zola asked with glee. "That's good."

"You'll also meet all your cousins. They all live in New York," Derek said before the engine of the plane roared to life.

Meredith paled. She felt her stomach lurch and it wasn't because of the morning sickness.

"Derek," she breathed nervously. "I got you, Meredith,"Derek assured her as he put his hand on her thigh. "I've got you," he repeated.

"This flight better be short," Meredith said before the pilot spoke.

"Good Morning, I'm Ted. You're pilot for this flight from Seattle to New York. We're scheduled to land at 2 PM eastern time. Now if you'll direct your attention to the front of the plane, the flight attendants will go over the safety demonstration."

Meredith had seen this thousands of times when she had flown commercial but never paid attention to it until now. She found it hilarious that they actually thought a tiny life jacket that inflated when you blew into a tube would save you. She knew that when a plane crashed that so-called life saving device would be completely useless. Especially if you happened to go down in the middle of the woods.

"That concludes our demonstration," The young flight attendant spoke. "Thank you for flying Delta Airlines."

"Derek," Meredith whispered while watching Zola out of the corner of her eye. "I think we should write a letter and tell them to update their safety protocols."

"Start now, Meredith," he said seriously. "Because since drugs are out you need to occupy your idle mind."

"Too bad we can't have sex," Meredith whispered. "Because that always cures my anxiety."

"I've never done it on a plane," Derek admitted. "But it sounds fun."

"No," Meredith said shaking her head. "Believe me it's not."

"You've done it on a plane?" he whispered in shock.

"Those were the slutty days of my twenties, Derek. This feels weird even talking about," she said pointing to the sleeping baby in her lap. "Little ears remember?"

"But logistically, how does that work?" Derek asked curiously pushing the subject.

"Let's just say it's difficult and you have to be very flexible," Meredith said thinking about how awkward that sexual encounter was.

"Good thing you've got that going for you, Meredith," Derek countered with a sly smile.

"Mama, can you put on the muppet's?" Zola asked trying to find the Netflix app.

Meredith using her one free hand, passed the ipad to Derek, who typed it in.

"Thanks Daddy," Zola said happily when her show started playing on the screen. "Great, six hours of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy," Meredith grumbled quietly to Derek.

"It could be worse," Derek added. "Have you ever watched Dora the Explorer?"

"I cannot stand that show," Meredith grumbled. "I know it's Sofia's favorite but it makes me want to break the television."

Derek chuckled. "Good thing Zola likes the muppet's then."

* * *

For a six-hour flight, it went surprisingly fast. Before she knew it, they were on the ground. Meredith let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding as they descended. "Thank god that's over." Meredith said looking down at Bailey who had recently dozed off again. Zola didn't nap on the plane and Meredith was sure the time change was going to really mess up her sleep schedule.

"Mama, look we landed!" Zola clapped her hands excitedly. "See we're on the ground."

"I see Zo," Meredith said looking out the window at the cement. She was never so happy to see cement in her life.

"See Mer," Derek said holding her hand. "Nothing to be afraid of."

"I'd agree but your ego is already bigger than this plane," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Dada, what's an ego?" Zola asked overhearing their exchange. Derek shrugged. "It's a compliment Zo."

"Derek! Meredith!" A familiar voice called seeing them walking out of the gates. "Over here!" Carolyn said waving her arms to get their attention.

"Grandma!" Zola called excitedly letting go of Derek's hand to greet her grandmother.

"Zola don't run!"

"It's okay," Carolyn said as they got closer, "she's holding on for dear life." She gestured toward the four-year old holding her hostage. "How was the flight?"

Derek smiled. "No complaints."

He looked at Meredith for confirmation. "It was fine. Thankfully, Bailey slept through most of it and Zola entertained us for hours. I think this is the most time she'd had us as a captive audience in ages."

Carolyn laughed. "Life of a surgeon, huh?"

"Something like that," Derek said giving his mother a hug. "Zola, you've got to let your grandmother go."

"It's fine dear," Carolyn said getting eye level with Zola. "How about I carry you?"

"Okay," Zola said as her eyes brightened up.

"She's heavy," Meredith warned. "We should go get our bags."

"How many did you check in?" Carolyn asked settling Zola on her hip. "Just two. Everything else is being shipped."

"Has it been delivered yet?" Carolyn asked. "We sent almost everything last week but I packed a few things yesterday."

"Oh," Carolyn said. "Why don't you stay with me?" she suggested. "It beats going to a house full of boxes."

"We wouldn't want to impose," Meredith said before being cut off by Derek.

"Thanks, Ma," he said accepting her offer.

"Meredith don't ever think you guys are imposing. That's nonsense your family."

* * *

Carolyn Shepard lived about thirty minutes away in Long Island, which actually reminded Meredith of Seattle. Except for the fact that there were no woods or ferry boats of course. Carolyn babbled about Derek's sisters and how they were all planning on bombarding him at one point, like a flock of seagulls. Meredith found the metaphor amusing as she sat in the back seat with Zola and Bailey.

"I'm all for seeing Lizzie," Meredith interjected. "After all she's my favorite."

"I thought Amelia was?" Derek asked turning around, "That was yesterday," Meredith quipped. "Today it's Lizzie. It varies," she said looking out the window. "But let's be honest, Carolyn is my favorite."

"Don't listen to her mom," Derek said laughing. "She's indecisive."

Carolyn looked at Meredith from the front mirror, "Speaking of indecisive what prompted this move? Meredith you seemed so against it."

"Mom, Meredith's obvious impulsivity wasn't in the scope of conversation."

"No, Derek, it's fair question. I realized that I needed a change and Derek's job was too important. Marriage is all about sacrifices, right? I'm taking one for the team."

"And that you had a falling out with your pseudo-father figure and half-sister," Derek supplied.

Carolyn looked confused. "I thought your half-sister died?"

"Lexie did," Meredith bit her thumbnail. "No this is a new half-sister. My mother and Richard had an affair for years. Maggie Pierce, the newest head of Cardio is because of it."

"Wow," Carolyn said absorbing the information. "I take it you had no idea she existed?"

"Nope, none," Meredith confirmed. "It wasn't until recently did I remember my mother was pregnant… Long story."

"Well, that's quite a story," Carolyn said carefully. "You're still keeping the house in Seattle right?"

"Yeah, of course." Meredith and Derek decided that selling their dream house was not an option.

"We still own the hospital but we made Miranda Bailey our proxy. She'll make the decisions for us."

"Oh," Carolyn exclaimed.

"After all," Meredith began, "the hospital is our baby too."

"We did save it from financial ruin," Derek added. "They were going to scrap it for parts," he said.

Suddenly Bailey started crying interrupting their conversation. "Derek," Meredith said springing into action. "Grab the pacifier from my purse."

Derek quickly pulled out the blue pacifier and handed it Meredith who put it in her mouth to clean it off and gave it to Bailey.

"That's gross, my son just literally swapped spit with my wife," Derek quipped.

"Derek, I have no idea what could possibly live in the bottom of my bag. I cleaned it."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself Meredith," Derek said shaking his head.

"Mama, where's my pacifier?"

"Zo, you don't need a pacifier." Zo folded her arms across her chest. "No, I want a pacifier."

"Zola did you know that your cousin Ava is your age and she doesn't have a pacifier anymore?" Carolyn added looking Zola who was pouting in the back seat.

"Really?" Zo asked, looking at her baby brother with envy.

"No." Carolyn answered as they pulled into the driveway of the same house Derek grew up in. "Because she's a big girl now. Like you are. Big girls don't need pacifiers."

"Right, babies need pacifiers," Zola said agreeing with her grandmother.

"Wow, this house is beautiful," Meredith said admiring the brownstone with a garden full of roses. "I love your roses."

"Thank you," Carolyn said shutting the ignition off. "Gardening is sort of like therapy."

"Mom, has a green thumb," Derek added.

"You grew up here, right?" Meredith asked wondering how Derek would ever want to leave this gorgeous house.

"Yeah," Derek opened the door. "Wait until you see the inside."

Meredith unbuckled Zola while Derek got Bailey out of his car seat. They were used to this working in tandem. By now their philosophy was Meredith gets one while Derek gets the other..Meredith didn't want to think about how difficult it was going to be when it was two verse three because now they were evenly matched.

* * *

As soon as Carolyn opened the door to her house, Meredith could picture a small Derek running around the foyer, knocking pictures off the walls by being rough with Mark. "This is so cozy," she said admiring the space. There were so many pictures it was like she was watching Derek and his sister's grow up before her eyes. There were images of Derek at his high school graduation, college graduation, med school graduation, Thanksgivings and Christmases. She even noticed a picture of Bailey and Zola framed on the hallway table.

"Hey, that was Bailey's birth announcement," she uttered in awe."Its the first picture of Zola and Bailey together," Meredith said. "Derek snapped it when I put Bailey in Zola's little arms."

She couldn't believe that Carolyn printed that out and framed it. Her mother would have probably put the announcement in the recycling if she were still alive. .

"Aw," Meredith said stopping at a picture with a young Derek in his band uniform. "You were cute in a very nerdy way."

Meredith, I've seen pictures of you, too," he said as he narrowed his eyes at her. "The pink hair and combat boots was definitely a good look."

"It was the nineties Derek, what did you expect," she laughed and move onto the next picture. "You had braces?" she asked gesturing to a class photo."Our kids could need braces? I thought you always had the perfect hair and teeth thing going on?"

"That picture you're holding is clearly evidence that I did not. I couldn't even get a date to prom," he admitted grimacing. "

" "I hope our prom made up for it," she teased.

"Definitely," Derek said grinning. The exchange was not lost on Carolyn who caught the tail end of their conversation.

"Prom?" she asked confused.

"The hospital had a prom thing for Richard's niece," Meredith said shooting Derek a look.

"Oh, that's sweet." Carolyn said, she turned to Meredith. "Derek can entertain the kids if you want to help me get dinner started."

"My cooking skills have still not improved, Carolyn," Meredith said following after her into the bright blue kitchen.

"You can cut vegetables, right?" she asked.

"Only with a ten blade though," Meredith joked feeling more relaxed now that both feet were on solid ground.

"Surgeon humor," Carolyn chuckled getting out the steaks. "You're grilling?" Meredith asked.

"No Derek is but he doesn't know it yet," Carolyn said as she laid out the steaks to thaw.

"I see," Meredith said starting on the carrots, "Tell me more about little Derek," she said chopping one into perfectly even slices. "He doesn't talk about his childhood much and nows my chance to get the real version."

Carolyn rummaged through the cabinet for a pan so she could speed up the thawing process. "Derek was a handful," she said turning the burner on. "He was this ball of energy and constantly getting used as his sisters doll."

"I can imagine," Meredith laughed. "Amelia told me she used to make him have tea parties with her."

"Those two were thick as thieves," Carolyn turned to Meredith. "Derek was seven when she was born and he was excited to finally be the big brother. He was close with Lizzie, but then she became a teenager and lost interest in playing with her brother. She found boys and ditched Derek. I have to say, thank god for Mark, he added some much-needed testosterone into our house."

"Mark had plenty of testosterone," Meredith quipped. "He was like a horny teenager all the time."

Carolyn shook her head laughing. "I told him that, once or twice. Anyway, Derek still would include Amelia on his and Marks adventures. One time I caught the three of them putting a frog into the microwave." She chuckled at the memory. "I couldn't decide if they were all destined to be mass murders of crazy scientists. I guess, they were definitely the latter."

"Amelia said they had a falling out when they were teenagers." Meredith remembered a recent conversation with Amelia about her drug problem.

"Yeah, they" Carolyn looked at Meredith. "You'd think they would have gotten closer after witnessing their father get shot," she said sadly. "Amelia and Derek used to go to my husbands store to stalk the shelves or just help with cleaning. They were there one night when a man came in and shot, Christopher, my husband."

The dots were now connecting. "Derek's dad was shot in front of him," Meredith stated in shock. "That explains so much."

"What do you mean, Meredith?" Carolyn prompted putting down the fork she was using to turn the stakes over.

"It's just after the hospital shooting... Derek was coming off anesthesia and he asked if Amy was okay." Meredith felt her chest ache. Derek survived one crazy gun man only to become attacked by another one. "I didn't understand what he was talking about. I asked him about it, but he deflected. He played dumb. Ironically, he didn't remember me offering my life for his either."

Carolyn was silent. There was so much left unsaid after the shooting. There was so much pain and grief.

"He didn't call," Carolyn said remembering the day she watched it on the news. "I called him so many times, but he never answered. He never called me back."

"I know," Meredith said. "That was the worst phone call I ever had to make in my life."

"Even after he woke up though, Meredith, he never called." Carolyn's eyes started watering. "I thought he would reach out and talk to me, but he didn't."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "If it makes you feel any better he didn't talk to me about it either. Derek was careless with his life and his driving. I ended up leaving him in jail for reckless endangerment," Meredith looked at Carolyn who raised her eyebrows. "He was driving over a hundred and twenty miles per hour," Meredith explained. "And it was the third time this had happened so I left him in a jail cell because I knew he'd be safe in there for at least twenty-four hours." Meredith looked at Carolyn who had a sad expression on her face.

"You didn't know any of this…" She trailed off concentrating on cutting the cucumber in front of her. "How did he stop?" Carolyn asked breaking the silence.

"The driving?" Meredith asked. Carolyn nodded in confirmation.

"Well, uh, I told him about the miscarriage... We were pregnant and I had just found out on that _day_..." Meredith stopped cutting. "It's not exactly dinner table conversation," Meredith added with a shrug.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Carolyn said walking over to hug her. Meredith wasn't a huggy person in general but felt better in the arms of her mother-in-law.

"It's okay," Meredith said. "I've come to terms with it. But you know, I was pissed for a really long time. The anger was concealing the grief. I didn't know I wanted a child until I lost it."

"Hey," Derek interrupted holding a wailing Bailey, "I have a kid-" Derek looked from his wife to his mother. "Why do I have the feeling I'm interrupting a moment?"

"That's because you are," Meredith said taking Bailey in her arms. "Bailey," she said using the voice only reserved for his crying. "it's okay," she soothed rocking him back and fourth. She looked at Derek, "Where's Zo?"

"Probably coloring on the coffee table by now," Derek said looking at his son who seemed perfectly content. "Seriously Meredith, how the hell do you do that? I even put the Muppet's on the iPad."

"It's a mom thing," Meredith smirked. "I mean really, you spend nine months growing a person and naturally a bond is going to develop."

"Yeah well, I'm jealous." Derek admitted.

"Derek you were the same way," Carolyn interjected. "You barely let me put you down."

"See it's a genetic Shepherd thing," Meredith rocked on the heels of her feet. "Because honestly, my mother rarely held me. She passed me off to my father all the time. I should go check on the Zola damage," she added before she left the kitchen leaving Derek and his mother some time to talk.

* * *

Hours later after dinner, Meredith had just tucked Zola and Bailey into bed and felt a hand on her lower back. "Meredith," Derek whispered softly, "You told my mother."

There wasn't anger just sadness in his eyes. Meredith moved away from the guest room. "I did," she admitted. "I don't even know how the topic came up but we talked about what happened that day. I told her about you asking for Amy after your operation."

"I remember," Derek said quietly as they walked down the hall to his bedroom.

"I lied and said I didn't remember saying it." Derek opened the door to his old room now used as another guest room. They both collapsed onto the king sized bed.

"We never talked about after," Meredith sighed. "You never called your mother back and it bothered me. We have this shared horrific experience and we never talked about it. We just had sex, lots and lots of sex. You and I are terrible communicators and great avoiders.."

"Meredith, I couldn't talk about it. I felt responsible. People died on my watch. I told Lexie to unplug his wife. This never would have happened, if it weren't for me."

"When I saw him shoot you…" she took a breath. "I thought you were gone."

"I can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt for you," Derek said pulling her close. "I had no idea what you were going through," he said referring to the miscarriage.

"Yeah," Meredith put her palm on her stomach. "It was like suddenly I was empty. I didn't want babies. But then you changed me and I wanted _your_ babies."

"Mer, I'm sorry for being such an asshole after everything. I was so wrapped up in my pain to see yours."

"Derek, it's water under the bridge or whatever," she said with a laugh. "I can never get that saying right."

"No, you got it this time." Derek smiled. "I love you, Mer," he said kissing her gently.

Meredith snuggled into the crook of his body engulfed in a scent that was purely Derek. She closed her eyes and let herself succumb to sleep. After all, tomorrow would be a rather exhausting day.

* * *

The new house was even more perfect in person. "Wow," she exclaimed as they drove up to the gorgeous white colonial. "It's amazing."

It wasn't Seattle, but Meredith had a good feeling about this house. "Seriously, you're mother is-"

"The best?" Derek said cutting her off. " I know and the mover's unpacked everything for us," he added.

"Mama is this home?"Zola asked from the back seat.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, Zo it's our new house."

"Daddy said we can get a puppy," Zola reminded her.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, "I hate you for suggesting that."

"You love me," Derek said smiling.

"Whatever, the dogs going to be your responsibility. Don't ask me to do one thing. I'm too busy growing your kid."

"Mer, I promise the dog is going to be my problem and not yours."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "That's how it starts," she said opening the door. "Believe me.

Derek opened his door as Meredith unbuckled Bailey. "I really don't understand why you promised her dog. Isn't another brother or sister, enough?"

Derek unbuckled Zola, ignoring his wife's obvious glare. "What do you say, Zo, ready to see the new house?"

Zola nodded. "It's pretty, Dada."

Derek picked up Zola and placed her on his hip. "Just wait until you see the backyard."

"Dada," Zola began as she looked around at the houses on the street, "Why are there so many houses?"

"Zola we don't live out in the woods anymore, remember? This is a neighborhood like when you go to Uncle Alex's house."

"Why are these houses so big?" Zola asked looking across the street at a very ostentatious mansion with very expensive cars parked in the driveway. "Because Zola, our neighbors are pretty wealthy."

Derek could see his daughter try to understand what he had just said, but she looked even more confused. "Derek, a four-year old doesn't understand what having money means," Meredith said as she walked up the steps and into the house leaving Derek with a confused toddler.

"Dada, can we go find mama?" Zola asked watching her mother go inside.

Derek nodded grateful that he didn't have to confuse Zola even more.

Derek wasn't a materialistic man. He lived in a trailer, out in the middle of the woods for over two years. He knew what it was like to have money... but to him it didn't matter. He knew it meant very little to Meredith too. He suddenly wondered why they chose to live in the most expensive neighborhood outside of New York. Meredith didn't do her research. And to be honest, his mother didn't either.

"Mer," Derek called entering the hallway, "What do you think?" Derek heard her footsteps before he saw her, "I love it," she declared. "Seriously, this house is amazing."

"So you said," he teased. "Mer, you don't think it's a bit much?"

"It's a bit understated in this neighborhood, at least according to the realtor." Meredith looked at Zola.

"I just hope we can keep our kids as grounded as possible. Money has the ability to change people," she sighed.

Derek nodded. "But with us as their parents, they'll be okay." Meredith moved toward the stairwell, "I'm going to call Cristina," she said softly. "She wanted to hear about the new house."

"Where's Bailey?"

"He's in his new room." She pointed upstairs. "The movers did an excellent job with the furniture."

"That's good," Derek said running his hands through his hair.

"Derek, you keep doing that, and you'll cause your hair to thin out," she warned laughing.

"Just go talk to Cristina, Mer. I'm going to show Zola the backyard." He took the toddler's hand and together they walked toward the back porch.

* * *

"So," Cristina said chewing on a carrot. "How is the house? Good enough for the McDreamy's?"

"Cris, the pictures didn't do it justice. It's not the house that Derek built but it's close to perfect."

"You guys are so," she paused thinking for the right word but came up empty. "it's absolutely sickening," Cristina commented before taking another bite of her carrot. "I kind of hate you."

Meredith laughed. "You don't. You're printing baby hearts with unlimited funding," Meredith reminded her. "You're doing exactly what you should be doing."

"Yeah, well," Cristina began, "so are you."

Meredith was quiet. If she were being honest she was a little jealous of her best friend. "Derek told Zola we'd get a puppy."

Christina started chuckling. "Seriously? That's insane. You're going to be busy enough with a new job, a pregnancy, and two toddlers."

"Thank you!' Meredith declared putting her hands up. "Finally someone see's it my way."

"How's the baby?" Cristina asked curiously.

Meredith put a hand on her stomach. "Driving me nuts. I'm puking all the time and he or she is exhausting. I forgot how much this sucks."

"Yeah well, a few more weeks until you're in the second trimester," Cristina said. "Then the fun starts."

Meredith started blushing thinking of all the sex she was going to be having with her husband. "I know what you're thinking Mer," Cristina said laughing. "I hope for your sake he's home enough for you. It's not like you have the hospital on-call rooms this time."

Meredith sighed. "Shit, I never thought of that. Great, I'm going to be horny with no release."

""It's a shame," Cristina said sarcastically. "When does the new job start?"

"Monday," Meredith said. "I'm not going to know anyone or have Derek there…"

"That's sort of the point of a new job, Mer. It's _new,_" Cristina said bluntly. "Besides, it might be good for you two to separate. You won't be the center of gossip anymore," Cristina chirped. "I wonder how Grey-Sloan will handle their two best gossip subjects being thousands of miles away."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Somehow I feel like we'll still be gossip subjects, Cris."

"I hope you have good interns," Cristina said. "Because I know how much that can suck."

"You're lucky you don't have to deal with interns," Meredith sighed. "I hate being a bitch."

"Mer, you love it," Cristina chuckled. "I wonder what they are going to call you," Cristina mused. "Because Medusa was a killer nickname."

"I know," Meredith said remembering, "Poor Wilson was petrified of me."

"It's good to instill fear in the baby doctors," Cristina added.

"I'm more nervous for Zola and Bailey," Meredith looked at Cristina. "They start daycare next week at the hospital. I can handle the newness, but they are probably going to freak."

"Well, you could always pop in when you were free," Cristina suggested. "Eat lunch with them, you know that sort of thing."

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "That's not a bad idea."

"I'm full of good idea's, Mer," Cristina teased. "I also booked my flight for Bailey's birthday."

"When are you coming?"

"August 4th," Cristina smiled, "My flight gets in at six."

"Good," Meredith said. "I'll pick you up at the airport. Bailey will be awake, too."

"I miss you, Cristina," Meredith said beaming.

"Ugh gross, the baby has already turned you into a sap," Cristina shook her head.

"But for the record, I kind of miss you too," Cristina said hanging up.

"How's Cristina?" Derek asked hovering in the doorway.

Meredith jumped at the sound of Derek's voice. "Way to scare the crap out of me."

"Sorry," Derek said sitting down on their bed. "So you like the house?"

"Derek, I like the house," she repeated for the millionth time. "Anywhere with my family is fine with me."

"Good," Derek said giving her a gentle kiss. "Because the same goes for me." He traced the outline of her jaw. "I just got a call from Ray and he needs me to start on Monday."

Meredith felt her stomach drop. "Derek you were going to stay with the kids!"

"My mom will take them," he added. "She was more than happy to take them."

"I don't want to pawn our kids off on your mother all the time Derek," Meredith said pulling away from him.

"Meredith, she seriously doesn't mind. She gets to hangout with them and make up for lost time."

"Oh," Meredith said calming down. "Then I guess it's okay," she conceded.

"The other option was hospital Daycare," Derek said. "But that might be too much for you," he said. "You'd be more worried about the kids then work."

"That's not true-" Meredith began until she realized he was right. "Yeah, fine okay."

"Meredith Grey, I know you."

"So?" Meredith countered. "Sometimes I feel like we know each other too well."

"Aren't we supposed to?"

"No, it's not a bad thing, Derek," she said laughing. "It's very good thing," she said silencing him with a kiss.

* * *

Monday came too fast. Meredith woke up before her alarm clock, and rushed into the bathroom for her normally scheduled puke session.

"Mer, are you okay?" Derek rubbed his eyes and saw his wife crouched over the toilet seat looking exhausted. "I don't think that was just the baby, Derek. I'm really nervous," she admitted quietly feeling really vulnerable. Derek sat down next to her on the tile floor and rubbed her back. "You'll be okay, Mer," he said softly. "I promise."

"What if this was just a mistake?" Meredith asked before she realized the question escaped her lips.

"Meredith, relax," Derek said without answering. "You're pregnant, exhausted and start a new job today."

"Way to state the obvious, Derek," Meredith moaned sarcastically as another wave of nausea washed over her. "It's just a lot of new," she confessed. "New house, hospital, schedule, jobs…" she paused. "It's hard."

"Meredith, you're going to be fine. You're a great surgeon, you know what you're doing in that OR." Derek got up and went to the sink and poured her a glass of tap water, "Besides, you're not completely alone today, Mer." He handed her the glass. "You've got baby Shepherd with you."

"You're a cheese ball," Meredith said smiling. "It's why you love me," Derek added.

On cue, Bailey started crying from the other room. "I'll get him," Derek said as Meredith struggled to sit up.

As soon as he was gone, Meredith pushed herself against the wall and took a deep breath. She knew she'd be fine. She got up and tried not to think about how crappy she felt. After all, Cristina always said it was mind over matter. Meredith brushed her teeth then headed into the bedroom. She grabbed a pair of jeans and slid her pajama bottoms off. She pulled the jeans up to her waist until she realized the button would not button.

"Damn it," she swore to herself. She heard Derek laughing as he watched her from the doorway.

"This isn't funny," she seethed. "It's your fault." She put a hand on her bump, which seemed to have grown more overnight.

Derek went over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of her yoga pants. "I was hoping to keep wearing jeans a little longer," she sighed as she shimmied out her jeans. "I feel huge," she grumbled pulling her pants on. She walked over to the closet where some of her clothes were hanging and grabbed Derek's Columbia sweatshirt. She stalked to the dresser in search of a bra. She felt her Derek's hands around her. "Cut it out," she scolded pulling away from him. "I need to get dressed. Apparently, I have to wear sweats because that's all that fits."

She unbuttoned her pajama top and clipped her bra on. She slid the sweatshirt over her head and threw her hair into a ponytail. "Some respectable general surgeon I am," she mused as she stood in front of the mirror. She glared at Derek who had watched her get ready. "Stop staring Derek," she snapped. "Normally, I'd find it cute, but now you're just pissing me off."

"Mer, you look beautiful," she sighed. She didn't feel beautiful. She put on her converse and walked downstairs ignoring Derek, until he stopped her and gave her a kiss.

"Fine," she shrugged. "You're forgiven. Especially because I can't kiss you like that at the hospital. You realize this is the first time in eight years we haven't worked together?"

Derek nodded. "I was thinking about that last night."

"Me too. It's all just weird." She looked at her watch. "I should probably go." She knew the city traffic was going to be a nightmare. "Kiss Zo and Bailey for me?"

"Of course," Derek pulled her into a hug. "Uh, Derek, you can let me go now," Meredith said squirming out of his grasp. "I can't be late."

"Have fun today," he called as she walked downstairs. "You too Derek."

* * *

The traffic into the city wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. She ended up being twenty minutes early, which was great because that meant she could start the paperwork early and be done with human resources by 7:30.

She walked into the hospital and was greeted by a very friendly receptionist, "Hi, what can I help you with?"

"I'm here to see Dr. Kavanaugh," she said more confidently than she felt.

"Ah, yes. You must be Dr. Grey," the young woman said. "She asked me to personally walk you to his office."

"You really don't have to," Meredith said as the girl got out of her chair.

"Nonsense," she said. "Abby here can hold down the fort." She looked at the woman next to her tapping away on the computer seemingly absorbed in whatever she'd been doing.

"How do you like New York so far?" the girl said conversationally.

"To be honest, I haven't seen much of it. My husband and I just moved from Seattle," she said as they stepped on the elevator.

"Wow, that's a big move," The girl said hitting the button for the fourth floor. "I've never been to Seattle."

The elevator dinged and Meredith followed the girl down the hallway, trying to memorize room numbers so she would be able to figure out how to get back here if she needed too.

"Dr. Kavanaugh's office is over here," the girl said pointing the first door on the left. "If you need anything else, Dr. Grey, let me know. I'm Abby."

Meredith knocked on the hardwood door, and waited. "Come in!" A warm voice bellowed.

Meredith opened the door, gently, "Hi," she said entering the rather large office.

"You must be Meredith Grey," a tall African-American woman said extending her hand. "I'm Lucy Kavanagh," she greeted.

Meredith took her hand and gave a firm handshake. "We're happy to have you here, Meredith," Lucy said taking a seat. "I've heard a lot of good things about you and Richard Weber gave you a wonderful recommendation."

Meredith nodded as she took a seat opposite her new boss. "So, here's the orientation and welcome packet," she said handing her a blue folder. "I also have your contract ready," she said as she slid a piece of paper toward Meredith. "I hope you find the salary package competitive."

Meredith quickly skimmed the contract skipping over the legalese and finding the number. It was staggering. "Whoa," she breathed.

"Good right?" Lucy said smiling. "We are lucky to have you. Your husband spoke highly of your surgical skills and I trust Derek Shepherd's judgement."

Meredith could only nod. The amount of money she was offered was twice as big as her offer from Boston.

"I was in his intern class," Lucy said watching Meredith read her contract. "He was the best one out of all of us, too."

Meredith looked up. "Really?" Meredith found it oddly comforting that the woman in front of her had a past with Derek.

"Yeah," she said seriously. "He showed us all up all the time," she said with a laugh."I was always second, too."

"That's hilarious," Meredith mused. "I won't tell him that, though. He's already got a big ego," she said grinning.

"He's working for the President now," Lucy said smiling. "Of course he's going to have a big head."

"That's true," Meredith said in agreement. She grabbed the pen and scribbled her name. "Perfect," Lucy said as Meredith handed her the contract. "Okay so now, you have HR and Legal. That's on the second floor and their on the same office," she said. "Then you'll get scrubs, a locker, and your new ID badge. Then come back here, I'll take you to meet your boss, Dr. Ireland."

"Okay," Meredith said getting up. "It was really nice to meet you, Dr. Kavanaugh."

Lucy Kavanagh smiled and watched as her newest employee headed toward HR. She just hoped she wouldn't get lost.

* * *

Meredith did get lost. She wandered around for five minutes until she realized she missed the door. After signing more paperwork she got her ID badge and was handed a pair of dark red scrubs, reminiscent of the oncology scubs. She suddenly missed her navy ones. She was then handed a key for her new locker, and was directed towards the attendings longue. Thankfully, this time she didn't get lost.

She pushed open the door and found herself face to face with someone she didn't expect to see. "Addison, what are you doing here?" Meredith asked.

"Hello to you too, Grey," Addison said in her salmon colored scrubs taking a sip of coffee. Unlike Meredith, Addison looked well rested and put together.

"I just mean, wow," she said. "Derek didn't tell me you'd be here." She found her locker and hung up her old tote bag. "That's because I haven't talked to Derek in ages, Meredith," Addison said calmly. "I have to admit, I'm curious...why you're here?"

"Derek got a job working for President Grant. He's doing the brain mapping project," Meredith said simply. It was the easiest answer to give.

"Ah," Addison said smiling. "That makes sense. Good for him."

"So we moved out here to be closer to DC," Meredith said. "The commuting was brutal."

"I bet," Addison said taking a sip of her coffee. She looked at Meredith and smiled. "Congratulations, Grey."

Meredith looked at her in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I can tell," she said simply. "How far along are you?"

Meredith subconsciously put her hand on her abdomen. "Ten weeks today. And how could you tell?"

"Seriously, Meredith? You've been on my service." She laughed. "Plus you looked different. Sometimes it obvious in a subtle way."

Meredith chuckled. Never in a million years did she imagine having this conversation with her husbands ex-wife.

"Derek must be thrilled," Addison said without any bitterness.

"Oh yeah," Meredith said. "Ecstatic."

"Zola must love that she's going to be a sister."

"She is," Meredith said, "Once we brought Bailey home she started asking for another sibling."

Addison raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow. "Bailey?"

"Derek Bailey Shepherd," Meredith pulled out her phone and showed Addison the most recent picture of Bailey. "He's 11 months today actually."

"Wow," Addison said surprised. "He looks just like you."

"I think so too," Meredith said. "Derek was disappointed that he didn't have his hair."

Addison laughed. "That's hilarious."

"I'm actually glad you're here," Meredith confessed. "I seriously have no idea where anything is and it's nice to see a familiar face."

"Even if it's your husbands ex-wife?" Addison joked.

"Who would have thought we'd have a civil conversation?" Meredith said laughing.

"I always liked you, Meredith," Addison added. "I thought we could have been friends if it weren't for you know," Addison said without dredging old wounds up.

"Maybe we still can be friends," Meredith offered. "I could use one. Cristina's all the way in Switzerland."

"Yang's in Switzerland?"

"She runs a private hospital," Meredith said. "She has unlimited resources and prints biosynthetic hearts."

"Impressive," Addison said as her beeper went off. "Sorry, Meredith," Addison said getting up.

"I get it," Meredith said understanding.

"Meet me here at noon, I can show you where the cafeteria," Addison offered.

"Okay, that sounds good." Meredith said as Addison rushed out the door leaving her alone in a quiet attendings longue.

Five minutes later she had changed into her red scrubs and suddenly felt like an intruder.

She decided she had a free minute to call Derek who luckily picked up on the first ring. "How's it going?" he asked in greeting.

"It's weird here, Derek," Meredith sighed. "Although I did run into someone familiar…" she paused."You might know her," she said evasively.

Derek shook his head. He had no idea, who Meredith could be talking about.

"It's Addison," Meredith blurted into the phone. There was an abnormally long pause, "Derek, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Derek finally responded. "I thought she was still in LA," he muttered.

"Well, apparently not," Meredith interjected. "Is it weird I'm glad to see her?"

"You're glad to see Addison?" Derek questioned thinking Meredith was definitely going insane.

"I'm not going to instantly be besties with her," Meredith sighed wishing Derek gave her more credit. "It's just nice to have a familiar face," she paused. "And these red scrubs are horrible," she added looking down at herself.

"Ah the General Surgery Scrubs," Derek remembered that the hospital designated different color scrubs per department. "Mer, if it makes you feel better, neurology wears gray scrubs."

"That's dull," Meredith commented. "I even had to get a medium," she looked down at the loose fitting uniform. "Derek, I'm a small," she whined. "Sometimes and extra small."

Derek snickered. "Not helpful," Meredith scolded. "How were the kids?"

"Excited to spend the day with my mother."

"Good did you tell her-"

"About Zola's habit of sticking things up her nose? And Baileys ability to get into everything he shouldn't?" He interjected. "Because I'm pretty sure we reminded her a million times and wrote everything down."

"Sorry I'm just being-"

"Overprotective?" Derek supplied chuckling. "It's cute," he added.

"You know, I don't think we've had any adult conversation that doesn't involve surgeries or our kids in a while," Meredith said sighing into the receiver. "I'm beginning to question how we used to communicate…"

"Meredith, we didn't communicate," Derek said frowning.

"Right, the sex and mockery," Meredith shook her head. "I can't believe we thought that was a good idea."

"It was your fault," Derek supplied. "You were a bolter. We'd take a step forward and then ten steps back."

"Whatever, Derek," Meredith checked her watch. "Oh shit, I'm going to be late. I need to go meet Kavanaugh and the General Head."

"I wonder if it's still Jones," Derek mused. "Mer, I have to go."

"Talk to you later, Derek." Meredith said hanging up and slipping her phone into her lab coat ready for her first day.

* * *

Meredith Grey had never felt so exhausted. Her first shift was grueling, emotionally and physically because of her trauma certification she spent her 15 hour shift in the Emergency Room, which incidentally was, nothing like she had ever experienced before.

Her first case was a ten year old girl. with a gunshot wound to the abdomen. She was lucky the bullet didn't perforate anything. Her second case was a thirty-two year old male with a stab wound. Nothing said "Welcome to New York" like a gunshot wound and a stabbing. Meredith couldn't wait to go home, kiss her kids and take a bath, hopefully with her husband. Although, as soon as she opened the door, her plans were derailed.

"Hi Meredith," Carolyn greeted sitting on the couch and flicking through the channels. "Derek isn't coming home tonight?" Meredith asked trying to hide her disappointment.

Carolyn shook her head. "No."

Great, he promised it would be different. "How were Zola and Bailey?" Meredith yawned. "They were good, we went to the park down the street. Zola didn't stick anything up her nose." Carolyn smiled. "And Bailey didn't leave my sight. He is really quick though," Carolyn added.

Meredith shook her head in agreement. "He is."

"You know, I could stay here tonight, if it would be easier for you," she offered gesturing to the couch. "It wouldn't be a problem."

"We have enough beds, Carolyn," Meredith said smiling. "Take one of the guest rooms," she paused as she looked at her mother in law before she tuned towards the stairs. "Thank you," she said gratefully.

"Not a problem, Meredith."

* * *

Meredith gently climbed the stairs, trying not to disturb Zola who was a light sleeper. She didn't realize one of the stairs creaked… loudly. Shit, she swore silently. "Mama!" Zola cried running into her mother.

Apparently she was still awake. "Hi baby," Meredith whispered. "Aren't you supposed to be sleeping." Meredith folded her arms. "I was but I needed you to tuck me in," Zola said with a pout.

Meredith grinned. She picked up Zola and maneuvered her on her hip. "How about you sleep with me tonight?"

"Really?" Zola asked with excitement. "Just me and you, Mama?"

Meredith kissed her daughter's forehead, "Of course."

"Where's Dada?" Zola asked furrowing her brow. "He's at work," Meredith sighed as she walked into their bedroom.

"He's with the president," Zola stated sleepily.

"Yeah, Zo," Meredith grumbled. "He's with the president."

Meredith didn't even need to change, she figured her sweats were fine to sleep in. She didn't have the energy to move once she laid down on the bed.

Zola cuddled in next to her. "Mama," she whispered as she put her arm around Meredith's waist. "Why are you bigger? I can't put my arm around you," she said matter-of-factly.

"Zo, you know how Bailey came out of my tummy?" Zola nodded looking at her with curiosity. "Well, you are going to have another brother or sister."

"A brother and a sister?"

Meredith laughed. "Just one, Zo." she said hoping that was true. Zola snuggled into her mother and smiled.

"Sister," she said softly as Meredith rubbed her back.

"We'll see."

* * *

"Mama," Zola said poking Meredith in the ribs, "Up."

"We're going to have to work on how you wake people up Zo," she muttered rolling over.

"Dada's downstairs," Zo said as Meredith got her slippers on.

"Great, it's my elusive husband," she said rubbing her eyes. "Go get dressed Zo," she said, standing up. She padded into her bathroom and didn't feel the urge to throw up. "Good sign," she muttered putting toothpaste on her toothbrush. She saw Derek in the mirror behind her. He looked exhausted, "Hey," he greeted, snaking his arms around her. "Derek," she said pulling away. "You were supposed to be home last night. Wasn't that the point?"

"Meredith," Derek sighed putting his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry. We had a late meeting and so I got a room at the W."

"I hope you get bed bugs from your hotel bed," Meredith muttered walking out of the bathroom.

"Mer," Derek said standing in the bathroom doorway. "I really am sorry," he apologized. "I told Ray that wasn't okay."

"I wanted to come home to you last night and tell you all about my day," Meredith sighed. "I was looking forward to it. We have completely different days now, Derek. We're not a OR away." She looked at him. "I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this..."

"Mer," Derek said gently going over to her. "It's a lot." He pulled her into him. "Tonight, We're going on a real date. See the city. Eat a meal. Talk about something other than surgeries, brains and babies. We won't mention our kids, our lives or our jobs. We're going to just be Derek and Meredith."

Meredith smiled. "I'm done at seven, Derek."

"Wear a dress, Mer," he said as she moved toward their closet. "One that showcases your assets."

Meredith shook her head. "You're such a dirty old man," she teased grabbing a clean t-shirt and her maternity jeans.

"Thanks to your super sperm, I'm in my maternity jeans already. My size two no longer button. And your daughter couldn't put her tiny arms around my waist and asked why I was fat..."

"Really?" Derek laughed. "So. Not. Funny." Meredith said getting her clothes on. "I really hate you."

"I'm going to make it up to you," he promised kissing her.

"You better," Meredith pulled away. "You owe me."

* * *

"Dr. Grey," an intern called as she was going over Dr. Ireland's post-op charts, "Dr. Ireland assigned me to you today."

The young woman standing in front of her looked like she was fresh out of med school. Eager, optimistic, and full of energy even though she had deep bags under her eyes. "Hi," Meredith greeted. "I've got post-ops to cover and a pre-op consult in 342."

Anything I can do?" the young doctor asked.

"You could tell me your name," Meredith said looking at her lab coat for an ID badge. "Sorry," the girl stammered. "I'm Tiffany Winters."

"Interested in general surgery, Dr. Winters?" Meredith asked, handing her the Ipad. "Yes, Doctor Grey," Tiffany nodded. "I'm a fourth year resident and I'm deciding on declaring either this or cardio."

"I didn't make a decision until my fifth year of residency," Meredith said as they walked toward her consult. "I was torn between Neuro and general."

"How did you pick?" Tiffany asked, tucking a stray strand of brown hair behind her ear. "Well," Meredith began, "I liked the pace of general."

"Huh," Tiffany said.

"I thought so, at the time," Meredith said as she opened the door to 342. "Hi," she greeted, "I'm Dr. Grey," she looked at patient and turned to Tiffany. "This is Dr. Winters."

"Oh right," Tiffany nodded, realizing it was her turn to talk. "Michael Keaton, forty-five, pre-op appointment for a laparoscopic Cholecystectomy. He has reoccurring gall stones and this is a permanent solution for his very painful problem," She looked at Meredith. "He's been informed of the risks and I talked to him about post-op procedures."

Meredith nodded. "Do you have any questions for me?"

Mr. Keaton smiled. "I've got one, when can I start chasing after my kids again?"

"Barring any complications, 7-10 days," Meredith answered. "Dont' worry, Mr. Keaton, I'm very good at my job."

"That's good to know, Doc," Mr. Keaton said gratefully. "Dr. Winter's is going to be in charge of your pre-op and post-op care," Meredith looked at Tiffany, "Of course, Dr. Grey."

"Right, well, I'll see you in the OR."

"Dr. Grey," Mr. Keaton began, stopping her in the doorway, "I'll be the one on the table," he joked.

Meredith turned around and chuckled. "I'll be the one with the scalpel," she laughed. "See you soon, Mr. Keaton."

"Dr. Grey," Dr. Winter's called from behind her. "Can I scrub in?"

"Take care of his pre-op and finish rounding on my other patients... and I'll think about," she said turning toward the elevator, and running into someone very unexpected.

"Derek?" Derek wasn't alone, Bailey was in the baby pouch and Zola was clutching his hand.

"Mama!" she cried with her arms outstretched seeing Meredith.

"What are you doing here?" she asked picking Zola. "Mama, Dada took us to see the statue of liberty."

Derek nodded. "I couldn't stay home all day," he said looking at Zola. "Plus this one was restless and Bailey was literally climbing on everything. This," he said pointing at the pouch. "Is the only way I could control him."

"Smart," Meredith commented, "Did you see Dr. Kavanaugh?"

"No not yet, I was giving Zo a tour," Derek smiled. "Running into you was just a bonus."

"I'm glad to see you," Meredith said. "But I have a Cholecystectomy in forty-minutes."

"Oh," Derek looked at Zola, "Mama's got to cut out a gall bladder."

Zola furrowed her little brow, "Ew."

"I was telling Zola about being a little intern," Derek said as the elevator opened. "I showed her the neuro wing and ran into Dr. Kingston, my old mentor."

"Oh," Meredith said as they stepped on the elevator. "I was going to grab a snack or something before surgery, I forgot I hadn't eaten anything."

"We'll join you," Derek said. "The cafeteria on the sixth floor is pretty good. Comparable to Seattle, actually," he mused. "And Mer, you need to eat."

"I know," she sighed. "I just got busy."

"Yeah, well it's not you I'm worried about," Derek smirked.

"Derek, I swear I'll eat," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Today's actually the first day I haven't vomited."

"Mama are you sick?" Zola asked. She knew what throwing up was. "No, Zo, I'm fine."

"Good," Zola said. The elevator dinged, and opened.

"Oh isn't this a coincidence?" she said stepping inside. "You must be Zola?" she asked looking at Zola who buried her head in her mother's neck. "Come on, Zo, you're not shy," Meredith prodded. She looked at Addison. "She's really not."

"It's okay,"Addison said looking at Bailey who was staring at her with his big blue eyes. "You know, Derek, I'm a little disappointed."

Derek looked at Addison with a frown. "I thought you'd have a kids with your hair," she said laughing. Derek glared at Meredith who was cracking up.

"Yeah well, apparently, his hair genes aren't that strong."

"You know, this isn't the most awkward elevator ride we've ever taken," he said smirking. "Right, the worse was with..."

"Rose," Meredith and Addison said in unison. "That was pretty awkward."

"Agreed," Meredith frowned.

"So," Addison said changing the subject. "I heard you ran into Kingston. He never shuts up about you. He thinks your a god."

"Oh god," Meredith groaned. "not good for your already huge ego."

"Just take him down a few pegs, Meredith," Addison suggested as the elevator opened to the fifth floor. "See you around," she said walking away as her heels clicked on the tile.

"I never could understand how she spent all day in those shoes," Meredith wondered as the door shut.

"She's obviously satanic," Derek teased.

"I can barely make it through the day in converse let alone three-inch heels," Meredith mused. "I really don't see how you guys were married."

"Yeah," Derek said thinking. "I don't know either."

* * *

As they made their way to the cafeteria, Meredith couldn't help but notice the stares they were getting. "Uh, it's started... I just saw three nurses ogling you," she whispered as they walked past a the trio of gossiping nurses.

Derek stopped walking and kissed her claiming her public. "I just thought we should give them a reason to talk," he added once he pulled away.

"Derek Shepherd, you're _bad_," Meredith grinned as they walked into the giant cafeteria. "This is like a food court," she said looking at the cafeteria. "You didn't tell me it was like a food court."

"This is the best one," he said looking around.

"Addison took me to the third floor one, the other day, and it does not compare to this."

"Addison only took you there because it's the one on the neonatal floor," Derek said eyeing the pizza station. "Sit here, I'm going to get you a pizza."

"That sounds fantastic," Meredith said seeing a clear table in the back. "Come on, Zo, Dad's buying us lunch."


	5. How We Operate

Mr. Keaton's surgery was a success, and Meredith couldn't wait to go home and celebrate with her husband. Their alone time was long overdue. "Dr. Grey," Tiffany called spotting her attending waiting for the elevator in her street clothes, "I wanted to thank you for letting me scrub in," she said sincerely, "I haven't spent a lot of time in the OR lately," she admitted. Meredith looked at her, she knew there was a story there and didn't want to press the issue. "Don't let any of my patients die tonight and I will let you scrub in with me tomorrow," she said as the elevator opened. "Thank you Dr. Grey," Tiffany smiled, as she walked toward the nurses station.

Meredith felt her phone vibrate. It was a message from Derek: _Meet me in the lobby. You don't need your car._

Meredith smiled, as she walked out into the lobby. She saw Derek right away, he was holding a large white box and wearing a suit. "Don't you look handsome," she said giving him a quick kiss. "What's with the box?"

"Oh," Derek said handing it to her, "It's for you."

She tentatively took the lid off, revealing red tissue paper. She pushed the paper back and pulled out a black dress. It was gorgeous, black deep-v neck with an a line fit. The material was stretchy so she knew it would fit. "There's more in there," Derek said gesturing to the box.

"You got me shoes too," Meredith said as she pulled out a pair of black Jimmy-choo heels. "Derek, you thought of everything," she said staring at the shoes. "I love it," she said honestly, "It's gorgeous."

"Go put it on," he said smiling as he pointed to the bathroom. "Here," she said handing him her canvas bag, "I'll be right back."

Derek nodded, "I know that, Dr. Grey."

Meredith chuckled as she headed toward the bathroom to change. She couldn't believe him. He had obviously put a lot of thought and effort into their date night. The dress fit like a glove as she slipped it over her body. She took her hair out of her ponytail and let it flow freely down her back. The shoes were perfect. They reminded her of the ones she wore to the fake prom, all those years ago. She smoothed the fabric of her dress, checked herself in the mirror, thankful that she put makeup on this morning, and walked out to meet her husband.

"You look-" he stuttered as he pulled at his collar, "I-"

"Brainless brain man," she teased, giving him a quick kiss, "I believe the word you were searching for was good?"

Derek smiled, "Sexy."

"That works too," She said taking her bag from him, "I feel really overdressed for a hospital," she confessed.

Derek just stared at her. "Earth to Derek," Meredith said putting her hand in front of his eyes, "Where are we going?"

"Oh, right," Derek said snapping back into reality. "We're going to Angelo's. It's a restaurant uptown."

"Great, because I'm starving."

Derek took her arm in his. "Well that's good because this place has the best pasta on the planet. It's better than stuff you can get in Venice."

"Really?" Meredith asked as he hailed a cab. "Because I know a lot about Venice pasta."

"Oh, you do, do you?" Derek asked opening the door for her.

"I happen to be an expert," Meredith said getting into the cab. "I spent almost month in Italy," Meredith reminded him.

"Let me guess, you and Sadie ate your weight in pasta," Derek chuckled.

"Well, pasta and other things..." Meredith added coyly.

"What exactly did you do in Italy," Derek asked, curiously. "Other than absorb the culture and eat the food."

"We traveled, met people, drank a lot of wine and danced in the trevvi fountain absolutely hammered. You know, Italy was actually my favorite part of the trip."

"Where else did you go?"

"All over. Barcelona, Lisbon, Paris, Switzerland and Amsterdam."

"Why did you leave?"

"My mother got sick," Meredith said, "She got in a car accident. It was the beginning of her Alzheimer's."

"Oh, Mer," Derek said as she leaned on his shoulder.

"You know, since I found out about Maggie, I've thought a lot about my mother and how hard it must have been for her to give up the child of the man she truly loved," Meredith said looking out the window. "I was a disappointment, Derek. I was the angry, pink haired, black wearing party girl who didn't get her shit together until she was 24 that's when I went to med school after a stint of crappy jobs."

"Well, the Meredith I know, has her shit together," he added. "She's an amazing woman, whose past only made her stronger."

"Well," she began as they pulled up to the curb, "It's mostly because of you."

Derek paid the cabbie as Meredith got out of the car. She felt Derek's arms around her waist as she looked at the beautiful brick building. "So are we going to eat or are we just going to stare at the architecture."

Meredith pulled away. "I'm hungry. This better be worth the painful ankles in the morning."

"Oh, it will be," Derek said taking her hand. "I promise but that's not the only thing that's going to be sore," he whispered, sending shivers up her spine.

"Hello, welcome to Angelo's," the hostess greeted. "We have a reservation," Derek said, "Shepherd."

"Right, follow me Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd," the woman said leading them to a small table in the back. There was a white table-cloth, candles lit and single red rose in a vase. "You've out done yourself, Mr. Shepherd," Meredith teased, as he pulled her chair out for her. "Thank you."

"Anytime," Derek said walking over to his seat, "Mrs. Shepherd."

"Derek, that's weird," Meredith said laughing. "I'm Grey, you're Shepherd."

"Yeah, well one day, you're going to cave," Derek said putting his napkin in his lap.

"I won't bet on that, Derek," Meredith smirked. "After almost six years of marriage, I have not changed my mind..."

"You're stubborn," He said taking a sip of his water, "I knew that when I married you."

"You knew that way before you married me," Meredith countered. "I think you figured that out when I refused to date you."

"I broke you down eventually," Derek smiled.

"I don't know, Derek, I like Grey," Meredith admitted, "I actually didn't like being a Grey until... Lexie."

"Oh," Derek nodded in understanding. "I thought it was because of Cristina."

"What?" Meredith held back a laugh. "She's the feminist, not me."

"I thought you two had some stupid pact to keep your last names, not give into society or something like that."

"Wow, you've really given this a lot of thought," Meredith smiled. "But no, its simple. Being a Grey is a huge piece of me. Even the ugly pieces." Meredith took a drink of water, "I know its just a name but..."

"It's important," Derek finished. "We should have hyphenated their last names."

"Grey is Zola's middle name," Meredith retorted. "Derek Bailey Grey-Shepherd?" Meredith tried. "It doesn't roll off the tongue."

Derek laughed. "You're right," he conceded, "You have a point."

"I always have a point," Meredith took a piece of bread from the bread basket. "I thought we weren't going to talk about the kids? I thought that this was just Meredith and Derek."

"One of them is joining us though," Derek said gesturing to her stomach. "That's hard to ignore."

Meredith laughed. "True. But tell me about being an intern. You've never talked about it. You know all about my intern year and I know nothing about yours."

"It was years ago, Meredith," Derek began, "But residency was the best years of my life. I did a year in general, until I realized I wanted to do neurosurgery. So technically, I had seven years of residency. I had to reapply for the program, but Kingston believed in me and fought hard to get me a slot."

"Oh," Meredith said, "I was wondering how you knew Kavanagh."

"Lucy hated me," Derek said laughing. "I was always showing everyone else up."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "You need to work on the humble thing, Derek."

"She was good, too. She was close with Addison," Derek said, "They became friends."

"It's weird to think you had this whole other life."

"I was a different person, Mer," Derek said taking a sip of water, "I was so... enamored with all the money. Addison had grown up like that, so it didn't faze her."

"Money is a pretty powerful thing," Meredith said gently. "I like the Hampton's though, it's gorgeous up there."

"You've been?" Derek asked.

"My mother's sister, Lisa, had a house out there. My mother would ship me off to New York for the summer's from the time I was seven to thirteen. I didn't mind, though," she added. "Aunt Lisa was my surrogate mother, the total opposite of my cold mother. I used to be so jealous of my cousin, Sarah, who was the same age as me."

"I didn't know you're mother had a sister," Derek said learning all this new information, "or a cousin."

"When I was thirteen, they got into a car accident," Meredith said remembering that terrible telephone call at 2 AM. "They were on the highway and a drunk driver rammed into their car and they died on impact."

Derek was silent processing her confession. He looked at her, "That sucks," he said reaching for her hand.

"Yeah," she agreed, "It really sucked. Sarah was my best friend, too But enough with the sadness, this is a Derek and Meredith night," she said forcing a smile.

"Hello," the waiter said interrupting their moment. "I'm Kevin. Can I interest you in the specials?"

Derek nodded who didn't take his eyes off Meredith. For someone with so much loss, she truly was amazing.

Meredith half-listened to the waiter rattle off the special menu. She was thinking about Sarah and her aunt. She opened a wound that hadn't ever healed.

"And for desert we have a double chocolate cake..." The waiter finished, looking at the couple in front of him.

Derek looked up at him, and without missing a beat said, "We'll have the fettucine alfredo," he stated handing him the menu.

Meredith glared at him. "Come on, you'll like it," he promised as she passed the menu to the waiter.

"I hate when you order for me."

"Just let me do something nice for once," he countered.

Meredith smiled, it was so hard to stay mad at him, "Fine," she said taking another piece of bread. "So, tell me," Meredith began, "some story about you."

"I was boring, Mer, until I met you," he said flashing her one of his most charming smiles.

Meredith shook her head, "I highly doubt that."

"I know how to play the guitar," Derek said, "I taught myself smoke on the water and drove my sister's crazy by playing it over and over."

"I don't think I know that song..." Meredith admitted.

"You are young then, Mer," he teased, "It was huge in the seventies."

"I was a toddler in the seventies," she laughed. "I really don't remember the music."

"What did you like?" Derek asked, "First record?"

"Liberty," Meredith said, "I was 12 and Sarah introduced me to Duran Duran."

"Duran Duran?" Derek said making a face.

"Like the Clash is so much better," Meredith teased, "I also was really into the Eurythmics."

Derek shook his head, "You have questionable taste."

"I also was obsessed with Nirvana in high school," she said lighting up. "They had this whole angry grunge sound. I also loved Kurt Cobain."

"Really?" Derek laughed. "I can actually see that."

Meredith shrugged. "I think it was the hair thing."

Derek chuckled, "Sure it was..."

"My taste in music has evolved since then," Meredith added.

"Yeah, because _Sexy and I Know It_ is a step up," Derek smirked.

"I can't help it if I still like party music... I think it's the beat," Meredith said as the waiter put their plates down in front of them. "Thank you," Meredith said looking at the steaming pasta plate in front of her. She picked up her fork, "This better be good, Derek," she said before taking a bite.

Derek watched her. "See," he said as her eyes widened, "told you so," he said picking up his fork.

She smiled, "Yeah, well, whatever."

"Hey, we need to find a new OB."

"I got one. Addison recommended Kara Newbury. She's the Neonatal fellow. I can't believe I'll be twelve weeks next week," Meredith stated. "Plus I want to know what we're having."

"I don't really care," Derek added with a grin. "As long as it's healthy."

"I have a feeling that it's a girl," Meredith admitted. "I mean it's just a feeling."

"A mini Mer," Derek smiled. "I bet she'd be gorgeous."

"I don't know, I was hoping for a mini Derek," Meredith said. "I've already got Bailey, who basically is my clone."

"He's got the blonde hair and blue eye thing," Derek added.

"You have blue eyes too, Derek," she countered.

"I think their more like yours."

"We really should think of names," Derek said remembering the suggestions Meredith came up. "And no, we are not naming a boy Sebastian Shepherd," Derek stated seriously.

"I still don't like William," Meredith countered, "It's too... Royal."

"I've always liked Grace," Derek said, "I don't know why..."

"Grace Shepherd," Meredith tested it out. "I kind of like that," she said smiling. "What about Grace Caroline Shepherd?" Meredith suggested. "Kind of an homage to Lex."

"Lex would love it," Derek said smiling.

"She would," Meredith agreed. "Names are important."

"I think we just named our baby," Derek grinned.

"Only if it's a girl," Meredith added. "There's still a fifty percent chance it's a boy."

"I think we're just going to have to lean into faith."

"We are," Meredith agreed. "I scheduled an appointment for next Wednesday."

"I will be there," Derek promised. "I wouldn't miss it."

"Not even for the President?" she teased.

"No, Mer, not even for the President," Derek said grinning.

Meredith nodded. "Good. Because I plan on having sex with you in the hospital after our appointment."

"I'm looking forward to that, Dr. Grey," Derek teased.

"We can christen a new on-call room," she whispered.

"Mer," Derek groaned, "You seriously can't talk dirty in public. All I want to do is rip that dress off you."

Meredith flashed a flirtatious grin. "Two can play at this game, Derek." She scooped an ice-cube out of her water and gently put it on her neck. The same spot that drove her wild when Derek kissed her, "It's really hot in here don't you think?" She asked as the water dripped down her chest, "I know it's July, in New York City, but it's uncharacteristically hot, Derek," she babbled.

"Meredith Grey," Derek admonished, "You're bad."

"Derek, you haven't seen bad yet," she whispered.

"Check please," Derek said as he saw their waiter Kevin.

* * *

In less than ten minutes, they were both outside in the sweltering heat. Derek hailed a taxi and opened the door for Meredith, who scooted in. He sat down next to her and kissed her neck, "Not here Derek," she swatted him away. "Mer," Derek pleaded looking at her. Meredith smiled slyly, "Fine," she quipped kissing him on the lips.

They barely came up for air, when the taxi pulled up to the address Derek gave the cabbie. "Where are we?" Meredith asked she untangled herself from Derek.

"The Ritz," Derek said, handing the cabbie a fifty, "Keep the change," he muttered grabbing her hand and leading her out of the taxi. "I already have the key," Derek said, as they walked past reception, "I got earlier today," Derek said as they waited for the elevator.

"So that's why you brought Zola and Bailey into the city today."

"Yes, I definitely let them know I was planning on taking you to a hotel so that we could have uninterrupted sex." Derek shook his head.

Meredith smiled, "They technically wouldn't be here if we didn't have sex."

"That's true," Derek said as they got on the elevator. He hit the round button for five, and the door closed.

Meredith suddenly had an idea. "Derek," she breathed, "Let's do it now." She walked over to the buttons, and pulled the emergency stop. "Like two minutes," she said unbuckling his belt and pulling his pants down. Derek pushed her against the wall, she wrapped her legs around him.

"Now, Derek," she cried as they made contact. "Faster, Derek," she said digging her nails into his shirt. "Oh my god," she huffed as soon as they were done. She pushed the stop back in and straightened her dress. Derek fixed his shirt as the elevator doors opened to reveal an elderly couple who looked like they were dressed for dinner.

Meredith chuckled as Derek took her hand and led her toward their room.

"That was awkward," Meredith said as he opened the door, "But we seem to have a knack for awkward."

"Did you see her jaw drop when she looked at us?" Derek laughed as they went over to the bed. "That was priceless."

"I have sex hair," Meredith said catching a glance at her reflection, "and for the record you do too."

Derek ran his hands through his hair, "You're right," he grinned pulling her down on the bed and rolling on top of her. "But now, I really don't care."

* * *

It was one of the first days in months where they weren't woken up by an alarm, a crying baby, or a wailing toddler.

"I can get used to this," Meredith muttered opening her eyes, looking a Derek who was watching her sleep.

"Derek, that's creepy," she said pulling the sheet tighter over her body. "I mean seriously, weird."

"You're cute when you sleep," Derek said as he sat up on his elbow. "Plus you were so worn out you didn't even snore."

"Multiple orgasms can do that," she said yawning. "I'm just glad I don't have to throw up."

"Yeah, that would really kill the mood," he laughed, "you vomiting."

"So, that was a quite the date," Meredith said, looking at him. "I can't believe you ripped my dress. I'm sure that probably cost a fortune."

"Worth it," Derek smiled. "I warned you I was going to rip it off you."

"I didn't think you meant literally, Derek," Meredith added. "I thought you meant... Well, figuratively. Or metaphorically? I can never get that straight."

"Meredith, shut up," he said kissing her. The kiss deepened, until her phone rang.

"Mood killer," Derek sighed.

"I should probably get that," Meredith said getting up. "It could be the kids."

"Fine," Derek grumbled as Meredith found his collared shirt on the floor and slipped it over her head. She scoured the room for her purse. "Ah, found it," she said opening the small black bag, "Dr. Grey," she greeted. "Oh Hi, Carolyn," she said going back over to sit on the bed. "How were they?" she asked as she looked at Derek. "Good, I'm glad. Tell them we'll be home in an hour or so."

Derek made a face.

"Actually, Carolyn, make that two hours. Great, see you soon," she said hanging up. "They're good. We're good. So let's continue where we left off, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said as she unbuttoned her shirt.

* * *

"We should have never left our hotel room bubble," Meredith said as soon as they walked through the front door of their house. Their living room was in complete chaos. "Carolyn?" Meredith called from the stairwell. "Upstairs, in the bathroom."

Meredith and Derek went upstairs to find their kids splashing around in the bubble bath. "We had a very eventful morning," Carolyn exclaimed. "These two decided that it would be a good idea to paint themselves with some of that tempura paint."

"That explains the red and purple skin," Derek snickered. "But why does our living room look like it got hit by a tornado?"

"Oh, that," Carolyn shrugged. "You have very active children."

Meredith laughed. "Apparently."

"Mama, I'm quick," Zola said looking at her.

"Me too," Bailey said pointing to himself.

"Yeah, you too buddy," Derek said chuckling.

"Dada did Mama like her surprise?" Zola asked, as she played with a rubber duck.

"Yeah, Zo," Derek nodded, "She liked it."

"The hotel was very pretty," Zola mused.

"Yeah it was," Meredith blushed thinking about what little she actually saw of it. Derek saw her and smiled.

"Amelia was right," Carolyn said shaking her head as she saw the exchange, "You can read each other's minds."

"Technically, not possible, Ma," Derek said laughing. "We've just perfected silent communication."

"Right," Carolyn said looking at them, "Sure. I'm sure that's all you two did last night," she added with a smirk.

Meredith laughed, "We talked too," she said, "Derek told me about his guitar days."

"I cannot ever listen to _Smoke on the Water_ ever again," Carolyn shook her head.

"I wasn't that bad," Derek said, "I just wasn't very good," he amended.

"He used to write songs too," Carolyn said standing up. "Once he wrote a horrible ditty about his college girlfriend."

"Ma-" Derek sighed, "Stop."

"Ashley's so fine I wanna make her mine," Carolyn sung softly. "I'm pretty sure you ripped of some popular song, Der."

Meredith burst out laughing. "Yeah, Derek that's pretty bad."

"I believe they broke up after he sung it to her," Carolyn added. "It was that _bad_."

"Ma," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, dear," Carolyn said standing up, "does this make you uncomfortable?" she asked he blushed.

"Out," Bailey called, putting his arms out.

"Me too, Mama," Zola said.

"I guess that's my cue," Carolyn said, "I'll see you later Love Bugs."

"Bye Grandma," Zola said waving.

"Bye G-ma." Bailey said copying his sister.

"Thanks, Carolyn," Meredith said honestly. "You are a life saver."

Carolyn nodded. "I love making up for lost time," she added as she left the bathroom.

Meredith grabbed two towels from the sink and handed one to Derek. "Miss our bubble yet?" she asked picking up Zola and wrapping a towel around her.

"Yup," Derek answered honestly as he maneuvered a squirming Bailey out of the tub. "Come on Bailey, you're getting Dada wet."

"Wet!" Bailey repeated laughing. "Wet!"

"Good luck with that one," Meredith said leaving Derek with Bailey.

* * *

"Zo," Meredith began as she pulled a fresh t-shirt over her daughter's head. "Why were you and Bailey painting yourselves? You know better than that."

"So we can be the same color," Zola replied. "Bailey's white. I'm black. So we thought it would be cool to be red and purple."

Meredith couldn't argue with that logic. "Zola, you know you can't just change colors?"

"Why not?" Zola asked, "When I paint the white paper isn't white anymore," she pointed out.

"Oh Zo," Meredith said, "You're perfect how you are."

"But Mama, why am I black when Bailey is white?" Zola asked quietly.

Meredith felt her heartbreak. Zola knew she was adopted. They were always very open about that but the race question was a new one. "Zo, you know how you came from Africa right?"

"Right," Meredith said, "A place called Malawi and you were really sick, Zo. Your parents couldn't take care of you."

"I had surgery and Dada fixed me." Zola said proudly, pointing her back where her scar was.

"Yeah, Zo, you had surgery. Dada did fix your back." Meredith paused and thought for a moment. "You know when Mama and Dada met you, we knew we had to have you. You were ours, Zo, we chose you."

"Why am I not white?" Zola asked, "Bailey is white."

"Because people have different skin colors," Meredith paused stuck as how to explain this in the simplest terms. She could easily go into genetics, but to a four-year old, she didn't have a clue. "The mommy who had you in her tummy was African... like you Zo."

Zola stared trying to make sense of this information. "I'm African?" Zola asked, squinting at Meredith.

Gee, great, Meredith thought, way to add another confusing concept.

"Zola, you're skin color doesn't matter. Mine doesn't matter. Dada's doesn't matter. Because we're all the same, Zola." She thought for a minute, "Wait, a second," she said getting a book off the shelf about the human body for kids. Cristina had bought it as a joke, but Meredith silently thanked her. "Okay Zo, see the picture of the human skeleton?" she asked pointing to the cover. "We all have that, our skin just covers it."

"Oh," Zola said, "My skeleton is like your skeleton?"

"Exactly," Meredith smiled. "We're all the same, Zo." She repeated.

Zo nodded, as she took in this new information. "Mama, is my new brother or sister going to look like me?" Zola asked.

"No Zola," Meredith shook her head, "But that doesn't matter. Because you're going to be the best big sister ever."

"Mama, I already am." She said grinning.

"That's right Zo," Meredith said smiling, "Come on, baby girl, let's fix your hair."

"Okay mama," Zola said sitting in her lap, happily looking at the human body book.

* * *

Derek was sitting on the couch, flicking through the channels when Meredith walked downstairs after putting the kids down for a nap. "So," Meredith began sitting down next to Derek, "Zola and Bailey decided to paint themselves today so that their skin color would match."

"Oh," Derek turned to look at her, "What did you say?"

"That we love her, regardless of what color her skin is. I told her that we are all the same," Meredith sighed. "Derek she asked me why she wasn't white like us and it completely broke my heart. I knew it would happen, the books said one day it would, but when Zola looked at me as if she was going to cry I..." She trailed off. "I literally couldn't breathe."

She cuddled next to him, and he wrapped his arm around her, "I wish she would never feel that way, but its going to happen, Mer," he reminded her.

"I know, Derek but she asked me if her new brother or sister was going to be black like her."

"What did you say to that?" Derek asked curiously, thinking about what he would say.

"I basically reiterated my point, about how it doesn't matter what color we are. That stupid book Cristina bought as a joke actually helped. I was able to show Zola that we all have skeletons, and our skins just protect us."

"That was smart," Derek said, "quick thinking."

"Yeah, but still," Meredith looked at Derek. "I don't want her to feel like we love her less just because she has two more siblings that are genetically ours."

"She won't think that, Mer," Derek said shaking his head, "she knows we love her as much as we love Bailey."

"I tried to explain that, I said we chose her," Meredith adde. "But I'm not sure if she believed me or understood what I was trying to say. What if we bring her to the appointment on Wednesday, that way we can include her more. She was so little the first time but now... she get's it."

"She's a whole year older, Mer," Derek reminded her.

"Yeah in six months," Meredith countered. "If I had it my way, she'd just freeze where she was..."

Derek smiled. "We can just keep having more kids, that way when one gets older we wouldn't care as much."

"No, Derek," Meredith shook her head, "not happening."

* * *

Now, more than ever, Meredith needed Cristina. Thankfully, Cristina must have known, because as soon as she went into her bedroom, the Ipad buzzed. Meredith sat down on the bed, and hit accept.

"Sorry I missed your call."

"We keep missing each other," Meredith yawned. "What time is it there?"

"I honestly, don't know, I haven't left my office," Cristina said seriously. "Mer, what's up?"

"Zola and Bailey decided to paint themselves so that they would have the same skin color," Meredith said, "Zola also asked if the baby was going to be black like her..."

"What did you say to that?"

"Actually your baby anatomy book came in handy," Meredith said, "I was able to show Zola that we all have a skeleton. we are all the same."

"Good thinking, Mer," Cristina said in approval. "How was you're date night?"

Meredith blushed thinking about it.

"So that good?" Cristina asked knowingly. "You'd think by now you'd be bored of each other. But you still go at it like horny teenagers."

"Sorry," Meredith said shrugging. "But what about mystery Euro man?"

"Oh, he's good," Cristina smiled. "He is very good at satisfying my needs."

"So he's just a sex friend?" Meredith asked, knowing that her friend was still pining over Owen. She honestly never understood their relationship, but she was in place to judge.

Cristina nodded. "Correct. I don't do relationships... anymore."

"I don't know, Cris, relationships aren't that bad."

"Says the happily married woman," Cristina rolled her eyes.

"How are the hearts? Any progress?" Meredith knew when to change the subject.

"It's going good. Burke wants me to tweak his three-dimensional heart imaging patent."

"Wait, hold on," Meredith was confused. "You're working with Burke?" she spat.

"Just on his 3D imaging, Mer, and if you saw it you'd be impressed."

"I don't get gaga over hearts, Cristina," Meredith reminded her. "That's your area of expertise."

"Wait, are you sleeping with Burke?"

"No," Cristina said a little too quickly. "We're strictly co-workers."

"Oh yeah, that worked out well last time," she reminded her.

"Meredith, I'm not in any way sleeping with Burke. He's married with two kids," she said tersely. "I don't sleep with married men."

"Alright," Meredith said in defeat, "No need to get touchy."

"How was New York Presbyterian? Tough without Derek?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "My life doesn't revolve around Derek, Cristina."

Cristina laughed. "Keep telling yourself that, Mer."

"Do you want to hear about work?" Meredith said smiling. "Because you are going to die when I tell you who works there too."

"Do we know this person?" Cristina asked perking up.

"Well, yeah. It's someone from Seattle Grace."

Cristina thought for a moment, "Hahn?"

"No, but that would be ironic. Maybe she could be your substitute."

"Mer, who?"

"Addison," Meredith confessed. "The former McBitch."

"That's rich," Cristina exclaimed.

"She used to work there, so it makes sense," Meredith mused. "But the thing is Cristina, I kind of like her."

"Got a girl crush on your husband's ex-wife?" Cristina teased.

"She's been helpful," Meredith said, "She also found me a new OB."

"Cause that would be awkward if she was examining your lady bits," Cristina said laughing hysterically.

"Yeah, no I don't want to think about that..." Meredith cringed. "Definitely too close for comfort. Derek stopped by," Meredith continued, "and a bunch of nurses were staring at him. He found himself a new fan club until he kissed me in front of them, effectively shutting them up."

"You sure know how to attract rumors, Mer."

"Whatever," Meredith said, "I'm really used to it. First it was because of my last name, and now it's because of Derek... I seriously can't catch a break."

"Dude, your husband has been all over the medical journals talking about his brain mapping project. Honestly, I'm sick of seeing his face everywhere. From JAMA to New England Journal of Medicine," Cristina looked at Meredith. "How do you stand it?"

"He's on the cover of New England?" Meredith asked, "I haven't seen it."

"It's one of those Pegasus shots," Cristina said, "he must have given them permission to use his photo."

"Is it the same picture he had Shane vandalize?"

"The very one," Cristina smiled. "You know that picture was super creepy."

"Cristina, it was in the elevator," Meredith shook her head, "You don't have to tell me."

"Anyway, what else happened?" Cristina asked tucking a stray strand of her jet black hair behind her ear.

"Well, on my first day because of my trauma certification, I worked the ER. I had a GSW and a stabbing within 12 hours."

"That must have been exciting," Cristina said, "Did you operate?"

"Of course. Both were good outcomes. Nothing says welcome to New York more than a GSW and a stabbing."

"God, I miss trauma," Cristina said wistfully. "There's nothing like that rush."

"Speaking of trauma," Meredith began, "Have you talked to Owen?"

"That was a terrible segue, Mer," Cristina smiled. "No, actually. I spoke with him on the phone when I got here, just to let him know I made it safely. There's just too much left unfinished between us."

Meredith nodded, she was well aware of what her best friend meant. "If it's any consolation, Amelia told me that he's having a hard time replacing you at the hospital."

"I bet," Cristina shook her head. "He must be having a hard time replacing all of us."

"Well, Amelia replaced Derek, so that was easy. He just hasn't replaced you. Apparently, my replacement is some guy from Idaho. Amelia said he's a jackass."

"How's Bailey?" Meredith looked at her strangely.

"No, the adult Bailey, Mer," she clarified.

"She's good... I think. She must love having to work with another jackass," she said sarcastically. "Oh, and April's pregnant."

"No way, April and Jackson are going to be parents?" Cristina laughed.

"That's what happens when you get pregnant, Cristina," Meredith retorted.

"I just," Cristina began, "can't believe that."

"I kind of wish I could be there to watch them. And Catherine has been all over the hospital lately... Meddling."

"Catherine Avery is a tough nut," Cristina added. "She's like a Mama Burke but worse."

"Richard left me a voicemail, yesterday," Meredith said, "I haven't listened to it."

"Do you have any idea why?"

"None. I don't want to even think about that mess."

"Then don't," Cristina looked at her, "You don't have to anymore, wasn't that the point of moving thousands of miles away?"

Meredith didn't respond.

"Meredith," Derek said walking into the bedroom, interrupting their conversation, "Oh," he said noticing Meredith was in holding the Ipad.

"Hi Cristina," he greeted. Meredith turned the ipad to face him. "Hi Derek, Congrats on the next kid," Cristina smiled.

"Thanks, Yang." he paused. "How is it that even in Switzerland you somehow have this ability to end up in our bed?"

Cristina chuckled.

"What do you need?" Meredith asked. "Are the kids awake?"

"No," Derek answered, "But Ray called, he needs me to go to D.C. They pushed up our meeting."

Meredith made a face. "Oh, I know that one," Cristina said laughing. "The Derek's in trouble face."

"Cristina," Meredith began...

"Well, I'm off to change the face of medicine. And Mer, check your voicemail," she said hanging up.

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "It was supposed to be Monday."

"But tomorrow is Sunday, Derek."

"I'm pretty familiar with the days of the week Meredith."

"Did you tell Ray about Wednesday?"

"Oh yeah," Derek said, "I made it very clear that I was not going to be in D.C Wednesday."

"Good," she said. "I'm not happy about this," she added making sure he knew exactly what her feelings were.

"Yeah well, me neither," Derek said giving her a quick kiss. "But, hey, that's life right?"

* * *

Derek didn't come back Sunday night. It made sense, because he would have had to drive back Monday morning, anyway. It was just Meredith, which gave her too much time to think. She had no friends, here yet, work was... well just where she worked. It wasn't her second home anymore.

Today, was a tough one, she thought as she finally managed to get Bailey down. She didn't know if it was the newness of being in a different room or what but he had never been like that before. Zola, managed to fall asleep easily, which was a pleasant change. It was a total role reversal, she thought, as she got ready for bed. She was on her way to the bathroom when she noticed her phone had a missed call. She checked the caller ID, it was Richard.

Part of her was curious. The other part of her just wanted to forget he existed but curiosity won out in the end...

"Hi Meredith," he began, "I know I'm the last person you want to hear from."

"Oh you think," she scoffed as he continued to talk, "I wouldn't be calling unless I really needed to."

Meredith felt her heart sink. "It's just that there was an accident."

Meredith's mind went to the dark place. "It's Bailey," he continued softly, "It's really bad, Mer. We did damage control. Amelia got her brain bleed control. I was able to control most of her internal injuries. But, Meredith, it doesn't look good. If I were you, I'd come out here," Richard said hanging up.

"Shit," Meredith swore as she called Carolyn.

"Can you watch the kids?" Meredith blurted as soon as she heard her pick up. "My friend in Seattle was in an accident."

"I'll be over," Carolyn assured her. Meredith nodded and hung up the phone. She grabbed the small duffel bag from the closet and started packing. She was on autopilot as she threw jeans and t-shirts into the bag. She quickly changed out of her pajamas and threw on her leggings and Derek's old Columbia t-shirt. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and walked into downstairs.

She was sitting on the couch holding her keys when Carolyn walked in. "Meredith, is everything okay?"

Carolyn knew that this was an emergency. "No, I have to get to Seattle. Bailey was in an accident and it doesn't look like she's going to make it."

"Oh my gosh," Carolyn said. "Does Derek know?"

Meredith was too preoccupied to even think of Derek. "Uh, no. I'll call him."

"Don't worry about it now, just go," she said gently.

"Thanks, Carolyn," Meredith said gratefully. "I don't know..."

"Meredith, go," Carolyn interrupted her, "You need to be in Seattle."

"Hopefully there is a direct flight," she muttered, as she grabbed her purse and duffel.

"Don't worry about Zola and Bailey," Carolyn said reassuring her. "We'll be fine."

"Thanks, again," She said as she opened the door, "I owe you."

Carolyn nodded and shut the door behind her.

* * *

Meredith was lucky, she was able to catch a red-eye. She was at her gate, waiting to board when she called Derek. "Miranda was in an accident," Meredith said, quickly, "I'm on my way to Seattle now. Richard said they had to do damage control."

"No," Derek said in disbelief. "What happened?"

"I don't know. Amelia did an emergency craniotomy to stop the bleeding."

"Shit," Derek swore. "I should get on the next plane."

"I think so," Meredith began, "Richard said it doesn't look good."

"What time are you supposed to land?"

"4 AM," Meredith answered, "I have to board now. Your mother has the kids." She fumbled through her purse for her ticket. "I'll see you soon."

* * *

Seattle Tacoma airport was quiet. A welcome change to the hustle of New York, Meredith thought as she got into a taxi.

"Where to Miss?" The driver asked.

"Grey-Sloan Memorial," she answered looking out at the empty street. She hoped she wasn't too late.

The cab ride was unusually quick. "Thanks," she said as he pulled up to the front entrance. "twenty-two fifty," the man said evenly.

"Right," Meredith pulled out her wallet, "here's thirty," she said handing him a ten and twenty. "Keep the change," she added getting out of the cab.

She slammed the car door and walked into the lobby with a sense of urgency. She needed to see Miranda. "Dr. Grey," she heard a voice greet her. She turned around to see one of her favorite nurses. "Hi Katie," she said, "What room is Miranda in?"

"She's in 3699."

"How is Bailey?" she asked, as Katie looked at her sadly. "You don't have to answer," Meredith added, "I know it's not good."

Katie shook her head. "It's not."

"Damn it," she said turning around and going to the elevators. "Damn it, Miranda," she said aloud.

"Dr. Grey," a familiar voice greeted her, "Are you here to see Bailey?"

"Do you even need to ask that," Meredith snapped at Wilson.

She took a deep breath. "Sorry, I just got off a six-hour flight because the woman I named my son after is potentially dying."

"She's stable now," Jo said, "she's doing okay."

"What happened?" Meredith asked as the elevator doors opened. "Car accident. Drunk driver rammed into her. She was going to pick up Tuck from school."

"Oh my gosh," Meredith put her hand over her mouth.

"Dr. Shepherd, Hunt and Webber did everything they could but she coded twice."

Meredith grimaced. "They didn't get to finish. They are waiting to see if her stats go up until they can take her back into the OR."

"Okay," Meredith said clutching her purse so hard her knuckles were turning white. "And how's Ben?"

"Dr. Warren's a mess," Jo said as the elevator opened to the ICU wing. Meredith walked down to Bailey's room, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to see. It was one thing if it were your patient. It's another when it's family.

She hovered in the doorway. The steady sounds of the machines were the only noises. "Hi," she said seeing Ben holding Miranda's hand. "How's she?"

"Stable," Ben sighed looking at Meredith. "Richard called you." He smiled sadly. "He must not be telling me everything."

"I don't know," Meredith shook her head. "But Derek's coming out too."

"Derek's coming too?" Amelia questioned pushing past Meredith to check Bailey's head bandage.

"Yeah," Meredith said, "He's taking the next flight out."

Amelia nodded. "We still need to watch for more bleeding."

Ben looked at Amelia. "It's days like this I wish I wasn't a doctor," he sighed. "I know too much."

"It's both a blessing and a curse," Amelia said going over her notes. "Because you know what to look for."

"I get it," Meredith said looking at Ben. "I felt the same when Derek got shot."

Amelia looked at Meredith. "I'm cautiously optimistic about this, Ben," she said smiling.

Ben nodded and turned back to Bailey. Amelia shot Meredith a look and she followed her out into the hall. "Bailey had a cerebral hemorrhage. I had a hard time getting it under control," she admitted. "It didn't help that most of the injuries she had sustained were abdominal. Richard and Owen had to work hard to make sure things didn't perforate or hemorrhage. Not to mention she kept coding. Honestly, I don't know how she's still alive."

"Bailey's a fighter," Meredith countered. "She'll make it. I'm going to go see if Ben wants a break. He looks like he could use some sleep."

"Good luck with that," Amelia said sadly. "He hasn't left her side."

"I bet," Meredith said heading back into Bailey's room.

"Ben," she said gently, "You really should get some sleep. You need it."

"But I can't-" Ben started... "I promise I will wake you up. Take two hours," Meredith interrupted. "The on call room is right across from hers."

Ben looked at her. "I just don't want to leave her."

"I'll be here," she promised. "I won't go anywhere." She found an empty chair on the other side of the room, and pulled it over to Bailey's side. "I will not leave this chair Ben," she promised. "Only to get you if something happens, which it won't."

"Okay," Ben said getting up as his exhaustion was overpowering him. "You're right Grey."

"I know I'm right," Meredith smiled. "Because I was in you once... and Derek woke up so she will too."

"Thanks, Grey," Ben smiled.

"Go," she said shooing him away. "I don't want to see you for a while."

As soon as he was out the sliding door, she looked at Miranda. "You heard me right, Bailey? You have to wake up. Don't make me out to be a liar. I need you, Bailey. You saved my life, on more than one occasion. Come on, Miranda, be a fighter."

"So you decided to get your ass back here," Alex teased as the sliding doors opened. "You know how to make an entrance. My girlfriend said you cussed her out."

Meredith smiled. "I did."

"She's over it." Alex took an empty seat next to Meredith. "How's the city? Does it make you miss Seattle?"

"It's loud," Meredith answered truthfully. "But on my first day, I had a GSW and a stabbing."

"That sounds like fun," Alex said, "Yang texted me the other day and said you're working with Addison."

"Yeah, she's really not that bad."

"You didn't spend months on gynie with her," Alex added, "Although, maybe that was a good thing..."

"Yeah you wouldn't have been this kick ass Pediatric surgeon."

"That's true, but I give most of the credit to Robbins," Alex replied.

"Don't you have surgeries or something?" Meredith teased. "You know you're the hot-shot attending now and a full board member. Don't you have a hospital to run?"

"Very funny." Alex looked at Meredith, "that board crap, sucks."

"You own part of the hospital now, get used to it," she muttered.

"Bailey's made some good changes, too." he said looking at Bailey. "She's a good choice for your proxy. She pushed to re-open the clinic," Alex said, "Serve more of the underserved and all that."

"Sounds like something Bailey would want," Meredith said thinking about Steven's clinic.

"How are the new interns?" Meredith asked, "Cut any LVAD wires, sleep with an attending, or fall in love with a patient... yet?" Meredith joked.

"No, not yet," Alex said shaking his head, "But I swear I'm going to kill Jo's residents."

"She get the duds?" Meredith asked.

"She got the medical school rejects," Alex scoffed. "Seriously Mer, the pool of talent just keeps getting smaller. Our intern year was probably the last with real talent. There are no Yangs in the bunch."

"Cristina is one of kind," Meredith smiled, "But she was also older than most interns."

"Right, the double doctor," Alex said.

"Yeah," Meredith said, "I was though too."

"Grey, you looked fresh out of Med School," Alex reminded her.

"Hey, I was twenty-eight," Meredith looked at Alex. "So," she began, "Amelia told me they finally hired my replacement."

"Dr. Jackass." Alex grimaced, "He's a prick."

"He treats everyone like crap," He looked at Bailey. "Even Bailey. Although, she doesn't stand it."

"I bet," Meredith said, "She pull the Nazi nickname out of retirement?"

"She did," Alex said looking at Meredith. "She told him off yesterday, before the uh..."

"Accident," Meredith supplied.

"Yeah," Alex check his pager, "I got to go. 911 Pit."

"Go," Meredith ordered, "Get out of here. Save some kids."

"See you around, Mer," Alex said smiling as he rushed off toward the ER. Meredith couldn't believe that out of everyone in her intern year, Alex Karev was the last one standing.

"You know," Meredith said looking at Bailey, "I didn't think he'd make the cut. He failed his USMLE exam," she said remembering how she helped him study. "He's a total asshole," she continued, smiling, "but he's quick, smart, and a sort of like the guy version of me. Screwed up pasts, family issues, and inappropriate one-night stands."

Meredith squeezed Bailey's hand. "You'd be pissed that I'm telling you all this," Meredith added, "But I honestly don't care. I know you're listening... Subconsciously that is."

Meredith felt a hand on her shoulder, "Hey," Derek said as she turned around. "I didn't hear you come in."

"You were too busy discussing aspects of your personal life to Bailey," he smiled. "You know, she's going to wake up and kick your ass."

"I hope so," Meredith said, "she better."

"Where's Warren?" Derek asked. "I figured he'd be glued to her bed."

"He was," Meredith pointed to the on-call room. "I forced him to get some sleep."

"Ah," Derek said sitting next to her.

"I reasoned with him," Meredith continued, "I know what it's like to sit in that chair and wait for your husband to wake up."

"You mean wife," Derek corrected her.

"Right, wife," Meredith rubbed her eyes. "I slept on the plane and my brain isn't working."

Derek glanced at his wife's outfit. "You stole my shirt," he said, "My favorite shirt, I might add."

"It's baggy," she said, "And it's long-sleeved. Plus, it rains in Seattle."

"Uh-huh," Derek smiled amused. "You're also wearing two different slippers."

"Oh," Meredith looked down, "I didn't even realize."

"Owen gave me hospital privileges," he looked at Meredith, "You too, you know if..." The words lingered in the air.

"I feel guilty," Meredith confessed.

"What are you guilty of," Derek asked putting his arm around her shoulders.

"Derek, I didn't call her. I haven't talked to her in over two weeks."

"We moved across the country. I'm pretty sure she forgives you," Derek said softly, "Besides this is Miranda Bailey we're talking about. She doesn't do sentimental."

"She's gotten soft in her old age," Meredith joked.

Derek smiled. "Maybe a little," he said in agreement.

The door suddenly opened and Meredith turned to see Richard, "Oh sorry," Richard stuttered. "I can come back later."

"Wait," Derek said, "It's okay, she's your friend too."

"I was just coming to check her stats," Richard admitted avoiding eye contact with Meredith.

"You can look at me, Richard," Meredith said looking at him, "I'm not going to shoot razors out of my eyes or anything."

"I know it's just..."

"Awkward? Uncomfortable? Pick and adjective," Meredith interrupted him. "But this is about Bailey and your her doctor. You would be doing her an extreme disservice if you weren't giving her the best care possible."

"Okay well," Richard looked at Meredith, "Her stats are stable enough for us to go back in."

"You're going to take her back into the OR?" Meredith asked grabbing Derek's free hand. "Their still low," she said as she gestured to the monitor. "Are you sure that's wise?"

"Well, technically, it's up to Ben," he said looking at Meredith. "He's her proxy."

"Oh," Meredith said getting up, "I'll go get him."

"That went better than I thought," Richard blurted to Derek, breaking the silence between the two men. "Meredith may be stubborn and hardheaded but she's thinking like a doctor," Derek said looking at Richard. "She's doing what she was trained to do."

"She's doing what Bailey taught her to do. And Bailey has done a hell of a job."

"You think now's a good time to get her back into the OR?" Ben Warren asked, as Meredith followed him into the room.

"It's your call, ultimately," Richard looked from Ben to Meredith. "But yeah, Hunt, Shepherd and I think now is our window."

"Do it," Ben said, "because that window is just going to get smaller."

"You heard the man," Meredith said, "start prepping her."

Richard waved over an intern. "Hanson, book a OR for Dr. Bailey."

"Right away sir," the scrawny kid said, rushing over to the nurses station.

"This morning, we were eating eggs and arguing about her not putting the toothpaste cap back on and now I'm waiting to see if she's ever going to wake up again," Ben said breaking the silence.

"You'll have that argument again, Ben," Richard said confidently. "Many more times," he added.

"We'll wait with you," Meredith added looking at Derek.

"Okay," he sighed, "I should probably call Tucker."

"I'll do it," Meredith offered. "He should probably bring Tuck, too. She'll want to see him when she wakes up."

"Good idea Meredith," Ben said handing her his cell phone, "He's the first number I had called."

"Okay," Meredith looked at Ben, "I'll be right back."

"Oh and Meredith," Ben said stopping her, "Thank you."

"Don't worry about it," Meredith said forcing a smile.

Ben could only nod.

* * *

In four hours you could drive from Seattle to Portland, Oregon. In four hours you do two appendectomy's.

In four hours, Meredith realized you could do a lot of things. In four hours, your mentor, friend and member of your surrogate family could die in surgery.

Meredith was sitting next to Tuck reading him a story when she saw Amelia, Richard and Owen approach them in the waiting room. She looked at Owen who couldn't look at her and she knew.

"She's gone," Meredith said quietly, "she didn't make it."

Amelia shook her head. "We did everything we could, Ben. She sustained too many injuries."

Ben broke down, his resolve crumbled and he started sobbing. Meredith got up and put her arms around him. She didn't say anything because there was nothing she could say.

"Mom's dead?" Tuck asked tearfully interrupting Ben's sobs.

Derek nodded, "Yeah, she's gone Tuck," He put his arms around the small boy. "I'm really sorry, Tuck." Derek knew there was nothing he could do or say to ease the pain that he was going to feel. Derek understood that pain, too well.

"Ben," Tuck said walking over to his step-father, "Mom's gone."

Meredith pulled away as Ben held his arms out for Tuck. "I'm sorry, buddy."

"Me too," Tuck put his arms around him. "I want her back."

"Me too," Ben repeated, "Me too."

Meredith quietly sat down next to Derek. He held her hand, "This sucks," he whispered as she put her head on his shoulders, "I hate this."

* * *

Today was Miranda Bailey's funeral and Meredith couldn't believe it.

"Hey," Derek said, watching Meredith stare at the empty closet in their old bedroom.

"I should have left more things," Meredith stated turning around. "Amelia let me borrow this," she gestured to the black pants and gray blouse. Derek didn't say anything, he just sat down on the bed.

He put his face in his hands, "I hate funerals."

"Me too," Meredith added, sitting down next to him. "She wasn't supposed to die."

Derek reached for her hand and in that moment it was enough.

"So," Amelia said interrupting, "Cristina's downstairs."

"Wait, what?" Meredith asked confused. "She's in Switzerland."

"You needed your person," Derek said simply.

Meredith smiled, "Thank you," she said rushing downstairs to find her friend rummaging through her refrigerator.

"Cristina!" Meredith cried causing Cristina to hit her head on the shelf.

"Mer," she turned around, "Way to startle me." She shut the door and walked over to her friend. She held her arms out, "I know we don't cry," she said, "But a hug is totally okay." Meredith nodded and hugged Cristina.

"Mer," Cristina said after a minute of hugging. "You're totally breaking my ribs."

"Oh," Meredith pulled away. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Cristina laughed, "I missed you too."

"You took a flight from Switzerland?" Meredith asked. "How did you know?"

"Derek."

"I wish it was better circumstances, but I'm glad you're here."

"How's Tuck?" Cristina asked changing the subject, "And Ben?"

"Ben is a wreck," Meredith looked at Cristina. "And Tuck is okay."

Cristina nodded. "That's to be expected."

"I know," Meredith looked at the clock. "Crap, we have to leave in like ten minutes. DEREK!" she called. "We have to go."

Meredith turned to Cristina, "He's worse than a girl."

"I heard that," Derek said appearing in the doorway, "Hi Cristina," Derek greeted, walking past them and into the living room. "Have you seen my shoe?" Derek asked as he looked under the coffee table. "I haven't."

"Looking for this?" Amelia asked, holding up Derek's shoe. "It was under my coat. We're all going in my car, right?"

"Yeah," Meredith said, "If that's okay with you."

"Fine," Amelia said fixing her black top. "Is this okay?" She asked, "I mean it's not too sexy?"

She looked at Cristina. "I gave the only non-sexy shirt I own to Meredith."

Meredith laughed, "No it's fine." She looked at Derek, "Tell your sister she's fine."

"Yeah," Derek said humoring Meredith. "You look fine. You all look fine. Now let's go."

"He's touchy," Amelia whispered to Cristina as he shut the door behind him.

"This is how he deals," Meredith sighed. "I'm a pro at dealing with his neurosis."

Cristina chuckled. "Derek would kill you for calling him neurotic."

"I'm just being honest," Meredith snapped as she held the door open for Cristina and Amelia. "Besides," she added shutting the door, "This is our third funeral in like four years. It's a lot of loss."

* * *

"We meet here today to celebrate tribute to the life of Miranda Bailey. To give thanks for her life and the experiences that we shared - and to wish her well now that our time together is over. All the faiths of the World speak of another life after death. We do not know what it is but we can hold on to the hope, the belief or the knowledge of peace, rest, fulfillment and of people being reunited in love. For Miranda, the journey is beginning, but for us, there is loss, grief and pain. Every one of us here has had our life touched - perhaps in the tiniest way, or perhaps totally transformed - by Miranda's existence. We would not be here otherwise. Her life mattered. It is important for us to acknowledge and accept that something fundamental has changed with her going. Life will not be the same - and life should not be the same. Members of Miranda Bailey's family will be telling us more about her life. But first, Derek Shepherd and his wife, Meredith will say a few words about their friend, Miranda Bailey," the priest said, motioning for Derek and Meredith to come up to the podium.

Meredith locked her hand in his as they approached the front of the church. Meredith was nervous. Speeches weren't her thing, but with Derek holding onto her she was anchored. "Hi," Derek began, "I'm Derek Shepherd. I would say we were co-workers, but honestly, Miranda was so much more than a co-worker. She was a mentor, a friend, and incredible surgeon. She was more like family, than a friend. We spent so much time together's in the halls of Seattle Grace that it was hard not to be friends with her. She didn't want to be my friend. I was her boss and she was the utmost professional. But eventually, she warmed up to me." Derek smiled, "I wanted to speak today because you should all know how lucky you are to have known her. She was a forced to be reckoned with but the heart and soul of the hospital," he finished allowing Meredith to step forward.

"Uh," she began nervously scanning the crowd, "I'm Meredith Grey," she looked at Cristina who was looking at her to go on. "I was Miranda's intern when she was a fifth year resident. A lot of people don't know, but we drove her insane. We were always screwing up and undermining her authority, but she pushed us to be better doctors. To be better people. She was the impetus for my choice in surgical specialty and she saved my life on more than one occasion. Like Derek said earlier, Miranda Bailey was the heart of the hospital. She was the glue that held us all together," Meredith felt herself tearing up, "Miranda wasn't just my scary boss, she became my friend, and eventually a vital member of our family. And I'm going to miss her." Cristina looked up at Meredith and her eyes were filled with tears, she finished taking Derek's hand in hers.

"Dr. Cristina Yang and Dr. Alex Karev also have a few words they would like to share," the priest said.

Alex and Cristina walked side by side up toward the podium. "You did good, Mer," Cristina whispered as Derek and Meredith walked back to their seats.

"I'm going to make this short," Alex said, "Because Meredith and Derek summed it up really well. I was also one of her wild interns," Alex began, "I just wanted to say that, Miranda Bailey was the best mentor, person and friend a person could have. I was definitely her least favorite intern. Her favorite was George, we all knew that," Alex cleared his throat. "Dr. Bailey operated on my brother pro bono. She was incredibly selfless and I learned a lot from her and I'm seriously going to miss her slapping me upside the head and telling me I'm an idiot on a daily basis," Alex finished smiling.

Meredith looked up at him and smiled. Cristina stepped up next, "Dr. Bailey didn't like me," Cristina began, "I think she thought I was arrogant, hardcore, and emotionless, which, for the record, I was. Miranda Bailey was instrumental in helping me be a better doctor. She taught me how to be more attentive to the patient as a whole instead of just looking at them as a set of symptoms. Quite honestly, she is the best mentor and friend I have ever had. Derek summed it up perfectly," Cristina looked at Derek. "Bailey was the heart, and without he it's going to be incredibly difficult to go on," She looked at the priest, signaling that she was done speaking. Alex grabbed Cristina's hand as they walked back to their seats next to Derek and Meredith.

"I think I saw Izzie," Cristina whispered, "She was in the very back row."

"I saw her too," Meredith said quietly looking at Alex, "Shit."

The rest of the service was a blur. There wasn't going to be a burial, because Miranda was going home to Maryland. Meredith walked out of the church holding on to both Cristina and Alex, it was an abnormally sunny day in Seattle.

"So..." Alex said as they stood on the sidewalk waiting for Derek, Amelia and Jo. "What's next?"

"Come back to my house," Meredith offered. "We can hangout and order a pizza or something and Derek has beer." She turned to Cristina, "And tequila. You two can get plastered if you want."

"I know you saw Izzie too," Alex said, looking from Meredith to Cristina.

"Yeah."

"So I think pizza and beer sound good."

"What sounds good?" Jo chirped interrupting their conversation.

"We're planning on going back to Meredith's," Alex said, "You're more than welcome to come."

"I think you need your original interns," Jo kissed him on the cheek. "I remember what it was like after Heather..."

"Thanks, Jo." Alex smiled relieved. "I'll see you at the hospital tomorrow then?"

Jo nodded, "See you, Evil Spawn," she grinned.

Alex turned to Cristina, "You taught her my freaking nickname? Great, I'm never going to live that down."

Cristina chuckled. "I had to."

"Alex, ride with us," Meredith offered, "It will be just like old times."

"At least now you have the Mercedes instead of the Jeep," Alex added, "Even if it's a mommy Mercedes."

"It's not a mommy Mercedes," Meredith scoffed. "It's a SUV."

"Mer, it's a mommy car," Cristina added. "But a very non-mom car."

"Meredith," Amelia said walking over to them with Derek, "Definite mom car."

"Alex and Cristina are coming back with us," Meredith said, "In my mom car," she teased as they made their way to the parking lot.

* * *

"Oh my gosh, remember when Bailey caught you and Derek having sex in his car?" Cristina asked taking another shot. She was on her fourth and already pretty inebriated. Meredith groaned, "Yeah, she gave me hell. Told Derek she'd give him hell too, if she saw that he was favoring me."

"Bailey caught you and Derek?" Alex said after taking a double shot Cristina had poured for him. They were all spread out in her living room, with a half eaten box of pizza in front of them. "Why the hell did I ever not know that?"

"You we're probably too busy screwing some nurses and getting syph," Cristina said, "Was it Olivia that week, Alex?"

Amelia and Derek were watching from the kitchen island. "We're they always like that?"

"Drunk?" Derek joked.

"Hell raisers," Amelia supplied.

Derek snickered. "Those three went through six residents when Bailey was on maternity leave. Eventually, they just shipped them off to attending's because then they wouldn't be able to cause as much damage. They needed constant supervision."

"What did they do?"

"Well, short or long version?" Derek asked.

"Short," Amelia said.

"Ok," Derek began and pointed to Cristina,"She was having a secret relationship with Dr. Burke." He looked at Alex, "And he basically slept with everything that had a vagina." Derek paused, "And Izzie, the one who had cancer, fell in love with a cardio patient and cut his LVAD wire to get him a new heart." He looked at Meredith, "Meredith, well, you know about Meredith."

"Wow," Amelia said in shock.

"That was just intern year..." Derek said taking another sip of beer. "You wouldn't believe what happened in their residency."

"Tell me," Amelia prodde. "I'm curious."

"Come on, Mer," Cristina slurred, "You had to have done it with Alex."

Alex looked at Meredith and spit out his beer, "No, we've never done it. Mer's like my sister."

"I'm not saying now, Alex, I'm saying when she was broken up with Derek and boning everything with a penis."

"Cristina!" Meredith interjected, "We didn't do it... Ever," she assured her.

"Speaking of penises," Cristina began...

"Actually, we weren't," Meredith interrupted, "We weren't talking about penises."

"I'm having sex with Burke."

Cristina looked at Meredith who covered her mouth with her hand.

"Apparently, we still have this sort of fatal attraction."

"No," Meredith shook her head, "Seriously? Stop doing it."

"Just because Derek was married, it didn't stop you two from going at it in the on-call room on prom night," Cristina said, taking a swig of tequila straight from the bottle. "And it's ironic really, because Owen cheated on me. I was the cheatee. Now, I'm the cheater."

"Cheatee isn't a real word, Yang," Alex grumbled finishing another shot.

"Cristina stop," Meredith said, "You're just going to get your heart broken."

"I can make myself a new one, Mer," Cristina joked, "I'm really close to finishing the left ventricle," she paused, "I saw Owen today. He waved. A freaking wave." She shook her head, "It's like we weren't even married. Bailey would kill me if she knew I were with Burke."

Cristina looked at Alex, "Good thing she's already dead."

They were all silent at the gravity of what she just said. "I didn't mean that. I can't believe she's dead."

"Me either," Meredith added, "And I can't even drink with you assholes," she cried as her eyes started tearing. "Great, I'm going to cry."

"Don't look at me," Alex said, "I don't cry."

Cristina wiped a tear. "I don't either and I'm crying."

"It's okay to cry," Meredith added, "It feels better once you let it out."

Alex looked somber. "I saw Izzie today," he admitted, "I saw my ex-wife and she looked good. She told me she was still in Washington. I don't know if she's practicing medicine but... I saw her."

"She should be here," Cristina said, "Barbie should be here, crying with us."

"Yeah," Meredith said, "She should but she left us."

"Remember how she tried to suck up to her," Cristina said, "She was such a kiss ass."

"She was too hot to be a doctor," Alex added, "I don't even know why she married me."

"It was the cancer. Cancer does shit to people." She pointed to Meredith, "Like babies."

"You guys had a beautiful wedding," Meredith smiled, "It was gorgeous."

"It was," Alex said agreeing, "But it still should have been yours."

"No, the post-it was more our speed, plus I liked our city hall wedding. We didn't need to declare our undying love for one another or anything."

"No, you had to just have sex on our counter top," Alex said, "You guys went at it like bunnies."

"We we're newlyweds," Meredith shook her head. "You walked in on us, so many times."

"Those," Alex said swiping the tequila bottle from Cristina. "Are memories I do not care to relive... ever," he said taking a swig.

"Bailey cut my spleen out in the dark," Meredith said, "Who does that?"

"Bailey," Cristina and Alex said simultaneously and broke out into a huge grin. The three of them started laughing.

"Are they okay?" Amelia whispered in the kitchen, where she and Derek were still watching them.

"I think they're healing..." Derek whispered back, watching Bailey's former interns deal with their grief.

* * *

The next morning, Meredith woke up between sandwiched Cristina and Alex in her old bed. For most people, it would have been weird, but for Meredith, it felt normal. Grief comes in all forms and she needed her friends. She quietly got up, leaving Cristina snoring, and Alex who was passed next to the empty tequila bottle. They were both going to feel like absolute trash, she thought picking up the empty bottle and going downstairs.

"Hi," Derek greeted as she walked into the kitchen making a beeline for the refrigerator. "I'm starving," she exclaimed dramatically, "taking care of Cristina and Alex made me hungry."

"Amelia left waffles," Derek said taking a sip of coffee, "They're in the freezer."

"Have I told you lately, how much I love your sister?" Meredith asked, opening the freezer to find the waffles.

"Not recently," he murmured going back to the crossword. " Meredith saw him winch when he reached out for his coffee.

"You threw your back out," she observed.

"Yeah, Mer, the couch isn't conducive to sleep."

"Sorry," Meredith shrugged. "They needed me."

"I know," Derek smiled, "You needed them too," he added. "And for the record, when I walked upstairs to check you all did a wonderful rendition of _Sexy and I Know It_ at 3 AM," Meredith cringed. "I am going to tease Cristina about that forever."

"Alex actually has pipes," Derek added.

"It's like I've assumed the mother role, or something," Meredith said heading for the microwave. "I left them Advil upstairs. When they eventually get up, which they will, they are going to have massive hangovers... something I'm not jealous of."

"Hangovers suck," Derek agreed. "I can't remember the last time I had one."

Meredith went over and took her plate out of the microwave. "When you got the Phillips Grant," Meredith supplied, "you went out with everyone but stayed sober for Cristina," she reminded him. "We couldn't sleep, so I brought out the tequila."

"Right," Derek said, "you and your bad decisions."

"It seemed like a good one at the time," Meredith countered. "We did a lot of celebrating that night," she said blushing.

Derek laughed, "We had a lot to celebrate."

"Mer," Cristina groaned walking into the kitchen completely disheveled. Her hair was a mess, and her black dress was disjointed. "Do you have any Advil?"

"I left it on the nightstand for you," she said, "apparently you missed it and by the way you look like shit," Meredith said laughing.

"Not possible. I look better than you," Cristina added looking at Meredith's yoga pants, Dartmouth shirt, and mismatched slippers. "That ratty t-shirt has seen better days," Cristina countered grabbing a glass and filling it with water. "God my throat is so dry," she complained.

"How are you walking?" Meredith asked, "I mean you should be puking and trapped in bed."

"I have a rather high constitution for alcohol, since Tequila is hard to come by I've taken to Explorer Vodka," Cristina said, "I'm only down here because Alex has really strong legs and kicked me off the bed that bastard."

"You know you kind of snore," Meredith said as Cristina sat down next to her.

"It only happens when I'm drunk," Cristina said eyeing Meredith's plate.

"Here," Meredith said sliding it over to her, "take it."

"Thanks," Cristina said picking up her fork. "I'll just make a new one," Meredith said heading toward the freezer. "Holy hell, Mer," Alex said entering the kitchen. "Why did you let me drink so much?" he asked scratching his head. He squinted his eyes, "And you," he said pointing at Cristina, "snore."

"You saw Izzie," Meredith said putting more waffles on her plate.

"And Barbie looked good," Cristina said through a mouthful. "You need to try these," Cristina said gesturing to the waffles, "they are amazing."

Meredith handed Alex her plate, and grabbed herself another one. "I'm sharing my bed and my waffles," she grumbled putting her dish in the microwave.

"This reminds me of the frat house days," Derek mused taking a sip of coffee.

"It wasn't a frat house," Alex and Meredith said together.

"Mer, you took in a lot of strays," Derek added.

"George and Izzie weren't strays," Meredith took her plate out, "They were roommates."

Alex put his plate in the microwave., "Lexie was a stray," he said, "Jackson and April were strays."

"Lexie was my sister," Meredith said finally sitting down. "By definition that's not a stray. And Derek, you lived in a trailer, in the middle of these woods," she added, "If anyone was a stray you were."

Cristina and Alex chuckled. "You tell him," Cristina said through a forkful of waffles.

The doorbell suddenly rang, "Crap," Meredith swore, "I'll get it."

"Expecting anyone?" Cristina asked looking at Derek.

"Yeah my mother and children."

"MAMA!" Bailey and Zola cried as their voices echoed off the walls.

"Hi guys," Meredith said opening the door for Carolyn who had Bailey on her hip and Zola holding her hand. "Dada!" Zola said running over to her father, "missed you," she said as he picked her up and sat her down.

"Hi Zo, did you have fun on the airplane?" Zola nodded and looked at Cristina "Auntie Cristina!" she squealed, "Mama said you were in Switzerland."

"I was Zo, but I came back to visit."

Zola looked at Meredith who had Bailey on her hip.

"Aunties here!" she said smiling.

"I know Zo," Meredith said looking a Cristina, "she told me she can't wait to play with you today," she smirked at Cristina, who glared at her.

"That's right Zo," Cristina sighed, "Alex too."

"Oh," Zola said, "Uncle Alex," she said looking at Alex, "You're going to play too?"

Alex shot Meredith a look before answering Zola's question. "I am," he said simply.

"Meredith," Cristina said, "let Bailey walk."

"Oh right," Meredith put him on the floor. "Bay, go see Auntie Cristina."

Bailey giggled and ran toward his surrogate aunt. He put his arms up for her to pick him up.

"Good job, Bay," she said impressed as she put him on her lap. "He's quick," Cristina added.

"You have no idea," Carolyn said taking a seat next to Alex. "I had to chase him all over the house because he refused to get dressed."

Derek chuckled. "That's just an everyday thing, Ma."

Carolyn rolled her eyes, "He's going to be tough."

"Have you met Cristina or Alex?" Meredith asked going over to the counter top where her plate was cooling.

Carolyn shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Cristina Yang," Cristina said as Bailey picked up her waffle and shoved it into his mouth.

"Bailey," Meredith scolded, "we don't take other people's food."

"It's fine," Cristina said tickling him, "He'll just owe me."

"Alex Karev," Alex said introducing himself.

"Nice to meet you both," Carolyn said, "Meredith, do you have any coffee?"

"Of course," Meredith said reaching for a mug. "Black?"

"Yes," Carolyn nodded. She turned to Derek, "Where's Amelia?"

"The hospital," Derek said, "she left early this morning."

"Oh," Carolyn said disappointed. "I was hoping I would catch her."

"She'll be back tonight," Derek added, "Why?"

"No reason," Carolyn said evasively.

"When's your flight home?" Derek asked. "Because your more than welcome to stay."

"I have your nieces birthday party Derek," Carolyn reminded him.

"Oh right," Derek said, "Jamie."

"Yes, Jamie, she's going to be six," Carolyn added glaring at him.

"I didn't forget," Derek looked at Meredith, "We have a card and gift."

"Right," Meredith interjected, "we do."

Derek nodded. Carolyn shrugged and finished her coffee. "Well I've got to get back to the airport."

"I can't believe you rented a car, Ma. Meredith could have picked you up."

"I wanted to, Derek," she reminded him. "I'll see you soon," she said giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "You too Meredith," she said grabbing her keys.

"Bye Grandma," Zola said waving.

"G-ma!" Bailey exclaimed waving goodbye as Carolyn blew them a kiss and shut the door behind her.

"I never thought I'd see the day," Cristina mused, "Derek Shepherd is a total mama's boy."

Derek scowled. "I'm not a mama's boy."

Meredith giggled. "You are though, Derek."

Alex nodded. "You are dude."

"Dada, what's a mama boy?" Zola asked causing all the adults in the room to start laughing.

* * *

After a day of catering to Zola and Bailey's every whim, Meredith and Cristina passed out on the couch.

"You do this on a regular basis?" Cristina asked yawning.

"Yup," Meredith began, "when Derek was in DC it was just me."

"That must have sucked," Cristina looked down at the mess around them. There were stuffed animals, books and blocks everywhere.

"You have no idea," Meredith said, " and Bailey was an infant too," Meredith added. "They need a lot more attention and when you add a toddler... forget about it."

"You never told me," Cristina said, "why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you."

"We were fighting, Cristina," Meredith reminded her. "We drifted apart and then we said all those horrible things to each other."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that Mer," Cristina said.

"Me too, Cristina," Meredith said leaning her head on Cristina's shoulder. "We just went two completely different ways. You didn't want this," she gestured to the mess, "and at the time, I didn't either."

"We were all about the medicine," Cristina said remembering. "We were going to be kick ass surgeons."

"We are kick ass surgeons," Meredith added. "Except I'm also a wife and mother."

"A women of many hats," Cristina joked. "I'm really, really close to finishing my heart."

Meredith nodded. "I always knew you'd be a medical pioneer."

"Really?" Cristina asked. "You were the medical prodigy," she paused, "with a mother like Ellis Grey, I knew you were the one to beat."

"I used to get pissed," Meredith said, "when people used to judge me because of my last name. But now, I realized that my mother was hard-core personality was a protective mechanism. She loved Richard and when he chose his wife she lost herself in medicine because she could control it... she could make sense of it."

Cristina was silent as Meredith continued. "I could have been my mother. Derek was married, legally that is, and he chose Addison."

"Meredith Grey, you're not your mother," Cristina said, "You have your own story."

"But the point is, Cristina, I could have been. Think about it, say Derek and weren't careful and I got pregnant after Prom," Meredith realized something. "I would have been my mother."

"But Mer, you didn't. And you and Derek aren't Ellis and Richard."

"But the parallels are there, Cristina," Meredith said softly.

"Yeah, but that's where they end," Cristina said, "You're Derek and Meredith, okay? You have this grand love story that your kids are probably going to be jealous of someday. You two are the very definition of soul-mates."

"You don't believe in that crap," Meredith smiled.

"Well, you have changed my mind," Cristina admitted. "When you and Derek look at each other it's obvious to everyone. It just took you a lot longer to realize it."

"I think a person can have more than one soul-mate Cristina," Meredith said, "You're also mine, too."

"Mer," Cristina groaned, "Your such a sap. I'll forgive you, though because of the fetus."

Meredith shook her head, "Speaking of soul-mates... You and Burke? I'm not judging, but really, Cristina?"

"I know," Cristina sighed, "Burke and I are... not like Owen and me."

"Burke left you at the altar, Cristina, his mother took your eyebrows," Meredith pointed out. "We went on your honeymoon to get over Burke and Derek."

"We did a good job of that," Cristina said sarcastically.

"But he's married, Cristina," Meredith said, "I know this is hypercritical coming from me but what about his kids?"

"Burke's a great father," Cristina mused. "He really is. I've met them when they came to visit him... It's just complicated," Cristina trailed off.

"Yeah, complicated," Meredith said putting her feet on the coffee table. "That's life isn't it? Complicated."

"Jo is really good for Alex," Cristina added, "I like her. She keeps him in line."

"She does," Meredith added, "he needs her."

"I think seeing Izzie really threw him," Cristina admitted. "I wish I could be here to help him."

"Me too," Meredith said, "The hospital is going to different."

"How's Richard?" Cristina asked. "Bailey was like his protégé?"

"I only saw Richard at the funeral," Meredith added. "He was a mess at the hospital."

"I bet," Cristina said, "He had to operate on her and he couldn't save her."

"I think they knew, that she was dead before they did damage control," Meredith continued, "Those injuries were bad."

"I'm really going to miss her," Cristina confessed. "Me too," Meredith added as a tear slid down her cheek.

* * *

Life goes on after death. It's an odd thing, really, if you think about it.

Cristina headed back to Zürich, Alex went back to work, and Derek and Meredith went back to the east coast. Time passes regardless of whether you want it to, Meredith thought as she picked up Bailey's 1st birthday cake from the grocery store. What a difference a year makes...

"Mama,"Zola said, sitting in the carriage as they walked down the aisle looking for candles, "can we get Bailey a number 1?"

"Sure, Zo," Meredith said putting the 1 candle in the carriage, "what else do we need?" she wondered aloud.

"Ice cream," Zola said excitedly.

"What kind Zo?" Meredith said smiling as they perused the frozen food aisle.

"Strawberry!" Zola said pointing to a container with strawberries on the cover, "A girl after my heart," Meredith mused.

"Bailey likes strawberry, Mama," as Meredith put it in the cart. "I don't know, actually know if he does," she said smiling. "But we can keep it our secret, okay?"

Zola nodded. "Okay Mama, our secret," she said seriously.

Meredith was about to head for the check out when she heard a voice she recognized. "Shit," she whispered. Now, she really had to get out of here, she thought making a beeline for the register.

"Well if it's Meredith Grey," an older voice said watching her.

"Damn it," Meredith whispered, turning around, "Hi, Aunt Sally," she greeted seeing the woman who looked remarkably like her dead mother. Sally gave Meredith a hug,

"You didn't call this year," she said sadly. "I know, I'm sorry," Meredith sighed.

"Hi," Zola said interrupting, "I'm Zola." Sally looked at her great-niece, "I'm Sally," she said looking at Zola, "It's nice to meet you." She turned to Meredith, "Those email pictures don't do her any justice," Sally said, "And where's the other one?"

"Bailey is home with Derek," Meredith said.

"It's Bailey's birthday," Zola said proudly, "My brother's one."

"Oh," Sally said, "How old are you, Zola?"

"I'm this many," she said holding up four fingers.

Sally laughed, "I didn't know you were in Connecticut," Sally said, "you never mentioned it in your last email."

"Derek got a job in DC and I'm at New York Presbyterian now," Meredith looked at her Aunt and felt guilty. She should have told her.

"Bailey's party is at six, if you want to come," she offered. "It's just my husband's family, but it would be nice to have you there," she said smiling.

"Okay," Sally said, "only if you want me there," she added.

Meredith nodded, "I wouldn't have invited you if I didn't. I'm at 324 Longfellow Street, in Greenwich."

"Okay," Sally said, "I'll be there." She turned to Zo, "Nice to meet you Zola," she said before walking off toward the fruit section.

Meredith turned to Zola. "Now, Mama has some explaining to do when we get home to Dada."

Zola just giggled in response.

* * *

"Derek!" Meredith yelled opening the door, with the cake in her hand. "I need help. The car's full of groceries," she added as Zola brushed pass her.

"Coming," Derek called from the living room. "Bailey is comatose in front of the latest Muppet movie, so he won't escape or anything," he said as he approached the door.

"Oh, and Derek?" Meredith began, "My Aunt Sally is coming too."

Derek stopped, "Wait, what?"

"I ran into my mother's other sister, Sally, at the grocery store with Zola and ended up inviting her to his party."

"You have an aunt Sally?" He asked perplexed.

"Another long story, Derek," Meredith sighed, putting the cake on the counter. "Trust me, I'll explain it later. But we have to start setting up, everyone's coming in an hour."

"The house is clean, Mer," Derek added. "I straightened up the playroom, taking advantage of Bailey just sitting."

"So what can I do to help?" Cristina asked, holding her duffel bags and pushing past Derek. "Mer, you look like you're going to freak out."

"Cristina, thank god you're here," Meredith said taking her bags from her. "You can help Derek, my car is like a grocery store."

"What did you do rob it?" Cristina joked hugging her best friend. "No, but go see for yourself."

"Cristina," Derek said from the walkway, "come make yourself useful."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "I've been here less than a minute and you're already putting me to work," she muttered as she made her way down to the car.

"Mama," Bailey said running into the kitchen, "Zola bad."

Great, now she had to be a referee.

"Zola," Meredith called as she followed Bailey into the playroom. "Bailey's movie was over," Zola said pointing to the television, "I put on Sofia."

"No," Bailey cried folding his arms pouting, "Muppets."

"Zo," Meredith sighed, "How about this, we can put on Sofia in my room. Bailey can watch the muppet's out here."

"Fine," Zola grumbled as she walked pass Meredith and into the kitchen.

"Mama, Muppets," Bailey cheered. Meredith ruffled his hair, "Yeah, I'm working on it, Bay," Meredith said putting it back on. "See, there you go," she said as Bailey planted himself in front of the television.

She walked back into the kitchen were Cristina and Derek were unloading bags, "Bailey has an unnatural love of Muppets," she declared helping them. "I've never seen a kid more obsessed with a television show. Although technically, that works in our favor."

Cristina laughed. "Zo came in her grumbling about how her brother loved Kermit more than her."

Meredith looked at Derek. "Sibling rivalry starting already."

"So are you ready for this, Meredith?" Cristina asked, "All the She-Shepherds?"

Derek snickered. "She-Shepherds?"

"Your sisters," Cristina snapped, "And their flock."

"Derek, there's going forty people here and more than half are under fifteen," Meredith added, "not to mention I haven't met Kate or any of the husbands."

"That's a lot of Shepherds," Cristina commented opening a bag of chips. "A lot," she said before popping one in her mouth.

"Cristina, don't eat the chips," Meredith said grabbing the bag. "

Come on," Cristina pouted, "you have like three more bags."

"No," she snapped, "not happening."

Cristina looked at Derek. "Can't you just go do it or something? She'll relax."

Meredith sighed. "I hate you, Cristina."

"You love me," Cristina grinned. "Besides, this is going to be easy. Seriously, the setting up should be the least of your problems. It's good your yard is huge." Cristina added, "There will be less mess inside."

"That was the plan," Meredith said looking at her backyard. "Wait, Derek," She said pointing to the bouncy house. "You actually ordered one? I thought you were kidding."

Derek smirked. "I would never kid about a bouncy house."

"I can't believe you," Meredith said shaking her head. "He's one. He's not going to remember any of this..."

"Yeah but my nieces and nephews will," Derek countered. "I still have the cool uncle reputation to uphold."

"This is basically your party," Meredith grinned. "Bailey is just your excuse. It's smart."

"It's genius actually," Cristina said pouring chips in a bowl. "The kids will be contained."

"Thank you Cristina," Derek said surprised. "We actually agree on something."

"Don't get used to it Dreamy," she said using his old nickname. Meredith laughed, "It's McDreamy."

"Whatever," Cristina said sneaking a chip.

There was a sudden knock on the door. "That's probably my mother."

"But Derek we're not ready," she looked down at her outfit. "I'm in my sweats, Bailey is basically in his pajama's, nothing is set up..."

"Mer, Breathe," Cristina said, "I'll get Bailey ready," she offered. "I'm good with challenges. You get dressed and Derek," she turned and looked at Derek, "ask your mother to help."

"Cristina," Derek began, "You're just as bossy as Meredith."

"She learned from the best," she said seriously, "now go open the door for your mother whose waiting outside."

Cristina walked out of the Kitchen to grab Bailey while Meredith went upstairs. She was nervous, family made her nervous. She wondered if normal people felt the same way around family. No, she decided, they definitely didn't. She went into her room and pulled open her closet. Zola was absorbed in her cartoon and didn't even notice her mother. She needed to find something good, she knew first impressions were important.

She heard Cristina on the stairs talking to Bailey, "Come on, kid," she said, "we have to get you dressed."

"No," Bailey protested using his favorite word. "

Cristina," Meredith said meeting her in the hallway, "I have no idea what to wear."

"Clothes?" Cristina retorted, "start there."

"No, really. I have no idea. Everything I look at doesn't seem right."

"I can see if I brought anything," Cristina offered. "After changing this one."

"I can do it," Meredith said holding out her arms. "I'll get it done, quickly if you go look for me."

"Okay," Cristina said handing her Bailey. "I don't know what will fit you, but I think I have options."

"Great," Meredith sighed, "I need to go shopping. But since my wardrobe contains scrubs, I really don't see the point."

"I miss scrubs," Cristina said wistfully, "I have to dress professional at all times, unless I'm operating," she grimaced. "I have to do my hair and put on makeup..." she sighed, "It sucks."

"Growing up sucks," Meredith supplied as she walked toward Bailey's room.

"Definitely," Cristina called as she walked downstairs.

"Alright, Bailey," she said as they walked into his room and over to his closet. "You, my friend, have way more clothes than me. Why do you even need half this stuff?" she asked pulling out a Yankee shirt. "Not cool."

"Oh, here," she said finding a green short-sleeved button up shirt. "This might work."

She opened one of his dresser drawers, "Khakis?" she held them up. Bailey shook his head, "Yeah, didn't think so." Meredith rummaged through his short drawer until Bailey pulled out a pair of soft denim shorts. "

Okay." she said, "That might work." She put him down and he ran toward his book shelf, "Of course you're not going to make this easy." She scooted over the shelf, and pulled his athletic shorts off, and quickly slipped on the denim ones. No one told you that changing your kids would be an art form, she thought as she swiftly took his t-shirt off and expertly buttoned up the green one. "

Alright, Bay," she said, satisfied, "You look pretty good. Want to come watch Sofia with Zo?" she asked. Bailey nodded. "Come on then," she said standing up. "Maybe you too can help mama find something to wear."

"Mama, pretty," Bailey said looking at Meredith.

"Dada teach you that?" she asked smiling. "

Yup," Bailey nodded, "Mama pretty," he said giggling running off toward her bed room.

"Derek would teach him that," Cristina said as soon as Meredith walked in. "What a little ladies man."

Meredith looked at the options laid out on her bed. "Okay, so I don't know what fits, and since you weirdly don't own shorts..."

"It rained in Seattle," Meredith said pointedly, "we didn't need shorts."

"Whatever, not the point." She pointed to her maternity jeans, the same ones that Derek found for her the other day. "Those are good. They don't even look like maternity," She pointed to the light pink button up, "You can roll the sleeves up."

Meredith nodded. "I don't know it that will button though," she said, "I barely fit into Amelia's grey blouse."

"Okay," Cristina said, "I did find this purple cotton dress." It was a square neck with thick straps and an empire waist. "I didn't even think you owned any dresses."

"I have a few," Meredith said, "But I'm not really a dress girl. I think that was Izzie's actually."

"Go try it on," Cristina said handing her the two options and ushering her toward the bathroom. Meredith nodded and went into the bathroom shutting the door behind her. She looked at the dress in her hands and tried it on first. It was a little long, but extremely comfortable. She didn't feel exposed at all, but she did look pregnant. She couldn't hide that if she tried at this point.

"So, what do you think?" she asked opening the door.

"I like it," Cristina said, "You look pregnant."

"I thought that too." Meredith said putting her hand on her stomach. "I really can't hide it."

"Nope," Cristina said thoughtfully, "You need earrings or something..." She trailed off and reached into her duffel bag, "I've got these small gold hoops, if you want," she offered holding them up.

"Yeah," Meredith said, taking them and putting them in her ears. "What about now? Better?"

"Yes," Cristina said in approval. "But you have to do something about your hair."

"Oh, yeah," Meredith said pulling it out of her messy bun. Her blonde hair was wavy because she hadn't had the time to straighten it. "Better?"

"Much," Cristina said, "You look less like a mom and more like a person."

"Oh gee, thanks," Meredith said smiling. "Zola what do you think?" She asked the toddler who was intently watching the television screen. Zola turned and looked at Meredith.

"Pretty," she complimented, "I like your dress."

"Thanks, Zo."

"Mama, pretty," Bailey said joining the conversation.

"See you look good, even your kids think so," Cristina said.

"Cris, they say that all the time. It's his sister's I'm worried about..." she said nervously.

"Think of it this way," Cristina said, "Amelia loves you. Lizzie likes you. That's 2 out of four. Not terrible odds."

"That's only fifty-pecent," Meredith retorted. "But at least I've got Carolyn."

"Mer, that woman loves you. She took your kids on a plane across the country, then turned around and came home. That's love."

"That's true," Meredith said, looking at her reflection in the long mirror. "I think I need some makeup."

"Maybe some mascara and eyeliner?" Cristina suggested.

"Meredith!" Derek called from downstairs, "Bring Bailey and Zola downstairs. My sister is here."

"Great, which one?" Meredith whispered to Cristina. "Seriously, I wish he had brother's. Come on guys, let's go see your cousins."

"But Mama, it's not over yet," Zola protested, pouting.

"Come on Zo," Cristina said taking her god-daughter's hand. "There's a bouncy house downstairs."

"A bouncy house?" Zola asked as her eyes lit up.

"Yeah," Cristina said, "You can go bounce on it with your brother and cousins."

Zola nodded and followed Cristina downstairs. "Let's go, Bailey," Meredith said picking up the toddler who was now frowning. "I don't want to go down there either... But it's your birthday and we have cake downstairs."

"Cake?" Bailey asked, clinging on his mother's neck.

"Yeah, cake and ice cream."

"Okay," Bailey said as Meredith walked downstairs. "

Hi Mer," Lizzie greeted seeing Bailey wrapped around his mother. "This must be the birthday boy, Bailey."

"Hi," Bailey said shyly, burrowing his face in his mother's neck.

"Bailey, this is your aunt Lizzie."

"Hey, Bailey, want to come meet your cousins?" she asked smiling. Bailey nodded. "They're all outside on the bouncy house," Lizzie said as they walked past the kitchen and opened the sliding doors. Derek was on the grill, talking to a man Meredith assumed to be Lizzie's husband, and Carolyn was standing by the bouncy house watching her grandchildren play. Meredith unwrapped Bailey's arms and put him on the ground.

"Go play," she said encouraging him.

Lizzie held out her hand, "Come on Bailey, we can go together." Bailey took her hand and walked over to the bouncy house as Meredith trailed behind them.

"Where's Cristina?" she asked looking at Derek.

Derek turned around with a spatula in his hand and pointed to the bouncy house. "She's in there with Zola."

Meredith shook her head, "I swear she's like an overgrown child." She walked over to the grill, "I'm Meredith," she said introducing herself to the dark-haired man standing next to Derek.

"I'm Kevin," he said shaking her hand, "You have a great house," he said sincerely.

"Thanks, Carolyn found it actually."

Kevin smiled, "She's got good taste."

Meredith nodded, "Derek where did you put the drinks?" she asked, wishing she could have some wine or something.

"They're in the cooler, by the door," he said, "You literally walked by them."

"Right," she looked at Kevin, "Do you want a beer or something?" She asked remembering her manners. "Derek has some in the fridge... I think," she babbled.

"A beer would be good," Kevin said, "Thanks."

"Derek?" she asked.

"Yeah, thanks Mer."

Meredith nodded glad to be given a task, something to stop her from babbling. "Mom," she heard someone groan from the kitchen, "I can't believe you made me come to a one year old's birthday party."

"Danielle," she heard Nancy say, "Be nice."

"Uh, hi," Meredith said entering the Kitchen.

"Meredith," Nancy greeted cooly, "It's been a while," she said staring at her.

"It has," Meredith agreed as two boys rushed past them and through the sliding doors.

"Sorry, that was Scott and Dylan who apparently forget all manner's when they see a bouncy house."

Meredith laughed, "It's okay, Lizzie's kids did the same thing."

"Let me guess, the bouncy house was Derek's idea?" Nancy asked handing Meredith a gift.

"Thank you," Meredith said putting it on the counter, "And yes, it was. I didn't think he'd actually do it."

"This is my daughter, Danielle," she said introducing a petite girl with long brown hair and glasses. "She just turned thirteen and now hates everything," she added glaring at her daughter.

"Hi, Danielle," Meredith said, "Are you hungry?" she asked. Danielle nodded, "Go find you're uncle, he'll make you something."

Danielle smiled, "Okay," she said pushing open the doors to outside.

"You know," Nancy commented, "That's probably the first genuine smile I've seen from her all day," she said, "Do you need any help with anything?"

"No, Derek and your mother got everything set," Meredith said, "But thank you." She opened the fridge and grabbed a few beers, "Meredith," Nancy said looking at her, "I'm sure you already knew this but you shouldn't be drinking when your pregnant."

"They're for Derek and Kevin," Meredith smiled. "

"I was thinking between 12 and 16 weeks," Nancy said opening the fridge and grabbing her own beer. "Congratulations."

"Fifteen," Meredith said, "and thank you."

"Meredith couldn't believe she was having a civil conversation with her sister-in-law, "Sorry, I was such a bitch."

"You're forgiven," Meredith said, "I like Addison too," she added.

"She told me you guys are working together," Nancy said, "and that I should give you a chance."

"She did, did she?" Meredith asked. "I might have to thank her."

Nancy smiled, "You might. Let's go give the men their beers, they're probably melting by now," she joked opening the door.

"Hey," Derek said looking at Nancy and Meredith walking outside together, "am I seeing things?"

"Hi, little brother," Nancy greeted. "Congrats on the kid."

Derek looked at Meredith, "You told her?"

"Derek," Nancy said, "I'm a obstetrician and she looks pregnant. It's not rocket science or anything."

"Congrats Derek," Mike said slapping him on the back. "Ouch," Derek said rubbing his shoulder, "That hurt you asshole," he said grinning.

"Sorry, bro," Mike shrugged.

Meredith shook her head, "I'm going to check on the kids," she looked at Derek, "and Cristina," she added as an afterthought.

"Mer!" Cristina called, jumping up and down, "This thing is awesome. You should try it."

"No, I'm good," she called.

"Mama come jump!" Zola cried, holding her cousin, Annabelle's hand. "Please?" she asked using her cute voice.

"Later, Zo," she promised. "I need to get the food ready."

Cristina bounced over to the mesh and slid out. "Seriously Mer, can you buy that thing?"

"Will you live in it?" Meredith countered.

"No, but I'd definitely visit you more," she teased.

"Hey, Meredith!" Derek called, "Can you tell me who wants what? I need to know what to put on the grill."

"Alright guys," Meredith asked, "Hamburger or hot dogs?"

"Hamburger, Mama," Zola said. "Me too," Annabelle repeated, "I want a hot dog," Dylan said looking at his brother. "Me too."

"Can I have a hamburger," Lizzie's daughter Katie asked politely, "I'd like a hot dog please," Lizzie's son, Alex said, "And Jake will have one too," He added looking at his little brother who was bouncing next to Bailey. "Mama, Dog," Bailey said giggling.

"Three hamburgers and five hot dogs," Meredith said looking at Cristina, "Did I get that right?"

"I think so," Cristina said as they walked upstairs where the adults were all sitting and laughing at the table. "The girls want hamburgers and the boys want hot dogs," she said walking over to Derek. "Three burgers and five hot dogs, that's easy." Derek said reaching for the hot dogs, "I haven't mentioned today, how gorgeous you look," Derek said whispering in her ear. Meredith smiled, "It's Izzie's dress actually." Derek raised an eyebrow. "It was in my closet, I have no clue how it got there," she added. "I'm not really a dress type of girl. But it was the only thing that fit and looked right."

Derek laughed. "Seriously, Cristina had me try on my blouse and I couldn't button it. My boobs were spilling out of it," she said laughing. "Totally not okay."

"Will you two stop flirting and grill," Cristina said coming over to them with a tray. "I'm stuck listening to Nancy talk about some emergency c-section she did yesterday," she said pouting. "It's like I'm a member of the vagina squad."

Meredith chuckled. "She's not that bad," she admitted.

Cristina made a face, "You made up or whatever."

"We were never fighting," Meredith reminded her. "She just was kind of nasty to me."

"Derek," a voice bellowed, "Miss me little brother?" his sister Kathleen said.

"Kate," Derek smiled, "Of course I did." He handed Meredith the spatula.

"Uh-" Meredith turned to Cristina, "What do I do with this?"

"She looks the most like Derek," Cristina commented, taking the spatula away from Meredith. "I have no idea why he'd trust you with flipping burgers. Just go meet the other She-shepherd," she whispered giving her a small push.

"Fine," Meredith snapped. "Hi," she said going over to where Derek was in the middle of hugging his sister, "I'm Meredith."

Kate nodded, "It's nice to finally meet you," she said, "although, you're intern was pretty nice too," she joked.

"Right, I made Brooks call you," she said, "Sorry about that."

"No, it's fine," Kathleen said, "We would have done anything for Derek here anyway. Although if it were me, you would have only had to use one leg."

"Shut up, Kate," Lizzie said, "I can't help it if I have short legs."

Meredith laughed. "I'm Steve," a man said introducing himself, "Kate here forgot her manners." Kate glared at her husband, "I haven't seen my brother in almost seven years, I'm allowed to give him a hug," she said. "And over there, she said pointing to the second table, the one Meredith and Derek set up for the kids, "Are Lily, Joe, Sean and Mark," she said pointing to her kids. She turned toward Lizzie who was talking with a teenager with long black hair, "is my oldest, Sophie. I know, there are a lot of us," Kate said apologizing. "And this must be Zola and Bailey," she said pointing at Zola and Bailey who were listening to their older cousins talk. "They are adorable," she said looking from Derek to Meredith. "I can't believe he's one," Kate said, "It went by so fast."

"It really did," Derek said sliding an arm around Meredith's waist. "He's a handful, though. He started walking about a month ago, and zooms around the house like a hurricane."

"Sounds like Amelia," Kate said smiling, "speaking of, she's coming right?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "She has to work."

"She likes Seattle," Kate mused, "apparently, she loves your house."

Derek laughed. "I swear she's like the female version of me."

"Derek, she completely worships you, you idiot," she smirked. "She's like president of your fan club."

"She does not," Derek disagreed. "She's just Amelia."

"Derek!" Cristina said waving him over, "I think this is done?"

"Excuse me," he said looking at his sister, "but I have to go save the hamburger's Cristina is about to char."

Meredith laughed. "Cristina's my best friend," Meredith said looking at Kate, "she and Derek have an interesting friendship. Well actually, they're not really friends. They only tolerate each other for my sake," she babbled.

Kate laughed, "Relax Meredith," she said walking with her over to the table, "I don't bite."

"For some reason you are the sister I worried about the most," Meredith admitted taking an empty seat next to Lizzie.

"Hey, now," Lizzie interjected, "I thought I was the scariest sister."

"No that's definitely me," Nancy said causing them all to laugh.

"So this is what it's like," Meredith said gesturing to all the sisters, "You all interjecting and giving each other shit."

Lizzie laughed, "All the time."

She looked at Sophie for confirmation, "Right Soph?" she asked her oldest niece.

"Seriously, all the time," Sophie confirmed, "All they do is call each other, fight, and make up. It's not normal."

"No family is normal, Sophie," Carolyn said smiling, "Name one normal one?"

"Uh," Sophie said thinking.

"You can't," Carolyn said knowingly. "Because they don't exist."

"But you are all really, weird," Sophie said smiling taking a sip of her soda, "Right Dani?" she said asking for reinforcement. Danielle nodded, "Definitely weird."

"Don't listen to them," Carolyn shaking her head, "They're teenagers who are programmed to think that family is embarrassing and weird."

"Come on, Grandma," Sophie said, "You seriously think we're normal?"

"Yes," the Shepherd sisters said together.

"Yeah, that's not freaky or anything," she said laughing.

"So Meredith," Sophie said looking at her new aunt, "Ninja's or Pirates?"

"Seriously Soph," Derek said from the grill, "Meredith has no idea what you're talking about."

"You didn't even ask her, Uncle Derek?" Sophie said, "That's pathetic." She turned to Meredith, "Okay since I was like, six, we've been debating what would be cooler to be, a pirate or a ninja."

"It's like the great debate or something," Lizzie explained, "all because Derek decided that instead of playing pretty, pretty princess, he was going to play would you rather with a six-year-old."

"We're tied," Sophie said, "Maybe you can break it."

"Well," Meredith said thinking for a moment, "I can see both sides. Ninja's are experts at stealth and deception," Meredith said thoughtfully. "But pirates are generally larger and more straightforward they also have a crew where Ninja's are more solitary creatures."

She looked at Sophie, who was mulling over her answer. "But," Meredith began, "If I had to choose, I'd definitely say pirate. A bunch of pirates can kick more ass than one measly ninja."

Sophie looked at Derek, "I win. Told you pirates were more badass, Uncle Derek."

"You've effectively broke our tie, Meredith," Derek said smiling.

"She's smarter than Aunt Addison," Sophie said smiling. "Because I think she only picked ninja's because you did."

"Hey, Addison's pretty smart too," Meredith said sticking up for his ex-wife. All eyes at the table fell on Meredith.

"You know Aunt Addison?" Sophie asked curiously. "We work at the hospital together," Meredith said, "And I knew her in Seattle."

"Oh," Sophie said, "That's cool."

"Food's ready," Derek said, "I got there just in time, Cristina's grill skills are not up to par with her surgical ones."

"Next time you need surgery, Derek," Cristina muttered. "Don't come to me," she teased.

Derek shook his head, "Deal."

Meredith got up to grab a tray. "I like your sisters," she whispered to Derek.

"I told you there was nothing to be worried about," Derek said grabbing the giant salad bowl.

Meredith walked over to the kids table and set the food down. It was like she blinked and it was gone except for Bailey's hot dog. She grabbed it and put it on his plate, "Mama, no cut."

"Bailey, you need small pieces," she said picking up the fork and knife. "Sorry bud, maybe next year."

Bailey made a face. "I know, you want to be like the big kids right?"

"Hey Bailey," Dylan said, "I'm going to eat my hot dog like you," he took it out of the bun, "See?" he said cutting it up. Bailey smiled, "Dog."

"Right," Dylan said, "hot dog."

"I'm going to do the same," Jake said joining in. The other boys at the table all took the hot dogs out of the buns and ate them like Bailey.

Meredith thought she was going to cry, it was so sweet.

"Mer," Cristina said, "Where's the beer?"

"Uh, the fridge?" She said walking over to the adult table. "Why do you look like you're going to cry?" Cristina asked through a mouthful of hamburger.

"It's the birthday blues," Kate said, "I got them every year."

"Mom, you're pathetic," Sophie said, shaking her head. She looked at Meredith, "It's true she still cries on my birthday."

"I don't think that's why," Nancy said knowingly.

"It's nothing really," Meredith said, "It's just Bailey couldn't eat the hot dog like his older cousins so Dylan took his out of the bun and said he'd eat it like Bailey... Then they all did that."

"That's so sweet," Lizzie gushed.

Cristina just shook her head, "Come on," she said getting up, "Let's get me a beer."

"Do they go everywhere together?" Carolyn asked watching Meredith and Cristina go into the kitchen.

"Basically," Derek said, "But Cristina's been in Zürich so Meredith gets a free pass."

"Cristina's like her sister," Kate said, "You can tell."

"They are closer than sisters, if that's possible," Derek looked at Kate. "They're kind of like ET and Eliot."

""You have to really love Meredith then."

"Without a doubt, Kate," Derek said, "I like Cristina too, she's grown on me like a fungus or something you can't get rid of."

"I heard that Derek," Cristina said coming outside handing him a beer. "But thanks, you're like a fungus too."

"Where's Mer?" Derek asked.

"Bathroom," Cristina said sitting down. "What did I miss? Any good Derek stories?"

"No," Lizzie said, "Derek was just comparing you and Meredith to ET."

"The movie about the alien?" Cristina said taking a sip of her beer. "Seriously Budweiser sucks now. I miss the swiss beer."

"Yes, the movie about the alien," Derek said shaking his head. "Do you own a television, Yang?"

"I own an Ipad and a Netflix account, which is basically, the same thing," she said.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Mer," Cristina said seeing Meredith in the doorway, "your stupid husband was comparing our friendship to ET."

"He's said that before," Meredith said finally sitting down. "I think it's a good analogy."

Cristina shook her head. "I like the twisted sisters, better" Cristina said taking a sip of beer.

"I don't really think that's applicable," Meredith said, "We're not as twisted anymore."

"It's better than ET and Elliot," Cristina said, "and I'm definitely the Elliot in our friendship."

Meredith glared at her. "No way, I'm Elliot."

"Mer," Cristina said seriously, "I'm not the alien. You are."

"Do you bicker like this all the time?" Sophie asked, curiously. "Yes," Derek, Cristina and Meredith said together.

"Okay," Sophie said, "Maybe the having the same thoughts is more normal than I thought."

"So Carolyn," Cristina said looking at the matriarch of the family, "Have any good Derek stories?"

"She's been dying for some good ones," Derek said rolling his eyes, "She wants blackmail."

"Okay, this is a good one," Carolyn began, "Derek was Bailey's age and I had asked my husband to keep an eye on him and the girls. I had to go to the store or something," Carolyn said. "I know this one," Nancy smirked. "Don't ruin it Nanny," Carolyn said looking at Nancy. "I come home and the house was quiet. Kate and Nancy were not quiet kids," Carolyn said, "And you know when your house is quiet..."

"Kids are up to mischief," Kate supplied. "Right," Carolyn said, "I went into the living room and my husband was sound asleep on the couch. I woke him up and yelled at him for falling asleep when he was supposed to be watching the kids. He and I split up and searched everywhere downstairs, until we heard giggling upstairs. We gently opened the door to Kate's room to find Derek, dressed in his sister's clothes, and a tutu having a tea party with them. He was even wearing Nancy's giant pink bow on his bald head."

Meredith and Cristina burst out laughing.

"That's too good," Meredith said. She turned to Dere. "Now I understand why you never fight the tiara," Meredith chuckled.

"Mom emailed those pictures," Lizzie said laughing.

Derek looked at Meredith, "Guilty," she said, "Carolyn asked and I can't say no to your mother."

"You should try it sometime, Mer," Derek said looking at her. "Or I might have to start saying no to you."

"Yeah right," Cristina scoffed, "totally not possible."

"Wait, Derek was bald?" Meredith asked looking at Carolyn. "He said he always had hair."

"That was a lie," Nancy snickered. "He didn't have hair until he was two."

"True," Carolyn said, "He didn't. I'm shocked Bailey has hair considering you told me you were bald too."

"He has a little hair," Meredith said watching him interact with his cousins, "It's growing in."

"Any good Bailey stories, Mer?" Lizzie asked wanting more information about her nephew.

"Uh," Meredith said thinking, "His first word other than 'Mama' and 'Dada' was 'Brain'. But only because Derek has inundated him with neuroscience since he was in the womb. He used to move a lot, he would kick me literally all the time, and the only way he would stop was if Derek talked to my belly."

"It's true," Cristina said, "I'd try talking to him and he'd just kick her harder."

"He was good when I did surgeries," Meredith said, "I think it was machines, he seemed to like them."

"When I was pregnant with Danielle, she used to quiet down too around the machines," Nancy said.

"When Bailey was a month old, Derek took him to see his first craniotomy," Meredith said, "I wasn't too excited about that."

Kate laughed, "You're the only person in the world who would take an infant to see a Craniotomy."

"I had been getting stir crazy," Derek admitted. "So I went into teach and brought my interns into the gallery. Bailey just happened to be sleeping in the baby pouch."

"You could have left him home with me and Zola," Meredith added.

"Meredith, you hadn't slept at all since we brought him home. Zola was perfectly content to stay home and watch movies with you all day," Derek said as Meredith just shook her head.

"Little brother, babies don't belong in OR galleries," Nancy said looking at Meredith. "I totally agree with you."

"Oh come on," Cristina interjected, "I think it's awesome."

Derek looked at Cristina, "Really, Yang?" he asked surprised that she was agreeing with him.

"I didn't get to see the inside of a OR until my intern year. Bailey is already way ahead of me."

"I'm glad we agree on something," Derek said looking at Cristina in approval.

"You two are on my shit list," Meredith said looking at Cristina and Derek.

"You'll get over it," Cristina and Derek said in unison. "Weird."

"Mama," Bailey said walking over to his mother. He pulled on her dress, "Cake?"

"I think your cousin's are still eating, bud," she said picking him up and putting him on her lap. "But soon," she promised.

"Hi Bailey," Kate said, "I'm your aunt Kate."

Bailey looked at her, "Auntie Kat," he said trying it out. "That's right Bailey," Kate smiled, "Happy Birthday."

Bailey smiled, "Cake," he said excitedly.

"As you can tell," Meredith said, "That's all he really understands. Zola explained how every birthday you get cake."

"Zola," Bailey said, "Sister."

"He's also learning names and relationships," Meredith said, "Whose that?" She asked pointing to Cristina, "Auntie T!" Bailey said smiling.

"Good job, Bay," Cristina said smiling.

"Whose that?" she asked pointing at Carolyn.

"G-ma!" Bailey clapped.

"Right, Bailey," Meredith pointed to Lizzie."Whose that, Bailey?"

"Auntie Izzie," Bailey said pointing at Lizzie.

"Who am I?" Nancy asked grinning.

"Auntie ancy" Bailey said remembering the aunt he'd just met.

"Wow," Nancy said looking at Derek, "I'm impressed."

"He's pretty impressive," Meredith mused. She pointed at Kate, "Bay, whose that?"

"Auntie Kat," Bailey said looking at Kate.

"Good job, Bay." Meredith said as he put his arms around her. "He's like a monkey," Meredith explained, "He always has to have his arms around my neck." He burrowed his face in her neck, and looked at all the adults.

"He looks sleepy," Cristina said, "You should probably do cake soon. Or he might fall asleep in it," Cristina joked.

"I can go clear the kids table," Nancy offered pointing to the trash can. "It'll take me two minutes tops."

"Alright," she said looking at Derek, "Can you go get the cake?"

"Mer, it's huge," Cristina said standing up, "I'll help."

"Thanks, Yang," Derek said as they went into the kitchen.

"Monkey," Meredith said, as Bailey started to close his eyes, "We're going to do the cake."

"Cake?" Bailey asked more alert.

"Yeah," she said, "It's huge."

"Kids table all clear," Nancy said as she put the last plate in the trash.

"Thanks, Nancy," Meredith said unlocking Bailey's arms from her neck, "Dada's bringing the cake out now," she said watching Derek and Cristina carefully maneuver the cake out the sliding doors.

"Careful, Cristina," Derek scolded. "Relax, Derek," she snapped. Meredith shook her head, "you two can't be normal for once?"

"Nope," Cristina said as they put the sheet cake in front of Bailey. Zola had picked it out, specifically for Bailey, it was a jungle scene.

The kids were now coming over to the table, "Wow," Dylan said, "look at that cake."

"Impressive," Jake said in agreement. "You can light the candle now Derek," Meredith said handing him the matchbook.

"Ready?" He said as he lit the candle.

"Happy Birthday to you," they all sang, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to Bailey, Happy Birthday to you."

Bailey laughed, watching everyone sing for him. He clapped his hands when they were done. "Bailey," Meredith said, "Blow out the candle."

Zola looked at her brother, "Like this," she said lowering her mouth toward the flame. "Then blow."

"Do it with, Zo," Derek said, encouraging her. Bailey looked at his sister and copied her. Together they blew out his candle.

"Good job Bailey," everyone said clapping. Bailey wasn't going to wait any longer and stuck both his hands into the cake.

"Oh Bailey," Zola said seeing her brother put his frosting covered hands into his mouth. "You're not supposed to do that," she said laughing.

Meredith and Derek couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't worry," Carolyn said, walking over, "we can cut that part for Bailey." She grabbed the knife. "Good thing you bought a huge cake," Carolyn said.

"Zola did it on her second birthday," Meredith added, "We were ready."

Carolyn put the piece of cake he ruined in front of him, "Cake," he squealed.

"Crap, Derek, the ice cream is in the freezer."

"I got it," Kate said, getting up.

"Thanks," Meredith said smiling as Bailey touched her face with the frosting. "Bailey," Meredith laughed, "You got frosting all over me."

He put his fist in his mouth. "You're totally going to need a bath after this," Meredith said looking down at her dress that was covered with blue frosting. "Maybe I do too."

Kate returned with the ice cream. "Who wants ice cream?" Kate asked the kids who were waiting in line as Carolyn cut them cake.

"Me," few of them shouted.

"Meredith you got strawberry," Derek said looking at the container.

"Zola picked it," Meredith said lamely. "I just bought it."

"Mama likes Strawberry," Zola said, "I think my brother or sister does too."

"You're pregnant?" Kate and Lizzie gasped looking at Meredith. "Really? Another Shepherd?"

"Another brother or sister," Zola said as Carolyn put a piece of cake on her plate.

Lizzie looked at Nancy, "Why are you not surprised?"

"I'm an OB, I guessed earlier," she said looking at Meredith. "Come on you two are doctors don't tell me that you weren't thinking the same thing..."

"Mom knew," Kate said, "She wasn't surprised."

"Amelia knows too," Meredith said, "She guessed."

"Congrats, Mer," Kate said hugging her. "Wow," Meredith said taken aback, "Thanks."

"Well, I knew about Bailey before any of you did," Lizzie said, "So I guess I can forgive you Mer, for not telling me earlier."

Meredith laughed. "Okay, Lizzie."

"Mama," Bailey said holding his hands up, "sticky."

"Let's go wash your hands, Bailey. That's what happens when you stick your hands in cake, buddy," she said standing up.

"I see it," Kate said shaking her head, "How did I miss that?" she asked pointing at Meredith's stomach, "I'm an idiot."

"Yeah, you two are," Derek said looking from Lizzie to Kate, "And you have MD's too."

"Shut it, Derek," Lizzie said laughing.

"Mama up," Bailey said holding his hands up. "You are getting too big for this Bay," Meredith said, "But it's your birthday so I can make an exception." He wrapped his arms around his mother and put his head on her chest. "I think I'm going to put him down," Meredith said, "He's exhausted."

"Alright," Derek nodded, "He looks like he's going to fall asleep now."

"Hopefully he won't wake up tonight," Meredith said going inside.

She went past the kitchen and grabbed the wipes. "Bay, did you have fun birthday?"

"Yup," Bailey yawned, "Fun, Mama."

"Good, I'm glad," she said smiling. "You know, I was so terrified about today," Meredith confessed as she walked up the stairs, "But it went well. Family isn't so scary, Bay," she said, "You have a good one. I'm a little jealous actually. Your great-aunt, Sally was supposed to come but I knew she wouldn't. My mother's family isn't like this one. Your grandfather, Thatcher, did send you a birthday card. We got it in the mail today," she babbled as she walked into his room. Aunt Lexie would have loved to have met you, Buddy. But she's in heaven with Mark and my friend Miranda, who you are actually named after." Bailey yawned as Meredith quickly changed him into his pajama's and wiped his face and hands. "You know, Bay," she said staring at him, "You're my miracle baby. Mama was told she couldn't have kids. But they were wrong." She said picking him up and cradling him. "Very wrong."

She walked over to his crib and put him down, "Happy Birthday, baby," she whispered, as she pulled up his blanket and turned on his mobile. "I'll see you in the morning." She turned the fan on and quietly crept out of the room backwards.

"Oh," she said feeling arms around her, "Derek, you need to cut that out. You're not stealthy."

"I'm pretty stealthy, Mer," Derek whispered.

"So how much of that did you hear?" Meredith asked.

"All of it," Derek confessed, "It was very sweet."

"I meant it," Meredith said, "Every single word." She turning around. "We have a one year old," she said putting her arms around him. She fit perfectly under his chin, "It's strange."

"You're thinking about Miranda," Derek said softly. "Yeah, I mean it's hard not to. She made this possible, Derek. I owe her my life."

"I know," Derek said, kissing her head. "I know."

Meredith pulled away. "I need to change. Bailey got frosting all over my dress," she said gesturing to the blue spots. "I think they're cute," Derek said smirking.

"No, we are not having a quickie while your entire family is downstairs," Meredith said laughing. "Come on, it's not like they don't know. Nancy even caught us."

"That's not a memory I care to remember Derek," she said laughing, "Go rescue Cristina," she said seriously, "Mer, if there's one person who doesn't ever need rescuing it's Cristina."

"Yeah, well, no sex," she said waking toward their room.

"You owe me, Grey," Derek said, as he walked downstairs. "Yeah whatever," she said sighing. She shimmed out of the dress, pulled open her drawer and grabbed a pair of leggings. She slid them on and looked for a shirt. She eyed Derek's blue short-sleeved Columbia shirt rumpled on the ground.

"Perfect," she said grabbing it and pulling it over her head. She walked downstairs and found Cristina in the fridge. "Why did you only buy a 24 pack Mer," she grumbled. "

Cristina," Meredith said opening the oven and grabbed the bottle of Tequila that she hid in there. "This is yours," Meredith said, "I made Derek buy you one."

"This is why we're friends," Cristina said taking the bottle, "beer just doesn't do it anymore."

"I hear you," Kate said coming into the kitchen, "Aw, I'm missing the fun party in here."

Meredith laughed. "Cristina is my Tequila buddy. But I'm sure if you wanted some she'd share," Meredith shot Cristina a look.

"Yeah," Cristina said, "I can share."

"I'd love a shot," Kate said, "I haven't done one in a while." She opened the fridge and grabbed a lime. "Where's your salt?"

Cristina smiled, "Kate you're slowly becoming my favorite."

Meredith opened the cabinet above the stove and put the salt on the counter.

"Kate," Lizzie groaned, "You should have been back with my beer... Wait you guys are doing Tequila shots in here?"

"I'm supervising," Meredith said, as Cristina poured three shots. "Here," she said handing Lizzie one.

"Alright," Lizzie shrugged, "I'm in."

"We should ask Nancy," Kate said, "she's the shot queen."

"Ask me what?" Nancy said coming into the kitchen. "Oh, we're taking shots? Meredith your holding out on us."

Cristina grumbled and poured a fourth shot. She handed it to Nancy. "Here you go, shot queen."

"Thank you, bartender," Nancy said laughing.

"Seriously though, you're lucky Mer's knocked up or she'd drink all of you skinny bitches under the table," Cristina declared cutting up the lime. "Cristina!" Meredith warned.

"What? It's the truth."

"I used to party," Meredith said, "a lot actually."

"It's alright, Mer," Nancy said, "We all partied. I was the worse."

"She was," Lizzie said in agreement, "she used to dance on table tops."

"Really?" Meredith asked, she couldnt' see it. "I was a whole other person back then."

"I can relate," Meredith said, "Me too."

"Are we taking this shot, or we just going to look at it?" Cristina asked as she held up the salt.

"Salt me," Lizzie said.

"Me too," Kate added.

Cristina looked at Nancy, "I don't need salt," Nancy said looking at her sisters.

"Impressive," Cristina mused. "Mer, salt?" she asked sweetly.

"Screw you, Cristina," she said smiling through her teeth.

"What's going on?" Carolyn asked coming into the kitchen. "Oh," she said looking at the guilty party. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Nancy said, "Want to do one with us?"

"She won't," Kate said, "She barely drinks wine."

"I've done a tequila shot or two in my day," Carolyn Shepherd said staring at the bottle. "Pour me one."

"Mer, you've married into the right family," Cristina said pouring another shot for Carolyn. "Here you go, Mama Shepherd," she handed her a glass.

"Salt me," she said after taking it. "Alright, Mom," Nancy cheered, as Cristina salted her hand. "

On my count," Meredith began, "Three, two... one."

Cristina and Nancy were the first ones done. "I like you McBitchy," Cristina said as Carolyn finished her shot.

"Done," she declared grabbing the lime and putting it in her mouth.

"That is terrible," she said making a face, "I don't know how you two could just knock it back like that."

"What the hell are you guys doing in here?" Derek asked walking into the kitchen. He looked at Meredith.

"We were doing shots with your mother and sisters," Cristina said holding up the Tequila, "Want one?"

"You got my mother to do a shot?" he asked laughing, "No way."

"Actually," Carolyn began, "I asked to do one."

"That was gross," Kate said looking at Lizzie, who nodded. "Mom, you were faster than us..."

"I feel like this is a little wrong," Meredith said laughing, "Doing shots at our son's first birthday."

"On Sophie's first birthday I got plastered on red wine," Kate admitted.

"I drank too," Nancy said, "After Danielle fell asleep."

"So this is like a tradition?" Meredith said, "A weird Shepherd tradition?"

"Welcome to the club, Meredith," Nancy said looking at her sister-in-law.

"Derek are you going to sit here and watch us or are you going to take a shot?" Cristina asked holding the bottle.

"You know that stuff is expensive," Derek said, "Meredith made me get you the good stuff."

"Well, now I'm sharing with your mother and sister's you can buy me another one," Cristina said grabbing another shot glass. "I should wonder why you have so many shot glasses, Derek," Cristina said putting it on the table, "But then I realize you live with Meredith."

Meredith shook her head, "Cristina, I'm going to kill you."

"Whatever, I'm just going to drink." She poured five more shots, "Here's to Bailey!" she cheered, "His first birthday. We only have twenty more years until he can do this with us," Cristina joked before downing her shot.

"To Bailey," everyone said, taking a shot.

"Mer, I don't know how you used to drink this," Derek said slamming his shot on the counter. "It's like pure alcohol. We should go back outside, Kevin and Steve are supervising everyone. And they're now responsible for the bouncy house."

"Sophie and Danielle can help, too," Kate added.

"No," Carolyn said, "He's right, we still have the kids."

"Mer's sober too," Cristina said, "She can play mommy."

"I don't mind," Meredith said cleaning up the empty shot glasses. "I should probably pick up too."

Cristina grabbed the pack of beer out of the fridge, "If I come back with beer, they might be okay that we left them alone with a bunch of kids."

"Good thinking, Cristina," Carolyn said, as they made their way outside. Kate, Nancy and Lizzie trailed behind them leaving Meredith and Derek in the kitchen.

"I can't believe my mother took a shot of tequila," Derek said shaking his head, "And that I took one with her."

Meredith laughed. "Your mother is awesome."

"I'll be sure to tell her that," Derek said laughing. "I think we had a very successful party," Derek added. "Bouncy houses, sister bonding, and shots in our kitchen."

Meredith shook her head, throwing the limes down the sink. "We did," she smiled, "and it's only eight," she said looking at the clock.

"Why are you wearing my ratty shirt?" Derek asked, "I mean, you make it look sexy, but I wore it to the gym yesterday."

"It smells like you," Meredith said, "And I like your ratty shirt," she retorted.

"Mama," Zola called running into the house, "you promised to come in the bouncy house."

Meredith glared at Derek. "She never forgets anything."

"Nope," Derek said watching Meredith take Zola's hand. "Nothing."

* * *

It was 9:30, when the last of the Shepherds left the party. The house was clean, but the backyard was another story. Meredith, Derek and Cristina were sitting outside after Meredith had brought Zola upstairs to bed. "That was successful," Derek said nursing his beer.

"I'll say," Cristina said, "although, I'm pleasantly intoxicated so my perception of events could be cloudy."

Meredith laughed. "No, it was."

"I can't believe you two idiots now have a one year old," Cristina said sipping her beer, "I really can't believe it. You finally got your shit together. Thank god, because listening to Meredith whine about you was really annoying. Like really annoying."

"Was it annoying?" Derek asked teasing her.

"Yes," Cristina sighed, "God it was Derek this, Derek that, and then the constant break-up, then make-up sex was obnoxious..."

"Cristina, tell us how you really feel," Meredith joked, knowing her friend was in rare form.

"I knew it from the beginning," Cristina said putting her beer down. "Everyone knew from the beginning, except you two," Cristina said, "And yet you two are here, still standing. I'm still standing... and yet, I think I'm regressing." She paused, "I'm sleeping with Burke and I know it's a bad idea. Rationality tells me that sleeping with him is a bad thing. But its like I can't help it."

"You could try stopping," Meredith said, "Or come home," she offered.

"Yeah but where?" Cristina said, "I don't have a home anymore."

"Cristina," Derek said, "you know you always have one with us."

"Thanks, Derek," Cristina smiled. "I love my job, but I don't love what it's doing to me."

"Sometimes, you need to come home to figure out who you are again," Meredith said, "I had to go back to Seattle, the city I left with my mother, to find mine."

"Maybe coming to Connecticut can give you perspective," Derek offered.

"I'm sure if I wanted a job at Columbia the offer would still stand," Cristina added, "It might not be so bad."

"You don't have to make any life altering decisions now, Cristina," Meredith reminded her, "But maybe considering it wouldn't be such a terrible idea."

"You're right," Cristina said, taking a sip of beer looking at Meredith and Derek.

* * *

"Derek?" Meredith asked poking him in the ribs. "Trying to sleep, Meredith," he grumbled turning over to face her, "What?"

"Do you think she'll come back?" Meredith asked referring to Cristina, "I want her too."

"I know," Derek said sleepily opening his eyes, "But it's her decision."

"Am I selfish for really wanting her home?" Meredith asked. Suddenly their door opened, and Cristina made her way over to Meredith's side of the bed.

"Can't sleep," she muttered, "My head is full of thoughts," she said as Meredith scooted closer to Derek and holding up the blanket for her.

"If you live here, this can't happen," Derek grumbled turning away from Meredith and Cristina.

"Are you thinking about moving here?" Meredith asked.

"I'm thinking about everything. I miss surgery," Cristina confessed, "I thought the job would be more surgical but it's more administration and research."

"I remember that," Derek scoffed thinking about his chief duties. "You weren't talking to me?"

"Uh no," Cristina said resting her head on Meredith's shoulder.

"I love printing hearts and I'm really close to a exact replica," Cristina confessed, "This is the stuff that wins awards. Granted, I used to want awards. I worked my whole life for awards. I'm just wired that way, but I'm beginning to realize how empty that is. Sure, I can get every award in the world, but not be happy. I'm pretty lonely in Zürich," Cristina confessed. "I don't speak the language, there are all these cultural differences and it's like I'm a token Asian or something," she confessed. "Burke has awards and a family but yet he's sleeping with me. I don't get it."

"Are you saying you want to come home?" Meredith asked. "You're coming home aren't you?"

"I'm saying it's a strong possibility," Cristina said seriously.

"In other words, you're coming home," Meredith repeated, "You're coming back."

"I'm coming back," Cristina said softly, "I'm coming home."

"Can I go to sleep now?" Derek grumbled into the pillow. "Please?"

"Yeah," Cristina said shutting her eyes, "You can."

"Mama," Bailey cried from down the hall, "I'll get it," Derek grumbled, "You two can sleep."

"I can't," Meredith said sitting up, "I'm up," she said climbing over Cristina, "I've got him."

"Dada," Zola cried from her room. "Well, there's the other one," Derek said pulling the covers off.

"Maybe I can get the next one," Cristina joked already awake, "This is pretty hilarious. This happens every morning?"

"Yes," Meredith and Derek said, "Every freaking day," Meredith said leaving.

"It's called being a parent, Yang," Derek said walking toward Zola's room.

"Well, I'm just going to enjoy my sleep then," she said to the empty room.

"No you're not," Meredith said carrying Bailey and putting him on the bed, "Watch him."

"Uh why?" Cristina asked as Bailey crawled over to her, "I need a shower." Meredith said, "and because you came to sleep with me."

"Those are not valid reasons," Cristina said as Bailey curled up next to her. "Hi Bay," she greeted, "He's a cuddlebug huh?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," Meredith said. "He's very clingy. I think he get's it from Derek," Meredith said.

"I heard that Mer," Derek said plopping Zola on the bed.

"Auntie Cristina!" Zola exclaimed giggling, "You're going to play with us?"

"We're going to go shower," Meredith said grabbing her and Derek's bathrobe's. "You're leaving me here with your kids so you two can go have sex?" Cristina asked flabbergasted. "Seriously?"

Derek nodded. "Seriously, Yang."

"We'll be quick," Derek added grabbing Meredith's hand and leading her down the hall to the guest bathroom.

"We haven't done it in here yet," Derek said as he turned on the shower, "That's because this is the littlest bathroom," Meredith said looking at the small shower. "We're just going to get creative," Derek said as he pulled her shit off.

"Flexible," Meredith said pulling his boxers off.

"I"m certain you are capable of that, Meredith."

"I don't know," Meredith said, "I think I have more flexibility than you give me credit for," She said sliding her pants off. She ripped his shirt off and pushed him into the shower.

"You're parents are nuts" Cristina said playing with Zola's hair. "They are crazy."

"Mama's crazy," Zola said, "Dada says that all the time."

"Well," she said braiding Zola's hair, "Dada's pretty crazy too."

Zola giggled, "Mama and Dada are going to be home all day," Zola added excitedly. "That never happens."

"It happened yesterday, Zo," Cristina reminded her.

"But that was a special," Zola said, "It was Bailey's Birthday."

"You're right, Zola," Cristina said, "You're parents have very important jobs though."

"Mama fixes guts and Dada plays with brains," Zola said seriously.

Christina chuckled. "Those are very good descriptions Zo."

"Auntie Cristina," Zola said, "Are you coming back here? Mama said you live in Europe which is why I never see you anymore."

"I am, Zo," Cristina said, "I'm going to see you a lot more."

"That's good," Zola smiled. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Zoe Bug," she said using Zola's special nickname.

"Hey, you haven't called me that in a long time, Auntie Cristina,"Zola said.

"Auntie T," Bailey said pointing to the television, "Muppets."

"Bailey want's the Muppets," Zola said translating for her brother. "He loves them."

"Okay," Cristina said picking up the remote on the nightstand. "How does this thing work?"

"Press the big green button," Zola said pointing. "Then hit the blue," Zola added.

"Okay," Cristina said, hitting the power button, then the blue one. "Wow, Meredith DVR'ed a lot of Muppets."

"You must be stuck watching the Muppets a lot Zo," Cristina said as the opening music played.

"It's okay because it makes Bailey happy."

"You're a great sister, Zo," Cristina said as Zo settled under her arm, "Bailey's lucky to have you."

Meredith and Derek returned to their bedroom to see Cristina, Bailey and Zola snuggled together watching the Muppets.

"Having fun?" Derek asked looking at Cristina.

"I happen to love my god kids," Cristina said, "And if I'm forced to watch the Muppet's with them then I will."

"I think it's sweet," Meredith said going over to her closet.

"Mama," Zola said, "What are we doing today?"

"We were thinking about taking Auntie Cristina into the city," She looked at Cristina. "But only if she wants to go."

"Auntie Cristina," Zola said, "The city is amazing. Dada took us to a giant store with a giant teddy bear in front of it."

"Well, then we definitely have to go there, Zo," Cristina said smiling. "Only for your kids," she began looking at Meredith, "Would I spend my day in a giant toy store."

"Trust me, the toy store is not my favorite experience," Meredith said pulling out a pair of jeans. "But when you watch them walk around looking at everything in awe it reminds me of us when we were surgery hungry for the OR."

Cristina shook her head as Derek walked out of their bathroom already dressed. "You seriously take forever, Mer," Derek said gesturing to her robe. "I was done in at least two minutes," he said gesturing to his cargo shorts and red polo.

"Derek, you wore red," Meredith said smiling.

"Am I missing something?" Cristina asked looking between the two of them.

"No," Meredith said grabbing a black bra and tank top. "Nothing," she said brushing past him and into their bathroom.

"That was definitely something dirty," Cristina said looking at Derek who just shrugged. "If we tag team them, we can get them dressed."

"I'll take Zola," Cristina offered, knowing how difficult Bailey could be. "The last time I tried to dress him he ran around the house naked for twenty-minutes."

Derek laughed, "He doesn't like clothes."

"Well, he needs to like clothes," Cristina said, "Or he's going to be one of those nudist's and they are creepy."

She looked at Zola, "Come on, Zo. Let's get you dressed."

"Okay," Zola said taking her hand and leading her to her room.

"Alright Bailey," He said picking him up under his arm like a football, "We're going to get you changed." Bailey started squirming, "If you get dressed, Mama and I will get you a present at the toy store," He bribed him. "Yes!" Bailey squealed. "But," Derek began, "You have to be quick, okay?"

"Okay," Bailey said, "Quick." He repeated, "Exactly, Bailey, quick."

By the time Meredith was done changing Bailey and Zola were dressed and eating Breakfast downstairs.

"How did you do that?" She asked, "I didn't hear any whining or complaining."

"Bribery," Derek said putting some french toast on Zola's plate. "Works every single time," he added.

"You can't bribe him forever, Derek," Meredith said walking over to Zola and gave her a kiss. "He's going to work the system," she said kissing Bailey, who grabbed her hair with his syrupy hands, "Gross Bailey," Meredith said, unclasping his tiny hands around a strand of hair. "That also hurts."

Cristina looked up from her bowl of cereal, "He got you too?" she asked, "I had to wipe my hair off."

"Yeah," Meredith said going over to the sink and putting the sticky strands under the faucet. "It's gross," Meredith said shutting the water off and reaching for the clean dish towel. "I literally have to have my hair up all the time."

"Grabby stage," Cristina said, "Fun."

"I made you some too," Derek said pointing to two pieces of toast on the counter.

"Thanks," Meredith said sitting next to Cristina, "So," she said picking up her fork, "Since we're in the city we could make a detour if you want. Columbia Medical Center is right there, which is coincidentally, where I work."

"You want me to go talk to Kavanagh. I don't even know if there are any positions available," Cristina said, "It's not like they could randomly offer me a job."

"Well, before I came down here," Meredith began looking at Cristina, "I called her and vouched for you. But apparently, you don't need vouching because she's heard of you, obviously."

"You managed to get me a job, didn't you?" Cristina asked smiling.

Meredith nodded, "You'd still have to interview and go through the red tape, but if you go and talk to her they will open a position up for you. She was very impressed with the biosynthetic hearts you're working on."

"You talked me up," Cristina said smirking.

"You'd have to teach, obviously," Meredith added. "But they knew you worked at Grey-Sloan, a nationally ranked teaching hospital."

"Well, alright then," Cristina said, "Let's go in the city."

* * *

The only downside to New York was the traffic. "On a typical day, it takes me a half hour tops, to get into the city. But it's the weekend," Meredith said looking out the window. "Mer," Cristina said, "I grew up in LA, which is city known for it's traffic."

"Right," Meredith said. "I can't help if I'm ecstatic that your coming home."

"Well," Cristina said turning around, "your cheeriness is sort obnoxious," she said seriously, "Besides I still have to go back and quit in person."

"Oh," Meredith said, "Right."

"Sorry, for snapping," Cristina said.

"Yeah well, everything has sucked lately," she said, "I missed having someone."

It made sense, all the changes had to have overwhelmed her. "I missed having someone too," Cristina confessed. "Frankly, Ross isn't you."

"How's that going?"

"Well, he's pissed. He caught me with Burke and our friendship has gone from platonic to non-existant," Cristina admitted.

"Wait... you and Ross were a thing?" Derek asked confused.

"Yeah," Cristina said turning to Meredith. "You didn't tell him that?" She asked shocked.

"No," Meredith shook her head, "Why would I?"

"I don't know, I just figured you told him everything," Cristina said looking at Derek, "But apparently, I was wrong."

"You and Meredith have this bubble where no one else exists," Derek said. "She doesn't tell me everything."

"It's true," Meredith added, "I don't. Finally, we're moving," she said as they picked up speed.

"How's Kavanagh to work for?" Cristina asked, turning to face her. "Is she like Richard, Derek or Owen?" she asked naming her former chiefs.

"I don't know," Meredith said, "She's more like Derek. She's very direct and clear in what she expects. She makes decisions based on the patient and welcomes advice."

"Lucy is a very good surgeon," Derek added as he turned off the highway and into the city, "She was in my intern year with Addie and I."

"I like her," Meredith said, "If she wasn't my superior I'd probably be her friend... There's just something about her that's like-able. And New York Presbyterian is huge, Cristina, there are over 2,000 patient beds."

"That's like triple the size of Grey-Sloan," Cristina said as her eyes widened.

"There's a lot of trauma and the ER is always packed. There is never a dull moment," Meredith added. "They've slowly let me into the ER, but I haven't run point yet, usually general surgeons run point because of the amount of abdominal injuries that come in. "

"You think you could handle running a massive ER like that?" Cristina asked, "Only because I don't know if I could do that."

"I can," Meredith said, "I want to get board certified in critical care too," Meredith admitted.

"Really?" Derek asked looking at her in the rearview mirror.

"I really enjoy the rush," Meredith continued, "it's like instantly making someone better. You have to constantly be thinking, which is nice because general has become routine."

"I get it," Cristina said, "I felt that about general too. When would you take the boards?" Cristina asked. "Next year," Meredith said, "at least. I'm going to be busy with three kids, which is not conducive to studying trauma's."

"Do you know where they are?" Cristina asked.

"Philly," Meredith said, "I already researched it."

"Funny, that I'm only hearing about this now," Derek mused.

"I was going to tell you, Derek, but I only started researching it the other day."

"So this is a new idea?" Derek asked. "Because you've had plenty of opportunities to say something..."

"Bailey kind of helped me see it. She could have lived, Derek. I know her injuries were bad. I know Richard and Owen did everything they could, but I think if Richard had the critical care background she might have made it," she paused and looked out the window. "I think I'll save more people in the ER than I ever could in an operating room."

"I get that," Cristina said breaking the silence that fell in the car.

"Thanks, Cristina," Meredith said looking out the window, "At least someone does."

The rest of the ride was quiet. Bailey and Zola babbled but the adults were all lost in their own heads. Derek was wondering if Meredith lost her mind, Cristina was thinking about coming home, and Meredith was just silently fuming about Derek's reaction.


	6. Stare into the Sun

"I think I'll grow to love it here," Cristina exclaimed walking out of Dr. Lucy Kavanagh's office. She spotted Meredith sitting on an empty gurney across the hall reading the latest issue of New England Medicine.

"Mer," she said walking over, "I like your boss."

"She offered you a position," Meredith stated putting the magazine down in her lap. "I knew she would."

"She offered me the opportunity to keep both jobs," Cristina added, sitting down next to her. "She said this would be like my home base, or whatever, but I could still research in Switzerland. I can't technically run a hospital from New York, but I'm sure I have enough pull to still continue my plans."

"Does this mean... that we're co-workers again?" Meredith asked grinning at her best friend.

"Don't get all sappy about it, Mer," Cristina said as Meredith threw her arms around her. "I'm going to ignore that hug," she said as Meredith pulled away, "And chalk it up to hormones."

"Shut up, Cristina," Meredith chided. "I'm happy."

"You're like glowing or something," she said teasing her. "I'm happy too. In all honesty, I've missed working with you. We've worked together for years and frankly, it's just weird not being in the same hospital without you or Derek," she admitted softly.

"I love you too," Meredith blurted knowing that in a round about way that was exactly what her best friend was saying. "Speaking of Derek," she said standing up, "We totally ditched him."

"He can handle your kids," Cristina pointed out.

"Not in a toy store," Meredith countered. "They are probably in the process of purchasing that giant bear out in front of it."

Cristina chuckled. "You're probably right."

"Don't you ever forget it," she said as they walked toward the elevator.

"Oh, Dr. Grey!" a familiar voice called from behind her. Meredith spun around and saw her intern Dr. Winters coming toward her.

"Hi, Winters," she greeted warmly. "How is Mr. Keaton?" she asked thinking of their patient.

"Discharged," Winters said happily. "He was clear to go home a few hours ago."

"That's great," Meredith said as the elevator doors opened.

"Uh, Dr. Grey," Winter's began nervously, "I was wondering if I could scrub in on the Whipple you have scheduled for tomorrow morning?" she asked looking at her mentor.

"You've studied up on the laparoscopic method?" Meredith asked quickly.

"Yes, Dr. Grey," Tiffany said grinning.

"I'll see you at pre-rounds then," Meredith answered as the door to the elevator shut.

"Look at you," Cristina said as she pressed the button for the lobby. "All nice to your intern. I guess you're not known as Medusa here."

Meredith shook her head. "Nope. I'm not Medusa. It's nice being just Dr. Grey," she admitted. "Because back in Seattle it was Shepherd's wife and before that Slutty Intern."

Cristina nodded. "You have a way of complicating things."

"No, the universe has a way of complicating things," she looked pointedly at Cristina. "By now, you should know that."

"There's been a lull lately," Cristina began as the headed toward the street, "of complicated things."

"It's like the calm before the storm," Meredith said evenly as she hailed a cab for the toy store.

* * *

When they finally found Derek, he was in the middle of the car section trying to explain to Bailey that he could only get one toy, while Zola was twirling in the middle of the aisle completely unfazed by her little brothers meltdown.

"This is priceless," Cristina muttered watching as Meredith scooped Bailey into her arms and brought him outside leaving Derek alone with Zola.

"Bay," she said calmly sitting him down next to her on a bench outside the store. "You need to listen to Daddy. He said you could only get one toy."

Bailey pouted as Meredith wiped a tear from his eye. "Seriously buddy, you need to realize you won't always get what you want."

"Mama," Bailey began looking at his mother with his big blue eyes, "Dada mean."

"He's not being mean, Bailey," she said trying to reason with a one-year old. "Zola's only getting one toy," she said reasonably, "you can too. It's fair."

Bailey shook his head, "No," he protested, "cars."

"Bailey," she said trying again, "only one toy," she repeated.

"No, Mama," Bailey cried throwing his tiny body onto his mother's lap. Great, Meredith thought, now I get to deal with an exhausted toddler.

"Mer," Cristina said coming over to the bench, "Derek's in line now." She pointed at Bailey, "What's with him?"

"Just your average temper tantrum," Meredith sighed putting him on her shoulder as he sobbed into her t-shirt. "He definitely needs a nap. Derek's got the carriage in the car. He can sleep in there while we go get lunch."

Cristina nodded as Derek and Zola came out of the store. "Look Mama!" Zola squealed happily holding up a giant paper bag, "I got toys." She ran over to the bench and put the bag on it. "I also got Bay his car!" she cried pulling out a red plastic convertible and handing it to Bailey.

His eyes lit up, "Car!" he said happily.

"I figured he should get something too," Derek said with a shrug.

"Well," Meredith said looking at Derek, "It is only fair."

"Mama, I'm hungry," Zola sighed looking at her parents. "Can we get pizza?"

Meredith looked at Cristina, "How about some New York style pizza?" she asked as Bailey wrapped his legs around her waist.

"Eh, why not," Cristina said as Zola took her hand.

"Of course you'd want pizza," Derek grumbled looking at Zola.

"Seriously, Mer, she gets her eating habits from you."

"I blame your future son or daughter for this pizza craving," Meredith said as they walked toward Rizzo's a small little italian place a block away from the toy store.

"I've never had New York pizza," Cristina confessed as Zola chatted about Rizzo's.

"She's so good with her," Derek whispered to Meredith as they followed Cristina and Zola.

"I know," Meredith nodded. "I can't believe she's coming back, Derek."

"She needs you, Mer," Derek said softly, "She's your person. The whole Burke thing has to have done a number on her head."

"Cristina would never admit it, though," Meredith added softly. "But I think it's like the catalyst for her coming back."

* * *

"I hate alarms," Meredith groaned rolling over to find her husband snoring softly beside her. Meredith still wasn't a morning person, even after all these years. She gently got out of bed, threw on a t-shirt and jeans and padded downstairs into the kitchen. She was surprised to see Cristina sitting at her kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. "You're on vacation," she stated watching her friend take a spoonful of cereal and shove it in her mouth. "You don't have to be up at the crack of dawn."

"You're still not a morning person," Cristina said pointing to the pot of fresh brewed coffee. "Drink your decaf coffee and eat your freaking breakfast."

Meredith sighed. "Whatever you say, mom."

"Damn right, Mer," Cristina said rolling her eyes. "I booked my flight back to Switzerland this morning. I'm leaving at six tonight."

"Why are you staying all day?" Meredith asked grabbing a bowl.

"Because I want to spend the day with Zola and Bailey," Cristina said surprising Meredith.

"You're voluntarily going to spend the day with my kids?" Meredith was shocked. "Are you running a fever? Or hallucinating?"

"Your hilarious," Cristina said sarcastically. "A real comedian."

"That's fine," Meredith said chuckling, "I just can't believe what I'm hearing."

"I like your kids because their yours," she clarified. "If that makes any sense."

"In a weird way," Meredith began as she poured herself a bowl of cereal, "It makes perfect sense."

"You've got a Whipple today," Cristina stated, "with that annoyingly chirpy intern."

"I like Winters," Meredith said defensively, "I don't know but she reminds me of me."

"Annoying, whiny, and slightly insane?" Cristina offered with a grin.

Meredith ignored the insults. "I don't know but I get the feeling that there is more to her story."

"Everyone's got a story, Meredith," Cristina reminded her going back to her cereal.


	7. Wait Till You See My Smile

"Good morning, Dr. Winter's," Meredith chirped finding her intern slumped over at the surgical nurses station.

"Oh," Winters exclaimed turning around, "I uh, just finished pre-rounds," she added lamely holding up the iPad.

"How's our patient?" Meredith pressed. "Good," she quipped more alert, "He's ready for surgery today."

"You've explained the risks and procedure?" Meredith asked taking the iPad and scrolling to find their patient.

"I did," Winters nodded, "But she has questions for you."

"Alright," Meredith said looking at her intern, "Let's go answer them."

Meredith knocked softly on the door, "Come in," a quiet voice cried.

"Hi," she said warmly opening the door, "I'm Dr. Grey." She pointed to Winters who was next to her, "Dr. Winters said you have some questions." She said walking closer to the bed where her patient, Dana Anderson was sitting with a man who Meredith presumed to be her husband. "Yeah," Dana said evenly, "We do." She clutched the mans hand, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Meredith. "We just got married, Dr. Grey. About a year ago, actually. A month ago, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer." Meredith nodded, she had read her diagnosis in the chart. "Well, I guess what I want to know," she paused, "Well, what I need to know is that this won't affect our chances of having a baby someday."

Meredith felt incredibly empathetic for the couple in front of her. "When I get the tumors, Mrs. Anderson, there should be plenty of babies in your future." Meredith saw the relief in Mrs. Anderson's eyes. "How far along are you?" she asked gesturing to Meredith's obvious bump. "Fourteen weeks," Meredith answered honestly. "Congratulations," Mrs. Anderson said.

"Thank you," Meredith said honestly. She turned to Dr. Winters, "Alright Dr. Winters is going to prep you and help you fill out any paperwork," Meredith said before turning to leave.

"Dr. Grey?" Dana said stopping her in the doorway, "Do you have any names?"

Meredith turned and smiled, "No, actually, not yet. But maybe after surgery, I'll hear some of your suggestions."

"Sounds like a plan," Mrs. Anderson said smiling.

* * *

Twenty-minutes later, Meredith and Dr. Winters were scrubbing in.

"They're a really sweet couple," Winters commented, watching the nurses take out the surgical instruments.

"Definitely," Meredith said nodding as she scrubbed under her fingernails.

"Oh and congrats on the baby," Winters smiled.

"Thanks," Meredith said, "I'm showing earlier than I did last time."

"You have kids?" Winters questioned, "That must be hard with your schedule."

"Bailey and Zola at the daycare when Derek and I are working, but we also have his mother who has helped us too," she said revealing more personal information than she ever had to an intern.

"I have a daughter," Winters said looking at Meredith, "So I get how hard that can be. It's just me though," she added.

"How old is she?" Meredith asked, "Only because Zola's four and her best friend is in Seattle. She's in the market for a new one."

Winters laughed, "Leah's two and she's really feisty."

"Zola's super sassy," Meredith added. "Always bossing Bailey around."

Winters smiled, "I got pregnant my intern year here and I've been mommy-tracked. You're actually the first attending that let me scrub in on two procedures on the same day," she admitted sheepishly.

"That must have been difficult," Meredith said knowingly, "I mean intern year is hard enough, really, with the insane hours."

"Yeah, definitely. But this place, is super gossipy. And being known as the intern who got knocked up by an attending didn't do me any favors," Winters said evenly.

"Well," she began, "If it makes you feel any better I understand how you feel. In my intern year, I also was sleeping with my attending," Meredith offered, "And on top of that, my last name is Grey. My mother was Ellis Grey, and I had a really hard time proving myself."

"Yeah," Winters smiled, "It kind of does. What happened between you and your boss?" She asked tentatively.

"I married him," Meredith admitted with a grin.

Winters chuckled, "Maybe there's some hope for me too," she said flicking her hands in the sink.

"If I know anything," Meredith said walking toward the sliding OR doors, "It's that the universe can sometimes work out in your favor."

* * *

Surgery was a success. Meredith was able to remove all the tumors because they had perfect margins. She couldn't believe her patients luck. "Mr. Anderson," she said walking over to Dana's husband. "You're wife's surgery was a success. We were able to get all of it," she said grinning.

Dana's husband threw his arms around Meredith, "Thank you," he said with tears pooling in his eyes, "Thank you."

"Not a problem. Barring any complications, she should be able to go home within a week."

He nodded, "I'm just glad you were able to get it all," he said as a tear fell down his cheek.

"You can breathe now," she said softly, "She's okay," she added before walking toward the nurses station.

Her phone suddenly rang, momentarily interrupting her happiness. "Dr. Grey," she said evenly. "Mer, it's me," her sister-in-law whispered, "Amelia?" she asked concerned, "are you okay?"

"No," Amelia said a little louder. "I'm not."

"What happened?" Meredith asked cautiously.

"So much has happened since you left," Amelia uttered.

"Carolyn said she hasn't heard from you in a while," Meredith said, "You were missed at Bailey's birthday."

"I couldn't come," Amelia admitted, "I ,uh, okay, there isn't an easy way to say this so I'm just going to blurt it. Alright?"

Meredith nodded, "Okay." She knew something was wrong, just by the sound of Amelia's voice but she never would have guessed what she'd say.

"Owen and I... We're kind of dating," she admitted taking a breath, "And uh, I'm pregnant."

"No," Meredith gasped, "Seriously?" Definitely not what she was expecting. "Are you sure?"

"Mer, I peed on five sticks. I've been pregnant before and know the signs," Amelia sighed.

Meredith frowned, "You've been pregnant before," she repeated confused.

"Yeah. Ryan and I were high, completely stoned when I conceived. I was doing drugs for most of my pregnancy. I didn't find out until after rehab..." she trailed off. "That's not the worse part," she admitted thinking of her son, "I found out he was Anencephalic."

"He didn't have a brain," Meredith said shocked. "Oh my god."

"I had to deliver him anyway. He was stillborn," Amelia said sadly. "Mer, I can't go through with the pregnancy. There's a three percent chance of it happening again."

"Have you talked to Owen?" Meredith asked, "Or had an ultrasound for confirmation?"

"No," Amelia said, "I've avoided him, but it's hard considering he's the chief of surgery."

"Make an appointment, Amy," Meredith suggested, "The baby could be fine."

"Or it couldn't," Amelia countered, "I'm not strong enough to go through that again."

Meredith subconsciously put a hand on her stomach, "I really don't blame you, Amy. Do you need a break from Seattle?" she asked gently, "We have extra rooms if you want to come out here."

"Mer, my mother is an hour away," Amelia reminded her, "I can't face her."

"It's just another option," Meredith suggested. "I'd be able to keep her at bay."

"My mother is a force to be reckoned with," Amelia said laughing. "You're pretty tiny."

"You're forgetting who my mother was," Meredith reminded her, "Grey's are tough."

"Well, I'll consider it. I just needed to tell someone," Amelia confessed, "Even if your miles away, your more like a sister to me than my own are."

"Thanks, Amy," Meredith said, "You too."

"Hey Amelia," she heard Alex's voice bellow through the phone, "I need a consult."

"It's Meredith," Amelia said talking to Alex. Alex must have taken the phone away from her, "Mer," he exclaimed,  
"don't you have work to do?"

"Hello to you too, Alex," Meredith rolled her eyes, "I could say the same about you."

"How's New York?" He asked curiously, "Seriously, this place isn't the same without you. Actually, Owen's probably going to call you. He called a board meeting for next week."

"Shit," Meredith grumbled. "Uh, just have him email me. I'm going to have to be able to skype and I don't know Derek's schedule yet..."

"Whatever, Mer," Alex said easily. "But for the record, I sort of miss you."

"I sort of miss you too, Alex," Meredith said shaking her head, "Even though your a total jerk."

"Bitch," he muttered teasing her.

"Alright," Amelia said taking the phone back, "As cute as your banter is I got to go do a consult."

"Call me soon, Amy," Meredith said, "I mean it."

"Will do, boss," Amelia said before hanging up.

Meredith sighed. Crap, she had just invited her pregnant sister-in-law to stay at her house with her best friend who happened to be the ex-wife of Amelia's baby daddy. Shit.

* * *

Meredith, unfortunately, had two hours until her shift was over. Her brain was in overdrive. Her best friend's ex-husband was sleeping with her sister-in-law. That fact was mind-boggling enough, let alone her surprise pregnancy. She had a minute and decided to call Derek. "Hey," he greeted, "If it isn't my favorite wife."

"I'm your only wife," Meredith teased. "I got an interesting call from your sister," she said without any preamble.

"Which one?" Derek sighed.

"Amy," Meredith said, "And before you ask the house is still standing."

"Good to know," Derek said laughing.

"You know how she's been avoiding your mother?" Meredith began nervously, "She's pregnant."

"What?" Derek gasped, "Are you serious?" He asked in disbelief.

"She's also been seeing Owen," Meredith said bracing herself for his response.

"Owen Hunt?" He exclaimed angrily, "Are you serious?"

"Derek," Meredith said calmly, "I'm very serious. I know you're in shock but Amelia is a total wreck. Especially because of what happened last time..." she said covering her mouth.

"What are you talking about Meredith?" He asked tentatively, "Amelia's never been pregnant before."

"Well, uh," Meredith stammered knowing that it wasn't her news to share, "She was," she blurted.

"What happened?" He pressed, "Amelia's been acting strange for a while now and a pregnancy would kind of explain it."

"You know about the stint in rehab right?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, Addie told me," Derek said, "She called me when Amelia overdosed."

"Well, she didn't know she was pregnant until after that. The baby was Anencephalic," Meredith took a breath knowing that Derek knew exactly what that meant.

"I really don't have any words," he said. The irony wasn't lost on him. His brain surgeon sister delivered a baby without a brain. "How is she doing?"

"She's scared out of her mind, Derek," Meredith said with her voice rising, "She's a mess. I invited her out here, you know, if she needed some space but then I realized Cristina is going to be living here. That's all kinds of awkward."

"Yeah, that's definitely awkward," Derek admitted. "I feel terrible about Amy."

"I know, it makes me want to go steal an ultrasound machine to make sure our baby okay," Meredith confessed holding her stomach, "Actually," she muttered to herself, "That's not the worst idea. We missed our twelve week appointment anyway," Meredith babbled, "You know being in Seattle."

"Go steal a machine Mer," Derek said, "and email me pictures."

"Maybe Addison is here," she muttered as she walked toward the elevator still talking to Derek, "Oh, Alex said Owen called a meeting for next week."

"Shit," Derek swore, "I'm swamped with meetings with the NIH next week."

"It's the first one, since..." she couldn't bring herself to say Bailey.

"I know, Mer," Derek nodded, "I know."

"I should go," Meredith said as the elevator doors opened. "I'm on the OB floor and they're super strict about cell phones."

Derek chuckled, "Alright," he said hanging up.

She spotted Addison slouching at the nurses station, "Hey Addie," Meredith said walking over to her, "Do you happen to have anytime to do an ultrasound? I missed my twelve week appointment because of Bailey and I haven't had the chance to reschedule."

"Sure, Grey," Addie said putting her iPad on the charging station, "I have time."

"Thank you," Meredith said gratefully as Addie led her into an empty exam room. "I assume you're what, fourteen weeks?"

"Fifteen on Friday," Meredith said climbing on the table and lying down. She pulled her scrub top up, "I think I grew overnight," Meredith commented as Addison squirted the cold gel onto her stomach. "Second pregnancy," Addie explained, "happens every time."

"You'd think there are twins or something in here," she said gesturing to her stomach as Addie turned on the machine. She grabbed the wand and pressed it onto her stomach. The swooshing sound of a steady heartbeat filled the room. She looked at the image on the screen, "I haven't read a lot of ultrasounds Addie, but that looks like..."

"Twins," Addison confirmed studying the image. "Healthy too."

"They're okay?" Meredith asked overwhelmed, "Ten fingers, ten toes and all that."

"They're developing normally, Meredith," Addison smiled, "And their sharing a placenta," she added pointing to the image.

"Identical?" Meredith questioned, "Right?"

"It's a strong possibility," Addison said, "But they could be fraternal. They're also apparently, shy because I can't see what the sex is."

"How did Derek do this?" Meredith grumbled, "Seriously, two babies? I wasn't even supposed to be able to have babies. I had a hostile uterus. Now, I've got twins..."

"You know how babies are made," Addison quipped, "Besides, didn't he tell you twins run in his family?"

"Uh, no. He neglected to tell me that," Meredith said shaking her head.

"It's his mother's side," Addison said wiping off the gel, "She has a set of twin brothers. His grandmother was also a twin."

"I'm going to kill him," Meredith said, "Dead."

Addison chuckled, "Two prints?" she asked as Meredith put her scrub top down. "Yeah," she nodded, "I should call him," she said standing up. "Yell at him or something."

Addison shook her head and smiled, "I'll have these printed for you at the desk," she said shutting the door to the exam room behind her.

Meredith grabbed her phone out of her pocket and quickly hit redial. Derek answered on the first ring, "So..." he pressed happily.

"Derek, you are an evil man," Meredith said stammering, "You got me pregnant with twins!" she said, "Twins, Derek. That's two babies."

Derek laughed, "I know what twins are, Mer."

"Well, you also should have told me about the possibility of having twins considering they run in your family."

"You would have ran farther away from me," Derek said chuckling.

"Addison's printing out images as we speak," Meredith grabbed her white coat, "They are also shy," she admitted, "They didn't want to share what gender they are. Oh, they have ten fingers, ten toes, and a steady heartbeat."

"That's great, Mer," Derek said happily. "I know your probably beaming," Meredith teased, "twins are a good ego boost for your super sperm."

"Meredith, I'm just happy their healthy," he confessed, "Your healthy and the babies are healthy."

"Babies," Meredith repeated, "I'm going to have to get used to saying that. I think Zola screwed me when she asked for both a brother and a sister."

"Well, it's a strong possibility," Derek said laughing, "And four year olds can be quite perceptive."

"Especially ours," Meredith said making a face, "Derek we have to get two of everything," she said freaking out.

"Mer," Derek said evenly, "Relax, we've got plenty of time."

"Yeah well it goes quickly," she reminded him. "And I'm not working as much like I did last time. I was the idiot who ended up falling on the stairs when I was almost nine-months pregnant."

"None of that, please," he said, "There's a higher chance of bed rest with twins anyway."

"Uh," Meredith scoffed, "Are you trying to torture me."

"Just stating the obvious," Derek chuckled. "Twins huh? You know this ups our number to four."

"Four kids, under five," Meredith said shaking her head, "This should be fun."

"Come on," Derek said, "We at least have to go for five..."

"Do you have a vagina?" Meredith blurted angrily.

"Uh no."

"Then you get no say, Derek."

"You say that now, but I can be pretty persuasive," Derek added charmingly.

"I'm not falling for it Derek Shepherd," Meredith said with a sly smile. "I have to push these kids out before we can even entertain the thought of another one."

"See, you're not against it," Derek said.

"I have a pregnant brain, Derek," Meredith reminded him, "You really shouldn't listen to anything I say. I'm also easily charmed."

"I remember that," Derek said laughing, "I also distinctly remember your voracious sexual appetite and the angry cry."

"The angry cry was powerful," Meredith chuckled, "I mean I scared the shit out of my interns."

"Probably one of the reasons why Medusa stuck," Derek added ruefully.

"Cristina was pissed that I got the nickname and she didn't," Meredith said reminiscing. "Alex made a pool of who would be the most feared resident in our class and Cristina won unanimously."

"Who was her competition?" Derek asked.

"Me," Meredith admitted, "But only because I was sleeping with one of the bosses. I sort of had some pull," Meredith added.

Derek laughed. "But only by proxy," she said laughing.

"I've got to go, Derek," Meredith said as her pager went off.

"Oh and Meredith?" He said quickly, "Expect a lot of dirty sex."

"Hey, that's my line," Meredith giggled, "You can't steal my line."

"Apparently, I can," Derek said hanging up.

* * *

It was four o'clock by the time Meredith got home and the house was quiet... too quiet. "Hello?" she called opening the front door. "Upstairs, Mer!" Cristina bellowed. Meredith walked upstairs, unsure of what to expect. She trusted Cristina, implicitly but she didn't have the best track record when it came to babysitting. The door to her bedroom was open and she heard the melody of _Let it go_ playing softly. "Hey," she said walking in her room to find Zola cuddled into Cristina's side, and Bailey sound asleep at the end of the bed. "Don't judge me," Cristina said looking pointedly at Meredith, "This movie is actually good. It's not the prince charming story, it's about sisters."

"I know, Cristina," Meredith sighed, "I've watched it with Zo about a million times," she looked at Zola who nodded. "It's a cute movie," she commented lying down next to Cristina. "Oh," she said pulling the ultra sound image out of her pocket, "I got an ultrasound today." She handed the picture to Cristina who furrowed her brow, "There are two babies in this picture." She looked at Meredith who nodded, "Wow," she gasped, "one kid wasn't enough so you had to have two?"

"Two babies?" Zola asked interjecting herself into the conversation. "Yeah Zo," Cristina said handing her niece the image, "Mama's got two babies in there."

"I get a brudder and sister?" Zola said taking her eyes off the image, "Right?"

"I don't know, Zo," Meredith shrugged, "They were shy today. You could get a brother and a sister, two brothers, or two sisters."

"I don't want two brother's mama," Zola said shaking her head, "I got Bailey," she pointed to her little brother, "He loud."

Cristina snickered. "Zo," Meredith said gently, "you love Bailey."

"Only when he don't cry," Zola looked at her mother, "He cry a lot."

"Zola, that was when he was a baby. He doesn't cry that much anymore," Meredith said gently.

"I don't want two brothers," Zola repeated, "I want two sisters."

"Hey Zo," Cristina said, "Brother's are way cooler than sisters."

"Why?" Zola asked curiously, "Because well.." Cristina began and looked at Meredith for help.

"They won't take your dolls," Meredith added lamely, "But they can still have tea parties."

"They will have tea parties with me?" Zola asked excitedly, "That would be good. Bailey isn't fun anymore at tea parties. He won't wear the crown," she pouted.

"I'm sure the twins will have tea parties," Meredith assured her.

"Okay, Mama," she said before turning her attention back to the movie.

"Sibling rivalry," Cristina whispered, "Makes me glad I was an only child."

Meredith laughed, "Me too."

* * *

Meredith was sitting on the couch flicking through the television when Derek got home. "Traffic was a nightmare," Derek said hanging up his coat and putting his brief case on the floor. Meredith shut the television off, "I dropped Cristina off at the airport earlier and it took us over an hour to get home. And believe me, with Bailey loosing his mind in the back seat because he was hungry and Zola whining about the screaming... I was ready to rip my hair out."

Derek sat down on the couch next to her, "Well, I have no room to complain," he said smiling.

"No, you don't." She pointed to the fridge, "Cristina cooked chicken earlier, if your hungry," she offered.

"I stopped on the way home," Derek said, "But thanks."

She pulled out the folded ultrasound and handed it to him, "I'm sure you've waited all day for this..."

"Wow," he said tracing the outline of the babies. "There's definitely two in there," he said putting his palm on her stomach. "Weird."

"I know, I haven't gotten used to it yet," Meredith admitted. "I had a little freak out earlier, but I've adjusted."

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't," Derek commented handing her the picture back, "That ones yours," Meredith said putting her hand out, "Zola was pissed when I mentioned she might be getting two brothers," she laughed. "She looked like she wanted to punch me."

"She's got little fists, Mer," Derek chuckled, "you could take her."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "How was your day?"

"Meetings, research, meetings," Derek said sighing, "It was exhausting. They try to cram a five-day work week into a day."

"I saved a life and got an ultrasound," Meredith added. "My pancreatic cancer patient had a very successful surgery. Her tumors had perfect margins and I was able to remove all of them."

"That's great, Meredith," Derek yawned, "I'm jealous you got to cut."

"Jonesing for a surgery?" Meredith teased, "I'm pretty sure I can sneak you into the OR gallery."

"I miss surgery," Derek confessed, "The methodical procedures and the slow and steady meticulous work."

"Maybe you can be my replacement when I go on maternity leave," She offered jokingly, "Although, when was the last time you did a general surgery procedure?"

"When I scrubbed in with you on the night of the gala," Derek said putting an arm around her. "We also had dirty on-call room sex."

"Oh yeah," Meredith said remembering, "That was a _good_ night."

"We hadn't scrubbed in together in years," Derek added, "Since the clinical trial."

"That was our pact, though, Derek," Meredith reminded him, "I stayed off your service and we worked on our marriage."

"You would have been an extraordinary neurosurgeon," Derek said honestly, "You had a natural knack for neuro."

"I liked it," Meredith said, "But I love you more than cutting into brains," she said giving him a kiss. "I believe you offered me dirty sex, Derek," Meredith reminded him once she pulled away, "And the kids are sound asleep."

"I did," Derek said raising an eyebrow, "Are you ready to collect that favor?"

"Am I ever," she said straddling him.


	8. Running on Sunshine

Cristina arrived back in New York on a rainy Wednesday afternoon two weeks later. Meredith had Bailey on her hip waiting for her at the gate, "How was you're flight?" she asked hugging her friend. "Long," Cristina chirped. "How are the fetuses?"

"Developing," Meredith said laughing as they walked toward the exit.

"Auntie!" Bailey squealed holding his arms out to Cristina who reached out and fixed him on her hip.

"Guess, I'm second fiddle," Meredith smiled grabbing Cristina's wheelie suitcase. "Is this seriously all you packed?"

"I'm shipping it," she said, "Shane's sending it out here."

"Shane's staying?" Meredith asked as they got to the car, "I mean, I figured he'd be back here?"

"He found a new mentor," Cristina explained, "A female mentor," she added.

"Ah," Meredith understood. Cristina opened Bailey's door and expertly strapped him into his car seat. "I'm so glad you're back Cristina."

"I miss tequila," she said getting into the passenger side, "And American men."

"I miss tequila too," Meredith said wistfully, "I've got a while before I can even entertain the idea of drinking. Who knew that Joe's would be the last time I got hammered?"

"Well, you decided to get pregnant again," Cristina said as Meredith pulled onto the highway. "Excellent idea by the way."

"Derek's cooking," Meredith added, "I'm sure your hungry."

"There's only so many peanuts on a flight I can eat," Cristina groaned, "And they didn't even have a good selection of alcohol."

Meredith chuckled. "So, have you heard from Owen lately?" she asked lightly.

"No." Cristina shook her head, "Not since the sleeping with Burke fiasco... Why?" she asked furrowing her brow. Meredith looked away, "No reason," she said quickly, "It's just we had a board meeting last week and they ousted the Harper Avery Foundation."

"No way," Cristina exclaimed as Meredith nodded. "Seriously, they got a donor to buy them out."

"So the hospital can actually win awards now?" Cristina asked, "And get more grants..." she added. She looked at Meredith, "Catherine Avery must have been rip shit."

Meredith nodded, "Apparently, theyd lost a lot of staff since your loss. Jackson isn't thrilled but he likes working with everyone there so he stayed."

"Wow," Cristina sighed, "Things change."

"That they do," Meredith agreed. "Oh and they renamed the clinic, _The Miranda Bailey Memorial Clinic._"

"Fitting, since it was her baby to begin with," Cristina commented as she looked out the window. "I still think about her sometimes," Cristina admitted, "We butted heads but she taught me so much."

"I miss her too," Meredith said as she turned off the exit, "I was in the middle of explaining newer interns the rules the other day and I gave them the Bailey Speech."

"I hate new interns" Cristina muttered, "New interns suck."

"You were just spoiled in Switzerland, with all that magical money, and super printers," Meredith said laughing.

"Don't remind me," Cristina groaned, "I'll miss it... but only a little bit."

"That's good," Meredith said looking at Cristina, "Because New York is so much better."

* * *

"Auntie Cristina!" Zola cried running into her Aunt as soon as she walked through the door.

"It's official," Meredith said shutting the door behind them, "my own kids like you more than me."

"I can't help that," Cristina said with an eye roll, "It's just I give them sugar and tickle torture them," she said tickling Zola who burst out laughing.

"Hi Cris," Derek greeted as he set the last plate on the table. He looked at Meredith, "Zola helped me cook." Zola nodded, "I made sauce," she grinned, "Dada said I need to learn how to cook."

"He did, did he?" Meredith raised a brow and looked pointedly at Derek, "I'm not that bad in the kitchen."

"Mama, you burnt my Mac and cheese," Zola interjected. Cristina chuckled, "How do you even manage to do that? I can't understand how you can do insanely complex surgical procedures, but can't follow simple directions on the back of a box."

"I'm a dichotomy," Meredith mused putting Bailey on the floor, "He's getting so heavy," she commented as he ran after his sister.

"You know, you should probably stop picking him up Mer," Derek added looking at her. Meredith glared at him, "I can still pick up my son, Derek."

Derek put his hands up, he didn't mean to piss her off. "Okay," he conceded.

"Derek, do you have any liquor?" Cristina asked, "Because I know the human incubator is abstinent for all things alcohol related," she pointed to Meredith, "and there wasn't a lot of booze on the plane."

Derek chuckled, "I have some scotch," he offered pointing to the cabinet about the stove, "I mean it's not tequila but it's pretty good."

Cristina nodded and walked over to the cabinet, "You have the good stuff," she said bring the bottle down, "Expensive," she added looking at the label.

"When do you start working?" Derek asked as the timer went off on the stove. Cristina sat down at the kitchen island, "I start on Monday," she said pouring herself a glass of scotch, "I'm excited actually. I miss the hospital environment," she mused. "I actually never thought I'd say that."

Derek nodded and pulled the lasagna out of the oven. "Damn, that smells good," Cristina said eyeing the food. "It's like real food."

"It's his mother's recipe," Meredith said sitting down next to Cristina. "Apparently, it's a secret recipe one that I don't even know."

"I know it Mama," Zola chirped from where she was coloring, "Dada told me."

Cristina laughed and Meredith shot her a look. "Well, whatever," she mumbled, "As long as I get to eat it I don't care."

"Well, it's ready," Derek said putting it on the table, "Let's go wrangle the troops."

"I'll get Bailey," Cristina offered getting up, "I'm quick. Plus, I can bribe him with presents later."

"Zola," Derek called, "Dinner's ready!" Zola shut her coloring book, "Okay Dada," she said putting her crayons away. Cristina appeared two minutes later carrying Bailey like a super hero. "This one decided he wanted to run around the living room first," she said as she brought him over to his high chair. Meredith chuckled, "He's a beast, Derek," she said looking at her son who was squirming as Cristina tried to strap him into his seat. "There's no way, I'm going to be able to chase after him soon."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, Mer," he said getting Zola in her booster seat. She was finally out of the high chair and now was able to sit at the table. Meredith was cutting up Bailey's food, "Alright bud," she said putting it on his plate, "This is hot," she warned, "And you need to use your fork."

"Hands," Bailey said holding his hands up. "No, Bay, fork," she said holding up the utensil.

"Hands," he repeated staring at his mother. Meredith looked at Derek, "I give up," she said giving him the plate, "Whatever, let him eat with his hands."

Zola giggled, "Mama, Bay is funny."

"No, he's really not Zo," she countered, "Look Bay, Zola is eating with a fork," she said pointing to his sister. "You can too."

"Hands," he repeated stubbornly as he shoved a handful of lasagna in his mouth.

"Wow, he's totally your son, Meredith," Cristina said observing their interaction.

"I'm not that stubborn, Cristina," Meredith said glaring at her. Cristina shot her a look that said otherwise. "This is typical dinner time?" Cristina questioned, "Only because I'm getting used to this whole family thing. I'm use to eating with real adults."

"Think of children as tiny drunk adults," Derek offered taking a sip of his beer, "Except that their drunkenness doesn't wear off the next morning."

"Actually," Meredith mused after taking a bite of the lasagna, "That's an accurate description."

Cristina chuckled, "I can do that. I have enough experience with Meredith..."

* * *

Cristina's was exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. An obnoxious thirteen hour flight gave her plenty of time to think about the reasons why she left Zurich. Well, one reason, and his name was Preston Burke. She didn't tell Meredith everything yet... Even though she knew she would understand, the situation was just so deeply fucked up. Once upon a time, Meredith Grey used to be dark and twisty too. Now, it was just Cristina and her problems.

Meredith had the perfect life. She got her McDreamy, her McBabies, and her McDream Life. Cristina had listened to Meredith whine about her problems in the past, well half listen... But she'd never been the type of girl to just lose herself over a guy. Years ago, she thought she was ready for it all. The marriage and commitment thing. She was willing to at least try. But being stood up on her supposed wedding day gave left her bitter. But then she met Owen and got herself into some triangular relationship with him and Teddy. She loved him, sure, but she wasn't in love with him at the time. It wasn't until a psycho, holding a gun to her head while she operated on her best friends husband, shot up the hospital did she realize that she didn't want to be alone anymore.

Owen offered her the perfect solution: Marriage.

They were good, really good until the pregnancy. It was the breaking point in their marriage really. The cheating with someone else was just an effect of the abortion. Owen didn't accept her for who she was: a surgeon.

For a long time, she knew she didn't want kids. She wanted a career and knowing that she didn't want them didn't make her a bad person. Owen didn't get that, and Cristina didn't blame him for that. As much as she loved him, she knew they were done forever as soon as she stepped on the plane.

She was unpacking her suitcase when she saw Meredith hovering in the doorway, "You can come in you know," Cristina offered, "It is your house."

Meredith nodded and sat on the bed. "I was going to paint the room red for you," she said with a laugh, "But Derek wouldn't let me."

Cristina chuckled as she tossed some clothes into a drawer. "Cristina," Meredith began looking at her best friend, "I _know_ your not telling me something."

"I'm fine, Mer," Cristina said as she kicked the suitcase under the bed, "Really, I'm just exhausted." Meredith nodded slowly, not believing for a second that Cristina was telling the truth. Cristina glared at her, "Really, I'm fine. I'm just going to go to bed." Meredith got up slowly, "So your kicking me out?"

"You could say that," Cristina said with a forced smile. "Don't you have kids that need you to tuck in or something?" she asked pointedly, "Go do that mothering crap," she said as she slumped onto the bed.

Meredith sighed, "Yeah," she said softly as she walked toward the door. She turned around once she got to the doorway, "I'm here, you know when you want to talk," she said shutting the door behind her.

Meredith knew something wasn't right. Her intuition was screaming at her to go back in there and make Cristina talk. She knew it would be fruitless though, Cristina would talk when she had to. Besides, even after all the years they've known each other Meredith was the talker; Cristina was the listener.

"Hey," Derek said putting his papers on the bed, "What's with the face?" He asked looking at Meredith.

"It's Cristina," Meredith confessed as she slid under the covers, "She's not telling me something and it's bugging me. She came back too easily..." she looked at Derek, "Maybe I'm over-analyzing everything but she seems off."

Derek furrowed his brow, "She seems exactly the same to me, Mer."

Meredith glared at him, "She's not," she shook her head, "Something must have happened..."

"You would know," Derek relented, "But Cristina will be okay. You don't have to mother her."

"Yeah, I know that," Meredith sighed, "But she's my sister."

Derek was quiet. He knew that when he married Meredith, he also got Cristina. He would never understand women, he thought as Meredith continued to ramble.

"Were you listening to anything I just said?" she questioned finishing her sentence.

"Uh..." Derek looked at Meredith with a guilty expression on his face, "No."

"Whatever," Meredith mumbled as she turned off the light.

* * *

Meredith was half-asleep when she felt someone staring at her. She slowly opened her eyes, "Cristina?" she whispered groggy. She scooted over and lifted up the covers. "Derek's asleep," she said quietly patting the mattress.

"No," he grumbled, "I'm not. I guess I'll take the other guest room." He said getting out of bed with a yawn. "Already kicking me out of my bed," he mused as he walked out of the room.

"Sorry," Cristina apologized as she got in bed next to Meredith. She sighed, "You were right."

"About?" Meredith prompted more awake. "I wasn't telling you everything..."

Meredith looked at her friend, "I know," she said simply.

"Burke was going to leave his wife, Edna for me," Cristina admitted as her voice wavered in the darkness. It was easier to tell the truth in the dark, Cristina thought, because the harsh light of day was more judgmental. Meredith put her head on Cristina's shoulders. It was a simple gesture, one that she'd done countless times before. "I just..." Cristina trailed off searching for the right words, "Couldn't believe I let myself become the other woman. I was Edna," she whispered in realization, "Owen did that to me."

"Yeah," Meredith said in agreement, "He did. But you and Burke were always so complicated. I'm not one to have high moral ground, Cris," Meredith admitted, "I slept with Derek when he was married," she took a breath, "Which was incredibly stupid because it just made everything more fucked up."

"Would you have kept sleeping with him?" Cristina asked curiously. Meredith thought for a moment, "Maybe..." she confessed. "But because I felt so guilty about it I doubt I would have."

"See that's the thing though," Cristina continued, "I didn't feel guilty."

Meredith looked at Cristina, "What did you feel?"

"God, now were talking about feelings," Cristina scoffed, "Something we promised we wouldn't do."

"That was the old Cristina and Meredith," Meredith said laughing, "We've evolved."

"Maybe you have," Cristina said pointedly, "But I'm still me."

Meredith shook her head, "Are you kidding me? You've grown so much. You said you didn't ever want to get married but you _did." _

"Please," Cristina interjected, "I also got divorced."

"Only because he knew we'd get a better settlement!" Meredith exclaimed exasperated. "Are you seriously going to refute everything I'm going to tell you?"

Cristina raised her eyebrow, "You have more to tell me?"

Meredith ignored her question and continued, "You said you disliked children, but look at how good you are with mine and Sofia. Or even the McNeil Family. You didn't go on your plane because you wanted to give Link his freaking heart. You didn't rat out Izzie to the Chief," she reminded her, "And you operated on my husband with a gun to your head because you knew if Derek didn't make it..." Her words lingered. Cristina understood. "Even though you still constantly try and push people away; you've let people in. You've made relationships and blurred the lines outside of the box you put yourself in."

"Are you done yet?" Cristina asked quickly, "Because I get it."

"For someone so smart you can be really stupid," Meredith sighed. "I know a ton of shit has happened between us, Cris. We've grown apart," she said referencing their fights the past year, "But I'm still here because I'm your person. I'll always be your person. Even if you decide you want to put a freaking continent between us again. Although, I'm sure Derek's going to be pissed that I've kicked him out of bed."

"Shepherd will get over it," Cristina scoffed, "Besides, as you said, I'm your person."

"Tonight, person trumps husband," Meredith said as their heads touched on the pillow.

"Where is Shepherds stack of earplugs, Mer?" Cristina asked seriously.

"Nightstand," Meredith yawned.

"And don't cuddle me, Mer. I'm not your husband," she retorted pulling the comforter up to her chin.

"That was once, Cristina," she countered with an eye roll.

"Once was enough," Cristina chuckled as she closed her eyes.

* * *

"Auntie Cristina," Zola whispered poking Cristina in the ribs, "Wake up."

"No," she groaned rolling over and hitting Meredith in the shoulder.

"Ouch," Meredith winced, opening her eyes.

"You're kid poked me," Cristina mumbled, "You have no say."

"Zo," Meredith said wearily getting up, "Dada sent you up here?"

Zola nodded, "He said, 'Go wake up Auntie Cristina'," she looked at Cristina who put the pillow over her head, "I hate Shepherd," she groaned. "He sucks."

"Language Cristina," Meredith warned taking Zola's hand. "Don't listen to her, Zo. She's not a morning person."

"Neither are you," she retorted as Meredith headed out the door.

"Mama," Zola said as they were on the stairs, "Dada said he mad at you."

"Well, he has no reason to be," she said as they entered the kitchen. Derek was sitting at the island feeding Bailey breakfast. "Morning," he chirped brightly and pointed to the coffee pot, "Decaf."

"I'm surprised your talking to me," she said teasing him, "Zola informed me that your mad at me."

"Only because Cristina kicked me out of bed," Derek said as Bailey spilled milk all over his highchair. "Great Bailey," he said wiping the milk off the plastic, "You got my shirt all wet."

"Toddlers do that," Meredith said as she got a bowl and cereal for Zola. She poured Zola's cereal, "Well, if it's any consolation, your mother wants to have the kids sleep over."

Derek looked up and grinned, "A house without children," he mused smiling. "I can think of plenty of things to keep us occupied, Derek," Meredith added with a smirk.

They were too busy staring at each other to realize that Cristina had come into the kitchen, "It's too early for eye sex," she grimaced brushing past Meredith, "And there are children in the room," she added grabbing a box of cereal.

"Cristina," Meredith said drawing her eyes away from her husband, "you need to get a hotel for the night..."

Cristina rolled her eyes, "You two are ridiculous."

"We have no children tonight," Meredith added taking the box away from her friend and pouring herself a bowl of cereal, "We are going to take full advantage. And that involves you not being here."

"Now you're kicking me out?" Cristina retorted grabbing the box from the counter.

"You kicked me out of my bed," Derek said tilting his chin toward her. "Sucks doesn't it?"

Cristina glared at him, "I hate you."

"The feelings mutual," he joked.

* * *

Derek never would have thought he would actually like having Cristina living with them. But after a month, together he got used to her. THe noticed that Meredith was happier. She had her best friend working with her again, and that was enough to make him happy. Cristina even took the kids when he and Meredith needed 'alone time'. Sure, she gave him shit about it for weeks but he didn't mind.

Since the shooting, he had a newfound respect and admiration for Cristina Yang. She saved his life, and for that, he would be forever indebted to her. She had given him the chance to have Bailey and now the twins. He grew to really like her, not just as Meredith's friend, but as a person. He would never understand Meredith and Cristina's relationship and he never wanted to. He knew that Cristina was Meredith's other soul mate and he was totally fine with that.

Today was his first day with the kids. He didn't have work, no research and didn't answer any calls other than Meredith's. He and Meredith made a schedule where one day a week he spent the entire day with Zola and Bailey. Meredith really didn't want them in Daycare all the time so this was their compromise.

"Alright Zo, what do you think we should do today?" He asked looking at the wide-eyed toddler. Zola blinked at him and furrowed her brow, "Dada don't you have work?"

"No Zo, it's just you me and Bailey," Derek said looking at the Bailey who was sitting in front of the television transfixed by the muppets. "Mama at work?"

"Yeah, she and Cristina have a lot of surgeries today."

"You're here the whole day, Dada?" Zola asked tentatively. She knew her father was busy. "Yeah Bug," he said using his nickname for her, "the whole day. No pagers, surgeries, or work. Just me you and Bailey," he repeated grinning.

Zola's face broke out into a huge smile. It was like Derek told her it was Christmas or something. "Dada we should get a puppy," Zola said putting down her coloring book.

"You're mother would kill me," Derek said thinking about it. "But why not? Let's go visit the animal shelter. But first, you have to get dressed. We can't go look at puppies while you're in your pajamas."

Zola nodded and ran upstairs. Derek looked at Bailey, "Bailey, want to go look at puppies?"

Bailey whipped his head at his father, "Puppies?" He repeated. "Puppies," he smiled and clapped his hands.

"I'll take that as a yes," Derek said as he took a sip of coffee.

"Dada all done," Zola said appearing in front of her father wearing a purple polka dot dress and red striped leggings. Derek couldn't help but smile at her outfit. Zola was in this stage of total independence. Meredith didn't fight her as long as she was dressed. Derek decided he didn't care either, "You look pretty, Zo," he commented. "Go put your shoes on."

This time, Zola put her shoes on without an argument. Derek realized she really, really wanted a puppy.

* * *

The shelter was only a ten minute ride away. The building, where he assumed the shelter was located, was tiny. The only indication that it was an animal shelter was the giant banner saying, 'Puppies and Kittens,' hanging in front.

Derek pulled into an empty spot and cut the engine. He turned back and faced his kids, "Alright here are the rules." Zola made a face. "Don't look at me like that Zo," he added, "There are going to be lots of animals in there and we can't take them all home," Derek said sadly. "We can't stick our finger in the cages," he said looking pointedly at Bailey, "We have to walk, too. No running. Oh," he said, "We need to be quiet. We don't want to scare the puppies." He paused, "Can you two do that?"

Zola nodded, "Yes, Dada."

Bailey stared blankly at his dad. "Bailey, I mean it."

Bailey nodded, "Yes, Dada."

Derek wasn't convinced about Bailey and decided that it was a good thing he brought the stroller with him. At least, he could contain Bailey who had proven over and over again he was a handful. Zola unbuckled herself, "Dada what if I like a big dog and not a puppy?"

"Well cross that bridge when we get there Zo," he said getting Bailey out of his car seat. He propped Bailey on his hip and went to the trunk. Zola walked over to him, "Can we go now?"

"I have to get the stroller out now," he said grabbing the silver handles with one hand. "Now, how does your mother open this thing?" he asked staring at the folded up blue thing with wheels as if it were an alien. "She does this," Zola said taking the handles. She pressed a small black button and the stroller instantly unfolded. "I could have figured that out eventually," Derek muttered as he put Bailey in the seat. "Don't forget to strap him in, Dada," Zola reminded him, "He likes to escape."

"I noticed that about him, Zo," He said fumbling with the straps. "No, like this," Zola instructed snapping him in. "It's easy peasy," she finished with a smile.

"Zo, you're getting to grown up on me," Derek added running his hand over her head. "Dada, I'm four," she scoffed, "I am old."

"Are you too old to hold my hand when we cross the parking lot?" Derek asked looking down at her.

Zola grinned, "Nope," she held her hand out. Derek took her tiny hand in his and pushed the stroller with his free one. He could do the dad thing, he thought, except for the small hiccup with the stroller, he had been successful so far. Plus, he really liked hanging out with his kids.

* * *

They had seen a ton of puppies, but none of them were the one. Derek knew that you had to really just _know._ They were sitting in the visitor room, one where you had to be serious about adoption, when a tiny black lab pranced over to Zola wagging his tail furiously.

_"_Dada, I like this one," Zola exclaimed as a tiny black lab licked her face, "He's cute."

The puppy went over to Bailey and peppered his face with kisses. Bailey laughed, "Puppy, mine."

"No not yet," Derek said as the dog scampered over to him. "He's really gentle," he commented as the dog licked his finger.

He looked into the dogs eyes and he knew. He knew this was going to be their dog.

"Dada, his name should be Surge," Zola proclaimed as she petted him.

"Surge?" Derek asked perplexed wondering how she had come up with that.

"Like Surgery," Zola said seriously.

Derek chuckled, "It's more original than Doc," he added.

"Surge!" Bailey cried as the dog looked up and walked over to him.

"That settles it," Derek said easily, "Welcome to the family Surge."

"Surge Shepherd," Zola added as the puppy licked her fingers.

* * *

Meredith, as Derek predicted, was pissed. Frankly, he'd never seen her so mad. It was actually quite entertaining. Her face was all red and she was talking so fast that he only caught certain words.

"Derek, you're smiling," she accused pointing her bony finger at him, "You think this is funny don't you. I'm 22 weeks pregnant with _twins_ and you bring home a fucking puppy," she spat. "Are you out of your mind?"

"I promised Zola a dog," Derek said evenly, "And I wasn't going to renege on that promise."

"Derek she's four," Meredith pointed out, "She would have gotten over it eventually."

"Mer," Derek said calmly trying to pacify his wife's anger, "the move here was huge. You pregnant; that's huge. Zola has faced a lot of change. I wanted to give her something that was just hers."

"You could have bought her a doll or something!" Meredith cried throwing her hands up in the air in defeat.

"We had a dog once, Mer," he reminded her. "We handled it fine."

"Doc was a nightmare," Meredith pointed out, "Granted, I loved him but he was a trouble maker. He chewed everything, Derek. _Everything_," she repeated for emphasis.

"Well, Surge's a baby. We can train him," Derek added looking at Meredith. She raised her eyebrow, "Surge?"

"Zola named him," Derek explained, "Short for surgery."

Meredith looked at him for a minute and burst out laughing, "That's actually an awesome name," she conceded. "I have to give her points for originality." Meredith's face softened, "I'm still mad," she admitted, "You sort of sprung this on me. And today sucked, like majorly sucked. My patient died today," she looked at Derek, "It was a routine procedure and they didn't know she was allergic to anesthesia. It was horrible."

"That sucks," Derek said knowingly, "I'm sorry."

Meredith sighed, "Me too."

"Surge, might cheer you up," Derek offered going over to the crate. He picked up the sleeping puppy and put it in her arms. He was so cute, Meredith thought, understanding why her kids were already smitten with the tiny puppy. "He's so soft," she said running her hands down his back. "Okay, fine," she relented, "We can keep the puppy."

"I knew you'd come around," he said knowingly. "It was a matter of time."

"Derek, I've only been home for five minutes," Meredith shook her head, "I walk in the door and see a crate in my kitchen. There's evidence of a dog bowl and a leash on the counter. It was like an ambush."

"Yeah, I should have prepped you," Derek said giving her a quick kiss as the puppy stirred in her arms. "He's really tiny," she mused, "was he like the runt or something?"

"We adopted him," Derek said, "We have no idea."

Meredith nodded, "Bailey's been good with him, right?" she asked not really wanting to know the answer.

"He's been really good. I had to explain a few times that pulling on his tail to get a reaction wasn't the best idea."

"God," she groaned, "That kid is something else."

"Zola's really good at entertaining him," Derek added, "She was super helpful today."

"She's so patient with him," Meredith said, "I love watching them interact."

"She even helped with the stroller. I couldn't figure it out," he admitted.

Meredith chuckled, "Really? You just hit the-"

"Tiny black button," Derek finished for her, "Zola told me. She also helped me strap him in so he wouldn't escape."

"Ugh, since that child started to walk he's been into everything," she sighed, "And he skipped walking and went straight to running."

"We're you like that?" Derek wondered, "As a kid?"

"Yes," Meredith said, "I used to bolt away from Thatcher."

"So it's your fault," Derek mused.

Meredith shrugged, "Can't fight genetics."

* * *

If it were possible, every single part of her body ached after a grueling eight hour shift.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked as Meredith emerged from the bathroom after a long hot shower.

"I'm better now," Meredith said taking her hair out of the towel. "My entire body hurts, Derek," she complained, "Like everything. This pregnancy is really taking a toll on my body," she admitted looking down at her protruding stomach. "I can't even see my feet," she scoffed, "I know I didn't have the best toes but I liked to be able to look at my feet."

"You look beautiful, Mer," Derek complimented. "You're only saying that because I'm miserable," Meredith retorted sulking.

"No," he protested, "I'm saying that because you're absolutely gorgeous pregnant."

"If your saying that to get laid; forget it," she scoffed, "I'm not in the mood."

Derek shook his head, "Can't a guy compliment his wife without any expectations?"

Meredith laughed. "Nope," she said grabbing one of Derek's clean shirts and a pair of underwear.

"You're going to steal my good shirts now?" Derek questioned scrutinizing his wife.

Meredith ignored him and took off her robe quickly sliding the t-shirt over her head. "You really know how to make my shirt sexy," he said watching her.

"God, you are so horny," she quipped pulling up her underwear. "No, we're not having sex."

"Says the woman who called me today and begged me to meet her in an on-call room. It's a four hour drive from DC," Derek reminded her. "And then you text me all these porny text messages and I had to excuse myself from a meeting because you got me all..."

"Hot and bothered?" she supplied with an impish grin.

"Something like that," Derek said shaking his head.

Oh, what the fuck, Meredith thought as she pulled her underwear off. "Fine, I was a tease," she said getting into bed, "But I'm willing to make it up to you," she added kissing him.


	9. Hometown Glory

Drama didn't seem to exist at New York Pres. Sure, there was the normal medical drama but the doctors were more professional and not constantly griping about their personal life. Cristina seemed to really like her new boss and colleagues. She really fit in here, Meredith thought, as they were sitting in the cafeteria catching up.

"Earth to Mer?" Cristina questioned waving her hand in front of her face to get her attention.

Meredith shook her head, "Sorry..." she apologized weekly. "Twin A is using my rib cage as a punching bag."

"Ouch," Cristina mused, "Well you're almost there," she added looking at Meredith's stomach grimacing. "You're like huge," she observed.

"That's definitely not something to say to a pregnant woman," Meredith chided. "But I'll know and it sucks," she whined taking a bite of her salad. "And seriously," she said through a forkful of lettuce,"I don't even like salad. These twins have Derek's eating habits."

Christina chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, you only look pregnant from the front. Otherwise, if someone came up behind you they wouldn't know. You still have the same scrawny chicken arms."

"Hey, I have muscles," Meredith protested. "I can still pick up Bailey."

"Whose what, thirty pounds?" Cristina added. "He's a stick too, Mer."

"Zola's more sturdy," Meredith added taking a sip of water. "She's lie 40 pounds, easy."

"Whatever," Cristina said popping a chip into her mouth. "I can't believe tomorrow is Halloween," she mused with a grin. "It's my favorite holiday."

"I'm sure it will be insane," Meredith said thinking about last years. "But New York might have some creepier injuries."

Cristina nodded. "I offered to be in the pit."

"I have a mini-shift," Meredith made a face. "Or I would be in the pit with you."

"Derek mommy-tracking you?" Cristina asked with a knowing smile.

"Yes," she groaned. "Derek basically made me promise to do six hour shifts which rules out a lot of surgical procedures."

"Just think of it this way, you can be the appy queen," she teased.

"I want them out," Meredith said putting a hand on her stomach as Twin B kicked her rib cage.

"In two more months, you're going to wish they were still there," she said pointedly. "And don't argue. You know, I'm right."

"Dr. King said I'd be lucky to get to 35 weeks," Meredith added remembering her last doctors appointment. "These kids are going to be born in November," she predicted. "I know they will. Bailey decided to be early too. I'm sure these two are already really cramped."

"Speaking of the beasts, are you and Derek taking them out tonight around your neighborhood?"

Meredith nodded. "Lizzie's bringing her kids over, which is nice because Annabelle and Zola have gotten really close."

"Do you have a leash for Bailey?" Cristina joked with a hint of seriousness. Meredith glared at her. "What?" she asked chuckling. "He's the one who picked out the puppy outfit."

Meredith laughed. "Well, he wanted to be like Surge." Cristina chuckled at the irony. "And Zola hasn't taken off her Elsa outfit since you brought it home for her," Meredith added. "I'm sure tonight won't be any different."

"I kind of wish I wasn't in the pit," Cristina admitted.

"Who are you and what have you done with Cristina Yang?" Meredith asked incredulously.

"I said _kind of_," Cristina stated. "But I'll take blood over your children who will be hyped up on sugar any day of the year."

"You would," Meredith said seriously. "For your sake, I hope your not disappointed."

"Are you hoping for injuries?" Cristina mused.

"Only because you would bitch about it later," Meredith said as her pager went off. "Crap," she swore, "911." She struggled to get lift herself out of her seat, "Okay now, I'm really sick of being pregnant," she groaned as she walked as fast as she could down to the ER.

* * *

Meredith opened the door to find her living room had been turned into a total disaster. Blocks, stuffed animals and books were lying discarded everywhere. She shut the door and sighed. Welcome to my life, she thought ruefully as she walked toward the playroom.

She stood in the doorway and surveyed the room, "Hi Mama," Bailey greeted from the train table where he was crashing two of his favorite trains together. Zola was busy at her doll house but she turned toward her, "Hi mama," she said quickly and turned back to her dolls. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her, "Well, that answers the question I was about to ask them," she said as Derek kissed the top of her head. "Hi," she said turning around to face him. "How were they?"

"Good," he said evenly.

"Well, my living room isn't," she stared at him. "And your sister is going to be here in a half an hour."

"I was about to start cleaning," Derek admitted. "But then there was the train emergency, Surged peed on the carpet, and Zola's doll got hurt."

Meredith shook her head at him. "Big Emergencies," she mused. "But my living room," she said pointedly. "Should have been the first one."

"I'm going," Derek said walking away. "Don't worry," he added.

"Mama, come play," Zola called. "We can't now, Zo. I've got to get you guys ready."

Bailey put down his train. "Puppy!"he squealed.

"Yup," Meredith nodded. "Costume time."

Zola grinned and skipped toward her mother, "I can't wait. Annabelle is Anna!" she chirped brightly. "We're sisters like in Frozen."

Meredith nodded. "Just like Frozen," she repeated, "And maybe, I'll let you wear some of my make up."

"I can have makeup?" Zola asked wide eyed. "That's awesome!"

"First, we need to help Bay," she said. "Then I can help you with your outfit."

Zola nodded. "Mama are you dressing up too?" Zola asked.

"Not this year, Zo," Meredith said with a sigh. "Maybe next year," she offered.

"But mama, you have to dress up," Zola said full of disappointment. "It's _Halloween_."

Crap, Meredith thought, as Zola pouted. "Hey, Zo, maybe I can find something in my closet."

"Mama, I have an idea. You can be a doctor!" she said laughing. "You already have the costume."

"I don't have any scrubs, Zola," she said hoping that her daughter would drop it.

"You have your coat from the old hospital," Zola said matter-of-factly. "You let me play with it."

Meredith sighed. Zola was very persuasive. "Fine Zo," she relented. "I'll wear my lab coat."

"Dada too?" Zola asked with a grin.

"I don't know, you'll have to ask him," Meredith said. Zola nodded and rushed out of the living room in search of her father. "Alright Bay," she said, "Upstairs. Let's go."

Bailey frowned, "Train's!" he said holding up his favorite one. "Bring it with you," Meredith suggested, "We need to get your puppy outfit on."

"Puppy!" Bailey said running over to her. "Up," he said putting his arms above his head. Meredith obliged. She figured he would grow out of this need to be carried, even though he was a very fast walker.

"You're killing me Bay," she said bending over as far as her belly would allow. "I'm not going to be able to do this soon."

"Why?" Bailey asked with a furrowed brow.

"The babies, Bay," she explained in the easiest way she knew. "Mama is too pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Bailey repeated as they made their way toward the stairs. "Yeah, Bailey," she said with a sigh. Bailey didn't really understand the concept of being a big brother yet. It was beyond his scope of comprehension. "We need to put your puppy outfit on. Then some face paint," she explained as they walked into his room. "Face paint?"

"Yeah, Bay you need a nose like Surge and some whiskers," she said as she picked up the costume that was lying on the rocking chair. She put him on the floor and unzipped the one-piece suit. He was going to be adorable, she mused as she struggled to get his shirt off. "Bailey, you need to stop moving."

After what should have taken her two minutes, Bailey was fully suited up in his puppy costume. She was right. He did look completely adorable. "Derek!" she called as she put the hood over his head, "Come see this!"

"Cuter than Surge," Derek said once he got upstairs. Meredith looked at him, "He's too stinking cute. Will you do his face paint?" she asked gesturing toward his dresser. "I have some black face paint. You just need to add a nose and some whiskers."

"Whiskers," Bailey repeated with a grin.

"I've got to go get the princess ready," she said heading out of Bailey's room. Derek chuckled as he tried wandered over to the dresser. I can do this, he thought, as long as he stays still. As if that was going to happen, he sighed as Bailey ran around his room in circles.

"Mama, look!" Zola exclaimed with a twirl. The Elsa outfit was pretty adorable, Meredith thought as Zola spun around. It was a long light blue dress with shimmery silver sparkles complete with a crown. "You look beautiful, Zo."

Meredith grabbed her hand, "Let's go get my makeup bag, okay?"

Zola nodded and followed her mother into the master bathroom. Meredith found her tiny black bag, which really didn't have a lot of makeup. She hoped she still had that sparkly palette Izzie made her buy before her wedding. She rummaged through some of the crap and pulled the red case out of her bag. This was expensive, she thought as she opened it.

Perfect, there was a shimmery white and blue. She picked up the eyelid brush and gently brushed it against Zola's eye lids. "Be still, Zo," she said gently. "I don't want to poke you in the eye."

After she finished the other lid she grabbed the bathroom mirror and took it off the wall making it Zola's level. "What do you think?" she asked with a grin.

Zola was speechless. "I take that you like it," she said smiling. "Mama," Zola breathed, "I look like Elsa."

"Well, I have some lipstick too," Meredith offered holding up a tube of soft pink lipstick. "If you want some."

Zola nodded. Meredith carefully applied the lipstick and looked at Zola. She'd be doing this one day for her prom. Zola looked in the mirror, "Mama I look pretty," Zola said in awe.

"Zo, you've always been beautiful," Meredith added warmly. Zola hugged her mother struggling to get her arms around the belly. "Thanks, Mama."

"Anytime, Zo," Meredith said seriously. "So what about shoes... Have you decided? I think you should wear your sneakers..."

"What about my pink sneakers?" Zola asked referring to the hot pink sparkling converse Meredith bought for her recently. "Good choice, love bug."

"Where's Auntie Cristina?" Zola asked as they got back to her room.

"She's at work," Meredith said. "She has an overnight shift."

"She's doing surgeries," Zola said knowingly.

"Well, she hopes so Zola." Meredith added with a laugh as she grabbed the sneakers. "Are you excited for tonight?" she asked as Zola put them on.

"Yes," Zola smiled. "It's Bailey's first Halloween. He was a baby last year."

"He was two months old, Zo," Meredith reminded her. "But now he's one of the big kids."

Zola nodded. "I'm big too."

"You are," Meredith confirmed as she tied her Zola's sneaker. "You're my big four year old."

"I'm almost five," she added looking at her mother.

"I know, Zo," Meredith said as she adjusted Zola's dress. "Can you stop growing up? Cause I need you to stay little."

Zola laughed. "Mama," she began seriously, "I can't stop growing."

Meredith chuckled. "Let's go downstairs and see Dada."

"Wait," Zola said as she rushed out of the room only to return with Meredith's old lab coat. Meredith made a face, "Fine, Zo," she said putting it on. "Is your father wearing his?"

Zola grinned. "Yup."

"Of course he is," she mumbled slipping the coat over her shoulders. "I bet Zo, if you asked him to put on a tiara he would."

"I already tried, Mama," Zola shrugged. "He said he wouldn't. Oh, and you have to wear your badge."

Meredith sighed. Zola really thought this through. "The one from New York?"

"No," Zola shook her head. "From home."

Meredith nodded. Zola still referred to Seattle as home. She probably always would, too. She followed Zola out of the bedroom and downstairs. The living room was picked up. Surge and Bailey were playing on the carpet. "He better not pee," Meredith said pointing to the puppy. "Or I'll kill you." Derek turned around, "If it isn't Dr. Grey," he teased. Meredith noticed he was wearing his old Chief of Surgery coat. "I didn't know you still had that thing," she said staring at the words _Chief of Surgery. _

Suddenly, she felt herself stiffen up. She was flashing back to that _day_.

_"You don't get to be God!" Gary Clark exclaimed holding a gun to Derek's chest. _

_"No talking!" he screamed as Derek tried to talk. After a rather long, painful silence, Derek started talking. His voice was shaking and he started sputtering whatever came into his head, "Mr. Clark, listen to me," he pleaded. _

_"I know your loss. I lost my father when I was a kid. Two guys killed my father for his watch, right in front of me. Right in front of me. I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to be God. I became a doctor because I wanted to save lives. ... Look at me. Please. Look at me in the eye. I'm a human being. I make mistakes. I'm flawed. We all are. Today, I think... for you, it's just a mistake. You want justice. You want somebody to pay. You're a good man. I can see that in your eyes. Can you see it in mine? Can you?" He asked seeing humility in Mr. Clarks Eyes. He slowly lowered the gun. Out of no where, April ran out effectively ruining the moment. That was all it took. A moment. Mr. Clarke quickly poised the gun at Derek's chest and shot him point blank. Meredith helplessly watched the entire scene unfold before her. _

Derek noticed her reaction. She was visibly shaking. "I don't have to wear it Mer," he added taking it off and putting his arms around her. "You're okay," he whispered. "I'm here. See?" he asked pulling away. "I'm alive."

Meredith shook her head and wished her mind was like an etch-a-sketch she could erase. "I'm fine," she blurted. "I just had a flashback."

"I saw it in your face, Mer."

"I just- the- uh," Meredith couldn't form a coherent sentence. "The shooting," Derek said. "That's what you flashed back to."

"I didn't expect to have such a visceral reaction to seeing that stupid lab coat," she said pointing to the white coat on the chair.

"I get nightmares sometimes," Derek admitted softly.

"Me too," she confessed. "It's been years, but I don't think I'll ever get over that day."

"You won't," Derek added. "We're still not all whole and healed. But you look pretty hot in your lab coat, Meredith," he said distracting her. He looked at the pocket, "Seattle Grace, huh?" he asked looking at the old logo. "Wow, that brings back some fond memories."

"Shut up Derek," Meredith pointed a finger at him, "I still have my Seattle Grace-Mercy West coat too," she said. "If you want to borrow it."

"Zola did say she wanted both of us to wear our white coats," Meredith added. "I still have my old ID too."

"Mama," Bailey said pulling on her jacket, "Surge peed."

"Derek, I'm going to kill you," Meredith muttered. "I told you that dog better not pee in my living room."

"Well, he's a baby," Derek said with a shrug as he grabbed the cleaning spray from the counter and a handful of paper towels.

The doorbell rang. "I've got it!" Zola said running toward the door. "Wait Zo," Meredith said as she walked to get it knowing that the door was too heavy for Zola to open herself. "Hey Lizzie," she said opening the door as her nieces and nephew's burst through it. "Hi Aunt Meredith," Annabelle greeted already wearing her Anna outfit. "You look so cute, Anna," Meredith said. "Sorry about that," Lizzie said with a sigh. "I told them you got a new puppy and they've been dying to meet him.

"Annabelle!" Zola exclaimed giving her cousin a hug. "Mama let me wear makeup."

"Mine too," Annabelle said as they went over to the living room where the boys were playing with Surge.

"His name is Surge," Meredith said as Lizzie walked to the couch.

"Surge?" she asked curiously.

"Zola named him," Meredith said looking at Zola, "After surgery."

Lizzie chuckled. "That's awesome. She's definitely a future surgeon."

"God, I hope not," Meredith added sitting down next to her sister-in-law. "Surgery is over-rated."

"That's why I chose psychiatry," Lizzie said with a grin. "I've still got the MD but I'm just not scalpel hungry like you weirdos." Lizzie looked over at the kids who were entertaining the dog. "Oh my gosh, Bailey's a puppy?"

Meredith nodded. "I pushed for the monkey outfit but he really wanted to be Surge."

"Hilarious," Lizzie commented. "How are you doing?"

"I'm seven and a half months pregnant with twins," she retorted. "How do you think I'm doing?" she said with a laugh.

"At least you can laugh about it," Lizzie said with a grin. Meredith winced as Twin B kicked her in the ribs. "Seriously, I'm shocked they haven't kicked out a rib."

"Can I?" she asked looking at her stomach. "Sure," Meredith said as she placed Lizzie's hand on her right side. "Whoa," Lizzie muttered. "That's freakishly strong."

"I know right?" Meredith looked at Derek who had effectively cleaned up the puppy pee. "All set over there?" she asked teasing him. "Twin B playing soccer again?" Derek asked as he walked over to the kitchen counter. Meredith nodded. "Where's your lab coat? Zola's mad I'm not wearing one."

"Up in the closet. You can choose between Seattle Grace Mercy West or Grey-Sloan," she said with a smirk as Derek walked upstairs.

Lizzie looked at the lab coat still sitting on the chair. "What's wrong with that one?" she asked pointing to it. "Nothing," she shrugged. "It's just funnier if he wears mine," she lied.

"Mama," Bailey cried running over to his mother, "Surge bite!" he exclaimed holding up his index finger. Meredith saw two tiny indentations. She pulled him onto the little lap she had left. "Bay, were you pulling his tail?" she asked already knowing the answer.

Bailey nodded with tears in his eyes. "How many times have me and you dad asked you not to do that?"

"Many," he cried as the tears started to flow. "When you pull his tail, buddy, it hurts him. Like how much your finger hurts."

Bailey nodded and cuddled into his mother's chest. "I told Derek this would happen," she said looking at her sister-in-law. "But does he listen?" She shook her head. "Nope."

"When we got Tyson he did the same thing, Meredith," Lizzie added sympathizing. "He was a lot more rambunctious than Surge over there."

"I seriously think your brother is insane," Meredith quipped.

"I've always known that, Meredith," Lizzie said with a grin. "Welcome to the club."

"Meredith," Derek said appearing in the living room, "This thing looks ridiculous on me."

Meredith turned around, "Well, it's a little tight," she admitted with a smile.

"My shoulders are a lot broader than yours," he said as he tried to move them.

"Fine," she relented pointing to the other lab coat. "Wear yours."

Derek nodded and put it on. "Oh, better. God you have short arms... Plus, yours didn't have the FACS on it."

"That's because I was still a resident, Derek," she reminded him. "I still don't have those stupid letters and I'm an attending."

"Soon, Mer."

"Whatever," Meredith said with a shrug. "I'm still a member so I'm not complaining."

"Mama," Zola said coming over, "Can we go now?" she asked. "It's dark now." She looked at Derek, "Where's your badge?"

"I don't know, Zo," he said sheepishly. "I know where it is," Meredith said walking toward the playroom. She spotted her first lab coat, the one she got when she graduated med school, in Zola's dress up area. She unclipped Derek's Grey-Sloan badge and returned to the kitchen. All the kids were definitely excited, she thought as Derek handed them all pillowcases. "Rules," he began looking at the kids. "One: stay with us at all times. Don't wander off. If you want to go to a specific house ask." He looked at Bailey, "Two: no running. That means you Bailey." He surveyed the group and broke out into a smile. "Three: get as much candy as we can."

They all cheered. It was hilarious, Meredith thought watching them. They all just oozed excitement. She wished she could have experience this when she was younger. She handed Derek the badge, "You kept this?" Derek asked looking at his original Seattle Grace badge. It was well worn. The plastic was chipped in the upper left hand corner from when Meredith tried to break into her car with it after they had one too many drinks at Joe's.

"Don't get all sentimental on me," Meredith scoffed. "Of course I kept it. I have a habit of keeping things since I met you."

"It's my Chief of Neurosurgery badge," Derek added looking at the picture. "Is it just me or did I have an exceptionally good hair day when I took this picture."

Meredith ignored him and clipped it on his lab coat. She touched the lapels and gave him a kiss.

"Uh, guys," Lizzie said cutting them off. "I've got a hoard of kids here ready to go..." She teased.

"Right." Meredith pulled away as if she was being electrocuted. "We should go."

"Uh," Dylan groaned. "Kissing is gross, Uncle Derek."

"One day, you'll like it," he said with a grin and stole a glance at Meredith who was holding onto Bailey's hand. Derek opened the door and the crowd of kids trickled out onto the street. There were parents and kids everywhere. Meredith made sure to leave a bowl of candy out earlier. She even sprung for the full-sized candy bars, figuring they'd probably get mostly mini's. But she was wrong.

"A Disney DVD? she whispered to Derek as the kids came back armed with a new movie and a king sized candy bar. "What kind of neighborhood is this... I thought full-sized candy bars would be enough."

"Aunt Meredith!" Dylan exclaimed holding up his loot. "I'm coming to your neighborhood every year."

Meredith chuckled. "Okay, Dylan."

Zola and Annabelle came back down the steps with their arms looped together laughing. "Mama, I got Frozen."

"We own that movie, Zo," Meredith reminded her. Zola nodded. "Two is better than one."

"Can't argue with that logic, Mer," Lizzie said laughing at her niece.

"Bay what did you get?" she asked the overly excited puppy.

"Cars!" Bailey said handing her his movie. "Vroom, vroom."

Derek chuckled. "Where does this energy come from?"

"Can I be one again?" Meredith retorted as they walked to the next house.

Derek, Lizzie and Meredith stood on the sidewalk and waited for the kids to return. "You guys picked a really good neighborhood," Lizzie added looking around. "It's safe."

"And apparently gives out crazy Halloween treats," Meredith mused as she felt a little dizzy and her legs started to cramp up. "Are you okay?" Derek asked noticing her wince. "I'm fine," she assured him.

Derek shot her a look as if he didn't believe her.

"Derek," she said through her teeth. "I'm fine." she snapped. "I've probably been standing too long or something."

"Okay," Derek said looking at her carefully. "Lizzie," she said looking at her sister. "Tell your brother to stop worrying."

"Derek," Lizzie said with a grin. "Listen to your wife."

Meredith chuckled. "Thank you."

"I hate that you too like each other," he muttered as the kids ran back. "Mom," Jake said looking at Lizzie. "I just scored a lego and a candy bar. I think this place is like some hidden treasure."

Lizzie looked at her brother. "My kids are going to have unrealistic expectations of Halloween because of you."

* * *

Over an hour later, Bailey was finally exhausted and nodding off on Derek's shoulder. Zola was happily treat-or-treating with all her cousins. Lizzie was in charge as Derek, Meredith and Bailey trailed behind the group.

"This has been fun," Meredith said as she stuffed her lab coat in Bailey's pillowcase.

"Dr. Grey," Derek said lightly. "If I have to wear mine you have to wear yours."

"Zola doesn't care," Meredith added. Plus, my boobs are literally sweating in that thing."

"I can't say that's happening to me," Derek joked. "But I have a kid sleeping on me and I'm wearing the polyester coat."

"Touche," she countered. "I miss when he was little enough to sit in the baby Bjorn."

"He fell asleep after three houses last year," Derek said remembering. "Zola was pissed too."

"That's right. She wanted him to go with her," Meredith said. "I wasn't good enough anymore."

"Next year," Derek said, "He's going to be zooming right next to her."

"I wish I had that," Meredith admitted. "A sibling to go trick-or-treating with. I feel like I'm making up for lost time."

"Ellis never took you," Derek stated.

"No, she never had the time. Or so she said. The first time I went trick-or-treating was intern year for a little boy to get a pair of ears."

"I remember that," Derek said. "It was Mark's case."

"Yeah," Meredith smiled. "He got his ears and I lost my trick-or-treat virginity."


	10. Again and Again

"I think they've all passed out," Derek whispered looking from Lizzie to Meredith. All the kids were spread out in the playroom as the credits of _Cars_ rolled on the screen. "Successful night," Lizzie commented. "We have an extra room, Lizzie." Meredith offered. It was late and going back to New York would be a pain. "Are you sure?" she questioned looking at her brother.

"I don't mind," Derek added. "This was Mer's idea." He looked at Meredith. "You don't have to work right?"

She shook her head no. "I have a doctor's appointment."

"Okay," Lizzie said gratefully. "I'll stay."

"The rooms on the left," Meredith instructed. "Third door." Lizzie nodded and headed upstairs.

"Derek," Meredith said looking at Zola. "We should move her. She's going to be incredibly cranky before school if we don't."

"Good point," Derek said walking over the empty wrappers and trying not to stir his niece who had her head next to Zola's.

"Dada," Zola said stirring. "Go back to sleep, Zo," he whispered gently as he carried her past Meredith.

She loved watching Zola and Derek together. It was something that made her fall in love with him all over again. She knew he loved her. Zola was his and he was hers. Zola had Derek wrapped around her little finger. There was something spectacular about their father-daughter relationship that Meredith was envious of. She never had that and she knew that Zola would have more than she ever did because of Derek.

Derek was an exceptional father, she mused as she headed upstairs. She knew he would be... But seeing him with his kids was indescribable."

She was on the last step when a sharp pain ripped through her crippling her. "Derek," she called out in agony. "We need to go now. I think I'm in labor."

Derek rushed out of Zola's room where he had just gotten her back to sleep. "Mer," he said frazzled. "What hurts?"

"Everything," she said honestly. "While we were walking around earlier I thought it was just Braxton hicks..."

"You didn't tell me" Derek said. "It's too early Derek," she mumbled as her water broke. "Great," she muttered. "I liked these pants."

Derek helped her into the bedroom. He rummaged through the dresser and grabbed her a pair of his sweats. "Put these on, Meredith," he said handing them to her. "Derek, it's too early," she added as she peeled the wet pants off her. "Where's the suitcase?" He asked going over to the closet.

She had packed it a few days ago, it was all their hospital stuff. "Under the bed," she said pointing.

"Why are you freaking out?" she asked as she pulled the pants on. "I'm the one about to give birth here."

"Well, last time was chaotic," Derek added as he found the suitcase. "I sort of assumed this time would be too."

"Let's not jinx ourselves, Derek." Meredith looked at him. "There's no super storm but let's not rule anything out."

Derek helped her up. "Okay so the hospital," he said as he fumbled for the keys in his pocket. "Derek, relax," Meredith said calmly.

"Okay, you're calmness. That's freaky," he added as they walked downstairs. "You should tell your sister," Meredith said as a contraction ripped through her with far more intensity.

"I'll text her when we get to the hospital Meredith," Derek said evenly. "So this is really happening..." He trailed off as he shut the door. "Next time, there will be two more people with us."

"Okay, you need to stop the weird sentimental crap and just drive me to the hospital without breaking any laws," she said raising her eyebrow. "These kids are not going to be born while you're in a jail cell."

"That would be ironic," Derek mused as he opened the passenger door for her.

* * *

Derek didn't break any speeding laws and they managed to get to the hospital in record time. There was literally no traffic at one in the morning. Derek parked the car and helped her out. "Stop hovering," Meredith snapped. "I can walk."

"Alright," Derek conceded as they walked through the hospital doors and checked into the ER. "Meredith, you're babies seriously decided to be born on Halloween?" Cristina said as soon as she saw her best friend. "Derek," she said looking at him. "You look like a basket case."

"He's been obnoxiously sentimental and frazzled," she said looking at Cristina. "Can you speed this process up? I'm pretty sure my contractions are getting closer apart."

"How many minutes apart are they?" Cristina asked. "12 minutes," Meredith stated. "I've been timing them."

"Okay, I'm going to page OB now," she said walking toward the nurses station. "Mer, you are too late for an epidural," Derek said as he led her over to a chair.

"No shit, Derek."

"Okay," Cristina said rushing over to them. "The on-call OB is Addison and she said to admit you now. I know you already know where that is..."

Meredith smirked. "Very funny Cristina."

Cristina shook her head. "It's also hospital policy that you use a wheel chair. I've admitted you. So Derek," she said. "Go get your wife a wheel chair."

She turned to Meredith as Derek went off to go find her one. "I enjoy bossing your husband around," Cristina admitted.

"Join the club," Meredith added as another contraction ripped through her. "Shit," she swore. "These are so much stronger than last time."

"Two times the pain," Cristina said as Derek returned with a wheelchair. "Ready?" Derek asked as he and Cristina maneuvered her into the chair.

"Yes, get them out. I don't even care that your ex-wife is going to see my who-ha."

"You know, this is just a whole new level of ridiculous," Cristina added. "You really just like drama, huh?"

"Cristina, now really isn't a good time," Meredith said sarcastically.

"I'll come and check up on you," she promised as they made their way toward the elevators.

"Derek," Meredith began as the elevator doors closed, "Are you okay?" He looked unbelievably pale. "Yeah, just uh, thinking."

"About?" she prompted.

"It's just incredibly strange that my ex-wife is going to deliver my twins."

"Whatever, she's the best." Meredith looked at Derek. "But don't tell her I said that."

Derek laughed. "It's like some weird irony."

"Maybe it's karma for the prom?" she added with a laugh.

* * *

The elevator door opened and Derek wheeled her out. "Hey Mer," Addison greeted from the nurses station. "The twins decided to make their appearance tonight, huh?"

"Well, technically it's the morning," Derek added.

"I knew they were coming in November," Meredith said shrugging.

"Well, November 1st is a pretty good day to be born," Addison said grabbing her Ipad to check where Meredith's room was. "Okay, so you're 1323," Addison said pointing. "I'll be in there in a minute."

"Alright," Derek said wheeling Meredith past her.

Addison knew her night would be interesting, but she never thought her night would get this interesting. Meredith wasn't just any patient. She was, well, Meredith. The woman she watched Derek fall in love with. Even though, her life was perfect; she had Jake and Henry to go home to... That piece of her past still stung.

It was a good thing she happened to _like_ Meredith. They developed an actual friendship. One that wasn't forced or awkward. Well, she thought ruefully, she had to separate herself completely from the situation. She was a competent doctor. She could do that, right?

* * *

There wasn't a superstorm or emergency splenectomy. The twins birth was unremarkable and she was more than okay with that. Sure, she had a new scar on her abdomen to add to her collection, but it was a small price to pay for healthy babies who basically made it to eight month mark. Life, for the moment, was perfect.

Derek had gone to meet Lizzie, Zola and Bailey in the lobby giving Meredith a chance to be alone with her babies. They were tiny, she mused, looking between them as they slept in the crook of her arms. She knew she wouldn't have her arms back for a while and wanted to enjoy the little time she had with them being this small.

"You two spent a lot of time playing soccer with my rib cage," she whispered softly. "I know you were just trying to let me know you were there... But believe me, I got the message. Loud and clear," she paused. "Your father's getting your brother and sister. You'll like them," she promised. "They are so excited to meet you; especially, Zola. She's going to be super happy." Meredith looked up as she saw Derek run past the window; most likely chasing after Bailey. "Well, I really hope you're not future runners. Bailey is definitely enough."

There was a soft knock on her door. "It's open," Meredith said with a smile as Zola brushed past her aunt and wandered over to the hospital bed. "Remember Zo," Lizzie said, "You have to use the inside voice. The babies are sleeping."

Zola nodded. Meredith patted the bed, "Come on up Zo." Zola gently climbed out and sat in the small space next to her mother. "Small," she said as she looked at her new brother and sister in awe.

Lizzie pulled a chair over and got a closer look. "They are gorgeous, Meredith," she said grinning at her new niece and nephew. "Do they have names yet?" she asked as Zola gently touched her sister on the cheek. "Sister and Brother," Zola said automatically answering her aunt.

Lizzie and Meredith laughed. "Zo, they have names," she said shaking her head. Meredith was about to answer when Derek walked into the room holding Bailey under his arm like a football. "This one ran all the way to the nursery," he said with a sigh. "Did you expect him to walk up here?" Meredith asked with a grin. "Seriously?"

"If it isn't the McDreamy's," Cristina greeted walking into the room. "I'm glad this time was uneventful," she said seriously and shared a look with Derek. "Sorry, I haven't been up here earlier it was a mad house last night," she said with a grin. "Good surgeries?" Meredith asked as Cristina took an empty seat and pulled it over to her bed. "Like you wouldn't believe. " She stared at the babies in front of her. "They're kind of cute," she said with smile. "Can I hold one?" Cristina asked gently. "You know the one that's easy."

"They're both pretty easy, Cristina," Meredith said. "Take you're pick. You too, Lizzie," she added looking at her sister-in-law. Lizzie smiled and gently took one of the babies out of Meredith's arms. "Wow," she mused cradling the infant. "He's the spitting image of Derek."

"I know, right?" Meredith added as she handed Cristina her daughter. "This one looks more like you, Mer," Cristina said studying the infant.

Meredith arms felt very empty until Zola curled herself under her left one. Meredith held her free arm out. "Okay, give me Bailey."

"Don't you want to have a free hand for a second," he joked as he put Bailey next to her. "Mama," Bailey said smiling as he curled under her right arm. "Where did we get such cuddly children?" she asked with a grin.

"No idea," Derek laughed. "I'm going to call, Mom."

"She knows, Derek," Lizzie said looking at her brother. "I already talked to her when we were on our way. The only thing she doesn't know is what their names are," she said pointedly looking from Meredith to Derek. "You're holding Christopher Grey Shepherd," Meredith said easily. "And you," she pointed to Cristina. "Have Grace Caroline Shepherd."

"Mama, what about brother and sister?" Zola said pouting. Derek laughed. "Zola we weren't going to name them brother and sister."

"Why?" she asked folding her arms. "I liked that."

"Zo, how about this," Derek began, "You can name the next one."

"So not happening Derek," Meredith added glaring at him. Cristina laughed. "You're already pretty lucky Shepherd." Lizzie chuckled. "Derek always wanted an army."

"Not happening," Meredith repeated shaking her head.

"Grace is doing the rooting thing," Cristina said looking at Meredith. "And I don't have the boobs she's looking for."

Meredith unwrapped her arms from her kids and freed herself for Grace. "She's probably hungry," she said as she unsnapped the shoulder of her hospital gown and threw a blanket over her bare skin. She held her arms out and Cristina handed her the infant. "See," she said as Grace latched on. "Hungry. Which basically, means that soon Chris will be too." And as if it were on cue, Chris started wailing for his mother. Meredith shot Derek a look.

"Hey, Lizzie let's take them down to cafeteria for lunch," Derek said grabbing Bailey. Lizzie nodded in understanding. She gently placed Chris in the crook of Meredith's other arm and grabbed Zola's hand. "Come on Zo," she said as Derek walked out the door. "You have't eaten since breakfast."

"But I want to stay," Zola protested. "With mama." Lizzie looked at Meredith. "It's fine," she said knowing that Zola was going to throw a fit if she didn't get her way. "Just keep an eye on Bailey. Derek's quick but Bailey does better when he has four eyes on him," she joked as Lizzie left the room.

"Uncomfortable nursing, Mer?" Cristina teased with a knowing smile. "No, it's just a lot harder," Meredith said. "I'm also more exposed, you know."

"Not really," Cristina said as Chris started to cry.

"Can you undo my shoulder snaps?" she asked. "I kind of can't move."

"Moving is over-rated," Cristina said as she undid the straps. "That's because you just worked a 24 hour shift on Halloween. You're allowed to be tired."

"You just had two babies," Cristina countered. "That's more work than my 24 hour shift."

"Mama can I hold her?" Zola asked pointing to Grace who had just finished nursing. "In a minute Zo," she promised. "She might still be hungry."

"The names," Cristina began, "Are obviously significant."

"Grace was easy," Meredith said looking at her daughter who clearly wasn't done eating. "It was the only name Derek and I agreed on instantly. She's named after Seattle Grace," she said as her finger traced her cheeks. "And Caroline was Lexie's middle name," she added.

Cristina nodded. "Lexie would love it," she said smiling. "And Christopher?"

"Derek's dad," Meredith said easily looking at Chris who was dozing off while nursing. "It's also his middle name," she said referring to Derek. "And Grey just because we couldn't agree on a middle name," Meredith added. "Besides it's Zola's middle name too."

"My name?" Zola said perking up as soon as she heard her name. "Yeah, Zo," Meredith said. "You're full name is Zola Grey Shepherd."

"Oh," she said looking at her mother. "Chris and I have the same name."

"I do too. It's my last name, Zo. Like yours is Shepherd." Meredith said with a grin. "Mama, why aren't you a Shepherd?"

Cristina chuckled. This was turning out to be a hilarious conversation. "Yeah Mer," Cristina said teasing her. "Why aren't you a Shepherd?"

"I just like being a Grey, Zo," Meredith explained. "Grey's are awesome."

Zola looked at her mother. "Shepherds are too," she said pointedly.

Cristina started laughing. "Seriously, Mer. Your kid is too smart."


	11. Look What You've Become

The Shepherd family, literally, overtook the maternity wing at Columbia Pres. Derek had too many family members she mused as they all came to welcome Chris and Grace into the world. Everyone stopped by; Lizzie, Kate, Nancy, Carolyn and most of the nieces and nephews. They trickled into the room like a school of fish.

Meredith didn't do families. She had explicitly said this numerous times over the years to Derek... But watching him show the twins off was worth being bombarded by Shepherds. It was like he had a permanent grin on his face and his happiness was infectious.

"Derek, you know you can put them down," she said as soon as Kate and her clan left. "They won't runaway," she teased. "Although," she began with a grin,"You're really sexy holding them..."

Derek laughed. "Your not so bad-looking either," he said with a grin.

"Shut up," she laughed gently. "Ouch," she cried holding her stomach. "Damn stitches."

"Here," he said putting shifting the babies into her arms. "Now you're better."

"They're not like some magical band-aid Derek," she said looking at them. "Although, they're pretty close."

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Addison said opening the door.

Meredith shook her head. "You just missed Kate. She was asking about you. She also couldn't believe it was you who delivered them."

Derek nodded. "She was shocked actually."

Addison chuckled. "Good to know I can still shock the Shepherds," she said with a smile. "But I'm more concerned with you," she said looking at Meredith.

"I'm fine," she said evenly. "Sore, tired, and completely shocked they're here... but fine."

"Good," Addie said nodding. "How's your incision does it hurt?"

"A little," she admitted. "Derek made me laugh and I forgot for a minute..."

"Well," Addison began looking at Derek, "Don't make her laugh," she said seriously with a smirk.

"I'll try not to," Derek added looking at Meredith.

"I'll come tomorrow to check up on you. I've got to get home to my baby," Addison added.

"How's Henry?" Meredith asked thinking of Addison's adopted son.

"Adorable," she said with a grin. "But these two would give him a run for his money," she added pointing at the twins.

"Good to know," Derek said looking at Addison. They stared at one another and for once everything was fine between them. "Thank you," he finally said. "I mean it, Addie."

"We have a history," Addison said quietly. "But it's all ancient." She paused and looked at Meredith, "I'm just glad I could help."

Meredith nodded. "I owe you," she said simply.

"Just buy me lunch for a month," Addison said with a grin. "Then we're even."

"Deal," Meredith said. "When I'm back it's a date."

"Now your having dates with Addie?" Derek chuckled and looked at Addison. "You better not steal her away from me," he joked.

Addie laughed. "Now wouldn't that be ironic," she mused as she walked toward the door. She paused and turned to Meredith, "You know," she began, "I was going to kick your ass when I last saw you in Seattle," she admitted. "Because you two couldn't get it together. But watching you now, I'm just glad it all worked out. You two have some insane chemistry and I'm glad you make him happy Meredith," she added before shutting the door behind her.

Derek looked at Meredith. "I think I've stepped into a weird twilight zone episode."

"Derek, that show was _weird_," Meredith added. "You know, I really like your ex-wife," she confessed. "She's a good person."

"She is," Derek agreed. "She basically just gave us her blessing, right?"

"I think so," Meredith said with a shrug. "Everything works out eventually."

Derek sat down on the chair next to her bed, "When did you get so wise?" he asked quietly.

"You told me that once," Meredith said reminiscing. "I can't remember when though..."

"She's right though, Mer," Derek said looking at her with his dreamy eyes. "You do make me happy."

Meredith nodded. She knew the feeling. "We have twins now," she exclaimed looking down at them in awe. "I can't believe we made these little people..."

Derek laughed. "We've made a person before, Mer."

"Bailey was the miracle baby," she mused. "Those fertility treatments seem like eons ago."

"They were," Derek added. "We did it the old-fashioned way."

"It seems that every conversation we ever have somehow has a sexual undertone," Meredith said with grin.

"Addie did say we have insane chemistry," Derek reminded her.

"We've gotten better at communicating Derek," she said as Chris stirred in her arms. "Let me take him," Derek said reaching for his son. He gently lifted him out of Meredith's arms and paced the tile floor. "He likes moving, Derek," Meredith said watching them.

"He does," Derek agreed as Chris' eyes opened to look at him. "Seriously, those are the bluest eyes I've ever seen."

"I see those eyes everyday, Derek," Meredith said as she looked down at Grace who looked up at her. "She's got mine," she added looking to the blue grey eyes. "They could change though," Meredith said looking at Derek.

"Bailey's didn't," Derek added. "I think there's a strong possibility that they'll stay the same color."

"Sorry," Cristina said barging into the room. "Do you, uh, have a minute Mer?"

Meredith looked at Derek. "Can you go get me something to eat? This crap they gave me it eat isn't edible." Derek nodded and took his cue to leave. He handed Chris back to Meredith and lowered his head to whisper in her ear. "She get's ten minutes," he said smiling. Meredith shot him a look as he shut the door behind him.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked full of concern. "Wait," she paused. "Take a baby."

"What?" Cristina asked incredulously. "You want me to take a twin?"

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "You're freaking out. I can see it. Take a baby."

Cristina shook her head and gently picked up Grace. "See," she said cradling the baby, "I've got mini-Mer."

"Okay," Meredith said. "Tell me."

"Owen called me," Cristina said as her voice cracked. "Apparently, he's seeing someone and it's serious."

Meredith gulped. She was in an incredibly awkward situation. "And..." she prompted.

"He told me his girlfriend is pregnant," she confessed. "And I don't know how to feel about it."

Meredith nodded. She knew Cristina loved Owen. She loved him implicitly. She also knew that the abortion was the breaking point in their marriage. "Okay," she said evenly. "Are you sad? Depressed? Do you want to drown your sorrows in a bottle of tequila?"

"I think," Cristina said furrowing her brows. "I'm _relieved_."

That was definitely not what Meredith expected to hear. "Correct me if I'm wrong... but you're relieved?"

"Yeah," Cristina said slowly. "Before I left for Zürich I left things unfinished with him. A door was still just sort of open." She paused. "Now, it's closed. He's getting exactly what he wants."

"So you're not mad?" Meredith questioned tentatively.

"No, Mer," she said. "I'm not mad. We were over a long time ago," she admitted. "We just wanted different things. He asked me once if I'd regret it." She said referring to wanting kids. "I told him no." She paused. "I think that was the moment our marriage was over."

"You'll find someone Cristina," Meredith said knowingly. "You're not alone."

"I know," she said slowly. "You're my person right?"

Meredith laughed. "I'll always be your person."

"Okay, well thanks for talking me off a cliff," she added putting Grace back into Meredith's arms. "By the way, you were right about the baby stopping a freak out."

"I'm always right," Meredith teased grinning. "You just don't want to admit it."

Cristina shook her head. "Shut it, Mer. I know you kicked Dreamy out. I'm sure my allotted time with you is almost over," she joked.

Meredith chuckled. "You're right," she said seriously.

Suddenly, Derek appeared in the doorway holding a large white paper bag. "I got you fries from across the street," he said holding the bag up.

"And that's my cue to leave the obnoxious new parent's alone," Cristina said as she walked past Derek.

"We're not obnoxious," Derek muttered as he put the bag down on the tray in the corner of the room. "We kind of are, Derek," Meredith giggled. "You're like a huge happy sap."

Derek shook his head. "I'm not a sap," he protested lamely as he picked up Grace and put her into the bassinet. "You need a break, Mer," he said as he picked up Chris.

"Now my arms are empty," she said pouting. "I miss them already."

Derek shook his head and wheeled them closer to her bed. "Satisfied?"

"Better," she said making a face. "Just a little."

Derek grabbed the bag of fries and Meredith scooted over to make room for him. "It hurts to move quickly," she said grimacing. Derek sat down gently next to her and put his feet up. "Definitely not the most comfortable bed," he mused giving her a quick kiss. "Give me fries," she said pulling away from him and attacking the paper bag.

"God these are so good," she moaned putting a handful in her mouth. "I literally haven't eaten anything remotely edible in a day." Derek put his arm around her and she leaned against him. She offered him the bag, "Fry?" she asked holding one up.

"Aw, you're sharing," he mused as she popped one in his mouth. "Yes, I'm capable of sharing," she added with an eye-roll.

"You're cute when you're hungry," Derek said chewing the fry as she settled into his chest.

* * *

Today was the day the twins were coming home and the overwhelming feeling of taking care of them outside of hospital walls was absolutely terrifying. Derek did his best to placate her nerves he was calm and collected as they discharged her.

She was quiet as she signed the papers. "Ready?" he asked as he finished strapping Chris into the car seat. Grace was already snuggle in and ready to go. "As I'll ever be," Meredith mumbled as Derek picked up both carriers. She wasn't allowed to the heavy lifting until the stitches were ready to come out. She was exhausted and she hadn't even left the hospital yet. Cristina came around the corner with a wheel chair.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked as Cristina wheeled it over to her.

Cristina smirked. "Hospital policy," she reminded her already knowing she would protest.

"I'm fine with walking," Meredith added dismissing the wheel chair.

"Mer," Cristina began as she saw her friend wince trying to get off the bed, "You need this."

"Fine," she retorted as she went over to it. "I'm not happy," she declared sitting down.

"At least I get to push you around," Cristina offered. "I'm good at these things," she said gesturing to the chair.

"Whatever," Meredith grumbled as Cristina followed Derek out of the room. Her independence was a small price to pay.

"Bailey's been acting out," Derek said as they waited for the elevator. "At least that's what Lizzie said."

"Great," Meredith sighed. "Just what we need, right?"

Derek looked at Meredith. "It'll be okay," he said as they got into the elevator.

Meredith couldn't pretend anymore and her resolve was breaking. "I don't know if I can do this," she admitted. "I mean I'm freaking out here," she said miserably. "What if we screw them up? Or Bailey and Zola hate them?" she asked voicing her fears. "Derek, this isn't like before," she reminded him. "We have two... One was scary, but I knew we could handle it. Two is just..." she trailed off as her mind wandered through worse case scenarios.

Cristina stood and faced her. "Snap out of it, Mer," she chided. "You are a great mother. An amazing surgeon. You have a network of people to support you. It's not like you're alone. Besides you have Derek. He's your rock, remember?" Cristina said with her eyes never leaving Meredith's face. "And you have me. I promise to help in anyway you need, okay? Stop worrying about the future and just take it day by day."

"Couldn't have said it any better myself," Derek added once Cristina finished.

"Okay," Meredith said looking at Cristina. "I can do this," she said repeating her best friend's words.

"Yes," she agreed with a nod. "You can do this."

* * *

The word _family_ has an interesting definition. It's one of those words that is malleable depending on who you ask. To some people, family is what you're born into. To other's it's the people you chose to be part of your life.

For most of her life, the word family was undefinable. It wasn't something she'd ever experienced. Most of her childhood was spent in the hospital walls, which isn't exactly the most conducive place to raise a child. Her mother was a surgeon. It wasn't just a career choice, it defined who she was. Meredith wasn't anything like her mother. She had similarities, sure. The parallels were evident. Both we're strong independent women who studied medicine and saved lives on a daily basis, but that's where the similarities ended.

Meredith wasn't afraid to love. She wasn't afraid to be loved. She knew that she wasn't unloveable. It took her years to realized her mother loved her the only way she knew how. Ellis didn't have people. She pushed them away. She emotionally detached herself from other people.

People are messy. Emotions are complicated. Her mother, Ellis, drew boundaries. She was methodical, calculated and cold. She wasn't unfeeling. She just coped with emotions by burying them.

Meredith knew this. She knew most of her issues stemmed from her mother and because she was on maternity leave she had nothing but time to face some of those issues.

Namely, Maggie Pierce.

She had a sinking suspicion that her mother's journals held all the answers she was looking for. Bailey and the twins were downstairs napping and Meredith needed something to occupy her idle mind. For some reason, she couldn't understand, she decided that looking in the attic for the diaries was a good idea.

She had gotten them back from Richard almost a year ago, when she started working on her portal vein research. She had remembered that her mother had written something about it and basically jump started her research project.

There were so many boxes, she mused, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. She didn't know where to even start. She put the baby monitors on the floor and started digging through the closest box. Ironically, she found exactly what she was looking for in the second box.

The black diaries were lying on the top haunting her. She hadn't touched them in years. Her mother was gone. She had no reason to bring up the past. She gently outlined the cover. The leather was soft and worn from use. She grabbed the baby monitors and put them on the top of the box and gently walked down stairs careful not to wake the kids.

She put the box on her bed and stared at it. It was like the story of Pandora. She knew that once she opened that box she'd let all the bad things out. Bad things. Things she didn't want to remember.

She sat on her bed tucking her feet underneath her and adjusted her t-shirt. Surge hopped up on the bed, keeping her company. Okay, she thought petting him, I can do this. She took a deep breath and opened the first journal.

Her eyes blurred at her mother's handwriting. It's true what they say about doctors, she mused trying to decipher the first page. The year was 1983 and Meredith couldn't make out the month. She felt her stomach drop as she continued to read. The beginning was mostly about the surgery she'd scrubbed in on that day until she got to the sentence:

_Meredith will get over it. _

She re-read that sentence a hundred times. Stuck on the seeing her name. She entertained the idea of reading more until Grace started wailing. She knew she needed to get her before her cries woke everyone else up.

She rushed into the nursery and quickly picked up the infant. "Shhhhhh," she whispered cradling her. "I've got you. Please don't wake up your brother's..." Grace instantly quieted down as if she understood exactly what her mother was saying. Her blue-gray eyes stared into Meredith's.

"Are you hungry Gracie girl?" she asked as she walked across the hall. Grace stared at her with a curious look in her eyes. "I can't read you're mind and you can't tell me," she said using he free hand to slid the boxes off the bed. "And since your brothers are sleeping, Zo's at pre-k, and your father's at work it's just you and me."

Meredith sighed as she sat down slowly. She knew she had overextended herself today with moving the box of journals downstairs. She lifted up her shirt and the baby instantly latched on. "Okay, you were hungry then. I'm getting used to this, okay? It's been a rough adjustment," she admitted staring down at her daughter. She touched the soft blonde wisps of hair on her head. "You know, you do look a lot like me," she said studying her Grace. "We have the same eyes and nose. I'm convinced that you have your father's mouth. You share that adorable little pout," she mused.

Grace looked up at her and tilted her head as if to tell her something. "You're tracking me," Meredith said in awe. "With your eyes and following my voice. You should be used to it now though," she added. "I talk an awful lot. You know," she said softly, "I was in the middle of reading my mother's journal." She paused. "Technically, she's your grandmother." Meredith made a face. "That's a scary thought actually," she confessed. "Because Ellis wasn't the best mother. She was a renowned surgeon but a terrible parent. I have a maternal half-sister." she admitted. "Her name is Maggie. She's an attending surgeon at the hospital we own."

She paused as she maneuvered Grace to the her other side. "Damn you were starving," she said as the baby sucked ferociously. "It's good though. You need to get stronger," she added. "You also have two other Aunt's," she continued. "My paternal half-sister's Lexie and Molly," she said softly. "Lexie was a surgeon too. She worked with me and your dad. I hated her at first," she confessed. "She was all happy and whole while I was all dark and twisty. But that's a story you are never going to hear... Like ever," she said shaking her head. "Honestly, I don't know Molly. She's married and has a daughter, Laura. I haven't seen her since Lex's funeral."

She paused. Lexie's death had a profound affect on her. "You're aunt Lexie died," she said slowly. "We were all in a plane crash. So please, Grace whatever you do... Don't go on any tiny planes... EVER," she babbled. "And Lex got crushed by the plane," she added sadly. "I know, it's a morbid and sad story but you won't remember this." Grace stopped eating and started fussing. Meredith quickly put her over her shoulder and gently patted her back. "But anyway, the point of my rambling was that my mother has another daughter and I _should_ have known. I freaked out, majorly, in a bad way when I found out. But I couldn't do it, Grace," she confessed. Grace let out a burp in response causing Meredith to laugh. "Well, this is our first conversation," she said with a green laying the baby in between her legs. Grace was on her back and staring up at her mother. Meredith touched her tiny hands and Grace grabbed her pinky.

"Good grasp, Grace," she mused. "We have to pick your sister up soon," she said as she looked at the clock on the dresser. "I've never done this, you know," she added. "Taken three kids anywhere by myself and I hate to admit it, but I'm a little nervous."

* * *

She had done it. Granted she was a few minutes late, but she had managed to get all three kids in the car without much hassle.

Bailey was being stubborn. He kept running away from her and refusing to put his shoes on. Meredith knew he was having the hardest time adjusting and cut him some slack. Eventually, she managed to persuade him to after bribing him with ice cream.

When they brought the twins home two days ago, Bailey walked right up to Derek and said, "Back, Dada. No twins." Derek and Meredith were too stunned to speak so Cristina told him that they we're staying and he better get used to them. He just glared at his aunt and went back to his cars.

He still hadn't warmed up to them yet. He avoided them whenever possible and covered his ears every single time they cry.

He was insanely jealous of his mother giving them more attention even after she had tried to explain that they needed her.

One year olds were not very understanding.

Zola, however, instantly loved them and jumped right into her role as a big sister. She was very attentive. She picked up on their cries and knew which one was the hunger cry and which one was the diaper change cry. She easily accepted the new normal.

Meredith read in the parenting books that this _could_ happen when new siblings were brought home. She didn't actually _expect_ that it would.

Meredith was a surgeon. She could do complicated procedures in her sleep. But opening this damn stroller was a hassle. She eventually figured it out and brought it over to the side of the car. Chris and Grace were happily sucking on their pacifiers and Bailey was scowling with his arms crossed.

"Bay," Meredith began, "Why are you so mad?"

"I no like twins," he said frowning.

"Why?" Meredith asked as she plucked Grace out of her car seat and strapped her in.

"They loud," Bailey said jutting his lip out.

"Zola said the same thing about you Bay," she added getting Chris out of his seat. "You were loud when you were a baby."

"I no baby," he added with a scowl. "Big boy."

She began unbuckling him, "Listen Bailey, the twins are babies. They love you. They need us to take care of them because they can't do much on their own."

Bailey glared at her as she freed him from his car seat. She put him on the ground and wondered what she could do to fix this sibling rivalry.

Maybe Derek had some ideas or something, she thought, as she took his hand in hers and walked across the street toward Zola's pre-school.

"Bailey stop running," Meredith exclaimed as he ran ahead of her toward the doors of the center. He turned around with a smirk on his face, once he got to the entrance.

She finally caught up to him at the double doors. "You can't run away from me," she began furiously, "it's not safe," she snapped frustrated.

Bailey was stunned. His mother never yelled at him. His lower lip started to quiver and Meredith knew he was going to lose it so she picked him up and put him on her hip. He put his tiny arms around her and buried his nose in her the crook of her neck. Her anger instantly abated. It was hard to be mad when Bailey was so cuddly.

She opened the main door and with her free hand pushed the stroller into the hallway. There was kid artwork everywhere, Meredith thought, squinting trying to find Zola's. She figured Zola could just point it out to her as they left because some of the names were painted over.

Zola loved pre-k at the center. The first drop off in September was harder on her than on Zola. It didn't help that she was all hormonal and pregnant at the time.

Because Zola was in daycare since she was an infant she had adjusted easily to the routine and made friends instantly. She also loved her teacher, Miss Amanda, who was fresh out of college and very enthusiastic.

Zola was in the full-day classroom from 8 to 5. It was the best option, considering her and Derek's schedules. Carolyn or Derek usually picked her up, so Zola was going to be surprised. Especially, because she brought the twins too.

"Mama!" she cried crushing into Meredith's legs as soon as she opened the door. "You're picking me up?" she asked excitedly. "And the twins are here!" she cried happily.

"Hi, Mrs. Shepherd," Amanda greeted with a grin. "Zola had a great day," she added. "These must be the babies that she's been talking about all week," Amanda said coming over to take a peek at the infants. "They're adorable," she complimented. "Zola said she's very helpful."

"Zo's been great," Meredith said smiling. "Zo, can you go get your stuff? Your dad's going to be home soon."

Zola nodded and went over to her cubby. "Zola don't forget your picture," Amanda said grabbing a painting from the counter and handed it to Meredith. It was a turkey made of her hand print. "Wow this is cool," she muttered placing it on top of the stroller. "It's for grandma," Zola quipped zipping her backpack. "Can you help me with my coat mama?" she asked looking at Meredith. "I've got it Zo," Amanda said walking over to her because Meredith had her hands full.

"Thanks," Meredith said gratefully. "I needed to grow two more arms too," she added shaking her head. Amanda laughed. "I'm sure," she said opening the door for them.

Zola walked ahead of them and sputtered about her day. She pointed at her artwork and told her mother all about what it was. "Mama can the twins come for show and tell on Friday?" she asked as they walked toward the car. "Uh, I don't know, Zo," Meredith stammered. "What about bringing Bailey?" she suggested. Bailey perked up at hearing his name and smiled. "Me?" he asked pointing to himself. Zola made a face, "I wanted the twins," she whined as Meredith opened the door for her.

I totally suck at this, Meredith thought as she got Chris out of the stroller. "Fine," she relented, "We'll see okay?"

Zola nodded with a grin.

* * *

Derek's car was in the driveway as she pulled up to the house. Thank god, she thought, she really needed some adult conversation. She cut the engine and took a breath. "Dada's home," Zola said pointing toward the car. "Where's Auntie Cristina?" she mused.

"Probably the hospital, Zo," she added wishing she was there too. Zola unbuckled herself and nodded. "Can you help Bailey, while I get the twins?" she asked turning around to face Zola.

"Yeah," she said reaching for Bailey's buckle as Meredith worked on the other getting Grace's car seat out.

Zola pushed open the door and helped Bailey down. She took his hand and they ran toward the house leaving Meredith to quickly get Chris' seat out. "Shit," she swore. "This thing is stuck," she exclaimed pulling it. "Here," Cristina offered coming up behind her. "Let me help," she offered taking Meredith's place.

Meredith turned around and picked up Grace. "This is freaking exhausting Cristina," she admitted with a yawn. "I'm not good at this."

Cristina gently slid the car seat out of the base and turned to Meredith. "You've got to relax, Mer. It's only been three days."

"72 hours," she added.

"Okay," Cristina said as they walked toward the house. "I had a triple bypass today and an emergency aortic discretion."

"I did the mom thing," Meredith said as she opened the door. "I yelled at Bailey for running away from me. Like actually, snapped and almost made him cry. I told my life story to Grace, changed a bunch of diapers, breastfed the twins on demand and picked up Zola from pre-k," she shrugged. "Oh and apparently, I thought it was a good idea to start reading my mother's diaries."

Cristina paused in the doorway. "Wait you started reading Ellis' journals?" Cristina looked at her as if she'd lost her mind. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "It's a terrible one. But I need answers and since I obviously can't ask her the diaries are the next best thing."

"Mer, you almost went postal last time you read them," she reminded her.

"I was home alone all day with three kids," she said. "I was going to go postal anyway."

"So you needed to spend time with your dead mommy too," Cristina muttered sarcastically. "Derek should honestly just be with you at all times."

"I don't need Derek," Meredith said as she put the Grace's seat on the couch. "I just needed..." she trailed off. "I don't know what I need."

"Tequila?" Cristina suggested with a grin. Meredith narrowed her eyes at Cristina, "No," she scoffed. "I don't need tequila." She paused. "Answers would suffice."

Derek walked in from the playroom catching the tail end of their conversation. "When you two are talking about tequila I know it isn't good," he interjected going over to the couch. "I swear," he said looking from Grace to Chris. "They got bigger since this morning."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "You need to get your eyes checked. They look the same."

"Derek, we need to talk about Bailey. He was being such a pain today," she muttered. "He _hates_ them," she said looking at her babies. "And I have no idea what to do about it. The books said this might happen... He's jealous of them."

"Then spend one-on-one time with him," Cristina suggested. "He was the center of attention for a year and now the spotlight's on them," she said pointing to the twins. "I'd be pretty pissed too."

Derek looked at Meredith and grinned. "You know, that's not a terrible idea."

"Gee thanks," Cristina scoffed as she headed toward the refrigerator.

"Well, I can't split myself into four people Derek," Meredith reminded him. "Zola's been fine but she could probably use some one-on-one too." She suddenly had an idea. "I promised him ice cream earlier," she said remembering her plea to get him to put his shoes on. "I could take him after dinner to that frozen yogurt place down the street," she mused.

"Try it," Derek said as he got Grace out of her seat. "But you know, you should probably tell Zola or she'll be pissed you didn't take her too."

"I'll tell her we can watch a movie together or something," she said lifting Chris out of his seat. "I pumped earlier so you could try giving them a bottle," she added. "I don't know if they'll take it though," she said. "Grace is _very_ attached to nursing so she might not..."

"Mer, don't worry about it," he said giving her a quick kiss careful not to disturb the babies between them.

"Uh, please," Cristina quipped as she poured a glass of wine for herself. "I'm not drunk enough to see your displays of affection."

"You could always get you're own apartment," Derek said looking pointedly at Cristina.

"And leave you two idiots alone?" she questioned. "I happen to have good ideas."

"One good idea," Derek said looking at Cristina. "One."

"Please," Cristina quipped. "You two would be screwed without me."

* * *

Meredith had to promise Zola ice cream tomorrow night and a movie to appease her. It was a small price to pay if her plan actually worked. She told Bailey who was immediately excited until he looked at the twins. "No twins?" he questioned eying the babies who were happily sucking on their pacifiers.

"Nope," Meredith said shaking her head. "Just me and you."

Bailey pointed at Meredith, "Mama and me?"

Meredith nodded. "Why don't you get me your shoes and I'll help you get them on?" she asked as he grinned at her.

"Why does he have to be so adorable?" she mused taking a seat on the couch to wait. "I think it's the eye thing," Cristina interjected from the kitchen. "You know he's got Shepherd's eyes and well you're a sucker for them."

Meredith turned around. "I'm not a sucker."

"Deny, deny, deny," Cristina chanted as she hit the dishwasher on.

"Cristina, I'm not," she protested.

"Whatever you say, Mer," she teased sitting on the couch with a glass of wine. Meredith looked longingly at the glass. "I wish I could have one."

"You go get to take your one year old for ice cream while I enjoy a nice Pinot noir," she added taking a long teasing sip.

"I hope this works," Meredith admitted. "I don't know what else I can do except hope he just adjusts on his own."

"He's a Grey and a Shepherd," Cristina reminded her. "He got a dose of both your stubborn-ness. The poor kid never stood a chance."

Meredith rolled her eyes as Bailey ran over to her with his shoes in his hands. "Shoes on," he commanded. She nodded working the laces out of the double knots from earlier. "Mini Converse?" Cristina said laughing. "You're inundating your kids with your personal footwear preference?"

Meredith looked down at her own black converse. "Maybe subconsciously?"she added.

"That looks pretty conscious..." she gestured between the two sneakers.

"Hey," Meredith said, "I just looked at my shoes."

Cristina squinted at her. "Uh yeah," she said in an obvious tone. "It's not news."

"Cristina I haven't seen my feet in eight months," she reminded her. "And I still look kind of pregnant," she said looking down at her distended stomach. "It went down faster last time," she sighed poking her stripped t-shirt.

"Give your self a break," Cristina said. "You had twins five days ago. Did you really expect to fit back into your size two jeans?"

"It only took me a week last time," she grumbled as she finished tying Bailey's shoes. "I'm still in my pregnancy jeans."

"Well, you're just weird then," Cristina said. "But we already knew that."

"Mama go," Bailey said pulling her hand toward the door. "Slow down, Bay," she said standing up. "We still need coats. It's cold out."

She walked over to the coat rack and grabbed her white coat, purse and Bailey's puffy jacket. "Oh," she said looking at Cristina as she helped Bailey into his jacket, "Don't forget the milk is in the fridge, make sure you use the cream for Grace if she needs a diaper change, Surge needs to be let out at eight, and Zola has to take a bath tonight."

"Anything else, Mom?" Cristina quipped stifling an eye-roll.

"Funny," Meredith said putting her coat on. "You're a comedian."

"You know," Cristina began, "Derek's fully capable right? He can handle your offspring."

Meredith slipped her purse over her shoulder and grabbed Derek's keys. "I'm taking the Cayenne," she stated opening the door. "Less car seats," she added as Bailey grabbed her hand. "Derek's gonna kill you for taking his Porsche," Cristina said snickering.

"Whatever," Meredith uttered shutting the door behind her.

* * *

The little ice cream shop was adorable, Meredith mused as they walked in.

They were the only customers in the place, because honestly, who gets ice cream in November?

It was perfect and Bailey was already enchanted with the shiny self-serve machines. "Hi," a teenager greeted. "Let me know if you need any help."

"Thanks," Meredith said as she grabbed a cup. "So," she said looking at Bailey, "What should we get?"

"Coffee!" he exclaimed pointing to the machine. "No, Bay," Meredith said wanting to kill Derek for giving him some coffee ice cream a few weeks ago. "Something else that won't make you stay awake..." Bailey bit his lip and pointed to a picture of a strawberry. Meredith smiled. "Excellent choice," she said picking him up. She placed the container under the machine. "Okay so you're going to pull the lever here and the strawberry ice cream will come out."

Bailey looked at her wide-eyed. "Okay," he said as he pulled it down. "Ooh," he squealed as Meredith moved the cup in a circle. Those years working at an ice cream shop in college paid off, she thought as she helped Bailey moved the lever back into place. She gently put him down and grabbed his hand as they walked over toward the toppings. They were Bailey's eye level and he pointed to the chocolate chips. "Coca chip," he pointed excitedly.

"Hi, uh, can we get the chocolate chip topping?" she asked getting the attention of the teenage girl. "Sure," the girl chirped brightly as she took the container and put a spoonful on.

"Want anything else, Bailey?" she asked as Bailey looked at all the other options. "No," he said shaking his head.

"He's adorable," the girl said looking at Meredith as she cashed her out. "Thank you," Meredith said handing Bailey the cup. "Go find a seat, buddy," she added taking two spoons from the counter. Bailey nodded and lead her over to the big orange couch. She sat next to him and handed him a spoon. He crawled into her lap and took a bite. "Yum," he said through a spoonful.

"Bay," Meredith began tentatively, "I know it's been hard with the twins."

Bailey's head tilted up to look at her at the word twins. "No twins," Bailey said shaking his head.

"They love you, Bay," she said taking a spoonful of ice cream. "Can you please try to like them, you know, for mama?"

Bailey frowned considering this. "What about we have special time together when they go to sleep?" she suggested. "You know, just Bailey and Mama."

He nodded, "Okay, he agreed leaning into her chest.

* * *

Bailey was sound asleep in her arms as she walked into the house. The twins weren't crying, Surge wasn't barking like a crazy animal, and the house didn't look like a bomb went off. She went upstairs and found Derek in the nursery swaddling Grace who was being fussy. "She wouldn't take a bottle," he said once he saw her. "I don't have what she's looking for."

"Where's Zo?" she asked.

"Cristina's giving her a bath," Derek said. "This is one of those times when I'm grateful she's here... But don't tell her that."

"Never," Meredith chuckled softly. "I'm going to put his one down and then come back for Gracie."

"How was he?" Derek asked curiously.

"He was good," she sighed. "I brought up the twins and told him that when they were napping, we could have Bailey and Mama time. He seemed to accept that idea."

"Tone down the jealousy," Derek whispered. "Good thinking."

"I just hope it works," she admitted as she walked into the hallway. She could hear Zola giggling from the bathroom. She shook her head and continued down the hall to Bailey's room. She carefully stepped over the toys and books that were all over the floor and headed for his bed.

She gently placed him on top of his covers. She needed to strip him down to his diaper so she could get him into his pajamas.

She knew he wouldn't wake up because he was softly snoring, a sign that he was in a deep slumber. It was cute, she mused as she went over to his dresser and pulled out a set of clean pajamas. She quickly took his clothes off and slid his pajama pants on. He stirred but she kept working. She gently slid his top on and maneuvered him so that she could pull his blankets over him.

She gave him a kiss and went to relieve Derek. Gracie wasn't loosing her mind but it was only a matter of time.

"Chris took the bottle okay?" she asked as she walked over to Derek and took the baby out of his arms. Derek nodded. "He sucked it down in a two minutes."

He pointed to Gracie. "Where as this one put up a hell of a fight. She spat the nipple out and continued to cry so I gave her the pacifier she likes."

Meredith walked over to the rocking chair in the corner of the room. She sat down and peeled the pink blanket off Grace so she could move. "She likes to be swaddled," she said as she pulled her shirt up, "But when she's eating she needs to move her hands. She needs to be touching me," she added as she unclipped the nursing bra and put Grace to her chest who immediately started eating.

Her tiny hand was above head, "See," she said looking at Derek who was watching them. "She needs to have skin to skin or she'll put her hands through her hair."

Meredith watched her nurse and marveled at the speed in which Gracie was eating. "You wouldn't have guessed we did this three hours ago, huh?" she mused as Derek walked over to them. "Nope," he said shaking his head in wonder. "Chris went to sleep okay?" she asked looking at him. "He was fussy earlier," she whispered.

"Kid was out light a light," Derek said before kissing her. It was a slow gentle kiss, one that left her breathless. "You can't kiss me like that," she said pulling away. "Because we can't do anything about it for _weeks_," she moaned. "_Weeks,_ Derek," she repeated for emphasis.

Derek laughed quietly. "I couldn't help it," he confessed. "You were all half-naked and gorgeous."

Meredith shook her head. "You can't have porny thoughts when I'm nursing," she said smiling. "That's just wrong on so many levels."

"Don't blame me," Derek said calmly. "It was an accident."

"You can't accidentally kiss someone," she said switching Grace to the other side. "It's not like you tripped and fell on my lips."

"It was an accident," Derek teased as he slowly walked out of the room. "I'm going to leave now so it doesn't happen again."

"You do that," she said as he vanished from sight.

* * *

Her days were blurring together. The routine was the same; wake up and feed the twins, get Zola up and ready for school so that Derek or Carolyn could drop her off, wake up Bailey get him dressed and fed, and spend the rest of the day catering to the needs of Grace, Chris and Bailey. It was utterly exhausting. She'd wake up exhausted. She wished Derek had taken paternity leave so that she'd at least have some adult conversation during the day but because he his schedule was practically etched in stone he couldn't be flexible.

But tomorrow was Thanksgiving. Derek and Cristina didn't have to work and they were all going to Carolyn's. It was her first Shepherd Thanksgiving, and she wasn't even anxious about it. She was thrilled at the prospect being able to actually pass her kids off to their aunts, uncles and older cousins. She might end up with her hands free; a rarity these days.

She hadn't had the time or energy to go through the diaries lately. But she found herself bored and lonely while Grace, Chris and Bailey were napping. The cardboard box in her bedroom was taunting her. It was like her past was staring her in the face.

She didn't know what possessed her to go over to the box, but she opened it and pulled the journal out. She went over to her bed and opened the page she dog-eared. She scoured for the sentence she was looking for, the one she couldn't bring herself to read past...

_Meredith will get over it. __  
_

She took a deep breath and kept reading...

_She's a child. Children are resilient. I think she'll like Boston._

_Richard and I spent over an hour in the on-call room today just talking. He told me he's going to leave Adele. I promised to leave Thatcher. _

_After all, Thatch must see this coming. If he doesn't he's denser than I thought. I came home with a hickey on my neck the other day, like I'm some horny teenager, and he doesn't say a word. Nothing. _

_Meredith does love her father. I'm not sure if she feels the same about me but Thatch is really good to her. He's the better parent. I just don't have the time or patience to deal with her. She's exhausting and needy. Maybe I wasn't cut out for the mothering thing. _

_Today, I performed a..._

Meredith stopped reading and took a shaky breath as her thoughts ran wild. Ellis did leave Thatcher that night, Meredith said remembering the terrible fight between her parents. She was lying her bed staring at the ceiling as she heard her mother and father hurl insults at one another. Thatcher stormed out and Meredith didn't see him until her intern year.

She was trembling as she closed the journal. She needed Derek, who unfortunately was miles away in DC.


	12. Suddenly I see

Derek's phone went straight to voicemail. Unfortunately, Cristina's phone did to. "Shit," she swore throwing her phone on the bed. The old Meredith would be probably be drowning herself in a bottle of tequila by now. But responsible Meredith with her three sleeping children couldn't do something like that ...not that it stopped her from thinking about it.

She needed desperately to talk to someone. Anyone. Everyone she could have called would be busy. Her friends were all surgeons. They we're off saving lives.

She knew who would listen. She picked her phone back up and dialed a familiar number.

"Carolyn," she said as soon as her mother-in-law picked up, "Are you busy?" she blurted. "No, Meredith," Carolyn answered wondering why Meredith was calling. "Are the kids okay?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, they're all sleeping," she said quickly. "I'm not good at this thing," she said rambling. "But Derek's not answering his phone and Cristina's went straight to voicemail." She paused and took a breath. "And it's that lull in the afternoon where they all take a two-three hour nap..." she said trailing off unable to get to the point.

"Meredith, do you want me to come over?" Carolyn interrupted sensing that Meredith needed someone to talk to. Meredith bit her lip thinking. "If you're not doing anything," she said softly.

"I'm not," Carolyn said lightly. "I'm actually in the city getting some things for tomorrow. I can be at your house in twenty-minutes."

"Okay," Meredith said gratefully. "Thanks Carolyn," she said honestly hanging up the phone.

"Did I really just invite my mother in law over?" Meredith asked herself wondering what the hell she'd been thinking.

She picked up the journal and walked downstairs with Surge trailing at her heels. She had to admit she enjoyed Surge's company while the kids were sleeping.

She went into the kitchen and put the journal on the counter. It would be easier to show Carolyn the journal then go through the long drawn out story behind it. Ellis Grey was dead. Meredith had known the second it happened because she saw her mother in the after-life. Meredith shivered thinking about that dream or state of limbo. To be honest, she still wasn't exactly sure of what that _experience_ was.

She was thinking about the drowning when she heard a knock on her door. "Hi," Meredith said when she saw Carolyn. "Come on in," she added holding the door open for her. Suddenly, Meredith felt really awkward. "Uh," she muttered. "I made tea if you want any," she offered walking toward the kitchen.

"That would be great," Carolyn said as she took a seat on the island. "But Meredith, dear, you can cut the crap and tell me why you're a mess. I have four daughters and I can tell when something is bothering them," she added smiling. "And you dear, have that look."

"Am I that obvious?" Meredith asked breaking out into a grin. She pointed to the journal on the counter. "That was my mothers," she said pointing to the book. "After she died I found over 60 diaries just like that in my attic." She handed Carolyn a mug of full of hot tea. "And because of the Maggie thing back in Seattle I needed to find some answers," she admitted. "I mean she's my half-sister. I didn't even know my mother was pregnant, a fact, I still can't get over."

"I imagine that was shocking," Carolyn said taking a sip of her tea.

Meredith sat down next to her. "Incredibly," she admitted. "Plus I did the surprised sister thing before."

"With Lexie," Carolyn added.

"Yeah, Lexie," Meredith said softly. "I didn't handle it well. Maggie wanted to know me and I wanted nothing to do with her. Basically, I snapped at her and told her she was lucky she was adopted because being Ellis Grey's daughter wasn't as amazing as it sounded."

"Your mother really did a number on you," Carolyn said sadly. "Derek said you had family issues."

"Kind of an understatement, Carolyn," Meredith said evenly. "My mom didn't give a shit about me. She was too busy being a surgeon. Her career was her child. I was a complication who grew up to become a huge disappointment."

"Meredith, you're not a disappointment," Carolyn assured her.

"Well, the old Meredith was," she said thinking of her teenage years and early twenties. "My mother told me I didn't have what it took to become a surgeon. She thought I was too distracted and unfocused. She told me I lacked ambition and motivation. She was definitely right ," Meredith admitted looking at Carolyn. "I was a mess in my twenties. I partied, couldn't hold a job, didn't do relationships, and had no idea what I was doing with my life."

"So what changed?" Carolyn asked curiously.

"She got Alzheimer's," Meredith said sadly. "This brilliant woman who defined her life by her career slowly lost her mind and her faculties."

"Right, you told me that when we met," Carolyn added thinking of their first meeting.

Meredith nodded. "We had this huge fight before I left for Europe and she called me a huge disappointment and I was throwing my potential away with booze and boys. Those were the last words she said to me lucid." Meredith shook her head lost in the past for a moment. "But anyway, the journal," she said pointing to it, " should help me figure out why she never told me. I need to know if she wrote about her pregnancy or the adoption. Most of it is surgeries and some really descriptive sexual encounters with Richard," she said blushing. "I skim over those parts, obviously."

"I'm guessing you read something that you didn't know," Carolyn guessed looking at Meredith. "Yeah," she said with a nod and picked up the diary. "Derek's going to be mad I'm letting you read this," Meredith said handing her the open diary. "I haven't even let him."

Carolyn chuckled, "I won't tell him."

Meredith pointed to the beginning, "You can read it," she said. "It'll explain why I'm sort of freaking out."

Carolyn nodded and began to read. Meredith heard Bailey crying on the monitor. "I've got to go get him before he wakes the twins up," she said as she rushed upstairs.

Bailey was stirring when she opened his door. His hair was all mused from sleeping. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, "Mama," he said softly holding his arms out. Meredith sighed and picked him up, "Seriously, buddy, you're getting too big." He put his head down and wrapped his arms around her neck as she walked back downstairs.

Carolyn had her head down completely engaged in the diary. "G-ma!" Bailey said when he saw his grandmother, "Mama, down."

Meredith complied and put him on the ground so he could run over to his grandmother. "Hi Bailey," Carolyn said picking him up and putting him in her lap. "Did you have a good nap?"

Bailey nodded and grinned. "Good," he repeated as Meredith put his sippy cup in front of him. He took the blue cup and started drinking. "Well," Carolyn said looking at Meredith, "I can understand your reaction. Did you're mother leave him that night?" she asked cautiously.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, they had a wicked fight and my dad stormed out and left. He didn't come back either," she added thinking of Thatcher. "My dad just left me," she said. "How can someone do that?" she asked looking at Carolyn. "And didn't he realize who he was leaving me with?" she added as her anger rose. "My mother took a scalpel to her wrists when I was five. I watched her bleed out because she told me not to call the police," she blurted as every single painful memory of that day surfaced.

She covered her mouth with her hand. It had taken her months to tell Dr. Wyatt that and now she had just told her mother-in-law one of her darkest memories. Before she could even speak she felt Carolyn's arms around her. She felt safe, she thought, as the tears started streaming down her face. "Meredith," she began gently pulling her away, "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

No one had every said that to her. "Thank you," she sniffled wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry for being a hormonal mess," she apologized.

"You had two babies three weeks ago, you're entitled to be emotional," Carolyn added with a small smile. "So you weren't kidding when you said you had mother issues?" Carolyn asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Nope," Meredith shook her head and smiled. "I was definitely not kidding."

Meredith heard Chris cry. "Damn it," she swore. "Why did this nap time have to be so short?" she asked looking at Carolyn.

"I'll get him," Carolyn offered putting Bailey in her lap."I'll make sure he doesn't wake Grace."

"I doubt that," Meredith added as Carolyn walked up the stairs. "They are so in sync with one another its crazy."

Bailey looked up at his mother. "Mama no cry," he said tilting his chin at her.

"I'm okay, Bay," she said looking at him. "I'll be fine," she added as she gently ran her fingers through his wispy blonde hair.

* * *

Derek was home unusually early. He didn't hit any traffic from DC and was pleasantly surprised to see his mother's car outside his house.

The four missed calls from Meredith definitely unnerved him. He tried to call her back but she didn't answer, which really made him anxious. His first thought was obviously his kids.

He opened the door to a quiet house, which didn't ease his anxiety. He put his briefcase on the floor and hung his coat on the hook. "Hey, Mer," he called wondering where everyone was.

"We're all upstairs!" she yelled back. Derek nodded and climbed the stairs. He heard his mother and Zola talking about something. He walked into his bedroom and found Bailey sitting on the bed watching television. He had one his pajama's and was sucking on his pacifier. Derek went over and ruffled his hair. "Hi buddy," he greeted as he walked toward the bathroom. He smiled at the sight of his mother, Meredith and Zola giving the twins a bath.

"Do it like this Zo," Meredith instructed using a face cloth to clean between Grace's tiny toes. Zola took the cloth from Meredith and copied her. "Yeah," Meredith smiled. "Just like that."

"Dada, look!" Zola said proudly giving him a toothy grin. "I'm giving Gracie a bath."

"You've got a good teacher there, Zo," he said pointing at Meredith.

"Well, I learned from the best," she said smirking at Derek.

"Mer, want to clue me in on the four missed calls earlier?" he asked leaning against the door frame.

"Meredith, I can finish," Carolyn said taking the wash cloth from her hands. "I've done this once or twice," she said grinning.

Meredith nodded. She got up and grabbed Derek's arm leading him out into the hallway.

"Meredith, are you okay?" he asked worried.

"No," she stated. "I read something in Ellis' diary today..."

Derek paled. Leave it to Ellis Grey to be haunting her daughter from the grave. "Not a good way to start a conversation Meredith," he added.

"Well," she stammered. "I read the entry that my mother wrote the day she left my father and it brought up some bad memories from the past."

"What did you read?" he prompted gently knowing how much Ellis had damaged Meredith in the past.

"She basically said I'd get over moving to Boston. She said that Thatcher was the better parent because I was exhausting and needy. She basically admitted she didn't want me. She said she wasn't cut out for the parenting thing..." she said miserably.

Derek didn't say anything he just pulled her into him, as if he could take away some of the pain she was feeling.

"Derek, there's something else," she said finally pulling away from him. "When I was five my mother took a scalpel to her wrist," she said trembling. "I watched her bleed out because she made me promise not to call the police."

"Oh my gosh," Derek said covering his mouth. "I don't even know what to say," he said shaking his head. "What kind of mother does that in front of their child?"

"I don't know," Derek said in shock. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Meredith. She didn't deserve you," he said taking her hand. "She missed out on knowing you," he added. "The wonderful person that you are," he said kissing her.

"Do you remember when Ava tried to kill herself in my kitchen?" she asked softly as they pulled away.

Derek nodded. "It was the trigger. I didn't remember that she did that, Derek. I repressed it or something." She paused. "

When we broke up after the drowning, I started seeing Dr. Wyatt, a therapist on the psych floor. I started seeing her because I couldn't sleep. I had gone three days, after we broke up without sleeping and I had to do something about it. So, I went and talked to her for months." She looked at Derek with a deep vulnerability in her eyes. "She helped me work through a lot of crap. We talked about my severe abandonment issues and inability to commit," she added thinking of those weekly sessions. "I knew I loved you, but there was just so much I had to figure out on my own and she helped me. I finally became whole and healed. You know, the grand gesture house of candle thing, it was a breakthrough. I finally allowed myself to be loved by you."

"The house of candles," he mused. "That was when I knew you were ready," he added. "For everything."

"Exactly," Meredith said. "But reading these diaries and trying to find answers is dredging up a lot of the old issues. I'm not running from them," she said seriously. "But I'm opening myself to pain. I need to put the pieces together again to close the wounds for good," she looked at him. "If that makes any sense."

"I get it Mer," he said gently. "But next time, read them with me or something," he suggested. "Or let me read them too."

"I'm ready for that," she said shaking her head. "Before, I didn't want you to see the dark and twisty parts."

"Meredith, I'm not going anywhere. You can literally tell me you're a secret axe murderer and I'd still love you." Meredith laughed. "Well for the record, I'm not I'm a surgeon."

"Good to know," he said chuckling. He put his forehead on hers and stared at her. "I'm not going anywhere," he said adamantly. "You and I we're stuck together.

She grinned. "If we didn't have this sex ban I'd totally want to jump you here," she teased grinning at him. "You being all possessive and mine is really hot."

"Meredith," he groaned. "You're killing me."

She laughed and started walking away from him. "Are you coming?" she asked turning around.

"In a minute," he said through his teeth.

Meredith shook her head and laughed at the irony. "I'm going to get you back for that," he added as she walked back into the bedroom.

* * *

Meredith had never felt more thankful in her life, which was ironic, considering it was Thanksgiving. She woke up in the strong arms of her husband completely rested and ready for her first Shepherd Thanksgiving.

She wasn't nervous or anxious. If anything, she felt completely at ease around her new family. She got up and padded into the nursery to check on Chris and Grace. She ran into Cristina in the hall, "Hey, she greeted quietly. "I didn't hear you come in last night."

"Late night shift," Cristina said. "Dr. Wheeler is a dick."

"Are you excited for the Shepherd Thanksgiving," she teased.

"Uh, no," Cristina said shaking her head. "But I know you need me to come for some weird reason, so I'm humoring you. Plus, I kind of like his sister's they have plenty of dirt on Shepherd."

"You know, you can call him Derek," Meredith said for the thousandth time. "You live here, saved his life, and are the god mother to our kids," she added.

Cristina shook her head. "No that's too... Weird. Would you like it better if I called him McDreamy?" she asked sarcastically.

"Nope," Meredith raised her eyebrows. "That's worse."

"Well, then he's Shepherd," she said seriously. "Why the hell are you even awake?" she questioned. "It's like 530," Cristina said looking at her watch.

"I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "I figured I'd go pick out the kids outfits for the day."

"Your seriously going to be one of those moms, huh?" Cristina asked shaking her head.

"Shut up," she said. "It's their first Thanksgiving here and I want it to be memorable."

"Ok first of all," Cristina began, "The twins are three weeks old. They don't remember anything. Bailey is one and doesn't have the best memory either. The only person who could remember today is Zola," Cristina said. "But I doubt if you ask her about today twenty years from now she'd remember what she was wearing."

"Fine," Meredith said quietly. "It's for Derek," she admitted. "I just have never had the traditional Thanksgiving but I know it usually involves dressing nicely."

Cristina stared at her. "Who should we start with?" she asked. "Because honestly, Mer, you don't exactly have the best fashion sense."

"Like you do?" Meredith scoffed.

Cristina folded her arms, "I grew up in Beverly Hills. Rodeo Drive was my playground and my mother forced me to shopping with her."

"Touche," Meredith said as she led Cristina into the nursery. They quietly tip-toed to the closet and slid it open. "Damn," Cristina whispered, "You're kids have a ton of clothes."

"Well, it's mostly stuff from Zola and Bailey," Meredith said sifting through the closet. "Although, Gracie's stuff is newer. We didn't get Zola until she was 8 months."

"Wait," Cristina said looking at the dresser. "She should wear that purple head band with the giant flower," she suggested. "Zola picked it out for her the other day."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "That narrows down the color palate." She pulled a pair of tiny khakis and a purple floral onesie. She held it up to Cristina, "What do you think?"

"It's cute, but she's probably going to be cold," she said as she tugged on a purple sweater and held it up for Meredith. "Perfect," she said taking it out of Cristina's hands. "Okay that was easier than I thought."

"I can't believe I'm helping you dress your kids," Cristina grimaced. "If you tell anyone that this happened I will kill you."

"Duly noted," Meredith said as she put the clothes on the dresser next to the headband. "Gracie's done."

"Alright," Cristina said holding up a red button down shirt, "Baby professional?" she teased.

"Derek picked that out for Bailey, but he never wore it," Meredith said. "It's perfect though."

Cristina slid it off the hanger. "Jeans or Khakis?" she asked going through the baby pants. "Jeans," Meredith decided. "He has a pair of dark wash ones," she suggested. Cristina held out the pair in question, "These?"

Meredith nodded. "Okay now to Bailey," she said as they walked out of the nursery.

Bailey was snoring softly as they entered his room. Meredith had coined his room the disaster area.

He constantly left his toys and books everywhere. It was like walking through a minefield. "I really should make him clean this," Meredith whispered as she dodged a plastic car.

"I'd say you're slacking, Meredith," Cristina added as she finally made it to the closet and opened the door. Meredith stood next to her and looked at the clothes that were neatly hanging on the hanger. "You can tell, he's never opened this door," she said seriously. She perused his options and pulled out a button down blue pin stripped shirt. "This is perfect," she muttered unable to find a better adjective.

"Okay," Cristina whispered. "He needs pants even if he'll try to take them off."

Meredith looked at Cristina. "What if I duct taped them on?" she whispered.

Cristina chuckled. "That might be considered child abuse."

"Then that's out," she mumbled joking. "Oh," she said as her eyes settled on a pair of black corduroys. "These will be good," she exclaimed. "Especially because he loves to get himself dirty."

"Bailey's done," Cristina said with a grin. "Now we only have Zola," she said. "Who literally is the easiest child to pick clothes out for."

Meredith nodded. "She might want to match Gracie though," she mused. "I think her purple and white polka-dotted dress is in the laundry," she said as they walked out of Bailey's room.

"But we should check her room first," Meredith said as the opened Zola's door.

Zola was sound asleep with her hands curled up under her head.

"I can't believe she sleeps like that," Cristina commented as they headed for Zola's closet. "It looks uncomfortable."

Meredith shrugged. "She's never complained."

Meredith opened her closet door and her eyes instantly found the polka-dotted dress. "Awesome," she said pulling it off the hanger. "Can you go find her purple tights?" she whispered. "They're in the second drawer on the left."

Cristina nodded and went over to the drawer and pulled out the dark purple tights. "Wow, alright we just dressed four kids for the day," Meredith whispered hanging Zola's dress and tights on her dresser handles.

Cristina nodded. "Whatever would you have done without me?" she mused taking the opportunity to tease her best friend.

"I don't know if I'd survive," she added dramatically.

"I'm going to take this opportunity to sleep," Cristina said with a yawn. "What time do we have to be at the his mothers?"

"Eleven," Meredith said. "But Derek's taking Zola at seven to meet his sisters and his kids at the parade."

"Does she know?" Cristina asked curiously.

"Nope, Derek's going to surprise her," Meredith added. "She's going to be thrilled. She watched the parade last year on television and wouldn't stop talking about the giant Sofia the first float," she said.

"Sofia the first?" Cristina asked. "Do I want to know?"

"It's a kid show," Meredith answered. "It's not that bad actually."

"And on that note, I'm going down to my room to sleep," Cristina said walking down the hall. Meredith chuckled. She could give Cristina shit later.

She went back into the nursery to check on the twins who should be stirring. She glanced at her watch it was six. They were going to wake up crying if they weren't already awake.

Grace was up. She stared up at Meredith with her big blue-gray eyes. "Alright Gracie," Meredith said getting her out of her crib. "Let's feed you so that your brother can sleep a little longer."

She gently walked over to the rocking chair her designated nursing station, grabbed a burping cloth and sat down. She was one of those mother's that actually enjoyed breast-feeding. It was relaxing and she loved having the one-on-one time. She lifted her shirt and Gracie knew exactly what to do. She was fast eater too, she mused watching her.

"Hi," Derek said startling her. She looked up and saw him standing in the door way. He was shirtless and wearing only his sweat pants. Her favorite ones, she thought as she stared at his toned body. "This is payback isn't it."

"Yeah," he grinned kissing her. "I had to find a way to get you back."

"We're totally even now," she said nodding. Derek chuckled.

"I picked out their outfits for the day," she said looking at his face trying not to be distracted by his body. "Cristina gave me crap and said I was becoming one of those mothers," she said laughing. "I don't even know what that means," she shook her head.

"It's cute you care so much," Derek said stretching. He rolled his shoulders back. "I hate you," she said through her teeth. "Go away," she said shooing him. "You're doing things and I'm having these thoughts that I shouldn't have because I'm freaking nursing."

"Porny thoughts?" Derek inquired with a grin.

"Get out, Derek," she said pointing toward the door. "And don't come back without a shirt on."

"Okay, I'm going," he said backing out of the room. "God you're so bossy."

Meredith looked down at Grace, "See, you have to learn how to do that someday," she whispered. "You know, be bossy. Especially, because you've got three older siblings. You can't let them push you around, okay?"

Gracie looked up at her as if she understood. "That's my girl," Meredith said as Gracie unlatched. She heard Chris stirring. "Crap, your brother's awake," she said as she patted her back. "Give me a minute Chris," she said gently patting Grace's back. "Whoa," Meredith said, "I can't believe that big of a burp comes from such a tiny person." She put the pacifier in Grace's mouth and put her back in her crib.

She went over to Chris who was grinning at her. "Someone's happy today," she said picking him up. "You really are like the happiest baby," she said sitting down. "Although, Zola was really smiley too."

Chris had just latched on as Zola came running excitedly into the room. "Mama, guess what?" she said smiling. "What Zo?" Meredith asked enthusiastically.

"Dada's taking me to the parade!" she cried happily. "The one we saw on t.v last year." Zola looked at Meredith. "And Annabelle's going too!"

Meredith nodded. "I'm sure you'll have a blast, Zo," she said. "I picked out some clothes for you. They're on your dresser. I figured that since Gracie's going to be wearing purple you'd want to," she smiled.

Zola spotted the purple headband. "Is she wearing that too?" she asked wide-eyed. "Yeah," Meredith said. "Oh and tell your dad that you're mittens and hats are in your closet. It's probably going to be cold in the city."

Zola nodded and rushed back to her room to change. Chris looked up at Meredith and grinned. "You're probably done then, huh?" she asked putting him over her shoulder and patted his back. She got up and walked him around the room. "Mama," Zola said retuning to show her mother her outfit. "Can you help me with the tights?" she asked as Chris burped. "Sure, let me go put Chris down," she said grabbing Chris' blue pacifier from the dresser and popping it in his mouth. She gently put him back in his crib and turned to Zola who handed her the tights.

"Your dad did a good job on your braids this morning," Meredith said as she put her hand the tights and rolled them up. "It was Auntie Cristina," Zola added. "She's better at my hair than Dada is."

Meredith chuckled. "Here," she said putting them on the floor so Zola could step in them. "What shoes were you thinking Zo?" Meredith asked.

"Sparkly ones," Zola said referring to her pink sparkly converse. "Of course because no outfit is complete without sparkles right?" Meredith asked seriously wondering how she managed to get such a girly girl.

Zola nodded. "Mama are you coming too?"

"No I can't Zo," she said pulling the tights up. "Bailey and the twins are too little."

"Oh," she said pouting. "But I want you to come."

"Maybe next year, Zo," she offered pulling Zola's dress down. "The twins are only three weeks and it's too cold for them to be outside."

"Oh," Zola nodded in understanding. "And Bailey would run away."

"Exactly," Meredith said with a laugh. "He's not really the sit and watch the floats go by type of kid."

"Let's go get your shoes on, okay?" she asked looking at Zola who nodded. "Mama," Zola began as they walked into her room, "Are we going to see Uncle Alex, today?"

"No Zo," Meredith said thinking of her Seattle family. "He's going to have Thanksgiving with his family."

"But aren't we his family?" Zola asked curiously. "He is," Meredith said quickly. "But he's with his brother and sister."

"Oh," Zola said grabbing her sneakers off the floor. "Next year?" she asked hopefully. "Maybe Zo," Meredith said hoping Zola would drop it. "But we're going to have so much fun today with all your cousins."

Zola nodded as Meredith tied her shoes. "We should probably pick out a hat, mittens and a scarf for you," she said going over to her closet and pulling the bin down. She found the hot pink set and handed it to Zola, "What do you think?" she asked.

"I like it, Mama," Zola said putting the hat on. "Good," Meredith said returning the bin to the closet and pulling out Zola's white pea coat. "Zo you can wear your fancy coat today if you want," Meredith said holding it out for her. "It's like yours, Mama," Zola said taking it out of Meredith's hands.

"Exactly like mine," Meredith added. "Although mine probably won't button," she mused as she helped Zola put the coat on. "Mama, I need the scarf," Zola said as Meredith finished putting her mittens on. "Of course you do," Meredith said as she tied the scarf loosely around Zola's neck. "Ready to go Zo?" Derek asked popping his head in. "Well," he said coming in the room. "I'll take that as a yes."

"You look nice," Meredith commented looking at Derek's black zippered sweater and dark jeans. "I mean for someone who used to live in a trailer," she teased.

"Low blow, Mer," he said grinning. "You _liked_ the trailer."

"I like the house we built better," she shrugged. Derek nodded. "I'm ready to go if you are Zo," he added looking at Zola. "Oh, Mer, the pies are in the fridge. Don't forget them. I told Cristina too," he added picking Zola up. "Let's go monster," he said smiling at Zola. "You're going to love this," he promised as they walked down stairs.

"Meredith," Derek called from the doorway, "Don't forget the pies," he added before closing the door.

"I'm going to kill him," she muttered walking back to her bedroom.

"Are you talking about Shepherd?" Cristina asked emerging from her room. "Because if you need help I'm in."

"No I need you to help me find something to wear," Meredith said as she dragged Cristina into the bedroom. "I still have my stupid post-pregnancy stomach and super self-conscious," she admitted.

"I doubt people stare at your stomach because your boobs are rather distracting. What are they a D cup?" Cristina asked seriously.

"Double D," Meredith groaned. "None of my shirts button, obviously," she said gesturing to her chest. "I hate my boobs," she confessed. "I never in a million years thought I'd say this but I miss my A cups."

"Yeah, you were president of the itty bitty titty committee," Cristina said snickering at her own joke.

Meredith glared at her. "Not funny," she said seriously. "I really don't know what to wear."

"Okay let's narrow it down by what fits you," Cristina said logically. "We can rule out everything else."

"Honestly, I have no idea," Meredith said biting her thumb nail as she looked at her closet. "I've lived in Derek's sweatpants the past three weeks and the maternity jeans."

"Those are cute, Mer," Cristina said. "I mean for maternity jeans," she amended.

Meredith shot her a look. "I mean I own a million button down shirts, jeans and t-shirts. But the thing about most of my t-shirts are extra smalls," she sighed. "Why is this is so frustrating? I used to be a pencil."

"Then you swallowed a basketball," Cristina added teasing her. "I might have a shirt you can borrow. We all can't be pencils," she said walking out of the bedroom. Meredith lifted up her shirt to and turned sideways in the full length mirror. Shit, she swore studying herself. She still had a bump.

"What are you doing?" Cristina asked with an armful of shirts.

"I was checking myself out," she said as if it were obvious. "I still have a bump. It went down faster last time..."

"Well, I have this really flowy black top if you want to try it on," she said holding up a v-neck long-sleeved shirt.

"I can't do v-necks," Meredith said cringing. "It would be an overwhelming amount of cleavage."

"Okay then it's out," she said starting a pile. "What about this?" she asked holding up long sleeved waffle shirt.

"Maybe?" Meredith said unsure. "You don't think its too casual."

Cristina ignored her and held up another shirt. It was a long sleeved black cotton shirt with a square neck.

Meredith nodded and grabbed it out of her hands and pulled her t-shirt off and slipped the black shirt over her head.

"Very slimming, Mer," Cristina complimented as Meredith studied her reflection. "Alright," she said confidently. "A winner."

"Just wear the maternity jeans," Cristina suggested. "You'd have the perfect outfit. Plus the maternity jeans stretch and I've seen you eat, Meredith."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll wear them," she said grabbing them from the dresser and slid her sweats off revealing her underwear. She pulled the jeans on and checked herself out in the mirror. Cristina went behind her and took her hair out of the bun as her hair fell in waves down her back.

"Dude, you're back to being a person," she said smiling. "You need shoes that are not converse," she said pointing a finger at Meredith. "I have black heeled ankle boots in my closet," Meredith said shrugging as Cristina made a beeline for the closet. She rummaged through Derek's collection of shoes and pulled out Meredith's ankle boots. "These are cute," Cristina commented handing her the boots. "I'm pretty sure I got them over ten years ago," Meredith said as she tried to remember the last time she wore them.

She pulled them on over her socks and walked over to the mirror. She didn't look terrible, she mused, looking at her reflection. "I don't care about this stuff but around his family..." she said trailing off.

"No, I get it Mer," Cristina cut her off. "I completely understand. This is coming from the woman who let Burke's mother shave her eyebrows and wore the most hideous choker necklace on the planet."

"I completely forgot about that choker," Meredith said laughing. "It really was hideous."

"That should have tipped me off that the wedding wasn't going to happen," Cristina said going through Meredith's jewelry. "Dude, you have no accessories other than your wedding ring and a pair of small gold hoops."

"Give me those," Meredith said pointing to the ring and the hoops. "In the top drawer on the right underneath my socks is a blue box."

Cristina nodded and opened Meredith's sock drawer and pulled out the blue box. She gently tossed it to Meredith who carefully opened the lid. "Derek buys me stuff like this all the time," she said pulling out a gold necklace with a single Peridot pendant. "He gave me this," she said holding up the pendant, "after Bailey was born."

"That's so you," Cristina said latching the necklace for her. "I love it," Meredith added touching the stone. "I obviously can't wear it at work, which is where I spend most of my life anyway."

"It's really understated," Cristina added. "He has good taste." Meredith nodded. "Do you think I should attempt to do my makeup?" she asked facing Cristina.

"Yes," Cristina quipped. "You know, just to look more human."

"You're a jerk," Meredith said walking into the bathroom. "You love me," Cristina added confidently. "I mean I live here, help freaking pick your kids clothes out, cook and babysit when you need me to."

"Fine," Meredith conceded coming out of the bathroom wearing a little concealer, mascara and lip gloss.

"Modern marvels of makeup," Cristina mused.

Meredith glanced at her watch, "Crap how the hell is it 830? And why hasn't Bailey woken up yet?"

Meredith's heels clicked softly on hardwood floors as she opened Bailey's door. "Bay," she said gently stepping over the mess, "You need to get up," she said rubbing his back. "You have to get ready for Grandma's."

Bailey rolled over and stretched. "No," he pouted with his eyes still shut.

"If you don't I'm going to get Surge and he's going to wake you up by giving you tons of wet puppy kisses," she warned.

Bailey slowly opened his eyes, "No surge," he said yawning. "Well, buddy you need to get up. I've got to go get the twins but if you're not up in five minutes I'm sending Auntie Cristina in."

Bailey rolled over and ignored his mother.

Already ignoring me, she mused as she headed into the nursery. The twins were like clockwork. She knew their schedule without even thinking about it.

Chris woke up first and she plucked him out his crib grabbed his clothes and went over to the changing table. She quickly changed his terrible smelling diaper and put his jeans and button up on.

Cristina walked into the nursery as Meredith was putting his socks on. "Wow, if that isn't a mini Derek," she said in awe. "There's no denying whose kid that is."

"Derek and I were joking about that earlier," Meredith said cradling Chris. "It's like my genes don't exist."

"No," Cristina said studying him, "He's got your ears."

"That's a new one," Meredith said looking at Chris' ears. "I can see that." She paused. "Is Bailey up?"

"I don't know," Cristina said looking at Meredith. "Am I supposed to be on Bailey patrol?"

"I told him if he didn't get up I was sending you in..." she added with a grin.

"Well, I'd hate to make you out to be liar," Cristina added shrugging.

"Exactly," Meredith said as she put Chris back in his crib.

Gracie was stirring. She slowly opened her eyes, looked at Meredith and grinned. "Well, someone else is happy today too," she said as she got Grace out of her crib and grabbed her outfit from the dresser. "Round two," she said yawning. She quickly diapered and changed Grace into her onesie as the baby kicked her legs in the air. "So I see you've decided to make it difficult this morning," she said as she pulled the khaki pants on her flailing legs. She finally managed to get her socks on and put the headband on her head last.

She heard Bailey and Cristina arguing over his shoes. "Damn shoe argument," she swore as she walked toward his room with Grace in her arms. Meredith stood in the doorway, "Bay," she said looking at Bailey who was dressed except for his shoes. "Why won't you put your shoes on?"

"No shoes," he frowned. "No shoes," he repeated kicking his feet. "Fine," Meredith said relenting. "After breakfast then?" she suggested. "I've got waffles downstairs," she said looking at him. "You can watch the parade on the TV," she offered. "Look for your cousins," she said looking at him.

"Okay," he finally said as she brushed past her. "How the hell do you do this every single day?" Cristina asked sitting on the floor holding Bailey's shoes.

Meredith shrugged. "Because you love them," she said simply.

"Grace is literally mini- Mer," she said looking at Gracie. "Seriously, Mer. They're both mini carbon copies of you two." Grace smiled as if she knew that they were talking about her. "I swear she's been tracking me since she was born," Meredith said. "She's smart," she added as she went downstairs to get Bailey breakfast.

Meredith grabbed the clicker from the couch and turned the parade on. Bailey was running around the room with Surge who was happy to be play. "Bay," she said as she put Grace in her swing, "Waffles of pancakes?"

"Waffles," Bailey said. "Syrup."

"Okay," she said walking over to the freezer. "I know I should be doing something," she mused as she rummaged through the freezer... "Mama Surge pee!" Bailey cried watching the dog lift his leg on the rug.

"Shit," Meredith swore leaving the freezer open. She ran toward the dog and managed to get him outside before he could really drench the carpet. "And that's what I was supposed to do," she said as she shut the sliding door.

When she came back over to the kitchen, Bailey was sitting directly in front of the television and enchanted by the parade. She went over to the freezer and grabbed the frozen waffles. "Thank god for microwaves," she said as she put the waffles in a napkin and microwaved them for two minutes.

"I think you forgot Thing Two," Cristina said carrying Chris.

"I didn't forget him," Meredith said stifling an eye roll. "I got a little distracted. He was fine."

"Distracted?" Cristina asked handing Chris to her. "Surge started to pee on the new carpet. Bailey caught him but he got a little wet spot by the coffee table."

Meredith went over to the other swing and strapped him in next to Gracie who was happily sucking on her pacifier.

"Where's his pacifier?" Meredith asked Cristina. "Oh you mean his plug?" she asked. "Probably upstairs..."

"I have some more on top of the fridge," Meredith said reaching on top of the refrigerator and pulling down a new package. "Rule of motherhood: always have spare pacifiers everywhere," she said to Cristina. "So if I went into your cookie jar I'd find pacifiers and not glow in the dark condoms?" she asked teasing Meredith.

"I'm never going to live that one done," she said looking at Cristina. "Nope," Cristina shook her head as the microwaved dinged. Meredith grabbed a plate and put the extremely hot waffles on the plate. "Two minutes apparently was too much," she mused shaking her head.

"You put two waffles in there for two minutes? Are you insane?" Cristina asked pointedly.

"Was that wrong?" Meredith asked getting the syrup out of the fridge. "I couldn't remember if it was thirty seconds or a minute per waffle," she admitted sheepishly.

"Here's my unsolicited advice," Cristina began, "When in doubt always read the back of the box."

"Zola! Dada!" Bailey cried pointing to the television. Meredith and Cristina both ran over and caught a glimpse of Zola and Derek who were waving and smiling at the camera. "Wow, Shepherd's in HD," Cristina said laughing. "And Zola looks freezing," she observed. "How cold is it outside?"

"No idea," Meredith added as she walked back to the kitchen and called Bailey over. "Hey Bailey," she began, "Breakfast is ready," she said putting his plate on his highchair.

Bailey didn't answer so she went over and picked him up. "No Mama," he cried trying to watch the parade. "We don't have time for this Bailey," she said putting him in his highchair and facing it toward the television. "We have to leave in twenty minutes and I have to go pack the car and the twins bag."

She looked at Cristina. "You're good here?"

"Yeah," Cristina nodded. "I'll just change when you come back," she said gesturing to her pajamas. "Oh," Meredith said, "Don't give him the syrup he'll just pour it everywhere and make huge mess."

"Got it," Cristina said grabbing a mug.

Meredith nodded and grabbed the cooler Derek left out for her. She opened to fridge and started getting the pies out. "Holy crap," she muttered as she put the seventh pie in the cooler. "Why are all of these necessary?"

"There are a lot of Shepherds," Cristina reminded her with a shrug. "Who apparently like pie," Meredith added putting the tenth and final pie in the cooler.

"I'm amazed it all fits," Meredith said zipping the cooler and putting it over her shoulder. "Okay, who knew pies were so heavy," she added with a sigh as she walked toward the front door awkwardly shifting her weight. Between her heels and 20 pound cooler she didn't have much equilibrium. She grabbed her keys from the glass bowl in the foyer and went outside to her car.

It was freaking freezing outside, she thought shivering as she opened her trunk. She was surprised to see that Derek had already packed the twins bag. There was a note scribbled to it.

_Figured you'd need some extra help this morning. - D_

She pocketed the note and smiled. That seriously just saved her fifteen minutes. She went back into the house and looked at Cristina. "Go change," she ordered looking at her friend. "Seriously, I'm ready to go."

"Alright," Cristina said walking past her, "I'm going."

"Bailey's shoes were by the door so she picked them up and put them one while he was still trapped in his highchair avoiding an argument. She unbuckled his strap and pulled him out of the chair. "Go?" he asked looking at his mother. "In a minute Bailey," she said wiping his face. "Go get your jacket," she said. "And the twins need theirs too."

Bailey nodded and returned with the two tiny black coats. "Thanks, Buddy," she said as she quickly put them on both Gracie and Chris. She turned to Bailey who was struggling with his zipper. "I'll help you," she said as she zipped the his orange jacket. "Okay," she said grabbing his hand, "Let's go grab your brother and we can get you two in the car."

Bailey nodded as Meredith lifted Chris out of the swing. She noticed he was falling asleep. In her opinion it was a good sign, the ride would be so easy if that happened but she didn't want to get her hopes up. She hated to admit that they were definitely up as they walked to toward the car.

She opened the door for Bailey and he hopped in without complaining about being next to Chris. She strapped Chris in first and leaned over to get Bailey. "Buddy are you excited?" she asked.

"Yes, Mama," he said with a smile. "Your cousins are going to be so excited to see you," Meredith added as she buckled him in. "Okay, so now I'm getting your sister and Auntie Cristina okay? You're in charge Bailey," she said grinning at him.

Bailey nodded. "Okay mama."

As soon as Meredith got in the house and let Surge in. "I'm so sorry, bud," she said as he ran into her wagging his tail. "I totally forgot you were out there," she apologized petting him.

"I'm ready," Cristina said coming down stairs in jeans and a cowl neck sweater. She was also wearing heels, Meredith noticed. "I like your shoes."

"Unlike you," she said, "I keep up on trends." She paused and looked at the empty kitchen. "Where are the boys?"

"I just got them in the car," she said as she grabbed Gracie. "Grab the pacifiers on the counter, will you?" she asked as she got her white coat and purse. "Oh and the keys," she added gesturing to the bowl.

"Okay, Mer," she said rolling her eyes. "I've got it just go get her settled."

Gracie was nodding off as soon as Meredith buckled her in. "Two sleeping babies," she said grinning. "That's good."

"Mama, I'm no sleeping," Bailey said looking from Chris to Grace. Meredith nodded as she threw her coat over her and put her purse on the floor. Cristina opened the passenger side door, turned around and handed Meredith her keys. "Thank you," she said as she shut the back door and opened the front one. "Okay," she said taking a deep breath. "I'm not forgetting anything am I?" she asked as she made a mental list of everything she needed. "I don't think so," Cristina said.

Meredith turned the car on and looked at Cristina. "I'm not going crazy am I?"

"Meredith, that ship sailed a really long time ago," she said shaking her head.


	13. To Build A Home

One hour and seventeen minutes. That was how long it took her to drive from her house to Carolyn's. She pulled up to Carolyn's house and parked her car behind Lizzie's giant Honda. "Okay," she said looking at Cristina. "I can do this right?"

"You need moral support now?" Cristina asked. "Your like Carolyn," Cristina reminded her. "Why are you freaking out?"

"It's just Addison had eleven Thanksgivings and Christmases," she confessed looking at Cristina. "Oh," Cristina said in realization. "You're a basket case because you've never had a normal holiday and you've basically kept Shepherd all to yourself for seven years."

"That sums it up," Meredith nodded. "They invited us every year and it was always the same excuse: work. But now, it's different."

"You feel guilty," Cristina accused. "That you kept Zola and Bailey in Seattle."

"I didn't keep them away from their family," she pointed out. "The 3000 miles between us did that. It's just I could have made more of an effort."

"Stop giving yourself a guilt trip, Meredith," Cristina said. "You can't change the past. And for the record we went through a lot of crap. You know like the shooting and plane crash," Cristina reminded her. "That's not small stuff, Mer."

Meredith nodded. Cristina had a point. "Well, I'm done with the freak out," she admitted. "I'm glad you're here."

"I've just been your bitch all morning," Cristina said with a smirk.

"Aw, but I'm so _thankful_ that you've been my bitch," Meredith added with a grin.

"I'm getting out of this car before I vomit at your apparent happiness," Cristina said opening the door. "That's twice in one day Meredith that I've wanted to puke all over you."

"I'm glad you didn't," she confessed popping the Gracie's car seat out. Cristina leaned over and unbuckled Bailey. "Want me to take this sleepy kid inside?" she asked.

"Yeah you can pick him up," Meredith said. "I can get Chris too. I've done the double car seat carrying before."

Cristina nodded as she picked Bailey up careful not to disturb Chris who was snoozing away.

Meredith shut the door and went over to the other side of the car. She put Grace down and gently popped Chris' car seat out. She picked up Gracie and walked to the door where Cristina was holding it open for her. "Thanks," she said as she maneuvered the car seats through the doorway. "Here," Nancy said seeing Meredith struggle, "Let me take them" she offered. "Baby seats are so heavy," she said sympathizing as Meredith handed her both seats .

"Where's everyone?" she asked thinking the house seemed rather quiet. "It's just mom, Sophie and I so far," Nancy said. "Everyone else on their way back from the parade. Derek just called and said there ten minutes away." She paused as she peered into the car seats. "Oh my gosh," she cooed looking between Grace and Chris. "They are mini versions of you two."

"Tell me about it," Meredith muttered. "Mer," Cristina interjected. "What should I do with the sleeping child on my shoulder?"

"Follow me," Nancy said as she walked down the hall. "Mom's got a spare room down here we can let him nap in."

Meredith went back out to the car and opened the trunk. She was reaching for the twins bag when she saw the a bunch of cars pull up in front of the house. One of them was definitely Derek's, she mused as she put the bag over her shoulder. She was going to get the pies until she realized Derek should do it. She went over and shut the passenger side door she'd left open.

"Mama, guess what?" Zola said running over to her. "I saw Beyoncé, Sofia the first, Kermit, Miss Piggy, and listened to lots of music," she added excitedly. "Where's Bailey?" she asked. "I want to tell him all about Kermit. He was huge," she added stretching her arms. "Like this big!" she exclaimed finally taking a breath.

"Derek, can you get the pies?" she asked looking at Derek who nodded. "Zo, Bay fell asleep in the car. But you can tell him later, okay?" she said. "Mama you should have come," Zola added. "I missed you."

"It's true," Derek added looking at Meredith. "I can't hold candle to you," he said grinning. Meredith took Zola's hand. "Tell me all about it, okay?" she said as Zola eagerly started talking about her parade experience.

"Excuse us," Sean and Jake said running past them and into the house. "Oh, that means Annabelle's back," Zola said letting go of Meredith's hand and ran to catchup with her cousins.

"I saw you guys on TV," Meredith added as they walked up the walkway. "Bailey put his hands all over the television because he was so excited," she said looking at Derek. "And I can't believe you two saw Beyoncé without me," she said making a face.

"She's coming to Madison Square in January," Derek said with a smirk. "I might be able to get tickets..."

"You'd come to a Beyoncé concert?" she asked incredulously as he held the door open for her. "But it's a dancing concert and you don't dance."

"No," he shook his head laughing. "But Cristina will."

"See this is why I tolerate you," she teased as they walked into the hallway. Meredith had never heard so much _happy_ noise. The younger cousins were all playing in the living room. It was like controlled chaos, Meredith thought as she and Derek walked past the room and toward the kitchen where she heard his sisters gushing over the twins.

"Chris is Derek as a baby," Kate declared as they walked into the kitchen. She looked up once she saw the pair, "We were just discussing how much the twins look like both of you," she added looking at the babies who were sound asleep in their car seats on the kitchen table.

"Yes," Cristina said shooting Meredith a look. "For the past five minutes too," she added sarcastically. Meredith shrugged. Derek looked at Cristina. "Yang do you want a drink?" he asked looking from Meredith to Cristina. "Do I ever," Cristina muttered as she followed Derek down into the finished basement where the men were watching the football game.

"Meredith," Carolyn said looking at her with her coat on. "Bailey is napping in the room down the hall," she added. "It's also the makeshift coat room."

"And Grace's headband is just too cute," Nancy said looking at Kate.

Meredith nodded thankful for the little reprieve. She needed a minute alone. Just sixty seconds, she thought to herself as she opened the door of the guest room.

She quietly put the twins bag on the floor, took her coat off, and put it on the dresser. She walked over to the twin bed and sat down carefully. Bailey shifted and slowly opened his eyes. She knew he needed to wake up or he'd be a nightmare later. "Hi Bailey," she said rubbing his back. "Time to wake up, bud. We're at Grandma's now."

He yawned and slowly sat up completely disoriented from his nap. She gently picked him up and he latched on to her like a monkey and buried his head in the crook of his neck. "I know the feeling," she said as he closed his eyes again. "But you really can't nap now," she said walking down the noisy hall.

"Mama, sleep," Bailey protested weekly.

Meredith shook her head. "Jake, Sean, Dylan, Scott, Alex are all here too," she said knowing she was forgetting someone. "And Katie, Danielle, Annabelle and Sophie," she added. Plus anyone I omitted accidentally, she said to herself.

Bailey looked up at her. "Want to go play?" she asked. "They're all in the living room," she said.

Bailey nodded. She eased him onto the floor and he ran off toward the living room. "He can seriously go from zero to sixty," Lizzie mused as Meredith entered the kitchen.

Meredith sighed as she walked over to the table and took a free seat next to Carolyn. "More like zero to one hundred," she added seriously. "Did Cristina come back up?" she asked looking toward the basement stairs. "No not yet," Nancy said.

Meredith knew Cristina was going to give her crap later about how sexist it was that the women were in the kitchen while the men were downstairs drinking beer. Cristina was incredibly predictable.

"How's maternity leave?" Kate asked looking at Meredith.

"An adjustment," Meredith answered honestly. "I can't say I really miss working. I've been so busy and tired taking care of them that I don't have much free time. Plus Cristina's there and fills me in on the latest gossip and her amazing surgeries so I've lived vicariously through her."

"I don't know how you do it with twins," Lizzie said honestly.

"Me either," Meredith said shaking her head. "It's definitely a challenge. This is the first time I've sat down all day," she admitted.

"And Derek's in DC most of the time," Nancy added.

"Well, he's in DC Monday, Tuesday and Friday," she said. "On Wednesday and Thursday he's Mr. Mom," she smiled. "It's not a bad schedule," she admitted. "He's gets the weekends off and it beats commuting from Seattle."

"That must have sucked," Kate said sympathetically.

"Majorly," Meredith added. "It was really hard for a while," she said thinking of their terrible fight last spring. Grace's cries interrupted their conversation. "There goes sitting down," she mumbled standing up and getting her out of her carrier.

She quieted instantly in her arms. "She's hungry," Meredith said. "I'll go get his bottle," she said pointing at Chris. "She nurses and refuses to take a bottle. He doesn't care," she added. "I'll get the bag," Nancy offered. "Sit your butt down on that chair," added said as she went down the hall to get the bag.

Meredith laid Grace on the table and unzipped her coat. "Cute outfit," Kate commented looking at Grace who was staring at everyone with a curious expression on her face.

"Thank you," Meredith said cradling her with a smile.

"This thing is so heavy," Nancy complained setting it on the table next to Meredith. "What the hell do you have in here?" she asked. "Bricks?"

"It's not that heavy," Meredith said seriously.

"You carry around Bailey," Nancy added. "You must have major arm muscles."

"Cristina calls them chicken arms," Meredith said using her free hand to unzip the bag and pull out a blanket. She grabbed the bottle from the side pocket and put it on the table.

"And there's the other one," Meredith said shaking her head and Chris' cries. "I'll feed him," Lizzie said grabbing the bottle. "It's my turn with little Derek," she mused.

Meredith nodded. She knew the sisters would be all over the twins. They were still so new. She had to admit, she didn't mind all the extra help.

She put the blanket over her shoulder and lifted her shirt for Grace.

"Do they nurse in tandem?" Nancy asked ever the OB-GYN.

"Sometimes," Meredith said as Grace ate happily. "But because Chris will take the bottle it's easier. Derek's really into giving him his bottle. Like almost obsessive," she added.

"He's jealous," Nancy pointed out. "Men are pretty useless when it comes to feeding their babies."

Meredith laughed. "I get that but there is nothing to be jealous of..."

"No," Kate said shaking her head. "They don't have to deal with the giant boobs."

"I know," Meredith added. "Mine went from an A to a DD."

"Ouch," Nancy winced. "And you're a tiny person."

Meredith nodded. "My back hurts all the time," she complained. "I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm always picking up someone."

"How are Zola and Bailey with them?" Lizzie asked curiously.

"Zola loves them," Meredith said. "She's obsessed with them. Especially, Gracie. She told me when I was pregnant I better give her a sister... Like I have any control over that."

Kate laughed. "She's too much."

"I know, she kills me," Meredith added. "Bailey on the other hand had a tough time. We brought them home and he wanted me to bring them back to the hospital."

"Sounds familiar," Carolyn said. "Derek did the same thing when Amelia was born. Except he was seven."

"Derek hated Amelia," Kate added. "Which is ironic, really, considering how close they got."

"Amelia idolized Derek," Nancy said seriously. "She wanted to be just like her big brother."

"They were always together," Lizzie added. "Amelia, Mark and Derek were joined at the hip for years. Always getting into trouble."

"Are you talking about me again?" Derek asked entering the kitchen with a knowing smile on his face.

"Contrary to popular belief, the world does not revolve around Derek Shepherd," Nancy pointed out staring at her brother.

Meredith laughed as she propped Grace over her shoulder. "We need to spend more time with them," she added looking at her new family. "They can help ground you," she teased.

"Great," Derek grimaced. "You've corrupted her," he pointed at Meredith. "And you wonder why we stayed in Seattle," he joked looking at Nancy.

"You've been hiding Meredith away for too long,"Lizzie added. "Depriving us of another sister."

Meredith smiled as she patted Gracie's back. "You came back for the President," Kate began, "But not for us." She shook her head at him. "Derek you've disappointed me," she teased.

"So this is the giving each other shit thing?" Meredith asked looking at Lizzie.

"This is nothing," Lizzie said pointedly. "This is minor shit throwing."

"Elizabeth," Carolyn warned. "Watch your mouth."

"Yeah, Lizzie," Derek added with an amused grin. "My kids are in the room."

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Careful Derek, I might want my nerves back," she quipped.

"Cristina still downstairs?" Meredith interjected wondering she'd escaped to. "Did you kidnap her or something?"

Derek raised his eyebrow. "First, Yang is not someone I'd want to kidnap." He paused. "Second, there's alcohol down there." He looked at Meredith. "Third, she's actually watching the game with us."

"Cristina doesn't watch football," Meredith stated confused. "She doesn't know anything about football."

"Apparently, she does. She muttered something about baby talk and adult conversation when I handed her a beer," Derek added with a shrug. "I honestly had no idea what she was talking about." He paused. "Which isn't uncommon if you think about it."

Meredith nodded as Grace settle in her arms. "You've never understood Cristina speak."

"You need a Ph.D to understand her," Derek added as he went back downstairs into the man cave.

Meredith looked at her sister-in-laws. "Cristina and Derek do like one another," she explained. "They just have a rather_ complicated_ friendship."

Lizzie chuckled. "I like Cristina she's very blunt."

"She lives with you guys right?" Nancy asked curiously.

Meredith nodded. "It's temporary. She just moved back from Europe," Meredith added wondering if Cristina actually had any plans to move out in the future. Meredith didn't want her to but knew it was inevitable.

"We met intern year," she said thinking of the old Cristina Yang. "And believe me when I tell you she's come a long way."

"So have you," Nancy said sharing a smile with Meredith.

"Did you all do your residency's here?" Meredith asked wondering where they all did their internships.

"No, I did mine at Mass General and then a pediatric surgery fellowship at Children's in Boston," Kate answered.

"What year?" Meredith asked. "Only because my mother worked there..."

"I was there when Ellis was," Kate said. "She was the most feared attending in the surgical wing."

"Doesn't surprise me," Meredith said chuckling. "She wasn't known for her sparking personality."

Kate shook her head. "Nope." She studied Meredith carefully. "You're nothing like her," she added quietly. Carolyn shared a look with Meredith as Kate continued.

"I was on her service once," she sighed. "And believe me when I say once was more than enough. Anyway, we had this guy come in with pain in the upper left quadrant of his abdomen, high fever, and nausea." She looked at Meredith who already knew the diagnosis. "It was textbook Diverticulitis," Kate continued clarifying it for the Lizzie. "This guys case was severe enough to call for emergency surgery. Anyway, we're scrubbing in together and Ellis looks at me with stone cold eyes and says I better not screw up or she'll end my career."

"Sounds like Ellis Grey," Meredith said looking at Kate. "She was a piece of work."

"I was only twenty-five and the woman _terrified_ me," Kate shivered remembering that encounter. "I can't even imagine her as a mother."

"She was basically like that," Meredith said. "She was about as maternal as a steak knife." Carolyn quickly changed the subject. "I should check on the turkey." She looked at Meredith. "Can you help?"

Meredith nodded grateful for Carolyn's sensitivity. "Kate," she began, "want to take Grace?"

"Absolutely," Kate said holding her arms out as Meredith shifted her over to her aunt.

She walked over and met Carolyn at the oven. "Sorry about Kate," she apologized whispering. "She doesn't know when to shut up."

"It's fine," Meredith replied quietly. "Really, I'm better now."

Carolyn looked at her unconvinced. "Are you really?" she pressed as she basted the turkey. "Carolyn," Meredith said calmly. "I'm fine," she repeated.

"Good," she said shutting the oven. "I'm glad you're fine. Fine is good."

Meredith nodded as she took her seat next to Carolyn. "Wow," she mused holding her hands up. "Free hands."

"That must be weird," Lizzie said looking down at Chris who was sucking on his pacifier.

"I should go check check on the kids," Meredith offered. "It's like really quiet."

"Sophie put a movie on for them a half hour ago," Kate said. "So you can sit and relax."

"They're all in there watching a movie together?" Meredith asked in awe. "Seriously?"

"It's part of the Shepherd tradition," Nancy added. "Finding a movie for a range of ages that is appropriate is difficult, which is why every single year it's the same movie."

_"Elf,"_ Lizzie finished for her sister.

"I've never heard of that," Meredith mused. "Is it like one of those animated film things? I didn't really watch a lot of movies or TV growing up," Meredith admitted lamely.

"You've never heard of Elf?" Nancy asked. "My brother hasn't made you watch it?"

"Uh no," Meredith said looking at Nancy. "Should he have?"

"No," Lizzie shook her head. "It's just funny," she mused.

"It's not like he had cable in the trailer," Kate quipped looking pointedly at Nancy. "Oh yeah," Nancy said laughing. "I still can't get over that he lived in a trailer in the middle of nowhere."

"Hey," Meredith interjected. "I liked the trailer," she said defending Derek. "And we did eventually build a _house_ out there," she said grinning.

"Did you really like the trailer, though?" Nancy asked looking at Meredith. "I mean it was _tiny_."

"I liked the land the trailer was on," Meredith answered honestly. "Derek didn't really spend a lot of time at the trailer. He basically lived with me and my room mates."

"Ah yes," Kate said. "Mark called it the frat house."

"It was a little chaotic for a while," Meredith said thinking of Izzie and George.

"George and Izzie were there the longest," she said. "But then George died and Izzie married Alex." She paused as everyone looked at her. "And then Lexie moved in," she babbled nervously. "Jackson moved in eventually because of Lexie and then it was April moved in."

"Jeez," Nancy said looking at Meredith. "You took in a lot of strays."

"Well, those strays became my family," she admitted. "Alex actually owns the house now," Meredith said. "We kept it in the family," she added thinking of his persistence when she decided to sell the house. "Cristina lived there too at one point."

"So you're used to a busy house," Kate added looking at Grace and Chris.

"Definitely," Meredith agreed. "It's funny, growing up my house was always quiet. It was usually just me. I grew accustomed to it and the idea of room mates was intimidating. I mean I had a room-mate in college but she was always at her boyfriends, so I was alone most of the time. Granted, I did have people over constantly but I never actually_ lived_ with anyone."

"Are you guys going to add anymore little Shepherds?" Lizzie asked looking at Meredith.

"Liz, give her a break," Kate chided her sister. "She just had twins three weeks ago.

"What?" Lizzie said looking at Kate. "I've got baby fever. I've had enough babies but Meredith's still young."

Meredith laughed. "I'm not that young," she shook her head. "Derek asked me that when I was pregnant and I wanted to smack him," she said. "But now, I don't know. I'm not ruling it out... but that's just today. Ask me again in two years," she said looking at Lizzie. "Besides, I like my career and five kids is a lot of work."

"I don't know," Kate said looking at Meredith. "After three it's like a walk in the park. Another one doesn't really change anything."

"Is the football game over yet?" Carolyn asked glancing at the clock.

"There are games on all day, mom," Kate added. "I don't know which one."

"I can check," Meredith offered. "I want to drag Cristina up here anyway."

"That would be great," Carolyn said as she went over to the oven.

Meredith headed downstairs and into the basement. It was a great space, she observed taking in the blue walls and brown leather couch. The men were sitting on the giant leather sectional completely oblivious to her because their eyes were glued to the flat screen. She looked up and saw it was the Jets and Patriots. That was always an intense game, she mused, as she walked up behind Derek who was sitting next to Cristina and drinking a beer. They were both transfixed by the game, she mused leaning down putting her arms on the back of the sectional. "So," she began, "your mother wants to know how much time is left."

Derek turned around and faced her. "Hi," he greeted with a grin. "How's it going up there?"

"Good," Meredith said watching Cristina who was arguing with Kevin over a call the ref just made. "I didn't know she was into football," Meredith said quietly pointing to Cristina. "Mer, she really _knows_ the game," Derek said surprised.

"I'm not surprised," Meredith added. "Cristina's a know-it-all. And you didn't answer my question," she pointed out.

"It's the fourth quarter and there's twelve minutes left," Derek said turning back to the screen. "So I should tell your mother what?"

"Depends," Derek turned back around. "It's close so it could be a while. Just repeat what I said. She'll understand."

"Good, because I have no idea what you're talking about," Meredith added. "I just know that the Patriots are going to win."

"No," Derek protested. "The Jets."

"Derek, I'm from Boston," she reminded him. "I may not understand football but they are _my_ team."

Derek made a face. "The Jets are going win," he added as she walked back upstairs into the kitchen.

Nancy and Carolyn were busying themselves starting to set everything up. "Okay," Nancy said as soon as she saw Meredith. "Can you go get Sophie and Danielle?" she asked. "They'll start setting the table in the dining room," she added. "Then you can help us with the other stuff."

"It's not cooking related is it?" Meredith asked nervously.

Nancy started laughing. "No, it's not cooking."

"Good," Meredith said before leaving.

As soon as Meredith walked into the living room, she saw all the kids sprawled across the couch and chairs. Zola and Bailey were sitting with Annabelle and Jake on the floor with a blanket over them. It was really cute, she thought as she went over to Danielle and Sophie who were sitting on the couch. "Hey girls," she said quietly trying to disturb everyone else. "Apparently, it's time for you two to set the table."

"Ugh," Danielle sighed. "Mom sent you in here right?"

"Yeah," she said looking at Danielle. "She delegates."

Sophie nodded. "Yeah Aunt Nancy's the boss after grandma," she added getting off the couch. She pulled Danielle up and together they walked into the kitchen.

Meredith had turned to go back into the kitchen when Zola saw her and ran over. "Mama, can I help?" she asked pulling on Meredith's shirt.

Meredith nodded. "If you want Zo," she said. "I'm sure there's something you can do," she said as Zola walked with her into the kitchen.

"Mama, I like to help," Zola said looking at Meredith. "I know you do Zo," she said.

"I've got another helper, Carolyn," Meredith said looking at Zola. "Miss Zo," Carolyn said. "Why don't you help the girls set the table in the living room?"

Zola grinned and scampered off to find her cousins. "So what do you need me to do?" Meredith asked watching Nancy stir a giant bowl of mashed potatoes.

"That's a lot of Potatoes," she commented. "It's only the first bowl too," Nancy said. "I made more. They're in the fridge."

"Amelia usually makes them," Nancy added. "But since she decided to bail and stay in Seattle I got stuck making them."

"She's had a rough time lately," Kate said looking at her sister. "She broke up with James."

Meredith paled. She thought they knew about the pregnancy. The Amelia conversation was making her very uncomfortable.

"She told me a month ago that she was seeing someone," Carolyn added taking the turkey out of the oven.

"Already?" Lizzie asked. "Didn't she and James just break up?"

"Meredith," Nancy began looking at her, "When did they break up? She was living with you when it happened right?"

"Yeah," Meredith said nervously. "She was. It was sometime in March or April."

"See?" Kate said looking from Lizzie to Nancy. "That's a perfectly reasonable amount of time to get over a breakup."

"But this is Amelia we're talking about," Lizzie said. "She's got issues. Boatloads."

Meredith sighed. They had no clue how many issues, she thought as she busied herself with getting the stuffing out of the fridge.

"Amelia always had issues," Nancy said. "I thought that LA helped her though," she added. "After that fiasco at John's Hopkins..." she trailed off.

"Guys," Meredith interjected getting angry. "Amy isn't here to defend herself. And you guys talking about her, when you have no idea what she's going through isn't fair," she snapped looking at Kate, Lizzie and Nancy.

"Amy?" Lizzie repeated looking at Meredith. "No one calls her Amy except Derek. You two must be close."

Meredith nodded. "She helped me out when I was going through some stuff," she admitted quietly. "But seriously, don't give her crap about not coming. I'm sure she feels bad enough about it already," she added. "You should call her," she said looking at Amelia's sisters. "I mean actually give her a call and talk instead of just speculating about what you think is going on with her."

"You know, Meredith," Lizzie said looking at her. "You're right."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you guys," she apologized.

"Don't be," Nancy said. "We were being bitches."

Meredith laughed and looked back at Kate and Lizzie who nodded. "Total bitches," Lizzie added.

"I know now, not to get on your bad side," Kate said seriously. "But I also know who'd stick up for me."

"Girls," Carolyn said drawing their attention to her. "Can you all cut it out and just help?"

Grace started squirming in Kate's arms. "Switch?" Meredith offered. "She's getting fussy."

Kate nodded. "Sure," she said passing the baby off. "She's such a princess," she added. "I miss when mine were that little."

"Call me anytime you want a baby fix," Meredith said seriously. "Because it just means_ I_ get a break."

She went over to the twin's bag and pulled out Grace's pink pacifier. She popped it in her mouth and sat down next to Lizzie. "Are your arms hurting yet?" she asked looking at Chris who was falling asleep in his aunt's arms.

"A little," Lizzie admitted.

"Do you need a break?" Meredith asked already knowing the answer.

"Sure," she said. "The more people who get the food ready, the faster we can eat and I'm starving," she declared putting Chris in Meredith's left arm.

"I'll go check on the game," she offered getting up carefully not to jostle the infants in her arms. "Derek didn't really give me a definitive answer."

She walked slowly down the stairs toward the basement taking her time on each step. It was harder to walk without her arms for balance, she mused as she heard some really loud cheering. The outburst startled Chris who flinched her arm. "It's okay," she assured him. "I think that means the game is almost over," she whispered walking over to the couch and sitting next to Cristina.

"Oh," Cristina began noticing Meredith, "The games almost over. It's overtime."

"When did you get down here?" Derek asked.

"Like a second ago," she said. "Your sister's are getting everything ready. I uh, sort of snapped at them about Amy," she said as Derek looked at her.

"Oh," he said in realization. "They don't know..."

Thankfully, Cristina was oblivious. "No," she said pointedly gesturing her head toward Cristina. "So don't bring it up."

Derek nodded and returned to the game.

Five excruciatingly long minutes later the game was over and there were some dejected Jet fans. "Told you," Meredith smirked as Derek took Chris from her arms. "Pats would win."

"Well, they almost didn't," Derek scoffed as they went upstairs behind all her brother-in-laws. "Dude," Cristina said. "The Pats had it from the beginning."

Derek glared at her. "Whatever, Yang."

"Cristina how many beers did you have?" Meredith asked smelling the alcohol on her skin. "I ,uh, sort of switched to tequila," Cristina confessed. "I've never done a holiday without booze."

"Well, I'm effectively cutting you off," Meredith muttered as they entered the kitchen. "You're a killjoy," Cristina pointed to Meredith. "You left me with his sisters," Meredith whispered. "You were supposed to be my buffer."

"Mer, your brother-in-laws are so much better," Cristina said as they opened the living room door.

Now this is what Thanksgiving should look like, she thought looking at the immaculate plate settings, place cards, and a spread of food that made her mouth water. "Wow," she said searching for her name. "Zo and Bailey are at the kids table at the end," Derek said pointing to toward another smaller table in the corner. "How do we all fit?" Meredith asked.

Derek chuckled, "Barely," he said. "Anyone over 10 sits with the adults," he said pointing to the main table. "And the kids sit over there."

"Mom set up the pack and play behind us so we can put the twins in there," he said. "We've done this once or twice," he added. "And she even has a booster seat for Bailey," he added before she could ask.

"She really thinks of everything," Meredith wondered.

"Yeah, well that's mom," Derek said leading her toward their seats. "You're in the middle, obviously," he said looking at Cristina who took the seat on Meredith's left. Meredith nodded as she and Derek put the twins down in the pack and play. He pulled her chair out for her, "After you," he said as everyone else took their respective seats.

"Derek, bro, you're making us look bad," Mike quipped sitting down next to Nancy. Nancy turned and faced her husband, "You should do stuff like that," she added teasing him.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "That's really not the worst," she added. "They are like that _all_ the time. It's sickening really," Cristina teased looking at Meredith.

"I remember being just married," Lizzie mused looking at Kevin. "Those were the days."

"These two have been like this for years," Cristina exclaimed. "You'd think that by now it would wear off."

"Seriously," Kate said looking at Derek. "You really are making our husbands look bad," she joked.

Derek shrugged. "Alright," Carolyn said coming into the living room holding the turkey. "Let's eat," she declared putting it close to the head. "Derek," she said handing him the knife, "You're up."

"Just don't be so meticulous this year about even slices," Kevin added laughing.

"I forgot about that," Kate said looking at Derek. "You took forever that year."

"Wasn't that the year that Amelia brought home the tattooed guy?" Lizzie asked looking at her sisters.

"I think so," Nancy added. "But she had some questionable boyfriends in college."

"This is coming from Nancy the queen of questionable taste," Kate scoffed. "Really Nance, get off your high horse."

"Ladies," Carolyn snapped glaring at her daughters. "You'd think by now that you could be adults."

"I don't know mom," Lizzie said. "I don't think people ever actually grow up. We just get older."

"Are you going all analytical on us, Lizzie?" Nancy quipped. "Because my shrink cost far less than you do."

"Well apparently, she's not doing her job," Lizzie teased.

"See why I moved to Seattle?" Derek said looking pointedly at Meredith. "Too much estrogen."

"Derek," Nancy said whipping her head toward him. "Moving to the woods in the middle of nowhere like some Neanderthal was real _manly."_

She rolled her eyes at him.

Meredith laughed. "She does have a point," she conceded looking at Derek.

"I'm screwed," Derek declared. "You've gone to the dark side," he added looking at her.


	14. How to Save a Life

**AN: Thank you to every single person who has reviewed. I really appreciate the feedback!**

* * *

"Too much food," Meredith complained for the millionth time she shut her car door. Cristina was half-asleep in the passenger side. "Are you even alive?" Meredith asked poking her shoulder. "No Mer," she quipped. "That's why I'm talking. Man, my head hurts. Thank you for cutting me off earlier," she added.

"Anytime," Meredith said as pulled off the curb. "Long freaking day," she sighed adjusting her mirror in the back. She peered into the backseat. It felt weird not to have Zo and Bailey with her too. "Is it weird that I miss Zo and Bailey?" she blurted.

"Uh, they're with your husband," Cristina said staring at her. "Unless Shepherd left them with your mother... which wouldn't be a bad idea."

"You just hate that Bailey wakes you up every morning," Meredith said as she pulled on the highway.

"The little beast does it every day," Cristina added. "He's like a terrible alarm clock."

"At least you get to sleep," Meredith added. "What you saw this morning was basically what happens every morning."

"Which is the reason I don't want kids," Cristina said looking at Meredith. "They literally consume your life." She paused. "At least with yours I can always give them back."

"That's true," Meredith mused. "How was work yesterday?"

"I've had you're girl on my service," Cristina said. "Crap what's her name..." she snapped her fingers and hoped it would come to her.

"Winters," Meredith stated. "Tiffany Winters. And she's not my girl. She's just a really good resident."

"Why don't you start writing her a letter of recommendation now?" Cristina said sarcastically.

"You know how I told you she reminded me of me?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Cristina sighed. "And?"

"She has a two-year old with her former attending," Meredith said as Cristina's jaw dropped. "So is this like a you and Derek scenario?"

"I don't know," Meredith shook her head. "I just find myself relating to her situation."

"Ouch," Cristina exclaimed. "That had to be rough getting pregnant intern year."

"That could have been me," Meredith said. "Remember we thought I was pregnant?"

"But it turned out you had appendicitis," Cristina said remembering. "I forgot about the Meredith on morphine experience."

"That's something I never want to relive," Meredith admitted. "Ever."

"Well, _your girl_ attached the left ventricle for me," Cristina said. "She's good too."

"She told me she had a thing for Cardio," Meredith said. "But I'm trying to persuade her to do general..."

"Alright, when you come back we're going to fight for her," Cristina said. "Let's up the ante. If she chooses general I will babysit all four of your kids overnight so that you and Derek can go do... Whatever," she grimaced. "But if she chooses Cardio then you have to come out drinking with me on a Friday night." She paused. "And you have to get drunk."

"Deal," Meredith said. "May the best mentor win."

Cristina smirked. "I've got this in the bag."

"I can be very persuasive," Meredith added. "General is pretty fun."

"If you like impacted bowels," Cristina scoffed. "Yeah _shit_ is fun."

"Like the heart is so much better," Meredith said shaking her head.

"Mer, you're not going to win that argument," Cristina said chuckling. "Oh and I forgot to tell you that I'm almost done with my heart. Like really almost done."

"I hate you," Meredith made a face. "You're going to make a freaking heart from scratch and what have I done?"

"You made three people from scratch," Cristina said understanding Meredith's frustration.

"With Derek's help," she added. "Not on my own."

"Gross. How do we always find a way to talk about your sex life?" Cristina questioned in disgust. "Especially, because I'm not getting _any_."

"No prospects?" Meredith asked.

Cristina shook her head. "None."

"Well if it makes you feel any better I can't have sex for another three weeks," she added with a shrug.

"No," Cristina said. "Because you know you're always going to have sex with Derek. That's the nice thing about being married. The one thing I kind of miss."

"The sex?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, the consistent sex," Cristina answered. "Not that I miss Owen. I don't."

"You just miss sex," Meredith said in understanding. "Go find someone to scratch the itch," Meredith suggested. "I'm sure Dr. Wheeler would sleep with you."

"Mer, he's like the Mark Sloan of the hospital," she said. "It's a new nurse everyday."

"Well at least you'd know he's good," she stated.

"Just because he gets a lot of ass doesn't mean he's good," Cristina said. "When did it get so complicated? I used to be good at men."

"I was never good at men," Meredith added honestly. "I had the sleeping with inappropriate men phase. I was good at sex. I was not good with men."

"But isn't that like the same thing?" Cristina wondered. "Because think about it most men are ruled by their penises."

"All men are ruled by their penises," Meredith quipped.

"Okay fine," she conceded. "But they are just useless at relationships."

"Not all of them," Meredith said thinking of Derek.

"I'm not talking about Shepherd," Cristina rolled her eyes. "I'm talking about Colin, Preston and Owen," she said. "The three big relationships of my life. They were all idiots."

"Come on," Meredith said as she took the exit. "There must have been redeeming qualities about them. For crying out loud you _almost_ married Burke. You _did_ marry Owen."

"I wouldn't have married Owen if the shooting didn't happen," Cristina confessed. "I'm not the marrying type."

"Why did you marry him?" Meredith asked.

"So I wouldn't be alone anymore," Cristina admitted. "You remember me after the shooting?"

"I do," Meredith said thinking of Cristina's PTSD.

"My life flashed before me that day," Cristina said slowly. "And I couldn't be alone anymore."

Meredith was quiet. She was thinking about the impulsive wedding, OR freak out, and Cristina's stint as a bartender. It suddenly made perfect sense.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Meredith asked quietly. "You could have told me."

"Because you were dealing with Derek and the miscarriage," Cristina added. "The timing was never right."

"I would have put my crap aside to help you deal with yours," she said honestly. "That's what we do."

"I know," Cristina said. "That's exactly why I didn't tell you. I knew you would have done that but I wasn't ready to let you."

"But you're ready now, five years after the fact?" Meredith questioned. "Why now?"

"Because I'm alone again," Cristina said as she looked out the window. "Utterly alone."

* * *

The rest of the ride home was silent. Meredith couldn't get the conversation she had with Cristina out of her head.

The only noise in the car was the occasional babble from Chris or Grace. It was just quiet and their friendship was never silent.

Cristina had helped Meredith get the twins inside and went up to her room leaving Meredith alone. It was just strange, Meredith thought as she got the twins out of their car seats. The house was still. Derek wasn't home yet and without Bailey and Zola running around her house was noiseless.

She laid Gracie on the couch and nursed Chris waiting for someone to rush through the door so she didn't have to be alone with her thoughts. For her these days, thinking was a dangerous pastime.

"Hi Mer," Derek greeted as Zola and Bailey rushed past him and over to Meredith. "Careful, of Grace," she said as Bailey climbed up on the couch. "Guess what?" Zola asked excitedly.

"What, Zo?"

"Aunt Lizzie said I could go over her house tomorrow to play with Annabelle," she said happily. Derek looked at her as he hung all the discarded coats up. "If that's okay with you," he added.

"Yeah, that's fine. What day is tomorrow?" Meredith asked forgetting what day of the week it was. "Friday," Derek reminded her. "You know the day that's always after Thanksgiving," he teased.

"Right," Meredith said switching Chris over to the other side. "Mama play," Bailey said looking at Meredith.

"I can't now," Meredith said.

"But I can bud," Derek interjected. "Should we take out the blocks?"

Bailey nodded and slid off the couch. He walked over to the cabinet and pulled his blocks out. He dragged them over to the coffee table and began building. "Dada play," he said glaring at Derek.

"Meredith, some of his expressions are so you," Derek chuckled as he sat down next to Bailey on the rug.

"Oh," Meredith said remembering a conversation she had to tell Derek about. "I was in the kitchen with your sisters and they were giving Amy crap for not showing up and I snapped at them," she admitted. "They were being really harsh," she added. "I basically told them that they should give her a call instead of speculating about why she was being so evasive. They obviously have no idea about the pregnancy... none."

"Amy needs to tell them," Derek said as Bailey knocked his tower down. "She's like what six months?"

Meredith nodded. "I spoke with her on the phone the other day and she gives me updates about life at the hospital. Sometimes Alex's interjects and gives me crap for not being there too," she added thinking of her most recent conversation. "She and Callie are spending a lot of time doing research. And she told me that Owen is really stepping up."

"He should," Derek stated. "He got her into this mess."

"She sounds really happy," Meredith said honestly.

"Does Cristina know?" Derek asked pointedly. "Did you tell her?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I can't bring myself to do it. I'm in a precarious position here. Cristina's my best friend but Amelia's my sister. I'm trying to protect Cristina from the truth... Because honestly once she finds out she'll hate me for knowing and not telling her."

"Were you ever going to tell me Meredith," Cristina seethed from the stairway. "Or were you going to wait until Amelia and Owen showed up next year to Thanksgiving," she finished as she brushed past them and stormed out the door.

"Fuck," Meredith swore as Cristina slammed the door.


	15. Unlike Me

She had every intention of going after her but was frozen in her spot. If Chris wasn't currently nursing she would have chased after her and explained the situation.

When Cristina slammed the door, she startled Grace who was now screaming her head off. Great, Meredith thought miserably, that could have gone better.

Derek sprang into action and picked up the screaming child. "Meredith, you didn't know she was there." he said slowly after he'd gotten Grace to calm down.

Meredith looked up at him. "I should have told her," she admitted. "But I waited for Owen to..." She paused. "I've never seen her that angry," she confessed.

"This isn't on you," he added as he sat down next to her. "She'll realize that."

"When?" Meredith asked looking at him. "Because I get the feeling that our friendship, as I knew it, is over."

"You have had fights before," he pointed out. "And have gotten over it."

"Derek, this one is different," she began, "I didn't tell her that her ex-husband got my sister-in-law pregnant." She glared at him. "Her abortion ended their marriage," she said calmly. "And now your sister is giving him what she wouldn't."

Derek leaned back against the couch in silence as she continued. "She's not mad about Owen. She's assured me that she's over him and I believe her. It's not that Owen is seeing Amelia," she said slowly. "It's the fact that Cristina is alone," she confessed echoing Cristina's earlier sentiment.

Derek nodded. "But she's not alone," he added.

Meredith shook her head no. "The point is that she _feels_ alone, which is a vulnerability that she's never admitted to anyone."

"Except you."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Except for me and now she's gone."

* * *

It had been a week without Cristina. She hadn't come back and Meredith had to admit she was worried about her. For all she knew, Cristina had taken a plane back to Switzerland. It wouldn't surprise her. After all, if she were in Cristina's shoes, that's exactly what she would have done.

Derek was hovering around her full of concern and being overly attentive. It had taken all the will power she had to not snap at him.

She left countless voice mails on her phone, apologizing profusely, but Cristina hadn't returned any of her calls. She called the hospital who said she'd taken a leave of absence. Imagine her surprise, when on Friday morning Cristina walked through the door.

Meredith was in the kitchen getting breakfast for Zola and Bailey when she heard the door open. She turned and saw the unexpected visitor. She dropped the plate she was holding and it shattered on the floor.

Cristina looked like she hadn't been sleeping. She was wearing the same outfit from Thanksgiving.

They stared at each other; neither one of them moved.

"Auntie Cristina!" Zola cried breaking the awkward silence between them.

"Hi Zo," Cristina said softly looking pointedly at Zola avoiding Meredith. "I have to get some of my things."

Zola frowned. "Why?" she questioned looking at her Aunt. "You live here."

Cristina turned her head toward Meredith. "I'm leaving, Zo."

"But where are you going, Auntie?" Zola asked looking at Cristina.

"I got an apartment in the city," she added softly.

Zola looked sadly at Meredith who started to pick up the pieces of the plate on the floor. She couldn't bring herself to say anything.

Cristina was leaving.

She wanted to say something as Cristina walked past her and up the stairs. She needed to say something... Anything.

She finished getting all the pieces and put them on the counter.

The twins were swinging in their swings and Bailey was secured in his highchair. They were fine, Meredith thought looking at Zola who had gone back to eating her breakfast. "Zo," she began, "Can you watch them for a minute?"

Zola nodded. "Okay," she finally said.

Meredith slowly walked up the stairs as if she was walking toward her execution. Her mind was oddly quiet as she stood in the door way to Cristina's room.

Cristina was frantically throwing all her clothes in her suitcase and didn't realize that Meredith was even watching her.

"Hi," Meredith said quietly.

Cristina looked up and stopped what she was doing. "Not now, please," she said glaring at her.

"Cristina you don't have to leave," she said ignoring her request.

"Yes," Cristina shook her head. "I do. I don't belong here. You've got your dream, Meredith," she spat as her eyes narrowed at Meredith. "Let me go live mine. I don't need anyone."

"That's where you're wrong," Meredith said softly. "We all need people."

"Well, I don't need you," Cristina said icily. "I don't need someone who doesn't have the decency tell me that my ex-husband is having a baby with her sister-in-law." She paused. "You know how fucked up that is and you didn't tell me."

"Cristina," Meredith began, "I thought Owen would tell you."

"He did," Cristina said looking at her. "But he neglected to mention that it was Amelia or that she was having his baby."

"You should have told me," she added. "We used to tell one another everything."

"Come on," Meredith sighed. "You didn't tell me about why you married Owen."

"Seriously?" Cristina asked. "I told you why I couldn't tell you. But that's not the point, Meredith," she said through her teeth.

"Then what is?" Meredith asked with her arms folded over her chest. "Because I'm failing to see it."

"The point is that you should have told me," she seethed angrily. "How long have you known?"

The question lingered in the air before Meredith answered. "Six months," she admitted sheepishly.

Cristina couldn't believe it. "You've known for six fucking months and didn't tell me," she spat.

"I had a lot going on," she said lamely. Even the excuse sounded hollow in her ears.

"I forgot," Cristina began, "That the world revolves around Meredith Grey." She narrowed her eyes, "My bad," she added picking up her suitcase.

"Cristina, come on," she begged her. "Give me a chance to explain," she pleaded as Cristina brushed past her.

"Cristina," she cried watching her walk away. "I'm sorry."

Cristina turned around. "You're sorry?" she questioned incredulously. "Meredith, do you really think a half-ass apology is going to make this better?"

Meredith stared at her. "No."

"At least you're smart enough to know that," she scoffed as she walked down stairs and out the door.

Meredith couldn't bring herself to go back downstairs. She felt her like she just lost a piece of herself.

"Mama," Zola exclaimed from down stairs drawing her attention. "Bailey done!"

Meredith couldn't breakdown. She had to be strong even though she felt like she'd lost a limb. "I'm coming Zo," she called as her voice broke.

"I can do this," she told herself as she walked downstairs. It would be okay, she thought as she walked into the kitchen. It had to be okay. She and Cristina would get past this, right?

* * *

Derek was home later than usual. Meredith was sitting on the white sectional sipping red wine. She made it through the day. She kept it together even though she wanted to go after her best friend she knew she couldn't. It was the first time she'd had alcohol in 10 months and she found that it didn't have the same kick it used to.

"Today was an exceptionally good day," Derek said as soon as he spotted her on the couch. His smile turned into a frown. "Wait," he paused, "You're drinking."

"Excellent observation, Derek," Meredith said as she took another sip. "We didn't have any tequila and this expensive red wine you bought isn't cutting it."

"What the hell happened?" he asked walking over to the sofa.

"Cristina," Meredith stated. "Cristina Yang happened."

Derek sat down and took the glass out of her grasp. "Don't look at me like that Derek," she spat taking the wine back. "I'm entitled to drink wine. I've spent the entire day with your children and I'm exhausted. I could have gone after her," she confessed looking at him. "I should have gone after her," she amended. "But I couldn't because I had to play mommy."

Derek knew she was drunk. She wasn't acting like herself and her words were slicing through him like a knife. "This is because of you," she accused pointing her bony finger at him. "You changed me, Derek. You made me this person," she added glaring at him. "You wanted an army of kids," she said remembering his words. "But I only wanted you." She paused. "Every single day, I wake up terrified they are going to hate me. That I'm going to ruin them because I'm me."

Derek looked at her and shook her head. "You're hurting," he said. "You don't mean it."

"I do," she protested. "Don't get me wrong," she began, "I love them. All four of them. I love them so much it freaking hurts. My heart beats for five people, Derek," she added. "Five human begins."

"I know the feeling," he said touching her cheek.

"I don't even know who I am anymore," she admitted looking at him. "I used to be just Meredith Grey. Dark and damaged Meredith Grey," she added. "Now I'm a wife, mother and surgeon. That's too many people," she said seriously. "I don't have enough arms for all of them," she said thinking of Zola, Bailey and the twins. "I feel like a complete and total failure," she admitted as her lip started to quiver and hot tears spilled out of her eyes.

Derek embraced her as she started to cry. He held her as she sobbed onto his shirt. She felt his heart beat in sync with his. In his arms, she felt completely safe even though she admitted her deepest vulnerability.

"Derek," she said pulling away, "I don't know how to do this and you're not here to help me."

"What do you want me to do Meredith?" he said putting his face in his hands. "I can't split myself in two."

"I split myself in four," she retorted wiping a tear from her eye. "You wanted these kids and then you've left me to raise them while you go gallivanting off with the President. It's not fair."

Derek sighed. They've had this argument once or twice before. He thought back to the argument they had in Seattle the night she told him she wasn't signing the papers. He was quiet. He knew that he wasn't going to win it.

She was right. He was thinking like a career man. She was thinking like a mother. She fell into that role, where as he sought out his. He wanted to make a difference in the medical world. He was steadfast in his main ambition: saving lives. That's all he really wanted to do.

He didn't realize that his dream of saving lives would eclipse his personal dreams. He didn't have the foresight to see the sacrifices she was making for him.

They were both ambitious people. Meredith had sacrificed her career aspirations for him. She loved him enough to give him whatever he wanted.

"God, I'm such an idiot," he mused looking at her as if he was really seeing her.

Meredith stared at him waiting for him to elaborate. She didn't outright disagree with the sentiment.

"You make sacrifices every single day for me," he said looking at her. "I've neglected to see it."

"You saw only what you wanted to see," Meredith added. "Sometimes I think you have blinders on." She paused. "Do you know how exhausting it is?" she asked. "I don't ever have time to be selfish. I'm always changing a diaper, nursing, entertaining Bailey, picking up Zola..." she trailed off. "What about my dreams Derek?" she asked. "I've listened to yours for years. Have you ever asked me about mine?"

Derek shook his head. "I haven't."

"Exactly," she added. "And you know, I quit neuro to save our marriage after the clinical trial fiasco. I loved clipping aneurysms and working on spinal tumors. I liked the challenge. It wasn't because of you," she said looking at him. "It was because it_ challenged_ me. I got that high when I successfully resected a tumor or did the Matterhorn test. That glioma clinical trial, that you neglected to give me credit for, was my idea. Seeing your face on the cover with the words _The Shepherd Method, _stung. Like actually, stung but I didn't tell you that."

Derek stared at her. "I called you a baby surgeon," he said remembering. "That you had a lot to learn."

"Yeah, because you were that hotshot neurosurgeon and I was you're second year resident," she reminded him. "We had a good professional partnership, until I botched it with the Alzheimer's trial."

Derek sighed he really didn't want to have that conversation.

"I meant what I said Derek," Meredith continued, "You see me as you're intern. That's not how I see myself. It's been almost eight years," she added. "I'm not the same person I was," she said looking at him. "I've got the stretch marks to prove it, too."

Derek laughed. "I love you're stretch marks, Mer."

"I'm a board certified surgeon," she said staring at him. "I'm on your playing field now."

Derek nodded. "I know," he said simply. "For the record, I don't see you like that."

"Really?" she questioned. "Because your actions speak louder than your words."

He looked at her and his confidence was slipping. "I don't know what you want, Meredith," he finally said.

"Well," she began standing up, "I don't know what to tell you." She took her wine glass and walked over to the sink. "I want my life back, Derek," she admitted as she put the glass in the sink. "I want to feel like me," she admitted. "I want to be in Seattle, working in my hospital and surrounded by my people."

"Meredith, " Derek said softly, "Nothing would be the same there. Things have changed."

"I know that," she admitted quietly before heading upstairs leaving Derek alone with his thoughts.


	16. The City

She woke up three hours later to the sound of Grace crying. It was her feeding time, and Grace wasn't one to veer off schedule. She quietly walked toward her room but stopped when she saw Derek trying, albeit unsuccessfully, to give her a bottle. She stood in the doorway. "You should let me try," she offered. "I got her to take one a few days ago."

She walked toward Derek and gently picked her up out of his arms. She stopped crying and looked at Meredith curiously. "It's the boobs," she said as Derek handed her the bottle. "It's the weirdest thing ever." She expertly popped the bottle into Gracie's tiny mouth and watched as she took it hungrily.

Derek chuckled. "You're good at this," he added watching her.

"Giving a baby a bottle?" she questioned raising her eyebrow. "A monkey could do it."

"Thanks for comparing me to a monkey, Meredith," Derek quipped. "But no. I know you pumped before you drank," he said eyeing her. "There were six extra bottles in the fridge."

"I was prepared," she shrugged. "Anyone would do the same."

"You say you're afraid of screwing them up but you are perfect with them," he said watching Grace.

"Derek, I am going to screw them up eventually, " she added. "I've just been lucky so far."

"Luck has nothing to do with it," Derek said softly.

"Well," she said tiredly. "Getting drunk off red wine a few hours ago wasn't one of my brightest ideas," she added with a yawn.

"We can figure it out," he promised her. "We will figure it out," he assured her.

"I need help," Meredith admitted. "I need your help."

"I can't quit my job," Derek said quietly. "You know that."

"I'm not asking you to," she retorted. "I get that it's important. Seriously, I completely understand." She paused. "I relied a lot on Cristina," she whispered. "But now she's gone." She didn't want to think about it anymore. "You know, she offered to help because she saw me floundering."

"You don't flounder, Mer," Derek added.

"No, I just drown," she quipped sarcastically. "Literally, I was drowning. You're gone a lot more. Even with the amended schedule. You're still not here. What's going to happen in few months when I go back to work?"

"We'll figure it out when the time comes," Derek said.

"Derek, this isn't Seattle. I don't know the people at the hospital Daycare like I did. I'm not entirely comfortable leaving the twins with complete strangers even if Bailey is there too. At least I know the toddler teachers," she said. "But the infant teachers have more than just one infant to care for."

"What about a nanny?" Derek suggested with a shrug.

"No," Meredith shook her head. She wasn't going to have her kids grow up with nannies. "I had nannies," Meredith reminded him. "I'm not doing that to my kids. I'm also not giving up my career. I don't want to be a stay at home mother," she grimaced. "That is so not me."

Derek laughed. "Definitely not. I don't see you doing the Stepford wife thing."

"I don't know what that means," Meredith furrowed her brow.

"It's just a creepy book by Ira Levin," Derek added. "It was made into a movie."

"Oh," Meredith said. "It's just I love working. I just feel so conflicted."

"So does every mother on the planet, Mer," he assured her.

"I want them to grow up knowing that having a career and person life is possible," she said honestly. "I mean it's hard but it's possible, right?"

"Apparently, I'm not the right person to ask that question. Because we just established that I'm a career man."

"Why is this so complicated?"

Derek chuckled. "Because life is complicated. If it wasn't we wouldn't be alive."

* * *

**AN: This part is M. Read at own discretion.**

It had been a month. Thirty days without any contact. It was as if Cristina vanished from her life without a trace and she missed her every single day.

"Meredith," Derek began, "I know you're thinking about her."

Meredith frowned and rolled over to face him. "How?"

"I know you," he reminded her. "It's been a month."

Meredith nodded as he pulled her closer to him on the bed.

"We could have sex?" he suggested. "Then you could stop thinking about her..."

She swatted his chest. "You're a dirty old man," she giggled.

"We have time," he added. "The kids are asleep and we just started having sex again."

"I don't know," she answered honestly before he kissed her. "Did that change your mind?" he asked as he left her breathless.

She nodded as he rolled his body on top of hers in a frenzy. His mouth crashed into hers with such intensity she found it hard to think about anything while his tongue did a familiar dance in her mouth. Her hands were running through his thick dark hair in a smooth motion as he unhooked her bra under her t-shirt.

"Derek," she panted as he kissed her clavicle. "You're still wearing your boxers," she reminded him as he took them off.

"I see you're not wearing any panties," he grinned as his hands wandered south. "God," she moaned as he peppered kisses down her body. "Don't stop," she pleaded. "Stop teasing me," she said as his lips crashed against hers and their bodies became one.

She was almost there until she heard a shrill cry coming from the nursery. "Ugh," she groaned pushing him off her. "Your son just interrupted our us, Derek."

Derek chuckled. "Well at least I got to finish," he said with a smirk on his face.

"Lucky you," she scoffed shaking her head at him. "You owe me an orgasm," she added as she went down the hall to get Chris before he woke the entire house up.

* * *

"Morning," Derek chirped as she got Bailey out of his high chair.

"Aren't you happy," she observed as she went over to grab a wipe for Bailey's face.

"I am happy," he retorted grabbing a mug from the cabinet. "The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and there are no clouds in the sky."

Meredith stared at him with a frown. "You're taunting me."

Derek laughed. "No," he protested. "I'm just in a good mood."

"Only because you finished," she added with a grimace. She looked over a Zola who was trying to fix herself some cereal. "Zola careful with the milk you're going to..." It was too late she split it everywhere. "Spill it," she finished grabbing the roll of paper towels off the counter. She tossed them to Derek who managed to actually catch them.

"Sorry, Mama," Zola said looking at her mother with a guilty expression on her face.

"You didn't mean to Zo," Meredith said calmly. "It was an accident. Why don't you go upstairs and change so that you won't be late for preschool," she added looking at Zola's outfit now covered in milk.

Zola nodded and headed upstairs. "I hate cleaning milk up," Derek said holding up the drenched paper towels.

"You can spend hours inside brains but cleaning milk is gross?"

"I didn't say that," Derek said going over to the trash can. "You're putting words in my mouth."

"Well, you're expression said it all," she added with a shrug and put Bailey on the ground.

"What are you're plans?" he asked looking at her.

Since their talk a month ago, he made more effort to communicate with her. She definitely appreciated it.

"The twins have their two month check-up," she said looking from Grace to Chris who were happily sitting in their swings. "So we're heading into the city."

"Do you think you're going to run into.."

"Cristina?" she asked cutting him off. "I don't know," she admitted. "I honestly can't believe it's January," she said looking at the calendar on the fridge. "You're sister's due any day now."

"That's so strange," Derek mused. "Amy having a baby. She_ is_ the baby."

"Derek, I hate to point this out but she's older than me," she said looking at him.

"Oh," Derek made a face. "I never thought of that."

"So technically, I'm more of a baby," she mused.

"Okay, this conversation has officially entered the creepy zone," he said looking at her. "Don't call me a dirty old man again," he said looking at her seriously.

Meredith broke out in a grin. "Come on, that's my favorite nickname."

"You can bring McDreamy back," he suggested.

"That was all Cristina," Meredith said furrowing her brow.

"Okay, then no," Derek began, "Don't say that."

"I do like Derbear," she said with a smile as she got Chris out of the swing. "I mean it's catchy."

"If you ever want another orgasm you will refrain from calling me that," he said taking a sip of coffee.

* * *

Meredith couldn't deny that she was happy to be back at the hospital. Just being there in the environment made her feel better. She had an appointment with Dr. Swanson in pediatrics. Addison had referred her. She swore that she was an exceptional pediatrician.

She was waiting at the elevator in the lobby with Bailey holding her hand and the twins who were sound asleep in the carriage. She was getting impatient. She hit the button again. She was running late and she was getting frustrated at the slow-moving machine.

Finally, the doors opened and it was blissfully empty. She really couldn't handle any awkward run-ins and knowing her luck she'd end up sharing it with someone she knew.

"Bailey," she said as the doors closed, "can you hit the number four?"

Bailey nodded. He was knew that was how old Zola was. She told everyone that fact on a daily basis. He pushed the button and it lit up. "Mama light," he said pointing to it.

"Cool right?" she asked as the elevator dinged and the doors opened to the pediatric wing.

"Mama, no shots?" Bailey asked looking at her as she pushed the stroller toward reception. Bailey remembered his last physical and wasn't happy about getting the prescribed vaccines. "No shots for you, Bay," she said reassuring him. "But Chris and Gracie will definitely be getting shots." She knew they were scheduled for the DTap, Hep B, Hib, PVC, and IPV vaccines. She also knew they were going to be getting rotavirus orally.

"Hi," she greeted walking over to the receptionist. "I'm checking Chris and Grace Shepherd in," she said as Bailey pulled at her shirt. "What Bailey?" she asked looking down at him. He pointed to a familiar red-head.

"Hi Grey," Addison greeted walking over to her. "I knew you guys had an appointment and I had to come see the twins," she confessed looking down at the sleeping babies. "They're so big," she said in awe. "I swear they are replicas of you two."

"It's weird how much like us they look," she admitted. "But it's kind of hilarious."

"It is," Addison said seeing Bailey hide behind his mother's legs. "And it's your other twin."

Meredith laughed. "I got stronger genes," she teased. "Bay, you know Addie," she said gently. "You've met her before."

"Yeah once in an elevator," Addison smiled. She fished in her pocket and pulled out a handful of stickers. "Hey, Bailey," she said looking at him. "I've got some really awesome stickers," she said holding them out for him.

He tentatively unwrapped himself from his mother and walked over to Addison. He peered at her collection and smiled. "Truck," he pointed. Addison handed him the sticker. "Good choice, Bailey," she grinned.

Bailey handed the sticker to Meredith. "On," he commanded as Meredith peeled the back off. "Give me a second," she said putting the trash in her pocket. "What do you say to Addie?"

"Thank you," he said smiling at Addison. "You're welcome Bailey," she said as her pager went off. "Duty calls," Addison said checking it. "When do you come back?" she asked looking at Meredith.

"Soon," Meredith said with a shrug.

"You still owe me lunch Grey," Addison said as her heels clicked toward the elevator.

"Don't worry, I don't renege on promises," Meredith called after her.

"Chris and Grace Shepherd?" A nurse called from the doorway.

"That's us," Meredith said as she pushed the carriage toward her. "Bailey, hold the carriage please," she said as he walked next to her.

The nurse led them into a small exam room with giant teddy bears on the wall. She shut the door behind her as Meredith unstrapped Chris who was sound asleep. "I hate to wake them," she said cradling him. "They have no idea that their in for a lot of pain."

The nurse nodded in understanding. "I know," she said. "But think of it this way, they won't ever remember it."

"But I will," Meredith said as the nurse gently got Gracie out of the carriage.

* * *

The twins got a clean bill of health. They were steadily gaining weight, had stronger reflexes and excellent vitals. Sure, they were not happy campers after getting stabbed with four needles, but it was a small price to pay for keeping them healthy.

She liked Dr. Swanson. She was kind, direct and through. She made a mental note to thank Addie for the recommendation later. "Bailey," she called as he ran toward the elevator, "wait for me."

He had pressed the button as she caught up to him and he grinned at her. He made it so hard sometimes to be mad at him, she thought was the door opened.

"Auntie Cristina!" Bailey cried running into the elevator giving Cristina a hug. "Sticker," he said holding his hand out to her as Meredith backed up into the elevator. So much for an empty elevator, she mused, hitting the button for the lobby.

"That's really awesome Bailey," Cristina said using the voice only reserved for her god children. She purposefully avoided Meredith's eyes and paid attention to Bailey who was babbling about the sticker on his hands, oblivious to the tension in the confined space.

Meredith didn't want to be the first one to break the silence. It shouldn't be this awkward, she thought, sadly. She bit her lip and decided to be the bigger person. "How have you been?" she asked interrupting Bailey. "It's been a while," she added with a small smile.

Cristina looked at her with a blank expression. She was unreadable, Meredith thought, waiting for an answer.

"Fine," Cristina stated quietly. It was a small peace offering and Meredith was willing to take it.

"As you can tell, Bailey really missed you," she said pointedly. _And me too,_ she added silently.

"I missed him too," Cristina admitted looking at Bailey. "Zola too," she added.

"This shouldn't be so hard," Meredith confessed looking at her best friend. "I'm sorry for not telling you," she apologized sincerely.

"Alex told me to stop being so hard on you," Cristina said looking at Meredith. "We still talk," she began, "and you we're obviously in a awkward situation. You know, for Alex he can sometimes give good advice."

"He can," Meredith nodded reminding herself to thank him later. "Sometimes, I wonder how he got to be insightful. I mean he was the biggest jerk," she said seriously. "He was blunt, tactless, and competitive. Actually," she continued, "he still is a jerk."

"Evil spawn is a conundrum," Cristina chuckled.

Meredith nodded. "That's a pretty good description," she laughed. They looked at each other and broke out into twin grins. They were going to be okay, Meredith thought, she had a feeling.

"It's Zola's birthday next week," she began tentatively, "and I know she'd love it if you came."

"I can't believe she's five," Cristina said shaking her head. "Wasn't it like yesterday you brought her home?"

"Feels like it," Meredith quipped. "Except Zola reminds me almost everyday that she's four."

Cristina laughed. "She's still obsessed with her age?"

Meredith nodded. "Apparently, it's completely normal."

The elevator doors opened to the lobby. "I don't have to pick Zola up for a while," she said looking at Cristina. "If you have time, want to grab lunch?"

"I think I have time for that," Cristina added with a nod.


	17. Hakuna Matata

"Don't you look happy," Derek greeted her giving her a kiss on the cheek. He had just gotten home from work after a rather long commute.

"I am happy," Meredith said beaming at him. "I ran into Cristina at the hospital," she informed him.

"Ah," he said going over to the fridge. "I should have known. You two can't stay mad at each other forever."

He pulled out his favorite bottle of scotch and placed it on the counter. Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Is there some special occasion I missed?" she asked gesturing to the bottle. "Because that the _good_ stuff."

Derek grinned. "We made a discovery," he said happily.

Meredith's eyes widened. "What?" she pressed as he poured himself a drink.

"A real medical _breakthrough_," he continued, "in short-term memory."

"Derek, if you don't tell me I swear to god..."

"We found the place in the brain where visual information get's transformed into short-term memories," he blurted excitedly. "Do you know what this means?" He questioned looking at her. "Think of how much this will help people with schizophrenia or people who have hallucinations. We now can pin point the exact area on an MRI."

"Wow," Meredith exclaimed. "That's incredible."

"It's something," Derek agreed. "It's small," he conceded thinking of the giant project he decided to head up. "But it's an advancement."

"Derek," Meredith began, "the brain has roughly 86 billion neurons and trillions of connections. The fact that your team made this discovery is huge."

"I know," he said taking a long sip of his drink.

Meredith walked over to him and put her hands on his chest. "Mer," he said putting the glass down. "What are you doing?"

"I'm thinking we should celebrate," she said coyly. "The kids are sleeping," she said cheekily grabbing his hand and leading him upstairs into their bedroom.

* * *

She loved this part after sex. She loved the feeling of lying in her husbands arms. "Meredith," Derek whispered softly jerking her from her thoughts. "I think your phone is vibrating."

Meredith turned to face the dresser and sure enough her Iphone was illuminating in the darkness. "Who is calling us so late," she muttered as she reached over and picked up the phone.

"Hello," she clipped rather annoyed.

"Hey," a familiar voice greeted happily. "I'm sorry to call you so late, but I thought you should know that you have a new niece," Amelia said excitedly. "She's seven pounds, twenty-one inches long, and scored a nine on the Apgar," Amelia boasted proudly.

"You're sister had the baby," Meredith said looking at Derek who was looking a with concern. He took the phone out of Meredith's hands. "Congrats, Amy," he quipped putting her on speaker. "Do I have a niece or nephew?"

"Niece," Amelia said. "And she's perfect."

"Of course she is," Meredith interjected. "She's a Shepherd."

"She's actually a Hunt," Amelia added. "Madison Shepherd Hunt," she mused saying the baby's full name.

"Madison sounds a lot like Addison," Derek teased giving his sister shit.

"Well, before Meredith she was my favorite of your wives," she retorted.

"Two wives are enough," Derek chuckled. "When are you coming to New York to bring her to meet us?"

"Well," Amelia began, "You two are the only people who know in New York..."

"Amy you still haven't told her?" Derek questioned. "Mom's going to be more pissed that you kept her granddaughter hidden than the fact that you were pregnant."

"Derek, you have no room to talk. You hid Meredith from us for years." Amelia reminded him.

"And yet, I'm still her favorite child," Derek joked. "But seriously, just call her."

"I will," she promised. "I definitely will but I just gave birth so please just give me some time."

"Yeah Derek," Meredith added. "Giving birth trumps calling your mother."

"Speaking of birth," Amelia began, "How are the mini's? The pictures you sent me are tiding me over but I need to see them in person."

"Then come out here," Derek pressed rolling his eyes.

"Or you could come to Seattle," Amelia offered. "It is a two way street."

"Amy, we have four," Derek stated. "You only have one."

"I do miss Seattle," Meredith mused without thinking. Derek shot her a look that said she wasn't helping the situation.

"See?" Amelia laughed. "Bring the twins out here," she quipped.

"We'll see," Meredith said pacifying her sister-in-law. "But I can't make any promises."

"I can deal with that," Amelia added.

"How's Owen?" Meredith questioned thinking of how ecstatic he must be.

"He's good," Amelia said smiling. "He's over the moon."

"I know the feeling," Derek supplied looking at Meredith.

"I'm warning you that men are super clingy after you give birth," Meredith said looking pointedly at Derek. "Just so you know," she added grinning.

"It's too late for that warning," Amelia stated. "He hasn't left her alone for a minute. He's held her far longer than I have."

"Let him hold her," Meredith said. "Because sooner or later you're going to wish that you had a free hand. And send me some pictures," she added. "We need to see her."

"As soon as I hang up," Amelia promised.

"Then get off the phone and send me some now," she ordered.

Amelia laughed. "Yes, mam," she teased hanging up.

"Wow," Derek said as he hit end. "I have a niece."

"You have a niece," she repeated as she got an incoming message.

"Correction: we have a niece," he added smiling at her.

Meredith grabbed her phone out his hands and opened the image. "Aw, she's gorgeous," Meredith observed looking at the tiny pink bundle. "She's got the Shepherd chin," Derek said. "You know the strong one."

"I'm familiar with your chin Derek," Meredith added. "It's like rug burn when you don't shave," she teased playfully. "I wonder if she has Owens red hair," Meredith mused looking at the image. "Too bad she has her cap on. She's like the perfect blend of both of them," Meredith said in awe. "She probably has the blue eyes. For a recessive trait, it's pretty strong."

"It is," Derek agreed with a nod.

"Just looking at her makes me want another," she blurted without thinking.

Derek grinned. "You want another one?"

"Maybe," she said evasively. "But not now, so get wipe that stupid grin off your face. Maybe not for another two-three years..."

"I can't stop smiling," Derek admitted. "You just said you wanted another baby," he pointed out.

"I don't even know where that came from," she confessed sheepishly. "I mean babies are toxic."

"I'm pretty sure that's something that Cristina would say," Derek teased her.

"I don't want a baby now," she repeated for emphasis. "I just got rid of the baby weight," she said pointing to her stomach. "And I can finally fit into my pants."

"That's too bad," Derek said seriously. "I like you without pants."

Meredith shook her head at his antics. "You have the ability to dirty anything I say."

Derek nodded and kissed her. "We won't make one now," he said repeating her words. "But we can always practice, right?"

"Practice makes perfect," she added rolling on top of him.

* * *

"Zola Grey Shepherd," Meredith sang waking up Zola. "Wake up beautiful. It's your birthday!"

Zola rolled over and faced Meredith with a huge grin on her face. "I'm five," she said excitedly and rubbed her eyes.

"You are five," Meredith said tickling her. "But you've got to get up because your father is making you a birthday breakfast."

Zola sat up in her bed. "Dada's here?" she asked excitedly knowing it was one of his DC days.

"He's downstairs with Bailey, Grace and Chris," Meredith added. "He wouldn't miss your birthday, pretty girl."

Zola beamed. She swung her legs off her bed and rushed out of her room. She scampered down into the kitchen and saw her father at the stove.

"Hey, Zo," he said smiling. "Happy birthday, baby girl."

"Dada," Zola began, "I'm not a baby anymore," she said seriously. "Chris and Gracie are babies," she said pointing at her little brother and sister in their baby swings.

"True," Derek quipped. "But you'll always be my baby."

"Mine too," Meredith interjected from the stairs. Zola looked at her mother and rolled her eyes.

"She gets that from you," Derek chuckled as he expertly flipped a pancake. Meredith shook her head and smiled.

"Happy birfday, Zo." Bailey cheered from his highchair looking at his sister.

"Wow, that was close," Derek mused. "He almost got birthday." He looked at Zola and handed her a plate as she climbed island chair. "Careful, Zo," he warned. "The chair is tippy," he added.

"I'm good Dada," Zola said as she sat down. "See?"

"The sassiness is beginning," Derek muttered looking pointedly at Meredith.

"You're the one with four sisters," she said shaking her head. "So," she began looking at Zola, "since it's your birthday, we have something special planned."

Zola's eyes lit up in anticipation. "What are we doing?" she asked.

"Guess Zo," Meredith said. "You've been wanting to do this since Annabelle told you she'd seen it at Christmas."

Zola knew right away. "The Lion King?" she questioned tentatively.

Derek pulled something out of his pocket handed her three tickets as confirmation. "Just you, me and your mother."

"No Bay or twins?" she asked as her little hands curled around the paper.

Meredith shook her head no. "Just us," she said. "Your Grandmother's watching them."

"Really?" she asked beaming. She rarely got to spend anytime with just her parents anymore and was bursting with excitement.

"Yes, really," Derek said. "Eat up, Zo."

Zola nodded and dug her fork into the steaming pancake. She took a bite and smiled. "These are yummy," she commented swallowing.

"I don't know Derek," Meredith began, "should we give Zo her other present?" she asked smiling.

Zola dropped her fork and nodded. "Yes," she said as if that were the most obvious answer. "Please," she added as an afterthought.

"I think so," Derek said flashing Meredith a smile. "After all, she's going to need them today."

Zo raised an eyebrow. "What?" she asked looking at her parents. Meredith got up and went over to the sofa. She lifted up a box wrapped in shiny pink wrapping paper. "You're definitely going to need these," she added putting the package in front of Zola.

Zola tore into the wrapping paper and opened the box. "Ice skates?" she asked beaming.

"After the show, Zo, we're going to ice skate in Rockefeller Center." Meredith clarified. "It was your dad's idea. He's the former hockey player."

"Aren't you going to skate too, Mama?" she asked as she put her hands over the skates.

"If you want me to," she said making a face. "I'm not really good," she admitted thinking of the time she and Sadie went skating in the Commons. She fell on her butt so many times, it was bruised for weeks.

"Come on, Meredith," Derek said. "I can teach you."

"I'm sure you'll be skating circles around me," she assured him.

"I'll just have to hold your hands," he winked. "I have a feeling Zola's going to be a natural."

"Mama, I'll hold your hand too," Zola offered. Meredith couldn't say no to that. "Fine," she said looking at Zo. "But it's only because I love you."

"I love you too, Mama," Zo giggled as she finished her breakfast.

* * *

"The emergency numbers are on the fridge and the pediatrician is Dr. Swanson," Meredith said nervously looking at Carolyn. "They need to be fed every four hours, Grace will fight you because she doesn't like the bottle but be persistent and she'll take it eventually." She looked at Derek and Zola who were both wearing their coats waiting for her by the door. "Come on Mama," Zola groaned impatiently. "Let's go," she whined.

"Meredith, relax," Carolyn said holding Grace. "We're fine here." She looked at Bailey who was playing with Surge in the living room. "He's good too. And Chris," she added pointing to the infant in the swing.

It was her first time being away from her babies for more than a few hours and she was having a bit of an anxiety attack. Even though, she trusted Carolyn implicitly she was still nervous.

"Okay," she said giving Grace a kiss. "You'll call me right?" she asked. "If you need anything."

Carolyn nodded as she went over to Chris. "See you soon buddy," she said giving him a kiss on his cheek. He smiled as she touched his head.

"Bailey," she called as she walked toward him. "Be good for Grandma." Bailey nodded and ran over to her throwing his arms around her legs. "Okay," he said as she leaned over and kissed him on top of his head.

"Bailey, you can let go of my legs now," she said peeling him off her. "I'll be back soon," she promised.

"Meredith," Derek said impatiently. "We're going to be late," he warned her.

"Okay, fine I'm coming," she said grabbing her white coat off the hook and slung her purse over her shoulders. Derek grabbed the keys from the bowel on the table and opened the door. "Ma's done this once or twice before," he said shaking his head as Meredith walked past him.

"I know," she said watching Zola run to Derek's car. "I just haven't left them," she said with a shrug. Derek put his arms around her shoulders. "They'll be fine," he added.

"I know," she repeated. "It's just hard."

"Well, we're going to have so much fun with Zola that you won't even worry," he assured as he opened her door.

"Yeah, and my tailbone is going to be sore too," she predicted as she slid into her seat. Derek chuckled as he shut the door.

"Mama," Zola began as she buckled herself in, "How long is the play?"

"I don't know, Zo," she answered honestly as Derek got in the car. "Do you?" she asked looking at Derek.

"It's a couple of hours Zo," he said starting the car. "But there's a break in the middle for intermission."

"What is that?" Zola asked as he backed out of the driveway. "Well, actors get tired so they take a little rest," he said adjusting the mirror so that he could see her.

Zola nodded. "It's quiet," she observed looking at Bailey's empty seat.

"I know the feeling," Meredith muttered turning the radio on.

"Mama, can you play your songs?" she requested from the backseat.

Meredith nodded as she plugged her phone into the audio jack. "You pick," she said handing her the Iphone.

Zola hit play and the beginning of London Calling filled her ears. She cringed. "Really, Zo?" she asked over the beat.

"I like this," Zola added humming along to the lyrics.

Derek laughed. "Why is this even on your phone?" he wondered.

"Derek, we share an iTunes account," she reminded him. "Every time you buy a song it syncs to my phone."

"So that's why I have some interesting songs on my phone," he quipped. "You're taste ranges from obscure indie songs to the latest rap, hip hop, and pop hits."

"The Clash really dates you," she added with a smirk. "At least I try to stay up on current music and not stuff from the eighties."

"Like current music is something to write home about," he retorted. "What's that song you were singing in the shower yesterday?"

"I wasn't singing," she began embarrassed, "I was rapping."

"Oh," Derek said as he turned onto the highway. "Right."

"Mama, can you find the fancy song?" Zola asked handing her the iPhone.

"I'm curious as to what this song is," Derek mused looking at Meredith as she searched her playlist for the radio edit. She hit play and the beat dropped. "First things first I'm the realest," Zola sang loudly parroting the artist. "Drop that and make the whole world feel this," she said spitting the next line of lyrics.

Meredith couldn't help but laugh hysterically. Zola was taking this so seriously.

Derek caught a glimpse of Zola dancing and singing away to the song and he couldn't help but laugh too.

"Where did she learn how to do that?" he whispered.

Meredith shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"Mer, this totally isn't appropriate for a five-year old," he added looking at her paying attention to the lyrics.

"Derek, she doesn't get the words. She just likes the beat. Trust me the meaning is completely over her head," she added as the song ended.

"Any more requests Zo?" Meredith asked turning around and looking at her.

"Beyoncé," she said shaking her head. "The single lady song."

Meredith nodded as the catchy pop tune filled her ears.

"You have too much influence on her," Derek retorted taking the city exit.

"I should take her to Beyoncé," Meredith said. "She'd be more fun then Cristina."

"You're not taking a five-year old to Beyoncé," Derek said seriously.

"Relax, Derek," Meredith quipped. "I was kidding," she chided.

"Does Cristina like her new place?" Derek asked changing the subject.

"I think so," Meredith said. "She's living close to the hospital." She paused. "I mean we haven't gotten a chance to really talk with her since I ran into her at the hospital," she admitted. "I had to entertain Bailey so it wasn't like we could talk about anything important."

"It's a start," Derek said.

"I really have to call Alex," she said. "He's the one that talked to her."

"Karev?" Derek questioned.

"He and Cristina got close," she answered. "They lived together, remember?"

"I know, Mer," he said as he pulled into a parking garage.

"Alex is a good guy," Meredith said defending her friend. "Underneath the tough exterior he's a big old softie."

"What did he say to her?" Derek asked as he found a spot.

"He basically said that she should talk to me. Cristina said he defended me for not telling her and pointed out that he didn't tell her either. He also made sure she knew that I wasn't trying to hurt her. He knew that I was only protecting her. Plus, it was a weird situation for me to be in."

"You get in a lot of those weird situations," Derek said shaking his head.

"Tell me about it," she said getting out of the car and opening the door for Zola. "Did you notice that lately, life's been really calm?"

"Don't say that," Derek said shaking his head. "You might have just jinxed us."


	18. End of the World Party

Meredith used to hate the winter, detest it, actually. But for some reason, she really loved winter in Connecticut. She liked the snow, didn't mind defrosting her car, and enjoyed taking Bailey and Zola outside to make snowmen. Winter was cozy, she mused, changing the calendar on the fridge from February to March.

Today was her final day of maternity leave. She was scheduled to start work on Monday morning and found herself not wanting to go back.

She knew she had to but she just didn't want to. She had gotten used to the routine. She loved getting Zola ready for school in the morning and picking her up in the afternoon. She loved just being with Bailey and the twins all day. She actually found herself missing them when she went grocery shopping alone.

If only the old Meredith could see her now, she thought, shaking her head. "Mama, come play," Bailey said pulling on her shirt.

"I can't now Bailey," she said softly. "I've got to do some reading," she said holding up a stack of her research papers. "Mama's going back to work on Monday and she needs to start putting her medical knowledge to use," she added.

Bailey frowned. "No," he said stubbornly. "No work."

"I wish, buddy," she added ruffling his blonde hair. "Give me half hour," she said as her resolve broke.

"Okay," he said going over to his trucks scattered all over the living room rug. Meredith settled on the couch, put her cellphone next to her, and tucked her feet underneath her. She began to thumb through her old research and found her eyes start glazing over at how dull and boring it was. Portal veins weren't as interesting as brains, she thought as she dog-eared a page.

She was half-way through a paragraph when her cell phone started ringing. She was grateful for the distraction and picked it up.

"Hello," she greeted as she half-heartedly finished reading a sentence of her research.

"Meredith, it's Richard."

She gulped. She hadn't seen or talked to Richard since Bailey's funeral. She instantly knew he wasn't calling with good news. She put her papers down in her lap.

"It's Maggie," he said softly. "She's sick," he added. Meredith felt her breath hitch. "What's wrong?" she asked full of concern.

"She's got globoid cell leukodystrophy," Richard said as his voice cracked.

"Krabbe's disease," Meredith said. "I remember when I got my genes tested... I was a carrier," she admitted. "I made sure that Bailey and the twins were prescreened," she muttered.

"She presented with ataxia, muscle weakness and loss of dexterity," he said in a professional tone. Meredith knew that he was dissociating himself.

"How long does she have?" she asked cautiously. "Is it bad?"

"The reason I called is that there's an experimental treatment using bone marrow," he said slowly.

"You want me to get tested to see if I'm a match," she said knowingly. "I can do that," she offered. She didn't know what else to say, there was nothing she could say. "I'm really sorry, Richard," she apologized. She couldn't imagine finding out you had a daughter only to watch her die from rare genetic condition.

"I was also wondered if Derek would be willing to come do a consult," he said. "It's just that he's the best."

"I'll ask him," she promised. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"Great," he sighed. "And Meredith, congrats on the twins. Amelia shows everyone pictures all the time. They look just like you and Derek."

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "I've got to go," she said as Chris started to fuss.

"Right," Richard said. "I won't keep you."

"I'll call you after I talk to Derek," she added before hanging up. She put her research on the coffee table and grabbed Chris from off the floor where he was playing next to Grace on the infant mat Derek bought.

"Alright, bud," she said picking him up. "You just totally want some attention," she mused as she walked back to the couch cradling him. He stopped the fake tears and smiled up at her. "You're such a faker," she said siting down. She picked up her phone and called Derek.

"We need to book a flight to Seattle," she said as soon as he answered. "Why?" he blurted.

"Maggie Pierce has Krabbe Disease," she said quickly. "Richard wants a consult and for me to get tested to see if I'm a bone marrow match."

"Wow, slow down Meredith," Derek said trying to process what she just said. "One thing at a time. First, Maggie has Krabbe disease?"

"Yes, I just said that," she quipped impatient. "Richard needs a consult from you."

"Okay," he said thinking of his former mentor. "And he asked you to donate bone marrow?"

"For an experimental treatment," she clarified shivering at the prospect of having a giant needle inserted in her spine.

"Book the tickets," he said seriously. "I don't care if we leave tomorrow."

"Okay," she said. "She's going to get better right?"

Derek didn't answer. He knew Maggie was going to die. But then again, they were all going to die eventually and if Meredith's bone marrow could delay that process then they needed to go back to Seattle.

"You might help her," he said eventually. "But you know the prognosis of this disease."

"I do," she said. Death. That was the final symptom.

"But my bone marrow could delay it," she added. "That's worth considering."

"It is," Derek said. He knew she must be freaking out. "Are you okay?" he questioned looking at his watch. He could make it home in three in half hours if he didn't obey the speed limit.

"I'm processing," she admitted. "Getting a call that my half-sister has been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder isn't something that happens everyday."

"It's not," Derek said.

"I jinxed us didn't I?" she asked thinking of Zola's birthday. "I had to go and say life was calm."

Derek didn't say anything. "Why can't I catch a break?" she muttered.

"Meredith, I'll be home by seven. Just relax and book those tickets," he added before hanging up.

* * *

It was so much easier when it was just Bailey and Zola, Meredith thought, as she carried Grace through the airport in the snuggly. Derek had Chris in the other snuggly and was holding onto Bailey's hand. "Mama," Zola said as they got to their gate, "Can I see Sofia?"

"Of course, Zo," she said as they sat down and waited to board. "Do you think she remembers me?" Zola asked.

Meredith felt her heart break. "Of course she remember's you," she said looking at Zola. "You're her best friend."

Zola nodded. "Okay," she said going into the giant tote bag Meredith packed full of entertainment for Zola and Bailey. She was nothing if not prepared. "Where are my crayons?" Zola asked looking at Meredith. "They should be in the bottom Zo," she added.

"Meredith," Derek began, "I think Bailey needs a change," he said wrinkling his nose.

"So go change him," she said looking at him as if he was an idiot.

"The mens room doesn't have those changing tables," he grimaced.

"Seriously?" she questioned standing up and grabbed the diaper bag. "That's so sexist," she muttered taking Bailey's hand in hers. "Let's go change you," she said looking at him. She looked up at Zo, "You should probably come too," she said pointing to Zola. "It's a long plane ride," she said. "And airplane bathrooms are tiny."

"Okay Mama," Zola said as she slid off the chair and put her crayons in the bag. "Dada, save my seat," she ordered.

"Right, Zo," he chuckled. "I'll make sure no one takes it."

"You know, I have to do everything," Meredith muttered as she walked toward the bathroom thankful that it was incredibly close to the waiting area. JFK was twice the size of Sea-Tac.

She should be happier, she mused as she finished changing Bailey. She was going home. "All done, Zo?" she asked knocking on the stall. "Your brother's about to pull my arm out of it's socket."

Zola opened the door. "That's not possible, Mama," she said as she walked toward the sinks.

Meredith fixed the bag that was falling off her shoulders. "It's an expression, Zo," she added stifling an eye roll and wondered for the thousandth time how she got such a bossy child.

Zola was struggling to turn the sink off. "Got it," Meredith offered turing the nozzles. "Now just wave your hands under the dryer," she said as Zola stared at the hand dryer. "Like this," she said moving Bailey's hands under the dryer. Bailey giggled as hot air came out of the machine.

Zola laughed with her brother. "I'm glad this is so amusing to the two of you," she said watching them.

Zola took Meredith's right hand the same time Bailey took her left. "Let's go find your dad," she said laughing.

* * *

It was raining when they landed. She didn't expect anything else, but she couldn't help but smile as she looked out the window. "I missed the rain," she confessed to Derek as they waited in line for their bags. "I didn't," he said yawning. "I'm exhausted."

"I'll text Alex," Meredith said pulling her phone out her pocket. "He's supposed to be here, and he better not be driving that stupid penis mobile," she uttered.

"Penis mobile?" Derek said raising his eyebrow. "Don't ask," Meredith said as her phone rang.

"Hey, Alex," she chirped. "I was just about to call you. We're in line for out bags."

"I took Arizona's mommy mobile," Alex said. "She's got the double seated SUV thing," he added. "She even made sure I installed car seats for all your kids." He paused. "I lifted them from the hospital."

Meredith laughed at the idea that Alex stole car seats for her. "What color is it?" Meredith asked referring to the car so that she knew what to look for.

"Red," Alex said. "I'm bringing you and you're spawn back to the woods?" He asked for clarification.

Meredith shook her head at his bluntness. "Yes, Alex."

"I'm just wondering," he said chuckling.

"Alright, Derek found our bags," Meredith said as Derek grabbed the duffel bags. "See you in five minutes."

"Okay, Mer," he said hanging up.

"Alex stole car seats for us from the hospital," Meredith said as they walked toward the exit. "I would have paid to see him install them."

Derek laughed.

"Apparently, Arizona thought more ahead than I did," Meredith added. "I didn't remember car seats," she said spotting a giant red SUV idling in the no parking zone. "That's Alex," she said as she walked toward the car.

They made eye contact and Alex got of the car and hugged her. "Dude, there's a baby between us," Alex said gesturing to Grace. "Actually, it's mini-Mer," he amended laughing. "Uncle Alex!" Zola cried crashing into Alex once he was finished hugging Meredith. "Hey Zo," he said picking her up. "You got much taller," he observed.

"That's because I'm five now," she said smiling at him.

"Hi Bailey," he said looking at Bailey who was watching them curiously. "Last time you saw me you were still a little man."

"I big," Bailey protested causing all the adults to laugh.

"I heard," Alex said popping the trunk. "I'm sorry I missed your birthday. I heard you had a bouncy house."

Meredith opened the side door and unhooked Grace from the snuggly as Derek put the bags in the trunk. "You got everything Derek?" she asked as he opened the other door and buckled Chris in. He nodded as she finished buckling Grace in. "She's being difficult," Meredith complained as the baby squirmed. "I can't get this stupid buckle in."

"Let me try," Derek offered leaning over Chris. "Gracie," he began, "You got to let me buckle you," he added.

"Yeah like that's going to work," she scoffed. Derek smirked at her. "Got it," he said as he shut the passenger side.

"Jerk," she said as she looked over at Zola and Bailey who were telling Alex all about New York.

"Mer," Alex began, "Your kids can really talk, which is ironic really considering their parents suck at communicating."

Meredith ignored his jib and motioned for Bailey to follow her. "Let's go get you in Bud," she said taking his hand. "I'll get Miss Zola in her seat," Alex offered walking over to the other side of the car.

"Mer, you take the front," Derek said. "I'll get in the back with Zo."

"Okay," she said watching him climb into the back. He ended up entangling himself in the seat belt. "That was graceful," she teased strapping Bailey in.

Derek glared at her as she shut the door.


	19. 99 Red Balloons

She couldn't pay attention to Alex as he babbled on about how different the hospital was without them. She tried to listen but her mind was wandering elsewhere. Honestly, she was exhausted and her ability to pay attention was hindered by the fact that she had to face things she told herself she hadn't runaway from.

She was home, literally on her way back to the house Derek built, and she felt nothing.

The sound of the engine turning off brought her back to reality.

"Mama, look we're home!" Zola said excitedly pointing out the window. Meredith turned her head toward the house. "Yeah Zo," she muttered softly. "We are."

It was a production getting all the kids out of the car but with Alex's help it took less time. "That's the last bag," Derek said to Meredith as he set it down on the floor. She was staring at the new gray sectional in the living room, it was just another reminder that she didn't live here anymore.

"Thanks," she said gratefully as Zola and Bailey ran past her up the stairs. She knew intuitively they were going up to their rooms. "Wait guys, you're old rooms are empty," she called after them. "Remember? All your stuff is still in Connecticut."

"Where are we sleeping then?" Zola asked biting her thumbnail.

"I, uh, haven't thought that far ahead," she admitted.

"Mer, there's still the guest rooms," Derek reminded her gently as they ignored her warning and headed upstairs.

_Guest room._

She paled at the thought of being a guest in her own home. "Besides, you and I can suck it up and sleep on the couch," he added with a smile. "It's not like we haven't done that before."

"One guest room," Meredith said looking at him. "Amelia's in the other one."

"Actually," Derek began, "Amy's been living at Owens."

Meredith tilted her head at him. "Wait, she would have told me that."

"She probably did," he sighed. "You've been busy."

She shook her head. "I haven't been _that_ busy," she countered. "I would have remembered that conversation."

Derek was too tired to argue with her and he knew she wouldn't win it. "Mer," he began, "it's late. We're all tired," he said gesturing to the sleeping twins in the car seats on the couch. "I'm meeting Richard early tomorrow morning," he added. "I'll get Zola and Bailey ready for bed upstairs in the guest room while you feed the twins," he offered. "Because you know I'm pretty useless at that," he grinned trying to make a joke.

Meredith nodded. "Fine," she conceded as Grace started stirring. "Like clockwork," she muttered getting her out of her seat. Derek chuckled as he grabbed the duffel bag and went upstairs to find his other two kids.

Meredith sighed as she sat down on the unfamiliar sofa with Gracie in her arms. She expertly lifted her shirt as the baby took instantly to her chest.

She looked around the room. It looked the same, but there were subtle differences. Things that screamed that someone else was living there. She noticed different nick knacks on the table, the sofa had bright green throw pillows and a blue knitted blanket.

She reached for the blanket and touched the soft yarn. It was all just surreal, she thought as the baby ate. She felt like a stranger in someone else's life.

* * *

"Are you okay?" he finally asked cautiously.

She knew that question had been on his mind all day. She had asked herself the very same one since she'd gotten the phone call from Richard.

"No," she admitted as she searched the duffel bag for her sweats. She turned to look at him. "I'm not okay. None of this is okay."

Derek was quiet. He knew this was coming. "My sister," she continued, "is dying from a rare condition that doesn't have a cure. I'm going to donate bone marrow tomorrow to see if I'm a potential donor. So no," she repeated. "I'm far from okay."

"When I talked to Richard he said that her symptoms are slowly progressing," he said. "Which is a good thing, Meredith."

She sighed and pulled her sweatpants out of the bag. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," she said brushing past him and heading upstairs to change and check on her kids.

One she made it to the top of the stairs, she heard tiny footsteps. "Mama, I can't sleep," Zola said coming out of the Amelia's room. "Bailey kicks," she added rubbing her eyes.

Meredith went over to her and took her hand. "Let's go to the other guest room," she suggested leading Zola down the hallway. She quietly opened the door to the room Carolyn had last slept in. Remarkably, it looked the same.

Zola let go of her mother's hand and pulled the covers down. "Can you sleep with me?" she asked looking at Meredith. "I don't want to be by myself."

Meredith knew the feeling. "I can stay until you fall asleep, Zo," she said offering a compromise. "I don't think your dad can handle the twins if they wake up," she mused getting under the covers.

Zola nodded and pressed her tiny body against her mothers.

Meredith wrapped her arms around Zola and gently stroked her hair. "Mama," Zola began quietly, "Are we going to see Auntie Amelia and Madison?"

"Tomorrow Zo," Meredith said yawning.

"And Sofia?" she asked softly.

"I'll call Callie," she replied. "I don't know what Sofia's schedule is."

"Maybe she's at the hospital too," Zola said brightly. "Maybe I can see my old friends," she added smiling.

"I'm sure they missed you," Meredith sighed tiredly.

"I know Uncle Alex missed you," Zola said pointedly. "He told me so," she added. "And Uncle Owen and Uncle Richard," she continued naming her surrogate family members.

"Zo, did I ever tell you the story of how Uncle Alex found you?" she asked knowing that Zola was too awake to fall back asleep.

Zola shook her head no. "Oh," Meredith began with a smile, "It's a good one."

* * *

It was strange, she thought, standing in front of the hospital with her fingers gripped around the double stroller. She'd grown up in the walls of this very hospital and now, standing in front of the doors that she'd gone through millions of times, she felt a sense of belonging.

Derek was walking in front of her holding on to Bailey and Zola's hands. He didn't realize that she stopped walking until Bailey tried to get away. "Meredith," he called jolting her out of the spot she was frozen in. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah," she said taking a step toward him. "I was just thinking," she admitted quietly.

The doors slid open and they walked into the lobby toward the elevators. "If it isn't the Shepherds," Alex said spotting them at the elevators. He eyed Meredith, "Well, accept you," he added pointing at her with a grin.

Meredith rolled her eyes at his comment. "Seriously," she began, "It's like you never actually do any doctoring."

Alex laughed and ignored her jib.

"Hi Uncle Alex," Zola chirped. "I'm going to see Sofia today."

"That sounds like fun kiddo," he said ruffling her hair. "I know she missed you."

Zola's eyes lit up at his comment. "I missed her too," she admitted. "And we're seeing Auntie Amelia," she added with a grin. "And my new cousin, Madison."

"Jeez, Zo, it sounds like you have an incredibly busy day," he grinned as the elevator doors opened. "I'm off to Peds anyway," he added as he got on the elevator with them. "Arizona has a kid with short gut," he said looking at Meredith. "Any chance you want to scrub in?" he teased.

Meredith glared at him. She wanted nothing more than to scrub in with her best friend.

"Good to know, you actually are still a doctor, Karev," Derek quipped.

Alex chuckled as the elevator doors opened. "Well, someone has to be," he added walking past the family. "I'll catch up with you guys later," he offered before heading down the hallway.

"Amy's in 2342," Meredith said pushing the stroller out of the elevator. "She texted me earlier," she added going down the hall.

Derek nodded and picked up Bailey. "It's probably safer to keep him contained," Derek grinned remembering when the twins were born.

"Definitely," she agreed as they walked toward Amelia's room.

Derek knocked softly. "Come in," Amelia called as he opened the door. "Hey," she greeted seeing her brother.

She was holding a tiny pink bundle. "Auntie Amy!" Zola cried running over to her aunts bedside. "Is that her?" she asked pointing to Madison.

"Yep," Amelia confirmed looking at Zola. "This is Madison." She looked over at the stroller. "I'll trade you mine for yours," she said grinning. "I need to meet my niece and nephew," she added.

"You're already trying to pass her off?" Derek joked as he put Bailey on the floor. "I'll take her," he offered holding her arms out.

Meredith gently picked Chris up and shifted him into Amelia's arms.

"Crap," Amy swore. "If it isn't you're clone," she added looking at Derek.

Meredith shook her head. "Seriously," she mused placing the baby in her arms. "Literally, every person says that," she added.

She went over to Derek and held her arms out. "My turn," she demanded taking the baby from him. She missed when Grace and Chris were this tiny.

"Bossy," he quipped as she held the tiny infant.

"She's gorgeous, Amy," she added holding her new niece. Grace stirred from the carriage making her presence known. "Derek, go get her before she starts screaming," she said looking at the stroller.

Derek nodded and grabbed Grace who settled happily in her father's arms. "Seriously, it's creepy how much she looks like you, Mer," Amy stated shaking her head as she stared at the baby.

"We know," Derek and Meredith said in unison.

Meredith looked down at Madison and rocked her back and forth. "I miss when they were this little," she admitted as Madison grabbed her pinky. "Derek, I want another one," she confessed looking at him with a small smile on her face.

"You're insane," Amy said laughing. "Didn't you just give birth like three months ago?" she teased her sister-in-law.

"I'd like to skip the pregnancy and birth part, but yeah," she said looking at the baby. "I definitely want another one."

"Mama, another sister?" Zola asked understanding the conversation that was happening in front of her. "One day, Zo," Derek nodded.

"No sister," Bailey said making a face. The adults in the room burst out laughing. "Not for a while, Bay," Meredith promised. "You're brother and sisters keep us pretty busy."

"Speaking of sisters," Derek interjected, "Did you happen to mention this to any of ours?" he asked pointing at Madison.

"I told mom," Amy said. "And you were right. She was pissed... until I sent her a picture of Madison," she added with a grin. "I'm sure that she's already told Nancy and Kate by now," she said looking at Derek. "Mom can't keep secrets."

"Nope," Derek said in agreement.

"How's Owen?" Meredith asked as she sat down in a very uncomfortable hospital chair. She looked at Derek. "Next board meeting we're bringing up these chairs," she said evenly. "People need to be comfortable," she added.

Amelia chuckled. "Owen's good," she said as Bailey climbed up next to his mother. "Baby," he said pointing to Madison.

"Yeah," she said. "Madison is a baby," she said. "Remember when Chris and Grace were this little?"

Bailey nodded. "They cry."

"They did cry," Meredith said laughing. "You were that small too once."

Bailey shook his head no.

Zola interjected. "You cried a lot too," she said pointing at him.

Derek laughed. "Zo, don't think you were exempt from crying," he added.

"I don't know how you do it with four," Amy said shaking her head as Chris smiled up at her.

"It's stressful," Meredith admitted. "I'm tired a lot. I'm always changing someone's diaper or feeding them," she continued, "But the small moments are totally worth it." She paused. "You'll see what I mean soon."

"You're maternity leave is almost over right?" Amy questioned as Grace held her arms out for Meredith. "She's jealous," Amy observed.

"Gracie is literally attached to my hip," she said with a shrug. "She's very needy and I blame Derek for that," Meredith chided. "That one," she said gesturing her head toward Bailey, "was definitely the neediest."

"I'm not needy," Derek protested shuffling Gracie to his hip.

"Whatever, Derek," she said rolling her eyes. "I'm scheduled to go back to the hospital on Monday," she said answering Amelia's question. "But I told Dr. Kavanagh that I needed to be here."

"Have you seen Richard?" Amelia asked tentatively.

"No," Meredith said shaking her head.

"He's not doing so well," she admitted. "Maggie's diagnosis has taken a toll on him."

"I'm sure," Meredith added not sure of what else to say about it. She didn't want to see him. She wished she could avoid him, but knew that wasn't entirely possible given the situation.


	20. Breathe (2 AM)

Doctor's make the worst patients. It's just an undisputed fact of life. They know too much. Medical knowledge is a double-edge sword. It can be both a blessing an a curse.

Bone marrow donation is a relatively minor out-patient procedure. Meredith had performed it a few times in her residency and knew the risks inside and out.

It was simple, really. First she would be given a localized general anesthetic, most likely an epidural. The epidural would be injected into her pelvic bone and then her surgeon would make a tiny quarter-inch incision in the same place. Next, they would take their thick hollow needles and withdraw the liquid marrow.

The surgery would take an hour or two max and she would be awake the entire time. She wanted to be awake. She needed to know what her surgeon was doing when he was doing it and watch him like a hawk. There would be no room for screw ups. They had to get it right the first time.

Meredith had just signed her intake papers when she glanced up and saw Richard walking toward her.

She was startled by his physical appearance. He had lost a considerable amount of weight since she'd last seen him. His eyes were sunken into his cheek bones. He was a shadow of the former man she once knew. When she'd met him, he emitted a sense of authority. Now, he just looked depressed.

"Hi Meredith," he greeted softly.

"Richard," she nodded. She didn't know what to say. There was too much to say, ironically, but neither of them could bring themselves to say anything. The silence was overwhelming until Richard spoke first.

"Thank you," he said putting his hands in the pocket's of his lab coat. It was a safe place to start, he thought, as she put the pen in her hands down.

"It's nothing," she said looking at him. "Really," she continued, "I know you'd do it for me." She knew he would too. As complicated as their history was, Richard Webber was more of a father to her than Thatcher ever could be. "I'm sorry," she said as he sat down in the empty chair next to him.

"Me too," he whispered. "I just can't lose her," he admitted. "I just found her or rather she found me."

Meredith nodded. She couldn't imagine what he was feeling. If the roles were reversed and Bailey, Chris or Grace had this condition she wouldn't be able to function. "I know," she said quietly.

"I'm glad you're here," he said with a small smile changing the subject to something safer. "This place hasn't been the same since you and Derek left."

"Alex has kept me updated on all the gossip," she said. "It's amazing that even though Derek and I are miles away, people seem to still be fascinated with us..."

Richard laughed softly. "You and Shepherd are like the golden couple of Grey-Sloan," he said. "Besides Amelia has been showing everyone pictures of the twins. And Derek made national news with the Brain Mapping breakthrough," he added.

"Remind me to stop sending her pictures," she groaned.

Richard chuckled. "Where are they?" he asked. "I'm curious about how you ended up alone."

"I haven't been alone for months," Meredith said in realization. "Zola and Bailey are in Daycare seeing Sofia and Derek's visiting Amelia with the twins."

"Ah," Richard exclaimed. "Must seem strange."

"Definitely," Meredith nodded. "It seems too quiet."

"I saw that Dr. Crowley is doing the harvesting," he said looking at her. "He's the best."

"He better be," Meredith added seriously. "I opted for the localized anesthetic because I refuse to go under."

Richard chuckled. "That's something your mother would do just to make sure they don't screw up."

Meredith laughed. "I didn't think of that," she admitted. "But it definitely sounds like something she would do."

"Dr. Grey," a nurse cut in, "Follow me."

Meredith turned to Richard as she got up. "We can talk later?" she questioned knowing that their conversation wasn't over.

"Absolutely," he said nodding.

* * *

Meredith had finished changing into the thin hospital gown when she heard a soft knock on the door. "Come in," she said as she tried to tie the last tie.

"Hey," Derek said coming into the room. "Do you need help with that?" he asked watching her struggle.

"Yes," she huffed giving up. "I hate these things," she said holding her hair up.

Derek walked over and quickly tied it for her.

"Nice underwear," he said looking at the black cotton panties she was wearing that were exposed through the hospital gown. "Although, I have to admit," he continued, "they aren't as hot as the tiny black ones Addison hung on the board."

"Shut up," she retorted rolling her eyes. "You're coming in with me right?" she asked for confirmation. "I want two sets of eyes on Dr. Crowley."

"Relax," Derek said cutting her off with a kiss. "I'll be in there."

"Good," she said as she slid into her hospital bed. "I hate this," she added. "Being the patient is_ not_ as fun as being the surgeon," she complained. "If I could do this procedure myself I would feel better."

Derek chuckled at the image of Meredith trying to harvest her own marrow. "Really not possible," he commented taking a seat next to her. "I'd do it if I could," he added with a grin.

"Can we get divorced quickly so you could?" she suggested smirking at him.

There was a hard knock at the door interrupting their conversation.

"Come in," Meredith called as the door opened. "Hi Edwards," she quipped seeing her former intern. "Dr. Grey," Dr. Edwards greeted with a smile and turned to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd," she added.

"I'm Dr. Crowley," an older gentleman said walking past Edwards. "I'm performing the surgery. Do you have any questions?"

"No," Meredith stated. "I've done the procedure so I know what to expect."

He nodded. "Okay, well Dr. Edwards will take you down to the OR," he said and looked at Derek. "You're coming in too, right?"

"Yes," Derek said looking at Dr. Crowley.

"It's going to be a full house," he mused as he walked out the door.

"That was quick," Meredith said looking pointedly at Derek.

"Dr. Crowley is really fast," Edwards interjected. "He's the best though," she said reassuring Meredith.

"Full house?" Derek asked repeating Dr. Crowley's words.

"Well," Edwards began as she put in Meredith's IV, "You're sort of famous around here."

"Edwards, you're closing the gallery," she demanded. "I don't want to see anyone in my OR except you, Crowley and essential personnel. "No extra eyes."

Dr. Edwards nodded. "Why aren't you going?" Meredith said pointing to the door. "Go fix this," she barked as Edwards rushed out the door.

"You could have been a little nicer, Mer," Derek said amused as Edwards closed the door behind her. "You were kind of..."

"Don't say it," she cut in. "I'm not on display. I'm going to be lying on my stomach for the next few hours and I don't want the entire hospital staff to know what kind of underwear I'm wearing..." she trailed off. "And no morphine later," she added. "Even if I'm in excruciating pain."

Derek nodded thinking of Meredith on morphine. "No morphine," he conceded.

"Derek, I'm going to be out of commission for a few days," she said looking at him. "Are you sure you can handle the four of them by yourself?"

"Meredith," he began, "I've done it before."

"Not _all day_, Derek," she reminded him. "And Gracie's going to lose it when you try to feed her formula. I pumped as much as I could but I'm not sure it's going to be enough."

"She'll be fine," Derek said honestly. "We'll all be fine."

"I better be a freaking match," she muttered as Edwards came back to take her to the OR.

* * *

It only took sixty minutes. Honestly, it was faster than she anticipated. Derek had been joking and chatting with Edwards and Bokhee the entire time. The sound of his voice calmed her down and quelled her anxious thoughts. It was easy to just focus solely on him than think about the giant needle that was in her pelvis.

"Mer," Derek began as they wheeled her back to her room, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she quipped. "I don't feel anything... yet."

Derek nodded. "It went perfectly," he commented. "They got a good sample," he said as his phone stared vibrating interrupting their conversation.

"Are you going to get that?" she asked looking him. "It might be Callie," she began, "She's got the twins," she reminded him.

"It's good practice for them," Derek said before answering. "Shepherd," he answered in his professional tone. He held the phone away from his mouth. "It's Ray," he mouthed.

Meredith nodded and shooed him away.

"Do you need anything, Dr. Grey?" Edwards asked putting her hospital bed back into place.

"Can you check on my kids?" she quipped. "The twins are with Dr. Torres and Zola and Bailey are in Daycare... Please?" she pleaded with her former intern. "Derek's gone off to deal with work," she added. "And I'm stuck here," she said gesturing to the hospital bed.

"I meant for you, Dr. Grey," Edwards said with a smile. "But," she continued, "I can do that."

"Thanks," she said gratefully. "I appreciate it."

"No problem," she said quickly updating Meredith's chart with post-op notes. "You're lucky your kids are cute," Edwards added with a smile as she left the room.

Meredith was finally alone and she had no idea what to do with herself. She reached for the remote on the nightstand and turned on the television.

"Uh," she moaned while flicking through the channels. "There is nothing on."

Alex burst in as she had settled on some mindless reality television. "I didn't peg you for a Real Housewives fan," he said taking a seat next to bedside.

"I'm not peg-able," she retorted. "I'm just bored," she sighed. "How was your short gut kid?"

"He's good," Alex said pulling a candy bar out of his pocket. "He's in recovery now." He ripped the plastic off and put his feet on Meredith's bed. "You're replacement, Allison Meadows, is a real piece of work."

"So you've said," she added eyeing the candy bar. "I hate you for eating that," she said pointing to his chocolate. "I'm starving. I haven't eaten since yesterday."

"I'll get you one," he offered. "But only when Edwards tells me I can."

Meredith sighed.

"How are things between you and Cristina?" Alex asked. "I mean I know you freaks made up and everything."

"We're good," she said thinking of her best friend. "I think... We haven't spent a lot of time together since she moved out," she confessed. "Maternity leave isn't conducive to our precarious friendship right now," she added. "But thanks talking to her."

"Cristina's stubborn," Alex pointed out. "You're both stubborn," he said. "But she wasn't really thinking about you."

"When did you become such a girl?" Meredith joked. "Talking about_ feelings_ and stuff now?"

"Shut up, Meredith," he said laughing. "Blame Jo."

"I do," she said with a nod. "How's the engagement?" she teased. "Or is she still freaked out that you proposed?"

"We're not engaged," Alex said shaking his head. "I just sort of proposed."

"Right," she said sarcastically.

"Hey, you have no room to talk," he stated. "You and Shepherd got married on a post-it."

Meredith laughed. "Fine," she relented. "Mock my post-it." She paused. "But maybe Jo would be better if you offered her that instead of the white wedding thing."

"Why are we talking about my relationship when you just had surgery for your sister?" Alex questioned sarcastically.

"Low blow, Alex," she said as the smile fell off her face.

"Right," he said quickly. "I'm sorry," he apologized.

"It's just everyone's giving me shit about it," he said changing the subject back to his personal life. "Jo thinks the idea of marriage is insane."

"Give her some time, Alex," Meredith suggested. "It took me a while too," she reminded him.

"Well you were all dark, twisty and damaged," he said looking at her. "I can't believe that now your all happy and shiny."

"Whole and healed," Meredith added. "I'm not all happy and shiny," she said softly. "I might be if my half-sister wasn't dying..." she admitted softly.


	21. Circles

The anesthetic was finally wearing off and she felt a sharp pain searing through her back. "Damn it," she grimaced wincing. She hit the button for the nurses station, finally admitting the she couldn't fight it any longer. She needed drugs... Badly.

"Hi Dr. Grey," Wendy, one of her favorite surgical nurses, greeted.

"I need drugs," she said without any preamble. "But no morphine," she added through gritted teeth.

Wendy nodded. "Want me to get your husband?" she asked before leaving.

"No," she shook her head. "He's probably busy or he'd be here." Where was Derek? She wondered idly waiting for her medication. She grabbed her phone off the table next to her and called him.

"You better have a really, really, good reason for abandoning me," she chided as he picked up.

Derek chuckled. "Don't worry," he said. "I was just with Callie. You were right about the formula thing," he mused. "She eventually took it but it was a real pain."

"And Chris?" she wondered.

"He took it like a champ," he answered. "I'm on my way back now," he added. "Do you need anything?"

"Wendy's coming back with my drugs," she said. "So no. I'm good."

"I ran into Richard," he added. "He was very worried about you."

"How's Maggie?" she asked tentatively.

"She's pretty good... considering," he answered carefully. He was withholding that she was progressing far quicker than he originally thought. Yesterday, she'd woken up unable to see out of her left eye. He was sure she was permanently blind.

"That's, uh, good," she stammered. "Wendy's back with my drugs," she said before hanging up on him.

"I got you some good ones," Wendy said holding up a syringe and going over to her IV.

"Thanks," Meredith said grateful for the pain medicine. "I didn't realize it would hurt this much."

"Yeah well, most people don't realize what they're getting themselves into," she added smiling at her.

"Point taken," she mused grimacing in pain.

"Doctors are also the worst patients," she continued, "You all know too much," she finished.

Meredith nodded. "It sucks being on the receiving end of the scalpel," she conceded. "Or in my case a giant needle in my back."

"Hey," Derek said opening the door. "You got you're drugs," he observed as Wendy took the syringe out of her IV.

"I got my drugs," she repeated. "Thanks Wendy," she said as Wendy walked out of her room.

Derek glanced up at the television. "What the hell are you watching?" he asked as two woman were in the middle of a cat fight.

"Don't judge," she scolded shutting the television off. "The hospital doesn't have any good channels."

"That's why I stole the portable DVD player," he said holding up the machine. "And I also brought the Godfather."

"Really, Derek? You want to torture me with the _Godfather_ because I'm trapped in this stupid hospital bed?" she continued with a frown.

"Richard gave it to me," he said plugging the machine in. "He has an extensive collection. Besides, it's a classic," he added. "And when was the last time you and I watched a movie together?"

"I can't really remember," she said furrowing her eyebrows. "The last time we went to the movie theater was definitely before the kids. And we didn't even watch the film because we were too busy making out in the back row like teenagers," she added blushing.

"Exactly," Derek said as she made room for him on her bed."Thank god, you're tiny," he said seriously maneuvering himself next to her. "Because this bed is definitely not for two people."

"Nope," she said shaking her head in agreement as he wrapped his arms around her.

* * *

She woke up groggy and unsure of her surroundings. It wasn't until she looked down and saw the IV in her arm did she realize she was still in the hospital. She rubbed her eyes and stretched. The pain had abated and she felt rested.

It was a strange feeling. Her body had become accustomed to the constant exhaustion. "Hi," Richard greeted tentatively from the hospital chair next to her. "You're awake."

Meredith blinked. "Uh, yeah," she said sleepily. "I'm up."

"How are you feeling?" he pressed.

"I'm good actually," she mused adjusting her bed into the upright position. "Do they have my results back?"

"I put an order to rush it," he began, "This is top priority."

Meredith nodded. "Of course," she said staring at him.

"I'm sure you're wondering where Derek is..."

"Not really," she cut in. "I've spent most of the day with him and I definitely need a break. He's been overly attentive."

"You just had surgery," Richard reminded her. "He's allowed to be attentive, Meredith," he smiled. "Maggie said thank you," he added. "You know, for doing this..."

"Of course," she nodded. "It's not a big deal. I've donated my body parts for sister's before," she revealed thinking of Lexie. Richard raised his eyebrows. "Lexie asked me to donate my liver for my dad," she continued, "I was a match and she wasn't."

Richard looked at her. "I didn't know that," he finally said.

"Well, no one really did," she retorted. "But I was happy to do it for her. Not for my dad," she clarified. "For Lex. Although, I am running out or spare parts," she joked.

Richard chuckled.

"This doesn't have to be awkward," Meredith blurted sensing the discomfort in the room. "I mean it's just me here."

"I know," he said shaking his head. "It's just how did everything get so complicated?"

"You're asking the wrong person," she said seriously. "Have we met?" she teased.

"True," he conceded. "I realized after you left how much Ellis hurt you."

"She did," Meredith frowned thinking of her mother. "But she hurt you too."

They were silent lost in their own pain of remembering Ellis Grey. "I hate her," Meredith admitted. "I really hate her for this."

"I don't," Richard said. "I'm just as at fault as she is."

"Well, she didn't tell you," Meredith said looking at him. "I didn't even remember that she was pregnant, Richard. Aren't five-year olds supposed to notice _that_? I mean Zola noticed when I was pregnant and she was only four."

"I don't know," Richard said shaking his head. "Things would have been so different if I left Adele," he murmured.

"You can't beat yourself up anymore for the past," Meredith said softly. "I won't let you," she said giving him a small smile. "You're too important to me."

Richard looked at her. "Really?" he questioned in disbelief. Even after all this time, they still had a precarious relationship.

"Obviously," she began, "As much as it used to hurt me and I blamed you for a lot of my past... you're my friend. You even made me your medical proxy," she added. "Which you know, meant a lot even though you told me that you only picked me because I would be impartial."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I said some things..." he trailed off guiltily.

"You were in pain," she added. "It's water under the bridge," she said finally getting that expression right.

"I was wrong," he pressed looking at her.

"We all make mistakes," she said seriously. "You have to just let it go and move forward."

"When did you get so wise?" he said smiling.

"Only after years of fucking up," she added with a grin. "I want to know Maggie," she continued, "I rebuffed her attempt to talk to me," she said sadly. "She had questions and I had some answers."

"I answered some of them for you," Richard said quietly. "From my perspective," he added.

"I started reading some of her diaries again," Meredith confessed. "I read up until the day she left my dad." She paused. "I thought it would give me some answers but it just brought more questions." She looked at Richard. "I don't know how you loved her," she admitted. "She was a hard person to love."

"The Ellis Grey I knew was different from the mother you knew," he conceded. He paused. "I should have been there for you Meredith," he admitted echoing a sentiment from a conversation they had in the past.

Meredith shrugged. She didn't want to talk about her mother anymore. Ellis continued to haunt her from the grave. "Maggie must hate me," she said changing the subject.

"No," he protested. "She doesn't," he began, "not even a bit."

Meredith looked at him unconvinced. "I'd hate me," she admitted. "I was a total bitch," she said recalling their initial conversation.

"You were on the defense," Richard said looking at her. "You're husband wanted to move across the country, Cristina had left for Switzerland and you were pregnant."

"Well, it doesn't excuse my reaction," she said pointedly. "And how do you manage to know _everything_?" she questioned looking at him.

He chuckled. "Just because I'm not the chief anymore doesn't mean I don't know the ins and outs of this hospital."

"I want to make it up to her," Meredith added. "I feel terrible."

"You have time for that," Richard said slowly. "When you're up and walking you should see her."

Meredith looked at him. "I don't know," she began, "Does she even want to see me?"

Richard nodded. "She does," he assured her. "She wants to know you."

Meredith stared at him. "Okay," she finally said. "I can do that." Small steps, she thought as he left. Those she were capable of...

* * *

In retrospect, being confined to bed rest for an entire day, wasn't a bad thing. She had a revolving door of visitors all day and she didn't mind seeing the familiar faces of her former colleagues. But honestly, the only person she really wanted to see was down the upstairs in the Neurology wing.

Dr. Edwards had just informed her she was a match. A perfect match with more genetic markers than they needed.

"Hi Mama," Zola cried rushing into her room. "I just visited with Sofia," she said crawling up on her bed carefully.

"Oh yeah," she said grinning at her as Bailey ran into her room followed by a harried Derek. "Gotcha," Derek said picking him up as he tried to climb on the bed. "You can put him down, Derek," she said. "I'm not going to break." She paused as Bailey curled up onto her lap. "I'm a match," she said looking at Derek.

"Figured," he said sitting down in the empty chair.

"How are my other babies?" she asked playing with Bailey's hair.

"They're in Callie's lab," he answered. "You know, their surrogate is having twins right?"

"No way," she said shocked. "That's crazy."

"Um hum," he agreed nodding. "So she basically begged me to let her keep them for another hour to try and feed them again. She's convinced she'll make Grace take the bottle."

Meredith chuckled. "Yeah, uh, not going to happen," she predicted.

"That's what I said," he mused. "I'm just waiting for my phone to go off when she can't handle it."

"Mama, can I stay here with you?" Zola questioned looking at Meredith.

"No Zo," she said shaking her head. "You've got to go home soon with your dad."

"Why?" she groaned. "I want to stay."

"I'll be home tomorrow, Zo," she promised. "Besides, whose going to help daddy with Grace and Chris?"

Meredith knew that this would appeal to Zola's helpful side. "Fine," she said narrowing her eyes.

"Glad to hear it," she muttered amused by Zola's insistence to stay. She looked at Derek. "I _talked_ to Richard," she admitted softly. "You know, the long overdue conversation."

Derek tilted his head toward her. "And?"

"We're good," she said smiling. "I'm going to see Maggie tomorrow before we leave."

"Wow," he exclaimed. "That's progress."

"I can't help but be a little nervous," she confessed feeling really vulnerable. "I mean I don't know what to expect."

"Stop over thinking," he said knowingly. "You'll just work yourself up for no reason and she's really not scary," he admitted with a grin. "She reminds me of you."

"Really?" she asked pointedly. "How?"

"She does the rambling thing and makes a lot of your gestures... and I swear you have some identical expressions," he said looking at her. "It's a little weird."

"I guess I'll see for myself then," she added with a small smile. Genetics, she mused, were a powerful thing.

* * *

"Too much paperwork," she complained to Edwards who was in charge of her discharge. She signed her name for the last time and handed the papers over to her.

"Here," Edwards said handing her another form. "Don't worry, you don't have to sign it," she teased. "It's just the standard what to expect after surgery form."

"Okay," she said with a sigh. "And don't get me a wheelchair," she added. "I can walk."

"Sorry, Mer," Alex said entering the room with a wheel chair. "Hospital protocol. We knew you'd fight this one," he said looking at her. "So Edwards enlisted me."

"Fine," she groaned as her last shed of dignity evaporated. She grabbed her hospital bag and sat down. "I'm not leaving yet," she added looking at Alex. "Can you take me to go see Maggie?"

"I think I can manage that," he teased pushing her out the door. "So," he began, "I heard a rumor that you're coming back," he said. "At least that's the latest gossip at Grey-Sloan," he added amused.

"You wish," she said as he hit the button for the elevator. "But my life is now across the country."

"Don't you miss us?" he quipped as he handed her the chocolate bar he promised the day before.

"Keep giving me chocolate," she said before tearing a piece off, "And I'll consider it."

Alex chuckled as the doors opened. "You always were a choco-holic," he added with a grin.

Maggie's room was the third one down the hall. She half-listened to Alex chat about his latest surgical case until they got to the door. "You knock," she said looking at him.

He furrowed his brow and shrugged. "Whatever, you chicken."

She glared at him as she heard Maggie beckon them inside. "Come in," she said as Alex opened the door and wheeled Meredith inside.

"Hi," she greeted warmly.

Alex parked her next to Maggie's bedside and made some excuse to leave. "Duty calls," he said holding up his pager. "Mer," he said looking at her, "Page me if you need me."

Meredith nodded as the door shut behind him. She suddenly felt as if her vocal cords were severed. She opened her mouth but couldn't form a word so she just sat there wringing her wrists.

"I do that too," Maggie pointed out looking at Meredith. "The wrist thing. I do it when I'm nervous."

"Well, we have that in common," she said finally able to form a coherent thought. "I'm really sorry for how I treated you when I last saw you," she apologized. "I didn't mean to bitch you out."

"It's fine," Maggie said nodding. "It's water under the bridge or whatever," she smiled.

Meredith laughed. "I used to muck that expression up every single time I tried to say it." She paused looking at her half-sister. "You know," she began, "You kind of look like her," she said. "Like Ellis."

"Really?" Maggie questioned in disbelief. "I think I look more like Richard."

"No, you definitely have her grin," she assured her. "But it looks better on you."

Maggie chuckled. "Richard told me she wasn't really there for you."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "She wasn't. She chose her career over motherhood. I didn't understand why until I got older..."

"That must have been rough," she said sympathizing. "Richard also said she had Alzheimer's..."

Meredith nodded. "It was terrible watching her loose her mind," she confessed. "The lucid days were the worst. She'd remind me what a disappointment I was."

Maggie raised an eyebrow. "How is that possible? You're a General Surgeon like her."

"Oh, you missed the one-night stand, tequila drinking, directionless Meredith Grey," she said with a smirk. "I wasn't someone to be proud of back then. It wasn't until after she was diagnosed did I get my life together. I had to prove her wrong," she admitted with a shrug. "She expected me to be extraordinary," she said repeating her mother's harsh words. "To her, I was nothing but ordinary."

"Ouch," Maggie said sadly.

"Well, it's in the past," Meredith said. "I realized eventually I was nothing like my mother." She paused. "I don't have her negative qualities," she added quickly. "That's not to say that my mother, well our mother," she amended, "wasn't a good person." She looked at Maggie. "She cared about her patients quality of life," she said with certainty. "And she did love me," she added. "Even if she wasn't capable of saying it aloud."

"What was it like?" Maggie asked cautiously. "Growing up like that..."

"Lonely," she confessed. "I pushed people away because everyone left," she said honestly. "The worst was when my dad left. At least with him," she began, "he would tell me every single day he loved me. He filled the shoes my mother couldn't. But then my mother took me to Boston for her fellowship and I lost all communication with my dad." She paused. "He moved on and had another family."

"How are you so normal?" she questioned in awe. "That's a lot of baggage."

Meredith shook her head and chuckled. "I'm far from normal," she admitted. "I just made my family," she said thinking of Cristina, Alex, Izzie and George. "In my intern year, I met Derek, stopped making boundaries, and let people in."

Maggie was quiet taking this information in. "But what about you?" Meredith asked. "You're something of a prodigy," she smiled.

"My adoptive parents were amazing," she said smiling at her half-sister. "They were supportive and really pushed me to succeed." She paused. "I _knew_ I wanted to be a doctor from the time I knew what a doctor was," she confessed. "I guess it's genetic or something."

"My dad was a biology professor," Meredith added. "I've been around science since I was little. And my mom got me my own suture kit when I was ten," she said giving a small piece of her history.

"Weird gift for a ten year old," Maggie mused.

"I literally made my fingers bleed from using it all day," Meredith said grinning at the memory. "That was the day Ellis taught me how to do the running whip stitch on a banana," she added. "Granted, I totally forgot how to do it until Cristina taught me again."

"Cristina Yang?" Maggie asked.

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "She's my best friend."

"You two are legendary," she added with a smile. "Actually," she said looking at her, "You're legendary," she amended.

Meredith grimaced. "I hope you didn't get your information for the nurses," she sighed. "They aren't the most reliable sources."

"No," Maggie shook her head. "Richard talks about you. He thinks you're pretty awesome." She paused. "He said you got the highest score on the intern exam in your year and that you gave his wife the drug instead of the placebo in Dr. Shepherd's Alzheimer's trial."

"Anyone would have done that," she said shrugging.

"No they wouldn't have," Maggie assured her.

"Well," she began, "Derek would agree with you."

A comfortable silence settled between the two women. "I heard you're a perfect match," Maggie said tentatively.

Meredith nodded. "I am," she confirmed.

"They scheduled my transplant for tomorrow," she added looking at Meredith. "I wanted to thank you."

"You don't have to," Meredith said honestly. "I'm family and your my _sister._ That's what family does," she added smiling at her.

"I've never had a sister before," Maggie mused. "But I think I'll like it."

"Your stuck with me, Maggie," Meredith smiled. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," she promised.

* * *

Her conversation with Maggie played over in her mind as Derek drove her home. "Mer," he said jolting her from her thoughts. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she answered. "I'm good."

"I booked our flight home," he added looking at her. "I figured I'd give you a few days to recover."

"When are we leaving?" she asked curiously.

"Friday," he replied.

Meredith looked at him. She didn't want to go back to the east coast. She needed to stay here because she made a promise to her sister.

"Would you be mad if I wanted to stay," she began cautiously, "for a while," she added. _Like forever,_ she said silently to herself.

"How long is a while, Meredith?" Derek asked looking at her. "Because our life isn't here anymore."

"But that's the thing," she pointed out. "It is. My sister, who is dying, is _here_."

"Meredith," he said quietly. "We're going home."

"No," she said resolutely. "I'm staying."

"Can we talk about this later?" he said shaking his head as they pulled up to their house. "I'm too tired to argue."

"That's fine," she quipped. "But I'm not changing my mind."

* * *

True to her word, Meredith hadn't changed her mind even after Derek spewed every reason why they needed to go back.

"I'm not going," she stated. "I'm simply saying that I'm _staying_." They feet away from one another at opposite ends of the dining room table. She felt a sense of deja vu. This fight was the same one they had months ago, only instead of two kids sleeping soundly, they had four.

"Meredith," he began defeated, "I'm not going to force you to come back with me, but I'm going on that plane tomorrow."

"Fine," she said crossing her arms. "I don't really care."

"Fine," he huffed aggravated. "I'll sleep on the couch."

"Great," she said going towards the stairs, "I'll sleep upstairs with Zola."

He was so frustrating, she thought as she slid under the covers as Zola slept. He didn't get it, she mused, he couldn't understand. Her impetus for leaving was Maggie and now she wanted to stay because of Maggie.

He couldn't blame her, he thought, as he stared up at the ceiling. She wasn't being selfish in this situation. On the contrary, she was being selfless and as mad as he was, he understood why she wanted to stay.

* * *

They both didn't sleep well. Meredith was a mess as she fixed the twins a bottle. She ran into Derek in the kitchen and refused to speak to him.

"Mer," he tried breaking the silence. "Are you coming with me?"

"No," she said shaking her head. "I need to stay," she said repeating her earlier statement.

"What about the kids?" he asked quietly. "We can't do this to them."

"They're fine here, Derek," she said looking at him. "I've got my friends here. You're sister is also here," she pointed out. "I know you have to go back to work," she said as she tested the bottle on her wrist. "I get that," she said. "I'm just picking my family over my career," she added. "I'm not forcing you to do the same."

"I know if I wanted my job back," she continued, "they'd give it to me in a second." Perks of owning the hospital, she added silently. "But they need me," she began, "The medicine will always be there," she added. "There is always another patient. There's always some medical emergency and I used to think that was the most important thing in the moment. And it was," she conceded. "But this is takes priority now," she added. "My sister is going to die and I want to spend as much time as I can with her." She paused. "And if you think I"m being selfish," she pointed a bottle at him, "That's fine."

"I don't think your being selfish," he admitted. "I just think you need to think of the kids too," he added.

"Derek, I spend my days thinking of them," she said shaking her head. "I know what I'm doing," she added. "I've done this before," she said hurt by his remark.

"We're at another impasse," he added sadly.

"We are," she agreed staring at him. "You have a plane to catch," she pointed out as she walked away from him.

* * *

Meredith couldn't believe he'd actually left. She was shocked that he was on his way back to New York. She should have tried harder to convince him. Zola had asked her where Derek was and when she said he was going back to work all she did was nod in response. That was the norm, Meredith mused.

Her phone rang while she was trying to put a movie on for Bailey. "Dr. Grey," she chirped as she moved his hands out of the DVD player.

"Hey, Mer," Cristina greeted.

"God, I'm so glad you called," she muttered as she finally got the movie to work. "Derek's being a total asshole," she swore not caring Bailey was probably listening to her.

"What did he do now?" Cristina asked with a sigh.

"We had a fight," she said simply. "I was a bad one," she added. "He booked plane tickets to go home and I told him I wasn't going back with him."

"Is it because of Maggie?"

"It's just everything," Meredith said as she plucked Chris off the play mat. "Coming back here was like a big reminder of why I shouldn't have left," she confessed sitting down on the sectional. "I want to know her, Cristina," she added.

"That's understandable," Cristina said. "But I do see his point."

"Derek doesn't have a point," Meredith said rolling her eyes.

"No, he does," Cristina said. "You picked up and moved your life to Connecticut. You can't just decide after a visit back to Seattle that your staying. You have to make that decision with him," she reminded her. "Isn't that what your supposed to do in a marriage?"

"As much as it's changed here Cristina, it's stayed the same," she admitted quietly. Cristina was silent at Meredith's admission.

"Mer," she began gently, "You should call him."

"I don't want to talk to him," she said stubbornly.

"Well, you have kids now and obligated to talk to him," she said sarcastically. "Are you _really_ going to do it alone?"

"No," she said shaking her head. "I'll have help," she added.

"You need Derek's help," she pointed out.

"I hate you," she said sighing.

"You just hate me because I'm right," she said laughing.

"Why don't you come out here," she suggested, "Me and you can raise them," she joked.

"Good try, Mer," she chuckled. "As much as I liked it when I lived with you, I'm not partial to doing that again. And besides," she continued, "I'm actually liking New York a little more."

"Do tell," Meredith said knowing that there was more to that statement.

"I met someone," Cristina said evasively.

"You have to give me more to go on," she said dramatically.

"He's actually the head of Cardio," Cristina confessed.

"Wait, Eric Stanton?" she blurted knowing exactly who she was talking about. "Tall, dark and handsome Eric Stanton?"

"That's the one," Cristina chuckled at Meredith's description.

"Hey, as long as he doesn't hurt you I approve," she added with a grin.

"No hurting," Cristina said. "We're in that really amazing sex stage," she confessed.

"Ah," Meredith exclaimed. "The hot stand on your head sex?"

"Of course," Cristina said laughing. "But really, Mer, call your husband," she ordered. "I'm being paged."

"Fine," she relented. "I'll call him."


	22. Big Jumps

It turned out she didn't have to call him; he beat her to it.

"Hey," he said as she picked up.

She was silently fuming. She knew she had to be careful about what she said because once she said it she couldn't take it back.

"Meredith?" he questioned. "Are you there?"

"I'm here," she said softly.

"My plane just landed," he informed her.

"I just put the kids to sleep," she said with a yawn.

They were both silent. The tension palpable even miles away from one another.

"We're going to figure this out," he added slowly.

She wanted to believe him but she didn't. "I'm not sure about that," she said evenly. "This is one argument we can't seem come to an agreement on."

"Is Connecticut really that bad?" he finally asked her needing to know the truth.

"No," she admitted. "It's just not Seattle."

"I know your reasons," he said cautiously. "But I can't fathom why you have this need to stay there."

She didn't have the energy to argue with him. "I've said everything I needed to," she muttered. "I don't know what else you want me to say."

"Say you'll come home," he said as his voice broke.

"I am home," she said forcefully. "This is my home. I'm here in the house you built Derek," she added. "The hospital is home. Our family is here."

"But I'm you're family," he said frustrated. "Damn it Meredith!" he exclaimed, "We can't be a family with me here and you there."

"I know that," she said full of guilt. "You don't think I don't know that?" she quipped. "I'm pretty lost without you," she admitted. "Bailey's been on edge today because you weren't here. This isn't easy for me, Derek," she reminded him.

"But you chose this, Mer," he chided. "You told me to get on the plane."

"Don't you 'Mer' me," she snapped. "I didn't think you'd actually do it!" she cried as hot tears started to pour down her cheeks.

"I had to," he sighed. "I have obligations."

"You have an obligation to me," she scoffed. "_To us._" She paused. "Fighting about it isn't getting us anywhere," she groaned.

"It's not," he said in total agreement.

"I'm going to hang up," she warned him, "Before we both say things we can't take back."

"Fine," he said tiredly. "We'll talk later."

"I'll call you tomorrow so that you can talk to them," she said feeling hollow.

"Fine," he snapped before hanging up.

"That could have gone better," she added playing with the phone in her hands. "What the fuck am I doing?" she wondered out loud into the empty room.

* * *

After a week, they hadn't made any progress. He was still in New York and she was still in Seattle. Zola had been happy to go to Daycare with Bailey while Meredith busied herself taking care of the twins. It was easier not to think about her life while she was with Chris and Grace.

She had called New York and taken a leave of absence. Dr. Kavanagh had faxed her paperwork and Meredith was going over it when her cell phone rang.

"Hello," she said with her mind a million miles away.

"Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" Cristina scolded.

"Uh," she stammered, "Hello to you too."

"Derek called me."

"Derek called you?" she questioned confused. "Why?"

"Because you're being an idiot," she scoffed. "Make up already."

"Why did he call you?" she repeated perplexed.

"Because obviously you two aren't getting anywhere," she said seriously. "He sounded miserable," she added.

"He chose the president over me," she snapped bitterly. "I didn't force his decision."

"Listen, Mer," Cristina said drawing her attention, "I'm a career driven women," she began, "Once upon a time, you were too."

"So?" Meredith cut in. "Your point?"

"I'm getting to it," she sighed. "My point is Derek has this amazing opportunity to change the face of medicine and he's torn. The idiot _loves_ you for some bizarre unexplainable reason," she added. "Trust me," she began, "I've completely given up on trying to understand the Meredith and Derek chronicles." She paused. "But Meredith, I swear if you don't try and come up with a compromise you two won't be the same."

"I know," she said as her voice broke. "I don't even know where to start," she confessed.

"Meet somewhere neutral," she said. "Like maybe somewhere in the middle of America," she said with a laugh.

"Hilarious," Meredith began, "You know if the surgeon thing doesn't work out... Give comedy a try."

"Maybe," Cristina said considering her friends outlandish suggestion. "Just do me a favor," she began, "Don't be an idiot."

"Excellent advice, Cristina," she scoffed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Well, I got to go," she said before hanging up. "Just try," she added as the line went dead.

Try. The word was so simple but the implications were complex. She didn't know what to do anymore. The overwhelming feeling of complete uncertainty made her headache.

She physically ached for him. Derek was her partner in every sense of the word and the past week without him made it incredibly hard for her to get through the day. She didn't want to admit it, but she couldn't function without him. She didn't want to _need_ him so badly. She used to be independent. She didn't know when this dependance on him started but it made her feel weak, and Meredith Grey was anything but weak.

She had an idea and picked up her cell phone. Thankfully, the number was still in her contacts.

"Dr. Wyatt," she began, "When's your earliest appointment?"

* * *

Saturdays should be spent sleeping in she mused after she dropped Zola, Bailey, Chris and Grace at the daycare. She was dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt and hoped that no one would try to talk to her as she got into the elevator.

She noticed that this was the same one Derek had proposed in. She only knew this because the left railing had a visible dent in it. Thankfully, the elevator was blissfully quiet.

The elevator dinged and she made her way toward the familiar office. She gently knocked and fixed her coat.

"Come in," Dr. Wyatt beckoned as Meredith gently opened the door.

"Hi Meredith," she greeted putting her glasses on. "It's been a while."

Meredith nodded and made her way over to the couch. Her office hadn't changed a bit. It even had the same fish tank, she observed as she sat down and unbuttoned her coat. She covered her legs over her jacket and fiddled nervously with her watch. "Care to tell me why you're here?" she asked not missing a beat.

Meredith took her gaze away from the fish tank. "Are any of them still alive from last time?" she muttered looking at Dr. Wyatt.

"A few," Dr. Wyatt said with a small smile. "I remember how at your first appointment you spent the entire time staring at the tank," she mused.

Meredith grinned. "I did," she began, "I'm pretty sure we're going to need more than an hour to delve into why I'm here," she added.

Dr. Wyatt crossed her legs and sat back in her chair. "So tell me," she prompted. "Fill me in."

"It's Derek," she said, "And before you ask I'm sleeping fine," she added. "It's just he's in DC and I'm here."

"He's working for the President, correct?" she asked staring her.

"Right and we moved to Connecticut because it was easier for him," she began, "And his family's out there."

"You two have kids now, right?" she asked scribbling something down. "Four," Meredith said watching her write. "We adopted Zola," she continued, "and then had Bailey and the twins."

Dr. Wyatt nodded. "Wow," she finally said, "You've been busy."

"Yeah," she admitted biting her finger nail. "It's just after I had Bailey he promised me he'd slow down and help me," she said. "But he reneged on that promise and then I got pregnant again with the twins and life just got a little more, uh, complicated," she finished.

"I know about Maggie," Dr. Wyatt said pointedly. "How did you feel about finding out about her?"

"Honestly," she began, "I was pissed. My life, at that point, was slowly falling to pieces. I couldn't juggle everything," she admitted. "I was basically a single parent because Derek was in DC all the time, my best friend was moving to Europe, my research was at a standstill and I'd just found out Derek managed to get me pregnant on birth control again," she sighed. "I couldn't handle another surprise sister on top of everything else."

"Let's tackle that the first thing you said," Dr. Wyatt began putting her pen down. "You said you felt like a single parent."

"All the caregiving fell on me," she said. "You knew me," she added, "I was a commitment phobe and suddenly I'm married with kids. It's like I blinked and suddenly my life was full of feedings and diapers."

"Did you want that?"

"Kids?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," Dr. Wyatt nodded.

"No," Meredith said biting her lip. "It wasn't until after the shooting and I miscarried did I know that I wanted them." She paused. "I wanted them with him..." she said trailing off. "Don't get me wrong," she added. "I love them," she said seriously. "All four of them and I wouldn't trade a day without them but just being a mother is something I never thought I'd be."

Dr. Wyatt nodded remembering the old Meredith. "I get that," she said evenly. "But then what happened?

"He decided his career was more important than mine," she said softly. "I think he see's me as that vulnerable intern that fell in love with the hot-shot neurosurgeon," she added.

"Is that how you see yourself?" she asked pointedly. Meredith thought for a moment. "No," she said honestly. "We're on the same playing field now," she added. "We're both attending surgeons with different specialties."

"Right," she said nodding. "You chose General?" she asked looking through Meredith's file.

Meredith nodded. "We made a deal after I botched his clinical trial that we couldn't work together."

"You switched the drugs," Dr. Wyatt said knowingly. "I remember the hospital gossip."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "We separated after that," she added. "It was bad," she said wringing her wrists nervously. "I really thought I ruined it. And then we almost lost custody of Zola," she said remembering the overwhelming sense of failure. "It was just a crappy situation."

"You tend to find yourself in a lot of those," Dr. Wyatt mused.

"I do," she said in agreement. "But it's different now," she said quietly. "I've become dependent on him," she admitted. "And it freaks me out."

"Why?" Dr. Wyatt pressed. "We all need to rely on people."

"Because Derek's not just another person," she said softly. "He's it for me. I've changed," she said sadly. "I've become this woman who relies on a man."

"I'm sure your over-thinking this, Meredith," Dr. Wyatt interjected. "That's what love is," she continued, "It's okay to rely on him."

"But he changed me," she confessed. "He made me want this life..."

"Do you regret it?" she questioned with a blank expression.

"No," she protested. "Not for a second. If anything I want to fix this but I don't know where to start."

"Tell me about Cristina Yang," she said, "You said she moved to Europe."

"Right, she moved there because her ex-fiance offered her a place to print bio-synthetic hearts," she added. "She's like my sister," she admitted. "And that month without her sucked. I didn't have her either," she sighed. "She's my person," she said.

"You're person?"

"When we were interns she got pregnant with Burke's baby," she said slowly. "And she needed an emergency contact person before she could get an abortion."

"She picked you," she said nodding.

"Right," she said. "We got really close after that. Sleeping with your bosses is a real bonding experience," she mused.

"And you mentioned that your research was at a standstill," Dr. Wyatt said remembering Meredith's earlier words.

"Yeah, my colleagues were moving forward," she said sighing. "I was at a standstill and Cristina and I were drifting apart because her career was taking off and mine was well..." she trailed off.

"Surgeons," Dr. Wyatt said shaking her head, "Always competing."

Meredith laughed. "Of course."

"How do you feel about your career now?" Dr. Wyatt pressed.

"I don't have one," Meredith said. "I signed my leave of absence papers yesterday," she added. "I"m officially unemployed except... I'm still a bored member here."

"Does Derek know you did that?"

"No," she sighed. "I haven't really talked to him. Just real brief conversations," she continued, "But he mostly talks to Zola and Bailey." She paused. "I don't feel the same about surgery anymore," she admitted. "I don't want to be constantly unavailable because I'm in an OR."

"I understand that," Dr. Wyatt added.

"I missed so much after I went back to work after Bailey," she said remembering. "I don't want to do that with the twins too. And I like doing the mom thing," she added. "I don't know where that comes from because my mother wasn't the most maternal person on the planet," she said seriously.

"Your nothing like your mother," Dr. Wyatt noted. "Seriously, Meredith from what we've talked about in the past... You don't share any of the same traits."

"She would have never chosen me over her career," she stated sadly. "I always was last and I won't do that to them."

"I respect that," Dr. Wyatt said. "I really admire that."

"I'm not saying I'll never work again," she interjected. "It's just I want time with them. I've been on this hamster wheel," she paused. "Kindergarten, high school, college, med school, surgical internship, residency and boards," she said listing her accomplishments. "I need a break," she admitted.

"We all need breaks," she said scribbling something down. She checked her watch. "Meredith, our hour is almost up."

"Damn," she said checking her own watch. "It is," she added.

"Are you free next Tuesday?" Dr. Wyatt asked.

"As far as I know," Meredith said thinking of her schedule.

"Well, ten o'clock," she said handing her a card. "And Meredith," she said as Meredith stood up. "Tell Derek you quit your job," she suggested.

"I can do that," she said with a nod. "Thanks."


	23. Always

_AN: To every single person whose reviewed: THANK YOU! Like seriously. The reason for the incredibly quick updates is because most of this story is written. This began as a one-shot that turned into a multi-chapter story. Unfortunately, this is the last chapter before the epilogue. I hope you enjoy and don't forget to review!_

* * *

Coffee is always a good idea, she thought, as she headed down to lobby. After her appointment with Dr. Wyatt, she decided to go visit Maggie and bring her a cup of coffee.

She had visited a few times earlier in the week after the transplant and was recovering beautifully. No post-op complications and her body wasn't rejecting Meredith's marrow. Now, they had to wait and see if it was going to do what it was supposed to.

Waiting was always the hardest part.

"I'll have two latte's and two vanilla scones," she ordered looking at all the options in front of her.

"Hey, Mer," Alex clipped from behind her.

"Crap," she swore almost dropping her coffee's. "You can't do that to people."

Alex chuckled. "Why are you haunting the hospital?" he teased as he placed his order.

"Zola and Bailey beg me to take them to daycare," she said with a shrug. "Even though they don't need to be here."

"That's hilarious," Alex mused. "You and Derek clearly worked too much."

"Well, that's not really a problem anymore," she said with a sigh as they walked toward the elevators.

Alex raised an eyebrow.

"I ,uh, sort of took a leave of absence," she explained.

His eyes narrowed at her. "Why?"

"Do you need a list of reasons?" she retorted.

"But you're a surgeon," he said making a face.

"I'm aware of my career choice," she added as the elevator doors opened. "I'm also a parent."

"That doesn't mean you have to give up your own life," he commented as the doors closed.

"I'm not giving up anything," Meredith said looking at him pointedly. "I'm just putting my career on pause for the moment," she admitted.

"What does Shepherd think?"

"I haven't told him yet," she said averting her eyes from his intense scrutiny. "We're also sort of not talking..."

Alex folded his arms over his chest. "Listen Meredith," he began pushing the stop button, "I'm only going to say this once." He glared at her. "You're being _selfish._ I know you feel like you need to stay here. I understand that you just got this new half-sister and you want to get to know her because she's sick." He paused. "But your kids _need_ Derek." He looked at her. "You _need_ Derek," he continued, "dragging your heels to stay here alone is freaking insane." He paused. "You do realize that you don't have to stay," he reminded her. "Thanks to you, Maggie got more time," he said pointedly. "You have more time with her and you don't have to spend it here just because you feel _guilty_."

"I don't feel guilty, Alex," she protested crossing her arms knowing that everything he was saying was the absolute truth.

"I've known you long enough to realize when you do," he added pulling the stop button out. "You need a dose of reality, Mer," he continued, "I know you," he retorted. "And I'm telling you the longer you spend here, the more damage your doing to your marriage. People move on, Meredith. It's just life," he added. "You seem to have this weird obsession with Seattle," he mumbled.

She looked at him. "When the hell did you get so wise?"

He smirked at her. "When you lost your mind," he answered as the elevator doors opened. He started walking out the doors but turned around. "Don't screw with a good thing, Mer," he said before walking away.

Why was it that talking to Alex for two minutes helped her more than her hour long conversation with Dr. Wyatt?

* * *

"Hi," Meredith said in the doorway to Maggie's room. "I brought coffee," she said holding up the cups in her hand toward Maggie. "Oh," she said stepping inside and saw Maggie wasn't alone. "I didn't know you'd be here, Richard or I would have gotten you one..."

"Don't worry about it, Meredith," Richard said with a smile. "I was just leaving," he said as he brushed past her.

"I've missed coffee," Maggie said as Meredith handed her the hot cup. "And a scone," she added opening up the bag in front of her. "How did you know vanilla was my favorite?"

"A lucky guess," Meredith said with a shrug as she sat down in the seat Richard just vacated. "I figured you'd be incredibly sick of hospital food by now," she mused taking a sip of her latte.

"Yes," Maggie said as she bit into the scone. "It's not exactly gourmet."

Meredith shook her head. "Definitely not," she agreed.

"So, what are you doing here on a Saturday morning?" Maggie questioned. "Not that I'm not glad to see you," she amended. "You brought me coffee and food so I can't complain," she teased.

"Zola's been bugging me to see Sofia," she said easily. "And Bailey needed a break," she continued, "he's been really off since Derek left for DC," she added taking another sip of coffee. "He's been getting into everything," she said honestly. "It's like I can't turn my back for a second to deal with the twins or he'll color the walls."

"Sounds exhausting," Maggie sympathized.

She nodded. "He's exhausting," she added. "My four month olds are easier."

"When are you guys going back?" Maggie asked taking another bite of her scone.

Meredith froze. She wasn't expecting that question. "Honestly," she began, "I don't want to go back," she admitted.

Maggie raised and eyebrow. "Why?"

"My family is here," she said with a shrug.

"But Derek's out there," she pointed out as realization flashed across her face. "You don't have to stay here for _me,_" she said honestly. "You've done enough, Meredith," she added. "And for that I'm incredibly grateful," she continued, "But you should go back to Connecticut."

Meredith was silent as her sister's words reverberated through her head. "But I want to know you," she finally said.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said with a grin. "There's this really cool thing called modern technology," she added.

Meredith laughed. "You sound like Cristina," she chuckled.

"Well, she has a point," she said grinning.

"She does," Meredith conceded.

"Well, book your tickets," she said. "Go home to your handsome husband and back to your life."

Meredith smirked. "You're pretty smart," she teased.

"I must have gotten the smarter genes," Maggie said with a grin.

* * *

After visiting with Maggie, she took her advice and booked a ticket home for the six o'clock flight to JFK.

Maggie was right, she thought as she printed out the confirmation, it was time. Now, she just needed to find a ride home, she mused, as she dialed a familiar number.

"Carolyn, I need a favor," she said as her mother-in-law answered.

Her plan was set in motion. Alex was driving her to the airport and Carolyn was picking them up and taking the kids overnight for her. Derek had no idea she was coming home and she planned on keeping it that way.

The flight back was seamless, Zola was ecstatic that they were going to see Dada and Bailey just wanted to go home and play with Surge. Thankfully, the twins were able to sleep for the entire flight.

"Meredith!" Carolyn called as they exited baggage claim.

"Grandma, guess what?" Zola said running over to her grandmother. "I saw Sofia," she exclaimed.

"I heard," Carolyn said as Bailey crashed into her legs. "Grandma up," he said holding his hands over his head. Carolyn chuckled and picked him up. She looked at Meredith who was carrying Chris in the car seat, Grace in the baby Bjorn and had the duffel bag slung over her shoulder.

"Meredith," she said looking at her. "Let me take the bag," she offered. "Clearly you have your hands full."

"I'm used to it," she said as Carolyn took the bag off her shoulder. "How was your flight?" she asked walking to the car. "Good," Meredith said opening the back door. "They slept through most of it," she said getting Grace out of the Bjorn and into the car seat. "And I'm sure they're going to be off because of the time change," she warned transferring Chris from the seat in her hands to the one already in the car.

"Don't worry about it," Carolyn said buckling Bailey in. "I'm sure I can handle it."

Meredith laughed and was about to help Zola when she said, "I can do it myself, Mama."

"Well, alright then," she said sliding out of the back doors side.

"If she isn't Miss Independent," Carolyn mused as Meredith got in the front seat. Meredith nodded with a smile. "Derek still doesn't know, right?" she asked as Carolyn pulled onto the street.

"He has no idea," she confirmed. "I talked to him before I picked you guys up and he said he was home doing research." She paused. "Honestly, he sounded really bored."

"His research isn't exactly thrilling," she said knowingly. "Although, it is more interesting than mine," she amended. "You don't mind keeping them overnight?" she asked for the thousandth time.

"No, Meredith," she assured her. "I've missed them."

"And you're sure I can borrow your car?" she questioned.

Carolyn nodded. "Not a problem."

* * *

As Meredith pulled up to her house she felt nervous. It was ridiculous, of course, it was just Derek. There was no reason to be nervous or anxious. She cut the engine and slung her bag over her shoulders.

Here goes nothing, she thought, as she entered the house.

It was impeccably neat, she noticed as she walked upstairs toward his office. She just knew that's where he'd be.

The door was closed and she gently opened it without bothering to knock. "Hi," she said softly startling him.

"You're here," he said confused. "But your not in Seattle."

She laughed and walked over to where he was sitting. "Generally, when someone is in front of you they aren't somewhere else," she mused. "And before you ask, your mother has the kids."

"Oh," he said disappointed.

"I figured we could use the time to talk," she admitted. "Unless you want me to go get them," she offered.

"No," he said shaking his head. "We should talk."

"We should," she repeated. "I'm sorry," she said apologizing. "I wasn't thinking about you or them..."

"You weren't," he said nodding. "But I understood why."

"A week without you is a really, really, long time," she said smirking. "It felt like forever."

"Here too," he said as she sat down on his desk.

"Alex called me an idiot," she declared looking at him. "And you know what, he had a point."

"Really?" he mused with a smile on his face.

"I'm done," she continued, "being an idiot," she added. "I'm not going anywhere," she began, "because I took a leave of absence."

Derek narrowed his eyes at her in confusion. "Why?"

"Because I'm not my mother," she said simply. "I don't want to wake up one day and regret missing the dance recitals or the school plays," she said evenly. "I'm not saying I won't go back," she added. "I'm just saying that you can go have your career," she began, "Because at_ this moment in time_ yours is more important then mine," she finally confessed. "I wasn't okay with that," she added. "But I've come to realize that now... it is."

Derek looked at her. "You aren't going to resent me for that one day?" he asked knowing that it was a very strong possibility.

"Derek," she began, "you've already made sacrifices for me," she reminded him. "You amended the schedule they gave you."

"But you are sacrificing your career," he added. "You love being in the OR."

She shook her head. "Correction: I loved being in the OR. My kids mean more to me than cutting. Besides, I miss being challenged. General surgery isn't challenging me anymore." She paused. ""It's my time to make a compromise," she said. "This is me," she began, "meeting you halfway."

"This is more than half-way Meredith," he said shaking his head.

"Whatever," she said shrugging. "I think we're done talking, right?" she said grinning. "Because we have the house to ourselves for the entire night and I don't want to spend valuable time talking when we should be doing other things..." she trailed off.

Derek nodded. "I like how you think, Mer," he said standing up and kissing her.

She pulled away. "Derek, it's been a week. Can we get to the part where we have hot make up sex?"


	24. Whatever Gets You Through The Day

When her eyes finally found her family in the sea of people she smiled and took a deep breath.

_"This is your starting line. Today we begin our lives. Some of us are going to college, others are going to trade schools, or jumping head first into the workforce. The path we were all on together, for the last four years, has tapered off and we're forced to find our own. A new one. One filled with the unknown. And I have to admit, I'm scared. _

_My dad would give me some speech about how it's just my hypothalamus activating my sympathetic nervous system and adrenal-cortical system. He would tell me that a hormone called cortisol will eventually calm me down. My mom would interject at this point and just tell me to breathe. She'd assure me that everything would be okay and I'd believe her. _

_The point of my rambling, and I promise I have one, is that it's okay be afraid. But as long as you remember that you have people who love and support you unconditionally, life isn't all that scary. _

_I was practicing this speech last night in my room when my mom walked in. She didn't interject or try and talk to me. She just came into my room, sat on my bed, and listened. She knew I was nervous. Public speaking, isn't my thing. _

_I get sweaty palms, I loose my train of thought, and feel like I can't breathe. So believe me, standing up here talking to all of you, is kind of big deal. Anyway, when I finished she looked at me and said, 'Zo, I love it.' _

_Those three words and a little, well a lot of, encouragement is the reason I'm not nervous now. Because today we did it. The diploma we're about to be given is both the end game and a ticket. _

_It's a ticket to write our own futures. We can all obtain our dreams, whatever they may be through a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Dreams are good. But actually getting them is a lot of hard work. Remember dreams can change, and that's totally okay too. I don't know where mine will take me, but I promise that as long as you remain true to yourself, you'll have whatever you set out to achieve. _

_It is possible. After all, just ask my parents. _

_And on that note, Congratulations to the class of 2028! We did it!"_

Zola grinned and looked out into the crowd. She spotted her family cheering and hollering for her and laughed at the fact that they took up three rows. She saw her Aunt Maggie who was beaming at her. She gave her a small wave and returned to her seat seriously ready for this ceremony to be over.

* * *

"Zo!" she heard her father call as the bleachers emptied and families frantically looked for their respective graduates. "Over here, dad!" she called waving him over toward her. She saw her mother and siblings trailing behind him. "Congratulations, Zo," her father said giving her a hug. "That was some speech," he remarked with a grin.

"Auntie Cristina, Chris and I bet that you were going to throw up," Grace added with a smirk."Yeah, sorry sis," Chris said with a grin.

"Gee, thanks guys," Zola said as her mother gave her a bone crushing hug. "Ouch," she complained as her mother let go. "Sorry, Zo," Meredith apologized. "I guess I got carried away."

"You think?" she asked sarcastically with a smile.

"Congrats, sissy," Allie, her ten-year old sister said wrapping her arms around her. "Thanks, Al," Zola said ruffling her dark curly hair.

Bailey shook his head. "You always liked to be the center of attention," he added with a smirk. "Shut it Bay," she said using his childhood nickname.

"You're next," she said as he hugged her. "You still have three more years of this," she said pulling away from him. "It's going to be weird not being able to bother you everyday," she added.

Bailey sighed. "At least I won't be late anymore," he said. "You always took forever getting ready."

"Seriously?" Meredith interjected. "You two had this argument everyday for the past year," she added rolling her eyes. "Enough."

Bailey and Zola laughed at their mother's outburst. It was kind of hilarious.

"Relax, Mom," Bailey said. "We only do it because it pisses you off."

Derek just shook his head at the scene. "Your entire cheering section is probably back to the house by now," he added as she linked her arm in his. "What are we waiting for then?" she asked looking from her mother to her siblings.

* * *

As soon as they pulled up to the house, Zola noticed that the house was decorated with Columbia blue and white balloons. "Cute, Dad," she commented knowing that it was his idea. "Well you are going to my alma mater," he added with a grin.

"Yeah," Zola said as she got out of the car. "I should have picked Dartmouth," she teased.

"That's what I had told you," Meredith cut in. "I'm sure if you wanted to Dad could make a call," she said half-joking.

Zola laughed. "I already have enough to prove with the last name _Shepherd_," she reminded her mother. "Dad's pretty famous."

Meredith put her arms over Zola's shoulders as they walked toward the house. "Yeah, I know. My last name was pretty infamous," she reminded her. "But your dad had to go and successfully map the human brain," she said shaking her head.

Zola smiled. "You too, Mom," she said. "Your ground breaking research cured diabetes," she reminded her.

"Fine," Meredith conceded opening the door. "I guess we're just overachiever's."

Zola laughed as her family surrounded her congratulating her.

Meredith stepped back and walked over to Derek who was leaning the fridge. "We have a high school graduate," she said softly.

"We do," he said with a grin.

"It literally seems like yesterday we adopted her," she said remembering. Derek snaked his arm around her waist and she leaned her head against his chest.

"Can they just freeze and stop growing up," she said watching her kids interact with everyone. "Allie's not a baby anymore," she added with a frown.

"Mer," Cristina interjected walking over to them, "Where's the booze?" She pointed to the fridge. "I'm assuming you and Derek are guarding it or something."

Meredith shook her head. "It's in the cooler outside."

Cristina glared at her. "Not the beer," she said folding her arms. "The good stuff."

"You're right," Meredith conceded. "I've got the tequila upstairs." She untangled herself from Derek and pointed upstairs. "I caught Bailey sneaking into the liquor cabinet the other day," she admitted as Cristina followed her upstairs.

Cristina laughed. "He always pushed the limit huh?"

"He's going to put Derek and I through the ringer."

"Good, you need a new challenge," she added trailing behind Meredith and into her bedroom.

"What are you two doing up here?" Alex said startling them.

Meredith pulled the tequila bottle from underneath her bed and held it up for him. "Jose," she offered with a laugh. She turned to Cristina. "I have those little cup things in the bathroom."

"You two are going to get drunk up here, aren't you?" Alex said shaking his head. "You haven't changed a bit."

"Change is overrated evil spawn," Cristina said returning with three plastic cups.

"Alex, my daughter just graduated from high school," she reminded him. "I'm allowed to celebrate the fact that she made it out unscathed."

"No one gets out of high school completely unscathed," Alex added as Cristina poured three shots.

"Whatever," Meredith said picking up the fullest one. "No pregnancy or jail time."

"That's an accomplishment, Mer," Cristina said. "Considering she's your kid."

Meredith glared at her and handed Alex a shot. "Here's to Zola."

"And you," Alex said.

"And Derek," Cristina added.

"And Izzie, George, Lexie, Mark, Bailey, and Ellis," Meredith finished in one breath. "The family who isn't here with us," she added.

"It takes a freaking village," Alex said as they downed their shots.

"Uh," Meredith said making a face. "This is stronger than I thought. How did I drink this?"

Cristina shrugged. "I still have no idea how."

"Yeah Mer, this shit is nasty," Alex grimaced.

"What the hell are you three doing?" Derek said coming into their bedroom. He saw the bottle on the floor and laughed.

"Guilty," Cristina said snickering looking at Meredith.

"Shots," Alex said pouring Derek one. "Because according to your wife we're celebrating Zola's graduation."

"You three are still a mystery to me," he added taking the shot out of Alex's hand.

"We have this weird deep bond," Cristina began, "Our intern year really cemented it."

"Amazing really," he said after taking his shot.

"Even though Alex still lives in stupid Seattle," Cristina commented. "What's it going to take for you to live out here?"

"I like Seattle," Alex added. "And you two," he pointed to Cristina and Meredith, "Are a pain to work with."

"We're fun," Cristina said. "New York Pres loves us."

Derek chuckled. "Only because you win Harper Avery's," he added.

"And how many do you have Derek?" Cristina said gloating. "Because I've got five."

Derek just shook his head. "Always a competition."

"You bet your ass it is Derek," she said narrowing her eyes at him.

"Hey, Derek's ass," Meredith began feeling the tequila, "is mine."

Cristina shook her head. "You're drunk," she accused. "One shot and you're already fuzzy."

"And on that note," Alex said standing up and grabbing the bottle out Cristina's hand, "I'm bringing this downstairs."

"Wait," Cristina said going after him. "That's mine."

"I swear those two are children," Derek mused.

"Ours are far more mature," Meredith added as Derek helped her off the floor. "Ready to go back down there?" he asked.

"Of course," Meredith said giving him a quick kiss. "Today is Zola's day and we'll deal with tomorrow when it comes," she added.

Derek grabbed her hand. "Good idea, Mer."

"I have the best ones," she added as they walked downstairs to the party. There would aways be tomorrows, she mused, lacing her fingers in his.

**END**

* * *

_Thank you for reading!_


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